Since Phogbound must go on the floor,
And hasn't quite brought off his whore,
He endeavors by proxy
To finish his doxy;
The Sergeant-at-Arms gets the chore.
--- G0736

Said Phogbound, "I'm poor at retarding.
When attempted, it just leads to farting.
No slow pokes for me,
Let the jizz flow like pee!
I'm no Warren Gamaliel Harding!"
--- G0737

After admitting his youthful indiscretion,
Said Hyde with a souring expression,
"Its hard to see Bill
Has got such a thrill,
And none for me in this session."
--- Anon

And now, as the press starts to heckle,
The Congress and look for a speckle
Or flaw in each one,
This business should teach one
Inside Henry Hyde may hide Jekyll.
--- Anon A

I heard whispers from the mummified aardvark
'Bout next year's Senate race in New York;
Bill heard 'em and tripped,
Boffed the beast in that crypt;
"Beats kissin' babies; that's hard work!"
--- Anon

In New York, freshman Senator Hillary
Is not a big fan of artillery.
"Our foes we should fight
With diplomacy." (right!)
And the Army is just an ancillary.
--- Chris Strolin

Ambitious is Senator Hillary,
Discharging election artillery;
A would-be Evita
(I call it excreta);
Oh where is the old public pillory?
--- Armand Singer

Now Hillary, she's in a jam;
Young folks say she's full of bad spam.
Carpetbagging sucks.
Even with big bucks,
They won't vote for her. She'll be ham.
--- Anon

When paying the note, please remember
How cold is a New York November.
If Hillary don't pan, (out)
Will Alan Greenspan
Cut the interest for you come December?
--- Anon

The Clintons -- Bill and Hillary both --
Thought they needed some new income growth.
So they abused power
And asked for a "shower"
Before she said her Senate oath.
--- Anon

Jack Ryan is just out of luck;
His chances in politics suck.
He committed no crime.
He just wanted one time
For folks to watch Jack and wife fuck.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0408

Jeffords said, "It just cannot be true!
A conservative? I had no clue!
Now my feelings are hurt
And I plan to desert!
That'll show that old George W!"
--- William N Nesbit P0107

Jesse Helms' chauffeur drove him quite far,
'Round by Hildy's Celestial Bar.
When the nuns in the place
Glimpsed the Senator's face,
They threw angel dung at his car.
--- Anon

Has the grand Ship of State been beached?
Is White Willy pure or just bleached?
If I were elected
And these poems detected,
Would Jesse Helms want me impeached?
--- MrMalo

On principle, Jesse's inclined
To let U.N. dues fall behind.
But along comes Ted Turner
To pay off the furriners --
Helm's principles get no nevermind.
--- Election 2000

Jesse Helms is a nasty old prune.
His face surely isn't rough-hewn.
In fact, the fascist fucker's
Face tend to pucker
Like he's been sippin' cold piss off a spoon.
--- Jim Weaver Collection A

Jesse Helms was consumed with lust;
He said, "I shouldn't beat off, but I must!"
Though shriveled and teeny,
He wanged his old weenie;
When he came, his pecker shot dust!
--- Jim Weaver Collection a

"Repent of your predispositions;
We'll have some more inquisitions.
All can be saved.
Find the depraved;
Make them all act like good christians."

(Jesse Helms 2000 blessing the convention)
--- Karen

When Jim Jeffords rebelled over taxes,
The world shuddered, but maintained its axis.
Then Jim walked 'cross the aisle
While Bill, true to his style,
Had a few amatory climaxes.
--- William N Nesbit P0107

When the party is over," Bill said,
"I'll be taking this bimbo to bed."
Jim said, "After a while (Jim Jeffords switched parties)
I'll be crossing the aisle --
But first, may I go with you?" he said.
--- William N Nesbit P0107

When Jeffords left, he crossed the aisle.
Just look at those Democrats smile.
When Bill leaves the party,
He proves he's the smarty;
It's upstairs with a girl for a while.
--- Tom Patton P0107

