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There once was a man they call Hannity America is all shining stars; On Sunday we saw we still need her; A fellow of infinite jest, Politicians are not all corrupt The campaign is now all past history. "I can't see that there's really much hope Please let's not talk of new news. The newspaper's embarrassment climbs The theory in the New York Times, The Times writer also suggests That is, the intent was benign This kind of preposterous plan A millionaire, filled with elation I may not be very insightful, Some people with shady professions There once was a talker named Terry I suspect that it's not low inflation, The reason we're asked to endure, Moans Karl Marx, "As every day passes Should they start now to keep us apprised, When asked "Is the FIFTH Estate a myth?" For election one needs, I would guess, As we near this election year's brink, TV's more a wasteland than ever; TV swamps us in a seething sea In kingdoms the king rules a monarchy; To quote a politician VERBATIM, The CBS newsman Cronkite Escape is infrequent these days; That idiot, William Safire, (NR - National Review - conservative magazine)
When it comes to Saddam, can you trust 'im? The news shows Islamic gals keening. The US lives on imported oil, At a diplomat's ball in Rabat, Leaders of great bellicosity King George's much-heralded plan A Jericho title's no cinch! (title to land in the city of Jericho)
We have "Allies" in the Middle East, Cathy licked Paddy's shillelagh; We'll invade at the drop of a hat; We meddle in the Middle East The paper read "Iran beats Satan" Said Bill to the Shah of Iran, A young diplomat from Kabul, I find all this rhetoric lame, An Arab in France from Algeria When the Jews are all long in their graves Yasser Arafat's not a barbarian. Arafat pays kids money to go Israelis have promised to scat When Yasser Arafat gets to Hell, In his office surrounded by tanks, Is it time to get rid of Arafat? Mr Clinton said, "Give peace a nod There was a young woman named Janey, Some people are not very brainy; An especially sly Ayatollah Ayatollah Khomeni is dead Said a patient Iraqi, Hussein: For Arafat, time is too late; They tell us that we're the Great Satan. As long as we're playing this dance, (Dubai Port flap spring '06, USA)
Or that country of Caesars and Neros There's a whole big Arabian zoo Saving money wherever we can
Whose opinions lacked any sanity.
When he talks to his sheeple,
The dimest of people,
They just nod their heads an' agree.
--- Anon
What's said has been said from afar.
May the dork who spoke thus
Have his prick fill with pus
And his balls should wind up in a jar.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
The profession's in need of a leader.
'Though the New York Times
Dug up recount crimes,
It's too timid to be a Bush-beater.
--- Dr Limerick
Bob reported events that were dressed
In his comical views.
And, speaking of news,
He was able to keep quite abreast.
--- Don Moore P0310
But a few can't survive a close-up.
The adventures risque
Have been hidden away
But like corks, they just keep popping up.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
How it went on so long is a mystery.
'Bout issues and such
We heard very much
And the truth has come out all "a-twistery."
--- C R Openshaw P8501
For a country," declared Mr. Swope,
"Where folks hold the belief
They should market their chief
The same way they peddle their soap."
--- A N Wilkins P8411
Or even the zoo's new gnus.
Much less, should we say,
Of Gulf Wars today,
For both have involved Sununus.
--- Daniel Ford
As its image fades like soft chimes
Of a funeral dirge.
Those caught up in the purge,
Are the ghosts haunting the New York Times.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0307
Is that G-men know who did the crimes,
But they're kind of clannish;
They'll let evidence vanish,
Lest the Bureau be touched by the slime.
--- Dr Limerick
The anthrax was sent on a quest,
To remind the nation
That inoculation
Is the anthrax cure that works best.
--- Dr Limerick
Mailing poisons to Senators, fine.
The people who died
Did so to provide
The rest of us with warning sign.
--- Dr Limerick
Might be thought up by one crazy man;
But our CIA,
Equally may
Have been there when this began.
--- Dr Limerick
At his newspaper's wide circulation,
Said, "With murders, divorces,
And hints about horses,
I am molding the mind of the Nation.
--- Thomas Thorneley
But I do find it less than delightful
That way 'cross the sea,
They can read more than me,
About goings-on here that are frightful.
--- Anon
Indulge in risque indiscretions,
Then dare to reveal
(With counterfeit zeal)
Their sinning and phony confessions.
--- R J Winkler P8503
Who approached the Right Wing rather wary.
Daily doses of Rush...
He said in a hush:
"Conservatives are really quite scary!"
--- Steve Gill
But gossip that runs this great nation.
What a hunger have we
For the next scandal or three;
Gives us something for our mastication.
--- KJR
A gutter press, smutty, impure,
Is that old river fleet,
Whose name's on the street,
Is an ordurous, underground sewer.
--- Bill Greenwell
My teachings about social classes
No longer apply,
And do you know why?
Sports, the new opiate of the masses."
--- Loren C Fitzhugh
We all should be greatly surprised.
Straight news undiluted,
By cant unpolluted,
Is precisely what they've stigmatized.
--- Dave Martin
Most folks will first pause then answer with,
"A myth, the FIFTH Estate?"
A further hesitate
And then reply, "I'm claiming the Fifth."
--- Irving Superior
An intimate friend with no less
Than a readily-bared chest,
Who can hump with a zest,
And is willing to talk to the press.
--- Dick Buenger P8806
There's a chance I'll be driven to drink,
Unless biased debaters
And TV commentators,
Or just someone tells me what to think.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9607
Most comics are raunchy, not clever.
The "music", too loud,
Should not be allowed;
Still worse are the movies, however.
--- Anon
Of trash, spewed forth so rentlessly,
Loud, crudely intensive,
Bizarrely offensive.
"Realistic unreality."
