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A young girl, all her money was spent up,
And her frustrations she did keep well pent up.
Said her landlord, "A shock!
If you don't suck my cock,
I'm gonna have to raise your rent up!"
--- Anon

Every time I see Bee's derriere,
My rocket feels urges so rare.
In my head I know Bee
Wouldn't shack up with me,
But I still have my rockets red glare!
--- Grand Prix Lim 266

A horny Canuck one fine day,
So eager with his love to lay,
Said in words very brief,
Writ on red maple leaf,
"So how 'bout a roll in the hay?"
--- Robyn

I love how she looked at me - panic!
In my red suit I looked quite Satanic.
But hey, 'Cei la Vie',
It's just you and me,
But I thought it was very romantic!
--- Anon

My passions today have been heightened;
The bulge in my jeans is now tightened.
The denim is ripping;
There's something white dripping.
The monster's head throbs -- are you frightened?
--- Jon Gearhart

Amidst the confusion of a crowd,
Dirty Joe fondled young Miss Dowd.
She was shocked and afrighted,
And yet so excited,
That she moaned for help, but not loud!
--- Lims For Year - 01

My grandfather clock in the hall
Will strike those nine chimes when you call;
I'm ready, dear heart,
For your legs to part;
My cock, like my clock, stands quite tall!
--- Anon

They say that love's like a sweet rose
That over the years grows and grows.
The petals spread wide,
Letting pollen inside;
Spread yours and I'll give you a dose!
--- Tiddy Ogg

In my new clean regime I can't settle;
For my Hollyhock's harder than metal.
I'd better r-rush
B-before I g-gush.
I'll be round in a second, P-Petal.
--- Anon

A deplorable fellow named Sloane,
Once called twenty girls on the phone.
He asked each if they'd screw.
Each replied, "Nuts to you!"
So the poor guy sits home all alone.
--- Isaac Asimov

If I impress her I might get a lay,
But I'm struggling for something to say.
I'm so terribly shy.
At last I let fly,
"Do you know I've had three shits today?"
--- Kim and Sam

We told the new steno named Kay:
"Stock broking's okay as to pay...
If you go for coition
You'll keep the position,
Otherwise you're just here for today..."
--- Grand Prix Lim 574

You're fat and you're sloppy and smelly,
And you spend all your time watching telly.
But treat me real nice,
And you'll maybe entice
Me to shoot off a load in your belly.
--- Anon

As a swatter, I swatted a fly;
As a batter, I batted a fly.
As a lover, I'm ready
To lift up a Teddy,
And gladly unzip a fly.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

A haughty young damsel named Rose,
Is peculiar how men do propose.
To "Let's have intercourse,"
She says gaily, "Of course,"
But to "Lets fuck", she turns up her nose.
--- L1527

There once was a surfer named Buck
Who drove round in a 20-ton truck.
He opened the door
And called out to a whore
To ask if she wanted a fuck!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

A musician from Wooloomoloo
Took a girl home he wanted to screw.
When he asked, "Will you play?"
She thought music, "Okay,"
But he pulled out his didgeridoo.
--- Don Moore

A destitute lady named Flossa
Was begging for food in Mombossa.
She appealed for some meat
From a Pole, name of Pete,
So he slipped her his eight inch kielbasa.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0145

There was a young lady from Chisworth
Who asked a young man "What is this worth?"
As she lifted her skirt.
He became quite alert
And said "All I possess on this earth!"
--- Anon

Big Bob, let's just run off together;
We sound like two birds of a feather.
I can pee when I stand,
Cause I'm really a man!
How you feel about whips, chains and leather?
--- Anon

A drunk 'Bama coed named Gus
Wound up on the football team bus.
Said big captain Jack,
"Lie down on your back,
And just leave all the driving to us!"
--- David Miller

Said Tatum to Tom, "Your suggestion
Is quite rude and has ruined my digestion.
It's mean and immoral
And horribly ORAL."
Tom withdrew the suggestion in question.
--- David A Brooks Q

