I never was much good at chess,
And my tennis game's really a mess.
From baseball to golf, all
My game skills are awful,
But I really do know how to dress.
--- Leonara Mellin-Nimes

There was an old pervert from Leeds
Who had a thing about beads.
He would sew them on clothes,
Some he'd stuff up his nose --
It seemed to suffice all his needs.
--- Spike Milligan

The seamstress from Rouge Boulevard
With customers she often sparred.
But she rarely got laid
By men in brocade.
Her preference was for a Jacquard.

(highly figured fabric woven on a Jacquard loom)
--- Emma

On the cub's big new job he was sent
To review a posh social event.
But he joined the jet set
In blue jeans, at the Met.
And so back to the mailroom he went.
--- William N Nesbit

There was a young eunuch from Munich,
Who wore a lascivious tunic.
It was woven with care
Out of fine pubic hair,
In patterns both rubric and runic.

(rubric - written in red)
--- Anon

A young actress with a career,
Who wore really outstanding gear
In all sorts of weather;
She wore clothes of leather,
And her figure looked swell from the rear.
--- Arthur Pattaffy

Beside all those old fashioned clothes,
They invented the wardrobe of ho's.
"High heels" and "french maid"
Got the servant wench laid,
When Queen Vic did still cover her toes.
--- Anon

There was a young schoolgirl called Poppy,
Who dressed in a fashion most sloppy.
Her mum said, "Poppy, dear,
Can I make myself clear?
Will you take Princess Di as a copy?"
--- Arthur Pattaffy

Marie could not choose quite what style
Of dress, so she asked hubby, Kyle.
"The way that you're going,
A thing long and flowing
Is best -- like the Congo or Nile.
--- Tiddy Ogg

There was a young dandy of Butte,
Who sported a bright purple suit.
When they said, "It's too loud,"
He answered them, "How'd
I look in a suit that is mute?"
--- Anon

A lass who was out on a bike,
In lycra once took a long hike. (stretchy material)
She knows that she shows;
What shows what she knows;
She shows what the lads all like!
--- Val Burns P0608

I've a favorite pair of pajamas
Made of fur shorn from Andean llamas,
With ermine lined cuff
And just big enough,
To hold me and two hot little mamas.
--- Anon

In these modern days of high fashion,
I read magazines with a passion.
When I see a new style,
I go out for a while,
To buy some of my new season's ration.
--- Arthur Pattaffy

Even socks are a major affair,
I can't seem to match up a pair.
My favorites are WHITE,
And Lord, what a sight;
What I have's in great need of repair.
--- John Miller 0077b

A funny old person from Hilton
When he read Robert Burns, put a kilt on;
He dressed in a cope
When reading from Pope,
And a nightshirt when reading from Milton.

(cope - cloak or vestment)
--- Langford Reed

My fashion sense is oft maligned;
My shirts oft expose my behind.
My clothes are awry.
I supose when I die.
They'll donate my clothes to the blind.
--- David Miller

A fellow named Melvin O'Shay
Wore a sundress to church. He was gay.
The people were shocked!
Poor Melvin was mocked:
It was cloudy and rainy that day.
--- Don Moore P0308

A middle-aged lady named Astor
Had a clothes sense that was a disaster.
She was told that a course
Could trace it to its source,
But the lectures just seemed to go past her.
--- Arthur Pattaffy

There was a young lady named Blair,
Whose glory was lovely blonde hair.
She was no gadabout,
In fact she never went out,
She complained she had nothing to wear.
--- Arthur Pattaffy

The store detective's tall tales
Of thieves that prowl at the sales,
Just shows he knows
Not only clothes
Are going 'off the rails!'
--- Val Burns P0607

When women wore froufrou and laces
And corsets to shape up the places,
And gloves and long tresses
And floor-sweeping dresses,
There was nothing to see but their faces.
--- Limber Limericks

There was an young lady of Rye
Who said to a gent passing by:
"I've looked in my bag
And I haven't a rag..."
So he gave her his Old School Tie.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

