The cardigan: elderly coat
Made of wool from a sheep or a goat.
Dressing lamb up as mutton's
Not hard. Just sew buttons
On jumpers. (Designers, take note.)
--- Anon

A Civil War widow in Baggs
Wore nothing but tatters and rags;
When I said, "You poor dear!"
She drew very near
And whispered, "Confederate flags!"
--- Lims Unlimited

Haute Couturier Sylvian Pesk
Showed his Spring line entitled "Finesse."
But with all said and done,
All his offerings, save one,
Should have probably been named "Grotesque."
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0312

A couturier, keen as a he-male
Always said that he just wouldn't be stale
With the superjet kind
And he did never mind
A designer's design on the female.
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P9703

Celebrities are those
Who wear expensive clothes,
Or only one,
Or barely none,
To premieres of the shows.
--- Lims Unlimited

A young fashion designer named Blair,
Who the trade papers said had a flair,
A good sense of gravity
Would save one's depravity;
The dress cloth was one metre square.
--- Arthur Pattaffy

I was certain I'd been put upon
When last January, Elton John
Wore, for a photo op
Sequined black minus top,
Executed by the Bull's Rodman.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9703

A tailor, by name Terry Lean,
Said, "My suits have a beautiful sheen;
They wear very well,
In cut they excel,
And they either drip-dry or dry-clean."
--- Harold C Bibby

I'm thinking of giving up fashion.
Too much skin that I'm not fond of flashin'.
I'll no longer pay
For an extravagant way
For the faggot designers to cash in.
--- J Hudson

A lady who lives in Peoria
Is now in a state of euphoria,
Because she gave a chubby
To her 80 year old hubby,
In the outfit she bought from Victoria.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0112

The greatest achievement of Gucci--
The clothes for the dance, HOOCHIE COOCHIE,
Then down hill Gucci went.
His last years were spent
On apparel for folks eating sushi.
--- Irving Superior P9702

A rough gob from the brig Venezuela
Had harsh words with an old Hong Kong tailor,
Who had made him work clothes,
Being led to suppose
They'd be worn on a big Venice whaler.
--- J Maynard Kaplan

The designer's new range was in leather,
But somehow, it did not go together.
After his autumn show,
Critics said he should know
That he'd come to the end of his tether.
--- Arthur Pattaffy

Clothes designers changed us. See their pics
Or recall and review the old flicks.
Sweaters once filled our eyes;
In the 60s 'twas thighs.
Now they've turned us into crack addicts.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0506

The fashion kings raised a few frowns,
When they showed off the new season's gowns.
Mini skirts, plunging tops,
Were not right for the shops;
Certain kings will soon lose their crowns!
--- Arthur Pattaffy

A young fashion designer from Ealing
Designed clothes that were rather revealing.
His latest collection
Was withdrawn for correction,
As blood in critics' veins was congealing.
--- Arthur Pattaffy

Said the men's wear designer, Z. Zuave,
"At your workpolace this summer be suave.
Just toss back your hair
And stride in without care
In your rhinestoned thong jockstrap in mauve."
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9703

The new fashions in Paris were sleek,
Except one gown which looked like a freak.
The designer in question
Embraced the suggestion
That they call the new style "Tongue in Chic."
--- A N Wilkins P9206

A famed London tailor named Quested
Bragged, "We've never equalled nor bested;
Even men with three tits
Get guaranteed fits --
We just make the suits triple breasted."
--- Armand E Singer 732

Today Monsieur Yves St Laurent
Said he'll no longer be au courant.
Au Revoir to his patrons,
Mistresses, matrons --
Women with big bucks to flaunt.
--- Dr Limerick 01-07-02

How a woman's mind works? No man knows.
She comes in and practically glows
With joy, when you say:
"Wow! Dressed that way,
You're lovely; you've fine taste in clothes."
--- Tiddy Ogg

