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There once was a man named John Howard.
Above him all other men towered.
So to give him some size
In electoral eyes,
He bullied those most disempowered.
--- Joanne Lentern

John Howard has run out of time.
Let's face it, he's well past his prime.
And Peter Costello's
An unpleasant fellow;
Vote Liberal? It should be a crime!
--- Donella Peters

While Aussies are noted for dryness,
I'm sick of sour John and his slyness.
And our head of state
(A pom, you know, mate)
A stuck up old bitch call "Her Highness."
--- Archie

John Howard of Bennelong Shire,
Contesting it down to the wire,
Said, "Since irony works
On these ignorant jerks,
I tell them that Latham's a liar!"
--- Jeff Crez

A lying diminutive rat
Repeats that the truth is old hat.
Well he might think maybe
But then again, baby,
It's time that the dummy was spat.
--- Anon

Mark Latham's policy on tax
Is empty, void, and it lacks
Any substance or meaning
Or political gleaning
So the voters say, "Give us the facts!"
--- Mark

An election is looming Down Under,
Stealing the Bush-Kerry thunder.
In Oz it's a must;
Turnout here is bust.
The result: public treasuries plundered.
--- Rich

Where Freedom is a word we say
Whilst teasing the poms, les's, and gay.
One thing for sure,
We'd rather a pure
Conservative to lead the way.
--- Newsworthy

It's Australian federal polling day,
They finally will have their say,
Whether they believe
That Latham can lead.
You still have few rights, if your gay.
--- Anon

Peter Costello has one great need:
To move into the Lodge at great speed.
To do this he'll need ticker
But here is the kicker;
He has the heart of a caraway seed.
--- Anon

Our PM was called Howard;
He was a lying coward.
He'd pick on the weak,
Pretend to be meek.
For him the voters have soured.
--- Anon

To what does this voter aspire?
A nation that's not a pariah.
A people unfrightened,
By ideas enlightened,
And a PM who isn't a liar.
--- Susan Bee

Bob Brown hates the logging of trees
And would plead to us on bended knees.
"I ain't no red Commie
Or a sour-faced Pommy,
But lay off our old-growth forests, please!"
--- Sydney Morning Herald

"We'll cut down the rate of abortion,"
Says Howard, with blatant distortion.
Shame that this goon
Was not ripped from the womb
'Stead of born a horrific contortion.
--- Jarmo

What a sad spectacle is before us;
A Liberal Laboral chorus.
Singing discordant notes
To secure our votes,
'Til one wins, and then both ignore us.
--- Anon

Our democracy's a big sham;
The winner is simply a ham,
For you know what I mean.
Whatever they seem,
Who wins? Another Polititian!
--- Archie

A rodent who lied, called John;
In Australia, the king of the con.
Off to war we were led,
37,000 Iraqi's are dead,
So on October the 9th he'll be gone.
--- John Montgomery

Education has gone all to hell,
And the health system's not at all well.
Ask not, John Howard,
You sniveling coward,
Who will be tolling your bell.
--- Margo Steley

There once was a PM named John;
He'd been in power way too long.
We'll give him the sack;
He sent troops to Iraq,
When asked by George Bush, the moron.
--- Anon

So the time has come to choose
The party we most want to lose.
The majors both say,
"Trust us!" on the day,
But I don't, so will vote for virtues.
--- Michael Gissing

The Howardian ero is over
And Latham's the dog of the drover.
In action and deeds
These men are both weeds.
Lets mulch them with some nice Green clover.
--- Michael Gissing

I once had a liberal neighbor
Who thought that JH was his savior. (John Howard)
But wars and deceptions
Have changed his perceptions.
Now he's Green, with a preference for Labor.
--- Bradfield Mutterer

So...Slobby rejected our deal;
It's time the serbs finally feel
The secret bomb's effect.
Lewinsky's blow is perfect
'Cause it makes every Yugoslav reel.
--- Anon

It's that old thing, Catch 22,
No choice but to see the thing through.
We've helped his campaignin'
To dump the Albanians;
We've just got to hope for a coup.
--- Anon

Since NATO a war can't afford,
Milosevic/Clinton a sword.
In some neutral place
Let them face to face.
And bow to the one that's not gored.

