A tailor who dabbled in dance, There once was a girl who could dance My girlfriend was from Milton Keynes, The old knights with shield and lance As I limericize the school ball, Said an aged Madrid cocksman named Fry, It was once said in Constantinople, When dealing with types of romance, A man sipping double martinis If a cowgirl gets dressy, she smothers, There was a young lady of Cheltenham; A soldier who put on his kit, A patrician with gentle pretensions There was a young woman named Robbie A woman whose friends would call Max, My dear, you are out of it so; There was a young man named Clancy, A saucy young lady of Hants She gazed with intense admiration The lady was pleasant to watch A cowboy on Saturday night A Texas tailor, that no prizes wins, Tailors, when alone or in teams, Sir Peter of Pendleton Place There once was a knight named Sir Gayle, Akola was where I had gotten A pretty young girl from Madrid A young man with a brain that was messed If you like your suits double-breasted, Two sisters called Hetty and Heather (birds - Brit slang for girls)
Sir Simon Sartorius, Kt., The casual Viscount of Blenheim Like a half-cup bra's promise of tit,
This is file wcm
A neckline that plunges between But slits in a skirt past mid-thigh Those bits that are still unrevealed Well, throbbing a bit it may be But that just will not work for me, Quite frankly, I crave her back door Though if I approach from the back, A flamboyant young fellow named Fred My highschool made a request A burka, tablecloth or bedsheet An entrepreneuring young Ghurka Our burka, fine linen, bed sheet Al Ben Abben, of BURKAS R US, Bustles gave an unnatural chassis A fellow whose nick-name was Nipper, Oh, why must I watch what I wear? An eager young girl named Elaine I shudder that I must report When a cowboy went East from Far West, In the past I was stylish for years There was a young maid in Tahiti, In her bed, a girl from St. Thomas, "Tut Tut!" said the flapper of Delaware, If you like your suits double-breasted, There once was a maiden from Black I know this bloke called Pete, That's right folks, cars sure are like women; A girl from Ohio, called Sally, A canny young bride of friend Pyte Novak's dress sense makes me ill, Stores show women's styles beyond my ken The clothes a designer designed A tailor at Momma's request
Was arrested for indecent stance.
"I'm a much better poser
Than I am a clothier,
Sew I flies by the seat of my pants."
--- Jerry Nordal
Almost any man out of his pants
With a sensuous rhythm,
But that's ok with 'em...
If left on, they would just hang askance.
--- Anon
She looked her best wearing blue jeans.
She started to eat;
Every meal was a treat;
For Levis Jeans, now read smithereens!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Were asked how they could life enhance.
"For each rescued maid
Or dragon we slayed,
We'll trade for a soft pair of pants."
--- Irving Superior P2005
I find, though my stature is small,
That when dropping my pants
In the midst of the dance,
Sometimes they just don't fall at all.
--- Martin Wellborn P8808
"I refuse these new fashions to try.
Why, every zipper
Is just Jack the Ripper!
I shall stick to my old Spanish fly."
--- Anon
"Our sultan's the dumb kind you hope'Il
Split the seat of his pants --
And there's always the chance,
'Cause if anyone'll do it, that dope'll!"
--- Corbett Scott
Know that there's always a chance
That their spouse may return,
And quickly you'll learn
To always stay close to your pants.
--- Thomas J Kirby
Walked into Oleg Cassini's,
Ordered sixty-nine suits,
And nine pairs of boots
And one pair "stone-washed" blue jeanies!
--- Writerman
'Cause ruffles and heels are for others;
To cope with cow creatures,
Tight pants are the features,
So cowgirls dress just like their brothers.
--- Cow Sheep Petersen Rhodes
Put on tights just to see how she felt in 'em;
But she said, with a shout,
"If you don't pull me out,
I'm sure I shall jolly soon melt in 'em."
--- Linda Marsh Coll
Said the trousers were too tight a fit.
Bawled the sergeant, "You clown.
Let's see, then. Bend down."
