A tailor who dabbled in dance,
Was arrested for indecent stance.
"I'm a much better poser
Than I am a clothier,
Sew I flies by the seat of my pants."
--- Jerry Nordal

There once was a girl who could dance
Almost any man out of his pants
With a sensuous rhythm,
But that's ok with 'em...
If left on, they would just hang askance.
--- Anon

My girlfriend was from Milton Keynes,
She looked her best wearing blue jeans.
She started to eat;
Every meal was a treat;
For Levis Jeans, now read smithereens!
--- Arthur Pattaffy

The old knights with shield and lance
Were asked how they could life enhance.
"For each rescued maid
Or dragon we slayed,
We'll trade for a soft pair of pants."
--- Irving Superior P2005

As I limericize the school ball,
I find, though my stature is small,
That when dropping my pants
In the midst of the dance,
Sometimes they just don't fall at all.
--- Martin Wellborn P8808

Said an aged Madrid cocksman named Fry,
"I refuse these new fashions to try.
Why, every zipper
Is just Jack the Ripper!
I shall stick to my old Spanish fly."
--- Anon

It was once said in Constantinople,
"Our sultan's the dumb kind you hope'Il
Split the seat of his pants --
And there's always the chance,
'Cause if anyone'll do it, that dope'll!"
--- Corbett Scott

When dealing with types of romance,
Know that there's always a chance
That their spouse may return,
And quickly you'll learn
To always stay close to your pants.
--- Thomas J Kirby

A man sipping double martinis
Walked into Oleg Cassini's,
Ordered sixty-nine suits,
And nine pairs of boots
And one pair "stone-washed" blue jeanies!
--- Writerman

If a cowgirl gets dressy, she smothers,
'Cause ruffles and heels are for others;
To cope with cow creatures,
Tight pants are the features,
So cowgirls dress just like their brothers.
--- Cow Sheep Petersen Rhodes

There was a young lady of Cheltenham;
Put on tights just to see how she felt in 'em;
But she said, with a shout,
"If you don't pull me out,
I'm sure I shall jolly soon melt in 'em."
--- Linda Marsh Coll

A soldier who put on his kit,
Said the trousers were too tight a fit.
Bawled the sergeant, "You clown.
Let's see, then. Bend down."
I don't need to say where they split.
--- Mary Danby Armada 1

A patrician with gentle pretensions
Had habits that one hardly mentions.
He'd undo the britches
Of rich sons of bitches,
Before they divined his intentions.
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay

There was a young woman named Robbie
Who would wait in a theater lobby
To catch all those guys
Who had unzippered flies.
Oh well, it's an interesting hobby.
--- Isaac Asimov

A woman whose friends would call Max,
Would typically wear floppy slacks.
From her earliest teens,
She wouldn't wear jeans,
For the seams would pull up in her cracks.
--- Bob Birch P0207

My dear, you are out of it so;
It's amazing what you do not know.
The modern day closures
To stop male exposures
Are made of that stuff called Velcro.
--- S C Saint

There was a young man named Clancy,
Who every Spring did turn his fancy
To liasons amorous,
With women glamorous,
Making his pants quite antsy!
--- Leonard J K

A saucy young lady of Hants
Said: "Dad, do you like my hot pants?"
Dad glanced at her, vexed,
Saying "Whatever next?
Still, at least there's no room for the ants."
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada

She gazed with intense admiration
At the man on the crowded train station,
'Cause his pants were so tight
That an onlooker might
Discern his religious affiliation.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0503

The lady was pleasant to watch
As she studied the fine fabric swatch,
'Cause her pants were so tight
That her sharp tailor might
See the vertical notch in her crotch.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0503

A cowboy on Saturday night
Wore jeans most immodestly tight.
His steps became mincing,
His groans most convincing,
And teen-agers swooned at the sight.
--- Cow Sheep Petersen Rhodes

A Texas tailor, that no prizes wins,
Makes pants that stop at the shins.
They told him in Lubbock
To cover the stomach,
'Cause that's were the vest begins.
--- Dan Sullivan

