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I woke on the morn of election It sure is a lousy selection. I'll need then a sphincter resection.
The courts will then offer objection. The worse choice in my recollection.
We need a voting revolution When I am in doubt 'bout my vote, Non-voters are quick to proclaim, The 2000 Election -- Egad! We vote in smart people, you see, Undecided, I voted for Gore; Though I know your hard stand will not soften, In Chicago, good folks collect, In Chicago, the town you were noting, Democrats use two vote-getting keys: Joked the spiritual boss of Iran, The Iranian leader thinks he's cute. (Mayor Daley of Chicago, expert on crooked elections)
I woke when the dawn was still pearly, So riddled with ancestral digging, What! Mess with our crooked elections? What! Give up our hallowed tradition? What! Stop us from buying the vote? What! Deny voting rights to the dead? In my usual rounds, place to place, (disputed 2004 U.S. ELECTION)
"Our Democratic lead will not soften, This election, I cast twenty-two, It's not only on Halloween Yet the battle for office still rages What's certain, when all's said and done When the smoke's cleared both men stand as losers, Will there ever be a conclusion? If the vote doesn't suit you today; A news report here mentions this: The Court, in opinion per curium, There is wailing and grief on the left, Oh that Chad, he's the talk of the town. Electile Dysfunction this year; Florida is a sleazy wicket, A Florida leader named Dave In general, the American mood, The Floridians held an election Gore pled for additional speed, Hello there! I'm Yet-to-be Chad; A Florida voter named Clyde That should be the end, but there's more: The date of Clyde's death got detected; 'Midst filings and pleadings and torts, In the end, although Justice was slow, In Florida, William McBride But the country's got one large-scale Tipper: You ought to know this one by rote, Republican Katherine Harris (K H - secty of state Florida - in charge of elections)
Another tumultuous day. This nation's rule is not by judges, lads; The Florida Secretary of State I liked our election a bunch, At last, the election is done. But when the decision is done, While we grappple with recounts and chads, Out with the old, in with the new; The Republicans have no compunction Propagandists may hem and may haw But which 'total count' will they use? Those chads have now hit us en mass, They swarmed in from the left and the right, If I were a Dem I'd be sore, Old Floridians have no excuse; Al Gore said, "I can't be behind!
With a beautiful, throbbing erection.
Then I thought, "One of two
Will be chosen to screw
Me." It wilted in utter dejection.
--- John Miller
Either way, we will all need protection.
Either is cause for rejection.
I'll need more than a pecker inspection.
I'll then need an asshole correction.
--- John Miller
I'll consider a foreign defection.
No wonder folks think, "Insurrection!"
Guess my hand will get all my affection.
In a rocket, I'd opt for ejection.
--- John Miller
Supported by the Constitution.
The will of the masses
Expressed by bare asses,
Makes our country a great institution.
--- Tom Patton P0305
I write in "Bill," my neighbor's goat.
He cannot do worse
Than those that we curse;
So why don't you write what I wrote?
--- Funny Bone
"The candidates are without shame.
Since they're crooks to the core,
I don't vote anymore.
Why bother? They're all just the same."
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Vote intent obfuscated by chad;
With unyielding pro spinners
And the lawyers, big winners,
Countless thousands convinced they'd been had!
--- J Maynard Kaplan
Then we send them by plane to DC.
There they meet big money,
With handshakes and smiles sunny.
No more they'll be voting for me.
--- Gary R LUndquist
Then for Dubya, I voted some more.
We vote early and often
And sometimes from our coffin,
In Chicago, on Michigan's shore.
--- William N Nesbit P0101
Next week take a break from your boffin',
Just long enough
Your ballot to stuff.
Remember: Vote early and often.
--- John Miller
And honor and truth they respect.
They do what they say,
Work hard for their pay,
So why is it the crooks they elect.
--- Gerald Bosaker
"Why do crooks get elected?" I'm quoting.
Don't blame the living,
For approval they're giving.
It's the dead folks who do all the voting.
--- William Tozzi
First they promise their friends spending sprees.
But the rest of their crowd
Can be easily wowed
By the gift of a block of free cheese.
--- Betty Ann Cansano
"I've prepared my election day plan;
I'll remove from the ballot,
And/or hit with a mallet,
Anyone who's not my handpicked man."
--- Arthur Deex
His control of elections, absolute!
While this sounds kind of zany,
The Ayatollah Khomenei
Graduated from Daley's institute.
--- Tom Patton P0407
With headache, and feeling quite surly.
But it made me feel nice;
Some took my advice:
Get out there, vote often, and early.
--- John Miller
With policies zagging and zigging,
There is no surprise.
It's all given rise
To wanton and shameless vote-rigging.
--- SFA
Despite all its grand imperfections,
I'd rather have you
Stand by while I screw
Overseeing my crooked erections!
--- John Miller
The ploy would give fresh ammunition
To both of our parties
To throw out you smarties,
And damn your whole lot to perdition!
--- John Miller
Just think of the leaders of note
Who we've thus elected.
Among those selected
Are those on whom you guys just dote!
--- John Miller
Our Courts made it clear when they said:
You cannot deny
Voting rights to the guy
'Cause he hasn't a brain in his head!
--- John Miller
I lost track of my attache case.
It held code that I wrote
To amend '04's vote.
I should soon find myself in disgrace.
--- Donna Lee Dom
If our party votes early and often!
And if that's not enough,
Have the ballot box stuffed,
Absentee votes from Democrat coffins."
--- Jim Weaver Collection
But was Bushed before I was through.
Though a whole day of voting
Gave no cause for gloating,
With that ballot what else can you do?
--- John Miller
That the dead from the graveyards are seen--
They abandon their holes
And report to the polls
To cast votes for Chicago's machine.