With scars on his wrinkly skin,
Wide gaps in his slobbery grin,
And three warts on his nose,
But with good taste in clothes,
He models apparel for men.
--- Cyber Geezer

"It's not really meant for a man, sir;
But sure I will give you a hand, sir.
"Oh yes!" giggled Mandy,
"You do look quite dandy,
In tutu of silk and organza."
--- Anon

"The styles that at present are regnant,"
She wrote, "seem to favor the pregnant.
I'm told they are swell
(And you know I can't spell)
But I think they are simply repegnant."
--- Anon

The dark, proper clothing she wore,
Was, on weekdays, really a bore.
She left church in haste
With no time to waste;
Her night job was that of a whore.
--- Frank Spectra

There was once an old lady of Stines
Who used to do costume designs;
Till the fashions today
Led her models to say,
That she really must pull down the blinds.
--- Explosion of Lims P0407

An old man from a distaance admired
A young lady so smartly attired.
From her toes to her nose,
She wore red and peach clothes,
And the pink he so hotly desired.
--- Dick Ford

There was a young lady from Wheeling
Who dressed in a manner revealing.
For she knew the great urgency
Of a sudden emergency,
And no time should be wasted in peeling.
--- Albin Chaplin

But then she is far from impressed,
And harsh words may well be expressed,
And threatening divorce.
And what is the cause?
She finds you in the same garment dressed.

A nervous young woman named Jane
Wore clothes so offensively plain;
When she walked at midday,
Even dogs ran away,
And cats hissed and cried out in pain.
--- Vassar Smith P9712

There was a young student called Farrell,
Who wore the most awful apparel.
When asked about those,
He said "You mean my clothes?
I found them when scraping the barrel."
--- Arthur Pattaffy

I once knew an itchy Apache
Whose insatiable interest in snache
Was due not to passion,
But Indian fashion --
His breechclout was terribly scrache.
--- Norm Storer

This is file wbm

A bosomy maid from Weed Heights,
After putting on flesh-colored tights
And a peekaboo blouse,
Rushed out of the house,
Igniting some neighborhood fights.
--- Alsops Foibles

Young girls' clothing today doesn't fail
To excite any red-blooded male.
So much skin on display
That a fellow might say,
"They're announcing 'Here's pussy for sale!'".
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0510Q

There was a young lady from Gloucester
Who dressed with intentions to foster
Such lustful desires
In the gentlemen squires,
They would fight for the right to accost her.
--- Peter Wilkins

There was a young cockster named Casey,
Who loved negligees thin and lacy,
With nothing beneath,
Not even a sheath --
The rest of this tale is too racy.
--- Armand E Singer 841

There was a young lass from near Middleton
Who had such a very short skirt on
That the curate said: "Dear,
You look very queer.
Have you really a skirt or a shirt on?"
--- Linda Marsh Coll

There was a young woman named Jessie,
Who said it was smart to be dressy.
So the bills that she owed
Were quite a la mode;
There's a man in possession of Jessie.
--- Illustrated Lims P9604

Two eager and dashing young beaus,
Were held up and robbed of their clothes.
While the weather is hot,
They don't mind it a lot,
But what will they do when it snows?
--- Bennet Cerf Coll P9210

Not meaning to sound the least rash,
But a fantasy comes in a flash.
The way some people dress,
Seems they plan to progress
To a weird early Halloween bash.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0508

Her clothes are quite chic, heaven knows,
From her shoes to her fancy chapeaus.
While she does make a splash,
She spends all her cash,
And you'd be be surprised what she owes.
--- Al Willis P9703

A leopard once shed a great tear,
And sighed, "My life is quite drear,
I'm covered with lots
Of these big ugly spots,
And stripes are the fashion this year!"
--- Miriam Troop P8704

A convicted prisoner named Sipes
Said, "This is one of my gripes.
If I'm put in here,
For my checkered career,
Why am I wearing stripes?"
--- Thomas Patton P9509