(If Clinton would not, maybe Gore'd).
--- Irving Superior

If our soldiers' defences unravel
While diplomats contentedly cavil,
Then pull the troops out
And let Navy guns shout,
Till you can't tell Sarajevo from gravel.

(cavil - chickenshit quibbling)
--- Bruce Thompson

The gypsies need someplace to go.
This looks like a job for NATO.
Some folks will object,
But oh, what the heck,
Let's just let them have Kosavo.
--- DC Dave

There was an old man from Belgrade,
Who thought that he had it quite made.
When his skull felt a bomb,
His friends sang a psalm,
'Cause the old SOB is quite dade.
--- Anon

Yes, and an old lady too
And some kiddies before they were through.
Our "intelligence" staff
In just one more gaffe,
And the Home pegged as Milsovec HQ.
--- Anon

Before the bombs started arriving,
The Kosovars were still surviving.
But the UN has gone,
Giving Slobo clear run;
I'm sure he's a safe hole to dive in.
--- Anon

Both ladies and men teach kids hate;
Just look at the poor Balkans fate.
Large family sizes,
But few surprises,
Killing seems their burden great.
--- Chris Papa

It's the Serbs, Bill will now reprimand.
He will show them the strength of his hand.
Over seventy times,
Citing Serbian crimes,
He again draws a line in the sand.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

There was a big jerk from Belgrade,
Who heard begin another air raid.
He thought it would pass,
But his head's in his ass,
So to Hell he was not delayed.
--- Anon

This is file vyl

The latest on Milosevic
He lives in a cell inside which
His cell mate named James,
Who's no good with names;
Calls him Slobberdown Mydickyoubitch
--- Anon

And when it comes down to the clutch,
Old Milosevic hasn't got much.
Resistance is futile,
Our response will be brutal
With big B2 bombers and such.
--- Anon

Now, the Serbs, a dysfunctional nation,
Deem Albanians dross of creation.
After centuries of crap
Might they unite and zap
Macedonians, out of frustration?
--- Anon

Albanians want warfare to cease
And the Serbs to just leave them in peace.
Then with all their might,
They can start fight
Macedonia onward to Greece.
--- Anon

"Who goes there?" said St Pete, "Stop that din!
Needn't knock if your cleansed of all sin.
Slob Milosevic? Hey!
Go to hell right away!"
"Sir, I did, but they won't let me in!"
--- Prof M-G

A lady named Magda Lupescu
Once came to Rumania's rescue.
She said, "It's the thing
To be under a king:
Who wants a republic, I ask you?"
--- William K Alsop Jr

Colin Powell went to the UN --
Made the case against Saddam, and then
He showed the smoking gun.
And when he was done,
Some didn't see -- where could they have been?
--- Al Bienstock

The evidence was plain as can be,
Althought the French couldn't agree
That what was in plain sight
Showed the US is right.
Some are blind 'cause they choose not to see.
--- Al Bienstock

France was joined by the Commie Chinese
Urging restraint -- we should just appease.
That's, of course, no surprise,
So let's not close our eyes
To their blindness -- I now ask you, Please!
--- Al Bienstock

The world's people should not have to plea
To Iraq's madman on bended knee,
Hoping Saddam Hussein
Will chose to self-restrain.
Some are blind 'cause they choose not to see.
--- Al Bienstock

You would have to be blind not to see
The UN is a joke, inherently.
The next committee chair
On terrorism, I swear --
Libya's dictator, Qadaffi.
--- Al Bienstock

The disarmament committee, too,
Would be a joke if it weren't true
That to lead the rat pack
Will be Saddam's Iraq.
The animals are running the zoo!
--- Al Bienstock