I don't need to say where they split.
--- Mary Danby Armada 1
Had habits that one hardly mentions.
He'd undo the britches
Of rich sons of bitches,
Before they divined his intentions.
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay
Who would wait in a theater lobby
To catch all those guys
Who had unzippered flies.
Oh well, it's an interesting hobby.
--- Isaac Asimov
Would typically wear floppy slacks.
From her earliest teens,
She wouldn't wear jeans,
For the seams would pull up in her cracks.
--- Bob Birch P0207
It's amazing what you do not know.
The modern day closures
To stop male exposures
Are made of that stuff called Velcro.
--- S C Saint
Who every Spring did turn his fancy
To liasons amorous,
With women glamorous,
Making his pants quite antsy!
--- Leonard J K
Said: "Dad, do you like my hot pants?"
Dad glanced at her, vexed,
Saying "Whatever next?
Still, at least there's no room for the ants."
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
At the man on the crowded train station,
'Cause his pants were so tight
That an onlooker might
Discern his religious affiliation.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0503
As she studied the fine fabric swatch,
'Cause her pants were so tight
That her sharp tailor might
See the vertical notch in her crotch.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0503
Wore jeans most immodestly tight.
His steps became mincing,
His groans most convincing,
And teen-agers swooned at the sight.
--- Cow Sheep Petersen Rhodes
Makes pants that stop at the shins.
They told him in Lubbock
To cover the stomach,
'Cause that's were the vest begins.
--- Dan Sullivan
Favor a crease in slacks, they so deem.
But I'm telling you, honey,
Those lines are plain funny.
Pants would look nicer without, it seams.
--- Guy Ben-Moshe
Wore bright yellow pants trimmed in lace.
Asked why such a dress,
He said "Under duress.
My wife wants me easy to trace."
--- Warrick Elrod
Whose armour made it hard to screw tail.
So here's one for the Gipper,
He invented the zipper,
And installed one in the crotch of his mail!
--- Laurence Craft
This Indian cloth of fine cotton.
Looks great on the bed,
Or as curtains instead;
But in trouser form, man, it looks rotten.
--- Rory Ewins Q
Kept her buns and her boobies well hid.
'Twas the baggy old shirt
And floor-length wool skirt,
That covered her ego and id.
--- Bob Birch P0207
Was criticized for the way he dressed.
The fellow, Slattery
Commited battery,
Because he thought it was an acid test.
--- Thomas Patton P0306
Along with your women big-chested,
The women and suits
Are both in cahoots,
So you better make sure you're well rested.
--- Anon
Wore come-hither hats in hot weather.
A feathery trim
Adorned each little brim,
And the girls said: "We're birds of a feather."
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Said, "We Tories are dining tokt.;
And therefore, I think,
I'll wear not a pink,
But a beautiful blue aconite.
--- Harold C Bibby
Would often dress up in blue denim,
A habit which filled
His buttoned-down guild
Of snot-nosed relations with venom.
--- Armand E Singer 807
A girl in a dress with a split,
Gives dreams of delight,
That's just out of sight,
Which get my dick throbbing a bit.
--- Tiddy Ogg
The tits of a mammary queen,
Reveals a deep chasm
That makes Tiddy spasm,
Whilst dreaming of nips still unseen.
--- Randog
Exposing a leggy supply
Of flesh for the taking,
Ogg-ment Tiddy's aching,
For sport and dessert at the "Y".
Demand that her clothing be peeled,
To show in its glory
The whole inventory
Of treasure that womenkind wield.
--- Randog
And hanging just short of your knee,
But the way that is best
Is to lift up her vest,
And slide into what you can see!
--- oOOo
If I can't get to where she makes pee.
I'll go back to mutton --
Her cute belly button
Is simply too shallow for me.
--- John Miller
Whose tightness I'm keen to explore.
Its depths are compelling,
Even though it is smelling
Of freshly laid "turd de l'amour."
--- Randog
I've another fine mode of attack.