"Hey tailor, my suit has a fly in!
So therefore, I'm simply not buyin'!
I'm a girl, not a guy,
So I don't need a fly --
Of that there can be no denyin'!"
--- Observer

If you like your suits double-breasted,
There's a girl I know who's large-chested;
She's a tailor by trade,
But she'd rather get laid--
"To Hell with the suit!" I attested.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

All summer was casual dress;
A godsend for me, I confess.
It all goes awry
When I don a tie,
With clothes I forgot how to press.
--- John Miller 0077

A tapir who lived in Malay
Was reading the fall styles one day,
When he cried with delight,
"My figure's all right:
Tapir waists are the fashion, they say."
--- Oliver Herford

There was a young girl of Coxsaxie,
Whose skirt was more mini than maxi.
She was fucked at the show,
In the twenty-third row,
And once more going home in the taxi.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 G0045

The girls who infest the South Seas
Don't care whether anyone sees
The charms that belong
Beneath a sarong --
But just hide them in order to tease.
--- Norm Storer

In tramways and ski lifts and cars,
In lobbies and lounges and bars,
There are dresses through which
You can see every stitch
Of recent abdominal scars.
--- Limber Limericks

She pays quite a lot for her clothes,
From her hat to the shoes on her toes.
The clothes on her bod
Are chic and quite mod.
She attracts several cheap gigolos.
--- Al Willis P9703

So clothes make the man? You're astute
With a knowledgable mind, so acute!
So what is the plan
For a fuzzy man?
I know! Put him in a hirsute!
--- Rusty Smith

At a real high-class bash, you have sinned,
Minus tux you might as well break big wind.
Let them give me the boot,
I won't wear such a suit,
If it means that a penguin gets skinned!
--- Allen Wolverton

A gent from the Emerald Isle
Tried to dress in the latest of style.
Two tuxedo suits,
A fine pair of boots,
And perfumery! Smell it a mile.
--- Levi N Fouts P0509

There once was a girl from Vancouver
Who cleaned all her clothes with a Hoover.
Her friends were appalled.
"Unhygienic!" the bawled,
"And messy!" But nothing would move her.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada

A woman named Todpuddle-Twane
One day was caught out in the rain.
Her clothes shrank to skin tight,
And despite all her might,
She never got them off again.
--- Warrick Elrod

Though S. Becket was rarin' to go
To the Beau Arts Ball as you might know,
His costume effete,
Left his garb incomplete.
Beckett had to wait for his jabot.

(jabot - ruffle of lace on shirt front)
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9408

For ladies who aim for clothes chic,
Beware of the tailor so slick.
Since he's careless, it's said,
With his needle and thread,
You must keep a sharp eye for his prick.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1988

Growing older was not my intention.
Since I have, though, I feel I must mention:
Where once flat, I'm now round.
In that, the truth I've found
Is that clothes are a welcome invention.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0107

There was a young girl called Ya'el,
Who loved to buy clothes at a sale.
Never mind the amount,
If there was no discount;
A word she did not know was "retail."
--- Arthur Pattaffy

When I come to your party dressed scant-le,
And your Trohpy does finally decant-le,
I take it with pleasure
To display at my leisure,
Quite prominently up on my mantle.
--- Anon

A Scotsman from old Aberden
Wore clothes so old they were green.
He had good clothes galore
That he just never wore.
I suppose you can think the man mean.
--- Spike Mulligan

A bandleader in a new flashy suit,
Said its flashy style's simply called zoot.
In front of the band,
He said it was grand.,
He heard some dancers say it was cute.
--- Arthur Pattaffy

To earn a good life is complex
And many young lads it does vex.
But the way to gain fame
And establish your name,
Is design for the bathroom or sex.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2511

Her butch wardrobe was given a rave
Notice for being daringly brave.
She preferred boxer shorts
To briefs worn by cohorts;
Sporting them outside so they could wave.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0308

The new gown made by Christian Dior
Shocked the press, caused a public uproar.
The slit in the front
Goes down near the cunt;
It's called Business Suit For a Whore.
--- Thomas M Patton P9704