So maybe he fibbed to his court
Was that court doing all that it ought?
Or trying to get
A democrat yet,
By checking up just on his sport.
--- John and Liz

A man who when asked, would just say,
"I'm having a quiet little lay."
And hurt his wife's heart.
That's not a good part
For any world leader to play.
--- John and Liz

At a fence, trying sex exercises,
Bill tried knotholes of various sizes.
A goose, thinking "Worm!"
Got a beak full of sperm --
Ain't life just chock-full of surprises?
--- PeterW

So Bill took up 'fencing' for kicks;
Of knotholes he screwed ninety-six.
But for knothole abuse
There is not an excuse,
Because knotholes are not holes for dicks.
--- PeterW

Old Billy boy is now on a roll --
He's found a new place for his pole.
It just goes to show
The thing we all know --
He'll screw anything with a hole!
--- Kaylin

Billy will now try to bed
Any old hole, living or dead.
In that case, take care
To arrange you hair,
To cover that hole in your head.
--- MrMalo

With Jones the lawyers did define
Sex to such a fine line,
That they only can tell
Whether that upon which I dwell
Is worthy of even a fine.
--- Anon

And her claim you may recall,
The Judge said it must fall,
For he gave her a promotion
And nary a commotion
About her refusal to ball.
--- Anon

It's a fact, Paula Jones keeps replying,
Which Clinton of course keeps denying.
She said she could see
On his gross anatomy,
A mark that would prove she's not lying.
--- Ray Gessler

Now I think her story's untrue
And most of the people would view
That fact with some doubt --
More claims would come out,
For if true, there would be quite a few.
--- Ray Gessler

As leader of this great nation
I would spare you from such degradation
Put me in that chair
And I'll take better care
Where I shoot my ejaculation.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

The first thing I'd do is pass laws
To keep girlfriends from flapping their jaws.
Word gets back to the wife;
They'd get 20 to life;
I bet that one would stick in their craws
--- Jim Weaver Collection

I'll lead you if you will follow;
My promises won't ring hollow.
No stains on her coat!
Just give me your vote,
And I'll make it a crime not to swallow
--- Jim Weaver Collection

You could be jumping to conclusions;
Kathleen might be selling delusions.
I'm not too appalled
At a sexual assault,
That doesn't leave scrapes and contusions.
--- MrMalo

She looks to be very beddable;
I bet she would even be edible.
But her past is bizarre
And she's fallen far.
She's really not too fucking credible.
--- MrMalo

She claims she was groped by the toad,
But I've seen cunts like her by the load.
You try touchy-feely;
That's when they're squealy,
Not four or five years down the road.
--- MrMalo

There once was a gal named Willie;
The story she told was a dilly.
She'd never complained
But now Clinton is framed.
Is she a friend of Bill's family? Not really.
--- Harold Heidler

She wrote letters of sweetness and light,
Pleading for a Christmas invite.
Bill wanted a clown,
So she was turned down.
Her seeking revenge isn't right.
--- Harold Heidler

Believe now a Willey so free,
Upset with his actions in '93?
He fondled her boob,
Put her hand on his tube;
Now she's making the rounds on TV.
--- S C Saint

It's been five years after this disgrace,
When she wanted to slap his face.
She's now quite a bore
For an ugly old whore.
It's good Bill didn't come in her face.
--- S C Saint

Since tales about villains we bruit, (publicize, tout)
Girls on tracks wait big train's "toot-toot",
That dark plot is foiled,
The transgressor boiled,
"The seeds of crime bear bitter fruit!"
--- Chris Papa 2/20/98

That's the bad guy in the dark suit,
Who's smoking an evil cherroot,
And stroking mustache,
A "Snively Whiplash,"
With morals like "Willy the Cute."
--- Chris Papa 2/20/98

It started in bad manner, so,
When intern in office would go,
"I've got you, my lass!,
Now give me some ass,
Or better yet, make it a blow."
--- Chris Papa 2/20/98

