The panties of the lady from Twickenham
Had goo that was viscous and thickenham.
I suggested she wash,
But she answered me, "Bosh!
I can turn at least one more quick trickenham!"
--- Robin K Willoughby P8507

A proper young lady of Taos,
Had her panties trimmed neatly with la-oce.
But a vulgar young man (But a Navaho buck)
Raped her roughly, and ran, (Roped her down for a fuck,)

--- L0798

At night-time I steal when it's fine,
Kate's panties, if pegged on the line.
I use them to scratch
And to sniff at the patch
Of her snatch's sweet moisture divine.
--- Peter Wilkins

Now panties, Pete, once on the line
Are washed, have no fragrance divine.
So start, if you're pervish,
A laundry servish,
For girls aged below twenty-nine.
--- Tiddy Ogg

I guess I could visit her place,
And steal her used panties of lace.
If she sneers, "They don't fit you,"
I'd sniff them in situ
But fear she might damage my face.
--- Peter Wilkins

The pious nuns in Bankstown Square,
Raise cash from their used underwear;
They've set up their stalls
In all of the malls,
And the best are just ten cents a pair.
--- David Miller

A susceptible filly in France
Was fumbled by Fred as they'd dance.
To those who'd inquire
Why she stood by the fire,
She'd reply, "To dry out my damp pants!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 326

In the dark by Kate's clothes-line I knelt,
As her stockings and knickers I felt.
When I kissed her garter,
I should have been smarter;
'Twas really her Granddad's truss-belt.
--- David Miller

Your friend should drive north on Cervantes
Until she arrives at the shanties,
Then look by the edge
Of the road where the hedge
Grows tall; she will find some used panties.
--- Travis Brasell

Okay, sit right down there and watch --
Keep your eye on that little wet splotch;
As I wiggle, like so,
That splotch starts to grow --
This technique is truly top-notch!
--- Kaylin

Then when I'm gasping and weak,
You can demonstrate your fine technique --
With a bump and a grind,
From in front or behind,
As long as we both reach our peak!
--- Kaylin

Your panties each day I have worn,
But I fear they're now tatered and torn.
If a pair you have just
Taken off, then you must
Mail them now so I get them by dawn.
--- Peter Wilkins

I grow old and my hair's getting shaggy;
My arteries now have grown claggy.
But age shows its throes
By neither of those,
But the fact that my trousers are baggy.
--- Tony Burrell

There just has to be a place in Hell
For the folks who designed or did sell,
Also for those who bought
Those pants upwardly taut
But whose bottoms were shaped like a bell.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9703

Said a man to his spouse in East Sydenham,
"My best trousers! Where have you hidden 'em.
It is perfectly true
They were not very new,
But I foolishly left half a quid in 'em."
--- Punch 1902 P0312

I barely escaped two swift trains;
Thank goodness I'm safe with no pains.
My pants weren't so lucky;
They're sticky and yucky;
Forever they'll have those brown stains.
--- Travis Brasell

Ever always teenagers abound,
Crotches low, bottoms frayed by the ground.
Not to know is their loss;
Chaplin and Cantinflas
In such pants became worldly renowned.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0010

"XYZ," I whispered to him,
But he was a little bit dim.
"Just what did you mean?"
"I mean that I've seen
There, peeking out, your middle limb."

(examine your zipper)
--- Marlene Lewis

I got her bra off (what a size!)
And I started to feast these old eyes.
Then I kissed and I hugged,
And I pulled and I tugged,
But I could not get off her Levis.
--- Al Willis P9606a

There once was a young man named Kyle,
Who refused to just crack a smile.
The crack in the back,
Made up for the lack;
Those low-rider jeans were his style.
--- Jim Weaver Collection A

From the tailor my trousers came back,
But they squeezed both my balls in the crack
Of my ass with great pain,
And I pooped from the strain.
Oh my Lord, won't you cut me some slack?
--- Al Chaplin P0011

A one-legged tailor named Jack
Couldn't sew his own clothes from the rack.
To his helper, Lord Jim,
He said, eyeing his limb,
"Oh Lord, won't you cut me some slack."
--- Don Moore P0010