We are stuck with that nonsense unless
We acknowledge that it is a mess
And we leave the UN
As our step one, and then
Get the UN out of the US.
--- Al Bienstock

Now Germany, Belgium, and France
Want us to give Saddam one more chance.
But militarily
Each is a wannabe,
And that accounts for their anti-war stance.
--- Al Bienstock

None of the three are quite able
To bring anything to the war table.
Any prowess they've had
Is now gone, and it's sad;
Their leadership roles are a fable.
--- Al Bienstock

It is true, in a long ago time,
Each one, in its own way, was sublime.
They cite their history
But as all plainly see,
As powers they are all past their prime.
--- Al Bienstock

Victorious Serbs remain jolly;
In foreign affairs, Bill is folly.
For a fall guy he aims
It's the U.N. he blames;
He'll pin it on Butros, by golly.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

In all of NATO, there are three --
France, Belgium and Germany --
Who would not be all for
Helping Turkey in war --
Of nineteen, they're a minority.
--- Al Bienstock

There once was a man of great kudos
Whos dissed the U.S. while U.N. boss.
All but one voice hollered, "Neato!"
But U.S. answered "Veto!"
And the dollar beats a holler... vale, Boutros!
--- Mesterton-Gibbons MG9612

Says Dubya, John Bolton's my man
To berate the U.N. with my plan.
To dictate everything
As the Earth's supreme king,
'Cause he bullies whenever he can!
--- Aug 2005

I'm sick of the Germans and French
As they carp at us from the backbench.
Yet to us they've appealed
Each time they need a shield --
From old Europe there comes a great stench.
--- Al Bienstock

The Germans are opposed to a war.
They've lost the ones they've started before.
But their campaigns went bust
'Cause their cause wasn't just --
It matters greatly just what you fight for.
--- Al Bienstock

Adolph Hitler just ranted and raved
And to him the French government caved.
Their armed force was a mess
Yet they're loath to confess,
Without our help, they'd not have been saved.
--- Al Bienstock

The Chicoms, internationally,
Side with evil -- invariably.
US versus Iraq;
No doubt they will back
Not the country whose people are free.
--- Al Bienstock

So to Germany, China, and France --
You can babble, and lecture, and prance.
But of you we are bored.
You're just three mice that snored --
For redemption you gave up this chance.
--- Al Bienstock

While the French do their pacifist dance,
On their efforts we should look askance.
French backbones were bared
When their leaders were scared
And let Germany occupy France.
--- Al Bienstock

The diplomats at the UN
Are deeply preoccupied men.
Each one sits on his ass
Hoping dangers will pass,
Then they'll sit and do nothing again.
--- Warrick Elrod

The several speakers from France,
Discreetly attired in black pants,
Make loud protestations
And mild denegrations
About international detentes.

(UN meetings)
--- Harold E Hoelscher P8907

Some speakers are very emphatic
With gesticulations dramatic,
But oh for the verve
And the zing and the nerve
Of the Translatoress, she's ecstatic.

(UN meetings)
--- Harold E Hoelscher P8907

Deliciously diabolique
This orational rack is unique.
We sit on our dums
And twiddle our thumbs,
While the speaker continues to speak.

(UN meetings)
--- Harold E Hoelscher P8907

We sit here concerned for the right,
For matters of joy and of light,
But it's under the rug
For anything ug
Ly or whatever is not a delight.
--- Harold E Hoelscher P8907

The news that his anger was molten,
And he bullied his staff was so joltin',
That the Dems can give thanks
In Republican ranks,
Some members are leanin' toweards boltin'.

(Boulton - nominee for UN ambassador)
--- Limerick Savant

Here is news from the court that will travel:
Justice X has begun to unravel!
When he works on a probe
In the depths of his robe,
What he's pounding there isn't his gavel!

(Pentatette prize winner)
--- Jim O'Conner P9110a


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