"Unhand me now, please, CEO,
Respect for us poor girls, please show.
My mother has said,
I shouldn't give head,
To someone that I barely know."
--- Chris Papa 2/20/98

Around Oval Office they flew,
And then, before anyone knew,
He grabbed helpless maid,
Whose disgust displayed
His chance for some lovin' was through.
--- Chris Papa 2/20/98

With rage he did fly in a stew,
And lifted her, as if on cue,
In manner sinister,
Throw, administer,
Her, to GOP taping crew.
--- Chris Papa 2/20/98

"We've got him with the smoking gun,
But then if our country is run,
By clod Albert Gore,
There is really, 'what for',
So why don't we let him have fun."
--- Chris Papa 2/20/98

They loaded their tapes into sacks,
And emptied the ones held in racks.
To Blair House they tore,
And knocked on the door,
And took smiling Veep to the tracks.
--- Chris Papa 2/20/98

The right wing conspiracy ends,
They've saved our great nation, my friends,
And White House sweethearts,
Can play their grand parts,
In setting new sexual trends.
--- Chris Papa 2/20/98

Keep cheerful, don't worry, don't vex;
Have a few simple medical checks.
Hope your doctor won't say,
"Well you did it, okay.
Now with whom do you think you had sex?"
--- Anon

If he does, then he should have suggested
You get yourself DNA tested.
(Won't work I'm afraid
If you didn't get laid,
And the evidence now you've ingested.)
--- Anon

Old Beau Brummell had pure "camp" in mind.
He regarded high fashion a kind
Of a hodgepodge of hats,
Loud, bright, garish cravats,
Which are now thought of as "ties that blind."
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0312

A lady who came from Hong Kong,
Whose breasts were both flattened and long,
Would keep them both rolled
'Round her ears in the cold;
For ear-muffs whe couldn't go wrong.
--- Donald McGill

This is file vqm

A bow tie is always quite proper,
Officious, and such a show-stopper.
So, if you dress nude,
Remember this, Dude,
Be proper when greeting that copper!
--- Lucas Lines

You don't show suspenders or {}
When dressed up for Jockey Clu{};
But items like these
May drop to you knees
While engaging in loving em{}.
--- Harold C Bibby A

I've got a friend who's called Rob;
He's a very elegant slob.
A chain to his pocket
Does not hold a locket,
But a snot rag upon his watch fob.
--- Anon

There once was a man named O'Brien,
Who, whatever he did, kept his tie on.
In the shower, or deck chair,
He was heard to declare,
That "It shows I'm a man to rely on!"
--- Michael Palin

From the bangles you wear on your wrist,
Comes a music that's hard to resist.
Metal bracelets, quite round,
Make a sweet jingling sound,
Like a windchime that Zephyrus kissed.
--- Sheila B

On the top of my head is my hat;
It is round and it's small and it's flat;
It is old and it's grey,
And I like it that way;
It was made from the fur of a cat.
--- Limber Limericks

A Victorian teacher named Valerie
Bought a parasol out of her salary.
It took off like a kite,
Dumping Val, in a fright,
On the roof of the National Gallery.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada

A foppish young fellow named Luke
Wears spats, cumberbund and peruke;
In this day and age,
They're scarcely the rage --
One get this desire to puke.
--- Armand E Singer 692

There was a young man at the races
Who neglected to put on his braces.
His trousers fell down
And he felt such a clown,
With spaces in various places.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada

I'm wearing my turtle earrings.
Do you know the pain that it brings,
To wear them to bed?
They poke in your head
And make little holes and it stings.
--- Marlene Lewis

And what is the turtle's opinion,
Of being your unwilling minion?
Send the poor creat-
Ure back to its beach,
And don't please commit such a sinion.
--- Tiddy Ogg

My handkerchief soaked up the stain,
My condom could scarcely contain.
While shagging young Kate
On the twenty-to-eight,
Where I left my umbrella again.
--- Peter Wilkins