My tailor, Joe Lord, is a hack,
Claiming tight leather pant styles are back.
But they're garish and ugly,
And fit me too snugly;
O Lord, won't you cut me some slack?
--- Jerry Nordal P0010

There once was a fellow named Trete,
Who from birth was inclined to be neat.
He became extra fussy
When he thought his pants mussy,
And would throw them away in the street.
--- L1592

An eccentric young fellow named Scott,
His intelligence wasn't too hot.
So small was his wit,
That he started to shit
With his trousers draped into the pot.
--- G1449

This dressing to left or to right,
My tailor just can't tell by sight.
She gives it a heft,
Says, "Yes, to the left".
By then I am right for the night!
--- Archie

"Do you dress to the left or the right",
Said my tailor's assistant, Miss White.
I replied with a leer,
"I dress rightwards, my dear."
(Oh my god, what stupendous delight!)
--- Peter Wilkins

I remember school days of my youth,
When I sought to shackle the truth.
Hung not left nor right,
But up straight and tight,
And taped to my belly forsooth.
--- H Welchel

But now it drapes soft to the right.
My boxers are loose and not tight.
But should it tumesce,
I let it express
Its lovely tent-pole-licious might.
--- H Welchel

My tailor takes too much delight
When checking the left or the right.
I'm thinking, for sure,
His thoughts are impure.
The whole thing just makes me uptight.
--- Frank

The English know just what to do
To be helpful to themselves and you.
Where you go in to pee,
There's a sign you will see:
Fix your fly before leaving the loo.
--- Warrick Elrod P0211

While strolling, Sir Dinglewood Dance
Noticed people were casting a glance.
But he didn't know why
Till he heard a boy cry:
"Oh Sir, you've forgotten your pants."
--- Warrick Elrod

A buxom young lady of France
Wore the tightest of form-fitting pants.
When she stooped in the bank
To pick up a franc,
The form-fitting pants were ex-panse. (extant?)
--- Ogden Nash

This is file wdm

Pajamas I fear are not cool;
If I wear them, I look like a fool.
When I'm sleeping I've found
They get twisted around;
Come the dawn there's no gap for my tool.
--- Anon

I'd rather have shoes than a hat,
Or shirts than a fancy cravat.
But the hardest to buy
Are the trousers, since I
Have become so uncommonly fat.
--- A N Wilkins P8402

One cold day, with no scarf, Mr. Mantz
Said, "My neck is as stiff as a lance.
I can't even bend it."
His wife said, "How splendid!
Now try going out with no pants."
--- Bob Giandomenico P9007

At No.10 Mornington Crescent
They found something very unpleasant,
For blocking the drains
Were the rotting remains
Of the jeans of a dim adolescent.
--- Odd Bodkins P0105

I've tried my new pants on today
Which I admit are size 44a.
I've put on some weight
Which has hampered my gait,
And I can also no longer sashay.
--- Anon

There was a young fellow named Schwartz,
Much cherished by girls of all sorts.
He made one firm request:
That they all be undressed,
While he wandered around in his shorts.
--- Albin Chaplin

There once was a man from Taiwan,
Who neverr could keep his pants on.
So he got a straight pin
And he took his pants in,
Ant then all his problems were gone.
--- Anon

I've never been able to zip
Your jeans upward either, you pip.
But down I've done easy
And gotten you greasy,
By slipping my tip in to drip.
--- Anon

If sartorial view you'd enhance,
And look quite elite at a glance,
The rabble defers
To those in JODHPURS,
The greatest of all fancy pants.
--- Chris Papa

JODHPURS, an interesting sight,
From knee to ankle they're tight,
And at thigh, wide,
Fits Amazon guide,
Whose legs, like drumsticks, they fit right.
--- Darryl

There once was a cowboy from Pouce,
Whose trousers were alarmingly loose.
Unlike other riders
He said "Mine are gliders,"
And the zip never nips when in use.
--- Marlene McCarty