But then she is far from impressed,
And harsh words may well be expressed,
And threatening hell.
And what caused this spell?
Another gal in same garment dressed.
--- Tiddy Ogg

It seems that in too many houses,
The females are wearing the trousers.
While man was on top,
They begged him, "Don't stop!"
Now females are riding their spouses.
--- SFA

It isn't as you might have guessed,
The gender that leaves her distressed --
The colors don't match
The grey in your thatch,
And the cuffs are not properly pressed!
--- John Miller

I haven't a clue why they think
That everything must be in sync
And they have been treated
By chores we've completed,
Before we can plunge in their pink.
--- Randog

There was a young lady named Rose,
Who dressed up in the finest of clothes.
She was unreasonable;
Her clothes were unseasonable;
The poor girl turned blue and 'most froze!
--- Arthur Pattaffy

She went home and sat close to the fire;
Her situation exceedingly dire.
The ice melted in pools,
Rusting her finest jewels.
Her temp then grew steadily higher.
--- Arthur Pattaffy

The Oscars and Emmys disclose
What's the latest in designer clothes.
The best of the best
Will focus the breast
'Cause that's where the cameraman slows.

(It should be renamed Show Of Shows.)
--- Irving Superior P9703

When neither to either comes close,
With space for De Bergerac's nose.
Which keeps the M.C. on his toes,
With "Ahs" overwhelming the "Ohs."
It should be renamed Show of Shows.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Are buttons boring and humble?
Or there to make you men fumble?
Prolonging the leisure
Thus heightening the pleasure
For us women, when taking a tumble.
--- Joie de Vivre

A button can be so erotical,
On garments sheer and exotical.
Down the front of a dress
They can help a caress
Or for purposes simply more practical.
--- Joie de Vivre

Oh please do not think I'm a prude.
Though some people think it is rude
To put on display
Their flesh every day;
I'll keep some of mine firmly glued!
--- Joie de Vivre

Perhaps buttons hold men at bay?
Or maybe they give us more say
In deciding just who
We want to undo
Them. "Oh good -- is it your turn today?"
--- Joie de Vivre

This is file wam

Poor Erica Jong had no luck
Pursuing the rare zipless fuck.
Now I would suggest
We get you undressed
With one mighty dress-rending shuck!
--- H Welchel

You'd oft hear old Parkinson grumble:
"You kids get too easy a fumble.
In my youthful days,
We had corsets and stays,
To cope with ere we had a tumble."
--- Tiddy Ogg

Which brings me to young Mary Vickers
Who bragged that she never wore knickers.
On thinking this crass,
Old Tom kicked her ass,
And wedged his size-ten Winkle-pickers.
--- Anon

My son started a new job this week
And could no longer dress university geek.
He looked quite sartorial;
His shirt and tie memorial,
And his new shoes had quite a loud squeak.
--- Eddy

Another sell-out to the mainstream;
A quest for the middleclass dream;
Suburban house,
2.5 kids and spouse,
But the TIE? Me-oh-my! Did he scream?
--- Karen

As for his bonny new threads,
(As a pun, it's among thoroughbreds!)
We'll develop a few
For your son and for you...
Just keep him from wearing kids' Keds!
--- Tutta Gioia

Launched is your son on his life;
Soon, if not now, with a wife
Who'll take care of him,
Keep him in trim,
And love him while both cope with strife.
--- Tutta Gioia

I watched the Discovery Channel
And learned the Egyptians said: "Flannel
That's made from pure flax
Will cover the cracks
Of ladies, but not like a tan'll.
--- Travis Brasell

If cracks are all covered with cloth,
Then ladies should watch out for the moth;
For moths are well known
To home on the zone
Where sexual actions cause froth.
--- Richard Jean

A "little bit much!" I should say!
Such formal-wear should go away,
'Cept the shoes and the pearls
Which flatter young girls,
With attire that is proper for play.
--- John Miller

They were shot as you went out the door?
Just what were you wearing before?
Did you dress for the street?
(Gosh! You look sweet,
I wish they had taken some more!)
--- John Miller