Tailors, when alone or in teams,
Favor a crease in slacks, they so deem.
But I'm telling you, honey,
Those lines are plain funny.
Pants would look nicer without, it seams.
--- Guy Ben-Moshe

Sir Peter of Pendleton Place
Wore bright yellow pants trimmed in lace.
Asked why such a dress,
He said "Under duress.
My wife wants me easy to trace."
--- Warrick Elrod

There once was a knight named Sir Gayle,
Whose armour made it hard to screw tail.
So here's one for the Gipper,
He invented the zipper,
And installed one in the crotch of his mail!
--- Laurence Craft

Akola was where I had gotten
This Indian cloth of fine cotton.
Looks great on the bed,
Or as curtains instead;
But in trouser form, man, it looks rotten.
--- Rory Ewins Q

A pretty young girl from Madrid
Kept her buns and her boobies well hid.
'Twas the baggy old shirt
And floor-length wool skirt,
That covered her ego and id.
--- Bob Birch P0207

A young man with a brain that was messed
Was criticized for the way he dressed.
The fellow, Slattery
Commited battery,
Because he thought it was an acid test.
--- Thomas Patton P0306

If you like your suits double-breasted,
Along with your women big-chested,
The women and suits
Are both in cahoots,
So you better make sure you're well rested.
--- Anon

Two sisters called Hetty and Heather
Wore come-hither hats in hot weather.
A feathery trim
Adorned each little brim,
And the girls said: "We're birds of a feather."

(birds - Brit slang for girls)
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada

Sir Simon Sartorius, Kt.,
Said, "We Tories are dining tokt.;
And therefore, I think,
I'll wear not a pink,
But a beautiful blue aconite.
--- Harold C Bibby

The casual Viscount of Blenheim
Would often dress up in blue denim,
A habit which filled
His buttoned-down guild
Of snot-nosed relations with venom.
--- Armand E Singer 807

Like a half-cup bra's promise of tit,
A girl in a dress with a split,
Gives dreams of delight,
That's just out of sight,
Which get my dick throbbing a bit.
--- Tiddy Ogg

This is file wcm

A neckline that plunges between
The tits of a mammary queen,
Reveals a deep chasm
That makes Tiddy spasm,
Whilst dreaming of nips still unseen.
--- Randog

But slits in a skirt past mid-thigh
Exposing a leggy supply
Of flesh for the taking,
Ogg-ment Tiddy's aching,
For sport and dessert at the "Y".

Those bits that are still unrevealed
Demand that her clothing be peeled,
To show in its glory
The whole inventory
Of treasure that womenkind wield.
--- Randog

Well, throbbing a bit it may be
And hanging just short of your knee,
But the way that is best
Is to lift up her vest,
And slide into what you can see!
--- oOOo

But that just will not work for me,
If I can't get to where she makes pee.
I'll go back to mutton --
Her cute belly button
Is simply too shallow for me.
--- John Miller

Quite frankly, I crave her back door
Whose tightness I'm keen to explore.
Its depths are compelling,
Even though it is smelling
Of freshly laid "turd de l'amour."
--- Randog

Though if I approach from the back,
I've another fine mode of attack.
Instead of her belly,
I use K Y Jelly
Where buns form another fine crack.

A flamboyant young fellow named Fred
Bought a shirt striped in mauve, green, and red.
"Get it changed," said his mother.
So he purchased another --
The same shades, with zigzags instead.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada

My highschool made a request
That I speak as their graduation guest.
I said I would speak,
But first I must seek,
A size 44 bullet proof vest.
--- Puff Adder

A burka, tablecloth or bedsheet
At a price that you can never beat.
If you're short or you're tall
Just one size fits 'em all
Buy where your local KKK meet.
--- Tom Patton P0201

An entrepreneuring young Ghurka
Invented a winner in circa
Two thousand and one --
A combination
--- Arthur Deex P0201

Our burka, fine linen, bed sheet
As a holiday gift's a real treat.
If you urp, spill, or tinkle,
It will dry without wrinkle --
Machine wash...gentle spin...on low heat.
--- Arthur Deex P0201