The Senate, that debating forum,
Won't rely on phony decorum.
Mitch McConnell is tough
And if that's not enough,
The third man in line is Santorum.
--- Al Bienstock

The Senate's respected McCain
Gives Dubya intestinal pain.
When Republicans fight,
A split on the right.
Says Pelosi, "Who am I to complain?"
--- Arnie Schoenbrun

A senator is oft called a whore,
An exceedingly apt METAPHOR.
He'd sell his soul
For a better poll,
Then defend his virtue on the Floor.
--- Norm Brust

Our Senate, whose wit (as suspected)
Was arrested, will keep us protected.
What kids see on the Net
Not the motive, we fret,
But obsession to be re-elected.
--- Cyber Geezer

On this subject I can't get alarmed;
It's a battle of wits, no one's harmed.
Yet I cannot endorse
This battle of course,
Since the Senate is clearly unarmed.
--- Anon

It's not hard to perceive the intent
Of the liberal white-haired old gent.
But it did seem quite odd
To see Senator Dodd,
Walking 'round in the GOP tent.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

A chap from Ohio called Glenn --
Who spent hours in earth orbit, back when;
Then for years was Earthbound --
In his fourth Senate round
Is elected to orbit again!
--- Paul Hoffman

Claims Republican Senator Lott:
I'm no racist; that's Democrat rot!
Had you voted for Strom,
Like the folks where I'm from,
We'd be problemless, now would we not?
--- Anon

I give you our Senator Lott;
A lover of nigras he's not.
But you can't let your mouth
Be the voice of the South;
Just look at the mess it begot.
--- Armand Singer

The issue of race segregation
Is more than just party affiliation.
But more likely than not,
Our ex-Senator Lott
Would vote party line for damnation.
--- Phil T

The bum-patting Senator Pack,
Never used a frontal attack.
He came from the rear
With too little fear.
His cause had effect: It's the sack.

(Senator Packwood ousted from the Senate 1995)
--- Pope

Have you heard about Senator Smed
Whose political chances are dead?
He arrived two hour late
For his fundraising date
With a garterbelt tied 'round his head.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8411

This is file vtl

Said Senator David I. Walsh,
"Those charges against me are falsh.
Though I did go to Brooklyn
For sooklyn and fooklyn,
Not a gob laid his hands on my balsh."
--- L0522

Senator Lott and Senator Daschle
With amazingly minimal hassle,
Agreed on the rules
For allowing the mules
And pachyderms to get down and wrassle.
--- Dr Limerick

A Senator, learned, from Texas,
Said that reading and writing perplexes.
But a new senate ruling
Made demands on some schooling --
Now he signs his full name with two X's.
--- Al Chaplin P8812

Strom Thurmond, that Southern gay blade
Was often guilty of FANFARONADE.
He dipped his wick
In many a chick,
Including the upstairs maid.

(Strom fathered a mulatto by his upstair maid)
--- Norm Brust

Strom Thurmond, a friend of the Klan,
Who Lott called a great American,
Was a dirty rat
When a Dixiecrat.
And still when he turned Dixiecan.
--- Phil T

Segregationist Senator Strom
Wouldn't say where the maid's child came from...
But it lately appears
After eighty odd years,
That by him was the maid made a mom!
--- Anon

As he ranted with gutteral rasp,
Daschle seemed to be losing his grasp.
Fine Tom's fading power
Grows less with each hour.
Soon he'll be just a small, fang-less asp.
--- Betty Ann Cansano

On land, Daschle's a snake in the grass.
In a school of sharks, he heads the class.
He's as daft as a loon
When he brays at the moon,
As majority leader jackass.
--- Anon

By far not the first politico
Who turned out to be his own worst foe,
'Twas no slip of the lip
That sank Trent Lott's ship,
And cause our "House of Lords" bid him go.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0301

Walter Mondale, our hero, alas -
Just doesn't show us much class.
The problem's been major
Since as a teen-ager,
He had a charisma by-pass.
--- Arthur Deex P8411