A man who went 'round with no trousers,
At night walked around peoples's houses.
He was a pervert
For stuffed up his shirt,
Guess what? -- old ladies blouses.
--- Spike Mulligan

In the dryer the old pair of Wranglers
Flailed about as if they were Tanglers.
They entwined with the Levis,
Exchanged crotches and thighs,
And became a new pair of "Levanglers."
--- Thomal G Keller P9403

The home of young harlot O'Keefe
Was ransacked one day by a thief.
He joined with the carousers
But then he lost his trousers,
And he left there with nothing but grief.
--- Albin Chaplin

The girl wore figure-hugging long pants;
As she walked, males gave her a long glance.
The girl of their dreams?
One would think from the gleams,
Their dreams would come true now, perchance?
--- Arthur Pattaffy

A lady who didn't like flies,
Managed to hide her surprise,
When she opened up one
And found it was fun.
Now she willingly widens her thighs.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Ambitious and virile young Lancelot
Said, "From bed to bed I advance a lot...
While coition's a pleasure
And each female I treasure,
I have to remove my iron pants a lot!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 376

The poor benighted Hindu;
He does the best he kindu;
He sticks to caste
From first to last;
For pants he makes his skindu.
--- Cosmo Monkhouse

Oh what a terrible beast
Is the frog -- the frog from the East.
Not the frog from the West,
Who walks round in a vest
With his knickers all mangled and creased.
--- Spike Milligan

Today I am feeling on edge
Because I have taken a pledge:
On oath I have sworn
No pants shall be worn,
In order to not get a wedge.
--- Anon

My stretchy old sweat pants expando;
They'd even fit old Marlon Brando.
Thank God for the room,
'Cause somethings in bloom,
And I'm going fucking commando.
--- Anon

The jeans of today -- anti-rape.
So tight that you're less than your shape.
No shrink guarantee
And one company
In its ads says "no fart can escape."
--- Irving Superior P9703a

There once was a tailor named Naylor,
Who measured the pants for a sailor.
As he started to crotch it,
The sailor said, "Watch it,
Or I'll buy my clothes from a wholesaler."
--- G1020

A bold cavalier from France,
Attended a Royal Performance.
He danced with the Queen,
Which was deemed quite obscene,
As he'd forgotten to wear any pants.
--- Mike O'Conner

You guys all have tailors, I see.
That means you've more money than me.
I buy off the rack.
I've noticed the lack
Of tailors at J. C. Penny.
--- Marlene Lewis

Perhaps my libido is hexed,
But I'm simply and utterly vexed,
When a woman walks by
In trousers and tie,
Appearing completely de-sexed.
--- Lims Unlimited

He pulled off his pants with a grin,
And quickly he stripped to his skin.
Said he, "Pants are silly.
They bind up your lily.
You must have it out to get in."
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay

Ancient britches are PANTALOONS,
Sometimes held by belts of maroon;
Loss of suspenders
Reveals their enders;
Those who don't look won't seen the moon.
--- Daniel Ford

There was a young lady from Buckingham,
Whose pants were so tight she got stuck in 'em.
So she called the police
To assist her release,
And the last thing I heard, she was fucking 'em.
--- Michael Horgan

Narcissistic young Jenny McPenn
Saw herself as femme fatale to all men.
She thought she, by all means,
Was poured into her jeans.
Sadly, Jenny forgot to say when.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0309

Euripides played in the shed
And tore his pants nigh to a shred.
His mother repaired
The holes and declared:
"Euripides pants and you're dead!"
--- Travis Brasell

Euripides, short on amenities,
Tore his pants once again right across the knees.
Since his mother had flared,
Took them to be repaired
To the shop of his friend, Eumenides.
--- Liam na Beag

There was a man in Atchison,
Whose trousers had rough patchison.
He fond them great,
He'd often state,
To scratch his wooden matchison.
--- Anon

A financial advisor in serge
Met a woman and had a great urge.
When he made his advance,
You could tell by his pants,
He would ask her if she'd like to merge.
--- Thomas Patton P9509