Instead of her belly,
I use K Y Jelly
Where buns form another fine crack.
Bought a shirt striped in mauve, green, and red.
"Get it changed," said his mother.
So he purchased another --
The same shades, with zigzags instead.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
That I speak as their graduation guest.
I said I would speak,
But first I must seek,
A size 44 bullet proof vest.
--- Puff Adder
At a price that you can never beat.
If you're short or you're tall
Just one size fits 'em all
Buy where your local KKK meet.
--- Tom Patton P0201
Invented a winner in circa
Two thousand and one --
A combination
Sari-diaper-whiteflag-napkin-burka.
--- Arthur Deex P0201
As a holiday gift's a real treat.
If you urp, spill, or tinkle,
It will dry without wrinkle --
Machine wash...gentle spin...on low heat.
--- Arthur Deex P0201
Sold a new triple-use omnibus.
Then sales through the roof went
When he thought, "And a tent!
Viola! Burka-Sheet-Tablecloth-Plus!"
--- William Nesbit P0201
To the dames of the most elite classes.
The ladies aspired,
As fashion required,
To small waists and gargantuan asses.
--- A N Wilkins P8802
Who once was employed as a stripper,
Could unbutton a fly
In the wink of an eye.
He was equally quick with a zipper.
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay
If I could, I would rather go bare--
If I had my way,
We'd have casual day
In clothes made of nothing but air!
--- John Miller 0077c
Wore clothing of sheer cellophane.
When the men in surprise
Would avert their pained eyes,
She'd come down with a violent migraine.
--- Isaac Asimov
In sleeves that are long and not short.
And a coat I've been meaning
To take for a cleaning;
Shirts and slacks I intended to sort.
--- John Miller 0077a
The folks goggled at how he was dressed,
'Cause he didn't wear suits
With his pointy-toed boots,
But blue jeans, Stetson, chaps and a vest.
--- Thomas A Ratliff Jr P0409
Wearing designer clothes with my peers.
I look at old pictures
And guffaw, getting strictures,
Thinking, they got rich. We got their sneers.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P970
Whom the neighbors considered quite flighty.
For if Monday was fine,
She would hang on the line
An extremely diaphanous nighty.
--- Anon
Once found a strange pair of pajamas.
Said the girl, "Well well well!
Whose they are I can't tell--
Something tells me these garments St. Mhomas."
--- Anon
"Stop stewing about what the hell I wear.
Or I'll start in to clothe
So they won't have to suppose
To know what I next to my fella wear."
--- Glimmerick Book P0503
Get one tailored like I have suggested.
Make sure that it fits,
Snugly over both teats,
To keep you from getting arrested.
--- Ogden Nield
Who wore a colored droopy sack;
It never had darts,
Nor gores or spare parts,
Nor anything front or in back.
--- Lims Unlimited
Who wears size nine shoes on his feet.
As for his clothes,
The size nobody knows,
But his washing eclipses the street.
--- P Copeman
Bits drop off - that's what they call slimmin'.
It's just an excuse,
So clothes they can choose,
And the width of your wallet they're trimmin'.
--- Anon
Was anxious to go dilly-daily.
She dressed up in style,
And she flashed a big smile,
While exposing her "Silicon Valley".
--- Carl Ludvig Kjelsen P0111
Furred the hem of her nightie--that's right.
Her reason you've guessed,
And she plainly confessed,
'Twas to keep her neck warm through the night.
--- G2465
And Tyson's is uglier still.
Get rid of the guys;
They're too hard on the eyes;
Bugger Bela and John, bring on Jill!
--- Gordon Conference
All designed to give buyers a yen.
The unfortunate story
Re: their huge inventory,
They fit, at most, one gal in ten.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0508
Exposed her in front and behind.
"I've found," she declared,
When a goodman is bared,
That a hard man is easy to find."
--- Anon
Made Son's suit quite large in the chest.
Then Momma cried, "Son!
Oh, what have I done?"
As the Son slowly sank in the vest!
--- The See Saw P8903