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0308
In republics rich men have plutocracy --
I wish it weren't so
But the TV news show
Is government by media-cracy.
--- Ron O P9103
Is the very best way to deflate him.
His very own words,
Like steaming turds,
Give us the cause to berate 'em.
--- Norm Brust
Claimed ten million viewers each night.
She slanted the news
To fit his own views.
He knew in his heart, he was right.
--- Ernest Lefever Lib Lim
On newscasts you'll oft find my gaze.
But, lo, now and then
I'll quickly drop in
To check out the weekly buzzphrase.
To my level will never aspire.
But I'll win him over yet
For I surely won't let
His subscription to NR expire.
--- William F Buckley P8606
It seems the whole world has discussed 'im.
Now we've all had enough
And it's time to get tough.
If he won't be a good boy, then bust 'im!
--- Betty Ann Cansano
The Arabs fight Jews without meaning.
I should write about life
Not intestinal strife;
Political stuff's so demeaning.
--- Anon
This is file vsl
From beneath the Middle East soil.
It is now plain to see,
The dipsticks in DC,
Are causing all our budgets to spoil.
--- Tom Patton P0510Q
Rabin said, "Arafat knows where it's at."
DeKlerk said, "Mandela's
A really swell fella."
Then all four of them got in a spat.
--- Thomas G Keller P9402
Respond with a hellish ferocity
To any attacks:
For example, Iraq's
Gone to hell with ferocious velocity.
--- Rory Ewins
To bring peace to the Holy Land,
Was drafted, I believe,
Right in Tel-Aviv,
Killing peace talks before they began.
--- Dr Limerick
They've fought many times for each inch.
With wars great and small,
Clear back to the Wall,
The guy who can clear one's a Mensch!
--- Larry J Davis P9405
Whose lies all reek like spoiled yeast.
They rise and they fall
And do nothing at all
To stop Arafat, murderous beast.
--- Tomer Shiran
Off like a bomb he went daily.
Forgetting what for,
They dismissed the war.
Mohammed should blow Miss Israeli!
--- Anon
Install thugs where a government sat.
And when they attack,
We'll be taken aback,
Like damned fools who ate where they shat.
--- Phil T
Producing an unhealthy yeast,
That raises the Devil
On every level,
With bitter bread ruining the feast.
--- Timothy Torkildson
And in my mind, I am debatin',
If U-S-of-A
Is viewed in this way,
Why is it Iraq we are hatin'.
--- Gearhart
"If the UN agrees to my plan,
I'll hit you with sanctions,
And bomb all your mansions,
While I work on my Vineyard tan."
--- Vik
Whose parents never sent him to school,
Received lessons at home
From a teacher from Rome.
In his job he has proved he's no fool.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Treating peace like it's some sort of game.
They claim Allah has willed
That we all be killed,
But they sell us their oil just the same.
--- Tomer Shiran
Fit the usual criteria;
Hated Christians and Jews,
Was worth a few sous,
And camel dung graced his posterior
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0208
And the white people turned into slaves,
Will the Arabs then stop,
Now and then, for a chop
Of a head when their Grand Mullah craves.
--- Tomer Shiran
He's just a gourmet vegetarian.
His peace soup's all the rage,
With its parsley and sage,
But a bit more thyme's necessitarian.
--- Nancy Henry-Kline P9402
Blow up bombs in the midst of his foe.
Israel will be blessed
When he's laid out to rest,
With a name tag tied unto his toe.
--- Betty Ann Cansano
Away from the West Bank and that
They'll pull back their tanks
And give many thanks,
If Arafat takes off his hat.
--- Travis Brasell
I wish him and his cohorts, all well.
As they all start to burn,
Maybe then they will learn,
Between lies and truth, God can tell.
--- Tomer Shiran
Arafat gave a moment of thanks,
To the vermin and pests
That he treats like his guests.
Now he sits in the dark and just wanks.
--- Tomer Shiran
Why hesidate to remove this rat?
His tactics, insidious,
Invidious and PERFIDIOUS,
Have forced a deadly game of tit for tat.
--- Norm Brust
For the Golan Heights are merely sod.
So why for and whereas
Can't you, Simon Peres,
Just put your differences Assad?"
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9402
And no one alive is less brainy.
In her search for a man,
She has gone to Iran,
To wed Ayatollah Khomeini.
--- Isaac Asimov
Among them you'll find the Irani.
We bewail our lot,
But look who they've got -
Ayatolla Ruhollah Khomeini.
--- Ed Wolfert P8205
Has a passion for novels by Zola,
Keeps a bird in his nest
From the decadent West,
Whom he douches with Royal Crown Cola.
--- Thomas A Quinine P8407
And the devils in Hell have his head.
With their infernal ways,
They turn off the bidets,
And just use Khomeni's tongue instead.
--- Tomer Shiran
"Now one more time, let me explain
What you don't understand.
If the weapons are banned,
Then how could I use them again?"
--- Cyber Geezer
He's cast to the wind his own fate;
He'll soon be demoted
When Muslims have voted
With 'butterfly ballots' -- they're great!
--- Travis Brasell
Their worship is hardly abating.
They throw hand grenades
At our soldiers and aides,
To assist in our swift Pearly Gatin'.
--- Anon
How 'bout giving some others a chance?
Our Armed Forces might
It seems only right,
Be run by the generals of France.
--- John Miller
And legions and legions of heroes,
Who raced to the rear,
Their backs turned on fear,
Instead of our own West Point zeroes.
--- John Miller
Of nations (quite competent, too!)
Who'd save us the toil
Of controlling our oil,
(But heck, they already do!)
--- John Miller
Should it not be a part of the plan
That the old AEC
Should dissolve and then be
Replaced by a firm in Iran?
--- John Miller
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