The GOP plans to rely
On Cheney, to break a few ties;
Meanwhile Daschle
Can't do much but hassle
And on Strom Thurmond's health, keep an eye.
--- Dr Limerick

When does a senator lie?
It's seen by the casual eye.
He fabricates pips
When he moves his lips.
(A fact he will loudly deny.)
--- Jim Jambor P9101

I am against those polits who lie,
Tossing poo like pie in the sky,
But I'm for free beers
That are served in brassiers
With a shake and an order of thighs!
--- Brian Belge

The gun lobbies have lots of gall;
So do those who want no guns at all.
So here is the puzzle:
Should we muzzle the muzzle,
Or those who would muzzle us all?
--- John Miller 0360

It's become such a commonplace fate
To be killed by a raging schoolmate.
Is there no solution
For this peer execution?
Who is teaching them to calibrate?
--- S C Saint

I didn't intend to bring everyone down,
By noting this scholastic battleground.
But my rage and my pity
For another lost kiddie
Is causing my mind to lock down.
--- S C Saint

So now they would teach about guns
(As soon as they're given more funds).
You know what they'll do,
They'll screw that up too.
We'll lose all our rights when its done.
--- Paul Franklin

Another child has died by the gun,
Before his life had even begun.
Killed by another
For some reason or other.
Lord, what's happening to everyone?
--- S C Saint

We will keep all our rifles and guns;
Through the deaths of our daughters and sons.
We have a right to bear arms;
No matter who it harms,
To defend ourselves against the Huns.
--- Darren

We'll keep all our guns and our rifles;
We will not be bothered with trifles.
We must feel like men;
It is our Zen; ,

--- Darren

We'll search all the kids, if we must.
We'll rob them of their innocent trust;
To protect our right;
Our right to fight;
Our right to pursue our unholy lust.
--- Darren

We'll take away the rights of others;
No matter the rights that it smothers.
We will play
And we will slay;
That is if I do have my druthers.
--- Darren

Metal detectors at every door;
Take their freedoms, and then take some more.
Children must walk in fear;
Death maybe lurks near;
We will dehumanize them to the core!
--- Darren

Just how many times must I tell you?
Will Jonesboro, Springfield compel you
To see it's a hoax;
That guns don't kill folks?
Don't buy what the NRA sells you!
--- Prof M-G

A.R.A., N.R.A., rag.
Either makes me want to gag.
When we put some guns
In the hands of our sons,
Some return in a body bag.
--- Arden

Photo ops and sound bites galore,
TV news has much scandal and gore.
And if it is bleeding,
Why, then it is leading.
Drama is what we adore.
--- Lynn Mostafa

A picture's worth more than a word.
People are a ravenous herd.
If they try to explain,
We switch channels again.
Not the media, but the public's absurd.
--- Lynn Mostafa

Politicians aren't slow to declare
Have one type of company share.
But unless in distress
With the press, they don't 'fess
Up when company share means affair!
--- Prof M-G TP9901

Most viewers in Britain still choose
The impartial recounting of views
By the government station
Maintained by the nation;
Yes, this is the BBC News.
--- Rory Ewins

I just want to hear you blather;
It puts me right into a lather.
Meaning detracts
From the issues and facts
On hand or on something we'd rather.
--- Anon

A cartoonist I find interestin'
Was arrested for merely suggestin'
That all politicians
Be drawn in positions
Other than those they look best in.
--- Barrie Collins P9603

Thought Elian, "While I was boating,
The danger of sharks, I was noting.
But none did I see
'Til I reached Miami.
Now wherever I look, they are gloating.

(Elian Gonzales sought asylum)
--- Prof M-G

A loyal young patriot, Bess,
Said, "Although it occasions distress,
I try to be pleased
Whenever I'm squeezed.
After all, that the freedom of press."
--- Isaac Asimov

Politicians have sure got it made;
In addition to being well paid,
From what we've seen
On the TV screen,
They have no trouble getting laid.
--- MrMalo