I knew a tough guy in the past,
Who broke boards with his hands. He was fast,
Till he took on a brick
Just a tad bit too thick,
But he still could break boards with his cast.
--- Moore P0101

A rich virgin, high on Mount Lassen,
Found her chastity belt would unfasten.
She cried to her guide,
"Papa won't know you pried...
Let's DO...when no skier is passin'!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 649

Though Chastity Belts should defend hers --
From actions overt should suspend hers --
Most women will chuckle,
"All belts can unbuckle,
So, darling remove your suspenders."
--- Irving Superior P8903

On Chastity Belts, Doctor South,
Each morning on leaving his houth,
"Three belts, now, my Dear,
One front and one rear."
Then gave her a belt in the mouth.
--- Irving Superior P8903

This cute English lassie named Myrtle,
Was so fecund and fruitful and fertile,
She was got with a child, (That Sir Christopher Wren)
By Sir Christopher Wilde, (Put an egg in this hen)
Through a crack in her chastity girdle.
--- G1694

There was a young lady named Myrtle,
Whose womb was exceedingly fertile.
Her pa got contortions
At all her abortions,
And bought her a chastity girdle.
--- L0949

Crusaders leaving, soon risk their lives,
Locked chastity belts on their wives,
And left salve for the itches
Caused by iron-clad britches --
Too bad if they came down with hives!
--- Al Kracht

A knight who was quite hard to please
Had his wife secured down to her knees.
But the wretched old bitch
Developed an itch,
That she blamed on the lack of a breeze.
--- Bob Birch P0304

This maiden ran off in a fright
And found just the key that was right.
With belt now discarded
And rules disregarded,
She cried out, "I'll screw every night!"
--- Bob Birch

Robert said to the Widow DeGrand,
"Hey baby, your pussy is canned!
Please give me the key!"
She said, "Don't you plea,
For it's held in my late husbands hand!"
--- C W Curry P8902

"I wonder," said Sarah McGee,
"Why my lover's lost interest in me.
Is it that I can't dance,
Or the lock on my pants,
For which I won't give him the key?"
--- Big Little Playoy Lims

How I wonder," said Sarah McGee,
"Why my lover's lost interest in me;
Is it that I can't dance,
Or the lock on my pants,
For which I won't give him the key.
--- Anon

I think you must have self-restraint,
But I must state a tiny complaint:
Your undies have locks,
And they are stumbling blocks,
So forget that you're almost a saint.
--- Al Willis TP9807

To his wife said Sir Hubert de Hoars,
"Fix this chastity belt round your drawers!"
But an amorous Celt,
Found a key to the belt,
While the Squire was away at the wars.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

No Chastity Belt for Van Goss;
He painted a duck near her moss.
By lovers erased;
He repainted in haste;
"I pee-ed and the duck swam across."
--- Irving Superior P8903

So this iron pyrites I smelt
To construct you a chastity belt.
If you dare start to simmer
With lust, it will shimmer
And show you're beginning to melt.
--- H Welchel

Keep all of your thoughts pure and clean
And ignore invitations obscene.
I'll look after this key
While I'm over the sea.
Be a good wench, you know what I mean.
--- H Welchel

A locksmith I now need to find
To get me out of this bind,
'Cause the ache in my twat
Is making me hot,
And my hips are starting to grind.
--- Jules

Smithy, can you please help out,
As my boyfriend, the untrusting lout
Has locked up my treasure,
thus spoiling my pleasure
And I'm suffering sexual drought.
--- Jules

It is Sir Lance-a-Lot here,
With my pliers and bolt-cutting gear.
Have you free in a jiffy!
Now play with my stiffy.
We'll soon swing from the chandelier.
--- Lancelot

Lady, your fine as a pearl.
So smithing? I'll give it a whirl.
I've popped many rocks.
Excuse me, I meant locks.
I stand a your cervix (service?), sweet girl.
--- H Welchel