To her boss, said a typist, Miss Hyatt,
"I am through -- take a kite and go fly it.
For I seek a transition
To a better position."
Said her Boss, "Please undress and let's try it!"
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2985

Said a naked young sailor named Chuck,
To his cunt, "Kid, I'm shit out of luck.
I'm due back at the dock,
But I've got a stiff cock;
Spread your legs and I'll throw you a fuck."
--- Jim Weaver Collection

The honey you'll get when you quaff
My stem will engorge your carafe;
If your honey-sucker
Is ready to pucker,
My stem is now standing full-staff.
--- Anon

When a girl's introduced to McGrew,
He askes her flat out, if she'll screw.
In most every case,
He gets slapped in the face,
But he claims he gets screwed a lot, too.
--- Pierce Evans

A curious youth from Vancouver
Espied a cute lass in the Louvre;
He sneaked up behind,
Asked, "Please, do you mind?"
Then practiced the Heimlich Maneuver.
--- Armand E Singer 541

Hey Lady; I hope you're not spooked,
For I've crept up behind and unhooked.
Now off with your scanties
And tiny red panties;
You ready? Prepare to be fooked!
--- Anon

I've put your kiss here in my pocket,
Right next to my anxious crotch rocket.
I hope you don't mind
My tool wants me to find,
A way into your warm wet socket.
--- Anon

I'd guess from the moistly-wet patch
In your panties, a lick and a scratch
Just won't satisfy you,
So without much ado,
Here be Percy to stuff up your snatch.
--- Peter Wilkins

I'm due to be married next year,
Which means that for now I'm all clear!
So hike up your skirt,
And prepare for the hurt
That'll come as I pummel your rear.
--- Bonnie

I've have a hot throbbing erection
Aimed right at your pink wet mid-section.
And if you act quickly
I'll give you for free
Your gynecologic inspection.
--- Jon Gearhart

Oh maiden of beauty astounding,
Your hair soft, your voice so sweet sounding...
Enough of this crap,
Come sit on my lap;
My todger will give you a pounding.
--- Tiddy Ogg

This is file wkl

"On your lap," she said, "I am not able."
So I bent her over the table.
I gave her the biz;
Left her dripping with jizz;
I think that her name, it was Mabel.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Your sweet and delightful, sweet Mabel.
For you there's some soft furry sable.
It's a very nice coat
From your knees to your throat.
Now can we fuck on the table?
--- Archie

About romance I haven't a clue;
That much stuff I just don't do.
But if you just want to fuck,
Then I guess your in luck;
Come take off your clothes and let's screw.
--- Anon

I've watched you, my sweet, from afar
And followed on foot and by car.
Just cut me some slack
And get on your back;
I swear I can make you a star!
--- SFA

Said a man to a maiden of Sicily,
"Can a man give you a fuck, or can't he?"
She said with a grin,
"Sure, shove it right in,
But pronto, I beg, not al dente."
--- Anon

Climbing stairs in the middle school's hall
We looked up to a sight to enthrall.
We saw with our eyes,
Little Flora May's thighs,
Rosy cheeks, and pink panties and all.
--- Liam na Baeg

I did dare at the top of the stair,
'Cause I thought that my chances were fair,
To get a good feel,
Before she could reel,
But I didn't have much of a prayer.
--- Liam na Baeg

I walked up, put my hand on her back.
Then she elbowed me; gave me a whack.
'Cause this sweet young belle
Knew me far too well.
I had tried it before, once, alack.
--- Liam na Baeg

"Bet you wouldn't dare try it," said Keith,
After getting a view from beneath.
I accepted his dare
To touch Flora May there --
And promptly lost three of my teeth.
--- John Miller

A nice country gal's going to waste?
To neglect that, might get me disgraced!
If your thighs you would spread;
Put your hands on my head;
Just lean back, I'll have me a taste!
--- Anon

I'm just an adventurous colt,
Who's taken a shine to a dolt.
Now quit being naive,
And stand to receive
This rigid and pendulous bolt.
--- Anon