Now girls, in the old-fashioned days,
Wore petticoats, bloomers, and stays.
It must be tough, he stated,
They were penetrated;
We're here, so they must have had ways.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Their bodies, now girls don't restrain,
'Cause guys would too often refrain
From tackling the hurdles
Of corsets and girdles,
With fastenings monstrous arcane.
--- Tiddy Ogg

The lacing! The whalebone stay!
No petticoats in disarray.
No zippers, no snaps,
Those clothes were all traps
To keep men from getting away.
--- Marlene Lewis

The laces and whalebone stays
Or Wonderbras of nowadays --
They're all quite entisic
To our buddy Isaac
Who Asimov with trifling delays.
--- Dr Limerick

In olden days, they found a glimpse
Of stocking caused he-men and wimps,
To get quite inflamed,
And they couldn't be blamed
For acting like sex-hungry chimps.
--- Tiddy Ogg

But nowadays, little is hidden;
No lure of the strictly forbidden.
But am I depressed
By young ladies undressed?
I am! (But really, I'm kiddin'.)
--- Tiddy Ogg

What's wrong with this clothing of mine?
The trousers, bought in '69
Cause giggles and stares
Because of their flares.
Old bottles will do for old wine.
--- Tiddy Ogg

I think your old clothes are quite nice --
They're clean and you do not have lice.
Seams ready to rip;
I'll get a good grip,
And I'll have them off in a trice!
--- Marlene Lewis

But then, I would have to buy more,
'Cause surely, by then they'll have tore.
You've motives ulterior,
Not to view my posterior,
But you part-own the local clothes store.
--- Tiddy Ogg

While walking 'cross campus one morn,
A whistle came at me -- no warn-
Ing. I whipped 'round to see
Who was whistling at me;
Now my train of thought's tracks are all torn.
--- Anon

That's no way to address someone you
Don't know from Adam. Get a clue!
Some big clown in a suit --
Though he seemed kinda cute,
(Didn't know he was someone I knew).
--- Anon

Came closer to look. Dear God! Joe!
In a suit and tie? How's this so?
Is this some sort of trap?
Where's your bicycle cap?
Better still, where's my hug?...You must know
--- Anon

Clothes can cause a great deal of deception
And while they shouldn't change your reception
Of a friend who is dear,
I still admit here:
They screw around with your perception.
--- Anon

There once was an Indian maid,
A tanner of leather by trade.
She said she was tough,
But I buffed on her muff,
And stroked her until she was suede.
--- Jeanie Taylor

An Indian maiden was jaded
From all the old cowpokes and faded
Drunk caballeros
Who gave her their arrows...
I'm glad that you got her per-sueded.
--- Jeanie Taylor

The Indian maidens I've tried,
With kinky sex they will abide.
When I gave them spanks
They are full of thanks;
They love it when I tan their hide.
--- Travis Brasell

Today we're enjoying fine weather,
There's no need to wear my black leather.
It's sunny and warm,
In sight there's no storm,
So I'll just wear this purple feather.
--- Anon

My boas, they come from fine stock,
My own personal feather flock.
This feathery fan,
Will please any man,
Especially my favorite P-cock.
--- Anon

Of bathing suits, a thong must be king;
Its made from some cloth and some string.
Designed to be tiny
And show off one's hiney,
But what an uncomfortable thing!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

I don't like things wedged 'twixt my cheeks;
Mine's been there for two or three weeks.
I can't pry it loose
A perpetual 'goose,'
Though it seems to have stopped all the leaks!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Now that thong beachwear has hit a peak,
If I may make so bold, so to speak;
Some go out of their way,
As the British might say,
To display more than a bit of cheek.
--- Loren Fitzhugh

Skinny-dipping went one-eyed McGover,
In the ocean with Lola, his lover.
They got caught on the beach
With their clothes out of reach,
So she borrowed his eye patch for cover.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0407