Al Ben Abben, of BURKAS R US,
Sold a new triple-use omnibus.
Then sales through the roof went
When he thought, "And a tent!
Viola! Burka-Sheet-Tablecloth-Plus!"
--- William Nesbit P0201

Bustles gave an unnatural chassis
To the dames of the most elite classes.
The ladies aspired,
As fashion required,
To small waists and gargantuan asses.
--- A N Wilkins P8802

A fellow whose nick-name was Nipper,
Who once was employed as a stripper,
Could unbutton a fly
In the wink of an eye.
He was equally quick with a zipper.
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay

Oh, why must I watch what I wear?
If I could, I would rather go bare--
If I had my way,
We'd have casual day
In clothes made of nothing but air!
--- John Miller 0077c

An eager young girl named Elaine
Wore clothing of sheer cellophane.
When the men in surprise
Would avert their pained eyes,
She'd come down with a violent migraine.
--- Isaac Asimov

I shudder that I must report
In sleeves that are long and not short.
And a coat I've been meaning
To take for a cleaning;
Shirts and slacks I intended to sort.
--- John Miller 0077a

When a cowboy went East from Far West,
The folks goggled at how he was dressed,
'Cause he didn't wear suits
With his pointy-toed boots,
But blue jeans, Stetson, chaps and a vest.
--- Thomas A Ratliff Jr P0409

In the past I was stylish for years
Wearing designer clothes with my peers.
I look at old pictures
And guffaw, getting strictures,
Thinking, they got rich. We got their sneers.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P970

There was a young maid in Tahiti,
Whom the neighbors considered quite flighty.
For if Monday was fine,
She would hang on the line
An extremely diaphanous nighty.
--- Anon

In her bed, a girl from St. Thomas,
Once found a strange pair of pajamas.
Said the girl, "Well well well!
Whose they are I can't tell--
Something tells me these garments St. Mhomas."
--- Anon

"Tut Tut!" said the flapper of Delaware,
"Stop stewing about what the hell I wear.
Or I'll start in to clothe
So they won't have to suppose
To know what I next to my fella wear."
--- Glimmerick Book P0503

If you like your suits double-breasted,
Get one tailored like I have suggested.
Make sure that it fits,
Snugly over both teats,
To keep you from getting arrested.
--- Ogden Nield

There once was a maiden from Black
Who wore a colored droopy sack;
It never had darts,
Nor gores or spare parts,
Nor anything front or in back.
--- Lims Unlimited

I know this bloke called Pete,
Who wears size nine shoes on his feet.
As for his clothes,
The size nobody knows,
But his washing eclipses the street.
--- P Copeman

That's right folks, cars sure are like women;
Bits drop off - that's what they call slimmin'.
It's just an excuse,
So clothes they can choose,
And the width of your wallet they're trimmin'.
--- Anon

A girl from Ohio, called Sally,
Was anxious to go dilly-daily.
She dressed up in style,
And she flashed a big smile,
While exposing her "Silicon Valley".
--- Carl Ludvig Kjelsen P0111

A canny young bride of friend Pyte
Furred the hem of her nightie--that's right.
Her reason you've guessed,
And she plainly confessed,
'Twas to keep her neck warm through the night.
--- G2465

Novak's dress sense makes me ill,
And Tyson's is uglier still.
Get rid of the guys;
They're too hard on the eyes;
Bugger Bela and John, bring on Jill!
--- Gordon Conference

Stores show women's styles beyond my ken
All designed to give buyers a yen.
The unfortunate story
Re: their huge inventory,
They fit, at most, one gal in ten.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0508

The clothes a designer designed
Exposed her in front and behind.
"I've found," she declared,
When a goodman is bared,
That a hard man is easy to find."
--- Anon

A tailor at Momma's request
Made Son's suit quite large in the chest.
Then Momma cried, "Son!
Oh, what have I done?"
As the Son slowly sank in the vest!
--- The See Saw P8903