Said Suzie, "I thought you'd be hopin'
To do a bit more than just gropin'.
So I think I'll play
At Polo, my way;
That's simply Pants Off and Legs Open."
--- Tiddy Ogg

It was not my intention to mock
Your undoubtedly wonderful knock-
ers. Now lift up your frock
And prepare for a shock;
I've a rock of a cock in my jock.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

A brash young bloke in Australia,
Said he to a maiden, "I'll nail ya."
So she followed this bore
From his adult book store,
And purloined his paraphernalia.
--- The Sailor P0310

"I love how with kisses you shower me;
I ache for your lips to devour me.
An innocent virgin
I be, but I'm urgin'
You -- Screw me! Debauch me! Deflower me! "
--- Anon

I've gathered a dozen fresh eggs,
Filled bottles with 'shine from my kegs,
Fetched skins from the tanners,
And polished my manners
To greet you -- now spread your damn legs.
--- Travis Brasell

Romancing me? That was your goal?
No wonder you're fucking a foal.
At least, I would think
You would offer a drink.
Come forward and show me your pole.
--- Bonnie

Forgive me for being a brute
Whose skills at amour ain't astute.
But, Hell, have some whiskey;
It's time to get frisky.
Drop down, open wide, suck my root!
--- Travis Brasell

Sweet Kiwi, adorable goddess,
I'm glad your not timid or modest.
I ache for a hump
On your plump ample rump,
And I'm coming to rip off your bodice.
--- Peter Wilkins

"Oh come, dear, let's climb up this hill
And look down on the riverside mill.
What a beautiful view
Of the countryside, Hugh;
So romantic a vista", sighed Jill.
--- Peter Wilkins

"I couldn't give a stuff or a bollock
How scenic the vista bucolic;
And as for romance",
He said, dropping his pants,
"Suck my knob and get ready to frolic."
--- Peter Wilkins

In the interest of furthering vice,
Proposition all chicks at least twice.
They may come out scrapping
At first and start slapping.
But the second attempt may prove nice!
--- Larry Wilde

At a party, a girl said "I would
Play strip poker if I could.
But that would be hard...
We don't have any cards."
So I stripped and I poked her real good!
--- Possum TP9802

I'm in love with a lady called Lynn,
And sex is her favorite sin;
She wriggles, she sighs,
She opens her thighs,
Then she gives ma a vertical grin.
--- Michael Horgan

I asked her: "Do you want a FAQ?"
She agreed and she lay on her BAQ.
So on her I pounced
And happily bounced,
Till she said, "OK that's your lot, JAQ."
--- Tiddy Ogg

I looked in the mirror today
And saw traces of silver and gray
In my hair and I thought,
"How distinguished; I ought
To find many a chick for a lay."
--- Anon

So I said most politely, "Hey you;
Do you fancy a suck and a screw?"
To a dozen young chicks
But the answer was nix,
'Til I heard a familiar moo.
--- Anon

My Cheri; what a beautiful sight!
Can I suck on your nipples tonight?
Am I getting a rise?
Put your hands on my thighs;
Can you feel that my trousers are tight?
--- Anon

I'm hot for your body and steamin';
Assure me I'm not merely dreamin'.
To give you a kiss
Would be ultimate bliss,
And I promise no premature creamin'.
--- Anon

I'm an expert at making romance,
So I says to the dame at the dance,
"Could it be there's a mirror
In your pocket, my dear?
I keep seeing myself in your pants."
--- Anon

Yes, an expert you are and so daring,
To question the dame in your caring.
But aren't you ashamed
When your skills are defamed,
Being seen in her pants you are wearing?
--- Anon

You told me quite clearly, my lance
Was welcome inside of your pants;
As long as I wooed
You and wasn't too crude,
I'd be in, so you said, with a chance.
--- Peter Wilkins

Remember that dinner and dance?
I wooed you with love and romance.
I bought you champagne
And red roses, sweet Jane,
In the hope I'd get into your pants.
--- Peter Wilkins


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