--- William N Nesbit P9610 a
And lawyers rack up their huge wages.
In long winded prose,
The argument flows,
Before dozens of judicial sages.
--- Anon
Is this time, Dear, nobody won,
'Cept vultures who gain
From other folk's pain,
Or find bar room brawling is fun.
--- Anon
With urine-poor beggars the choosers.
Through the country's a-rift
And with both parties pissed,
That their guy had no better manuevers.
--- Anon
My brain now has a contusion.
Who won, Gore or Bush?
My brain is like mush;
It's Biblical in it's confusion.
--- Anon
We live in the great USA;
So call for recount
In any amount,
'Till the count finally works out your way.
--- John Miller
Some 60k votes slips amiss.
In Florida, too,
Where the odd vote or two
Could save Dubya from the abyss.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Said parts of the case did still worry 'em.
As expert hair-splitters,
They said reconsider,
But nothing at all about hurryin'.
--- Election 2000
And the Hollywood gang is bereft.
For at least four more years
They will cry in their beers
And allege Bush's victory a theft.
--- William N Nesbit P0103
This is file wil
All that swinging and hanging around,
Is causing a flurry,
As Democrats worry;
And all they can do is just frown.
--- Anon
We can't seem to get it in gear.
A Florida judge
Knew things would not budge --
"Please, send some Viagra down here!"
--- Anon
Over-run by media and picket.
What is the truth,
Oh master sleuth?
Did Georgie win, or did Jeb trick it?
--- Lynn Mostafa
Had a sorry excuse, which he gave:
"I have to admit,
It isn't worth shit,
But think of the money we save!"
--- Anon
While electing a president dude,
Was one of elation,
Followed by frustration,
As the courts over it chewed.
--- Anon
Where each voter could make his selection.
But as happened before,
What they did to the score,
In people, requires an erection.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0209
But the Florida Court disagreed;
It's no Democrat puppet.
Now conservative pundits
Need a new baseless gas for their screed.
--- Election 2000
Neither swinging nor hanging a tad.
On voting slips mounted,
I wait to be counted;
'Twould hardly surprise me, egad.
--- Anon
Had a problem, just couldn't decide,
So he punched the wrong hole,
And voted for -- DOLE!
(Not bad for a Dem who had died!)
--- Anon
This ballot (when picked off the floor)
Had lost one more chad
Making Democrats glad
For, "Two votes is one vote for Gore!"
--- Anon
On recount this vote was rejected
But a lawyer for Gore
Brought suit to restore:
"Constituent's rights are protected!"
--- Anon
This thing wound its way through the courts,
'Till Rhenquist, dissenting,
Said, "I'm not relenting:
This case is less thrilling than sports."
--- Anon
They struck a definitive blow,
Not just for dead blokes,
But ALL mindless folks
And awarded the vote to Perot!
--- Anon
Will need the votes for a landslide,
Because Jebbies minions
Throughout the dominion,
Will somehow set many aside.
--- Dr Limerick 09-12-02
The judges picked by the old Gipper!
Deciding, on briefs,
Our Commander-in-Chief,
Once the present one's gone (with his zipper).
--- Anon
Though the answer might just get your goat,
But it seems plain to me,
In a Democracy,
It makes sense to just count the vote.
--- MrMalo
Can't blush, so she's hard to embarrass.
The reason is simple:
She hides cheek and dimple
With lashings of plaster of Paris!
--- Prof M-G
In Florida, U.S. of A.,
The Supremes, 3 to 4,
Said to recount for Gore,
And to hustle, starting yesterday.
--- Election 2000
It is by swinging and pregnant chads.
But whichever candidate wins,
The nation will be in ruins,
What more can you expect from cads?
--- Anon
Won't take the votes if they're late.
A recount's all right
But it must be tonight,
So the hand-counties must litigate.
--- Dr Limerick 11-13-00
But I have a very strong hunch,
That future elections
Will not have inspections
Of ballots -- the kind that you punch!
--- Anon
Gore has no more bullets in his gun.
After millions of votes,
The ultimate tote:
It's Bush, by a majority of one. (Supreme Court 5 to 4)
--- Election 2000
The college selects number one,
The prez is installed,
No more chad is recalled,
And only the lawyers have won.
--- Anon
Our friends, north and south, have just had
Smooth-runnng elections,
With little objection,
And mandates that seem iron-clad.
--- Election 2000
Whatever's in vogue or suits you.
College electoral,
Kiss my pectoral;
Victim of this year's Republican coup.
--- Anon
'Bout seeking a federal injunction.
The objection they've mounted:
Votes ought not be counted!
A sad case of electile dysfunction
--- MrMalo
And the talking head pundits can jaw,
But the tension that's mounting
Will end in full counting
'Cause the judges call that "rule of law."
--- MrMalo
The one that the Democrats choose?
It seems plain to me
That counts one, two and three,
All point out that Al Gore did lose.
--- Jon Gearhart
Which disturbs the two parties, alas!
But the winner's in clover,
Since the loser bends over,
And those chads are all shoved up his ass.
--- Phil Cannibal P0101
And to many observer's delight,
Only tops of tall trees
And a handful of keys,
Will be seen when the state sinks from sight.
--- William N Nesbit P0101
On the basis of chad on the floor,
And other facts (twisted)
My party's insisted.
ALL STUPID FOLKS VOTED FOR GORE!
--- Anon
Brand new voting machines are in use.
But chaos still reigns
'Cause their heads don't contain
The brain power that God gave a goose.
--- Betty Ann Cansano
There must be more votes we can find!"
The Supreme Court said, "Al,
We got news for ya, pal,
The law says Bush wins; now you mind!"
--- Anon
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