Said the Postmaster General, "How trite
To suggest that our burdens are light.
It entails much travail
To deliver the mail.
There a plague--your dog's poop and his bite."
--- J H Vandermeer P9105

In the Big One, a soldier used V-mail
To write to his favorite female;
But with zero delay,
His grandson today
Reaches girlfriends galore via e-mail.
--- Norm Storer P9809

No matter if male or if female,
Folks moaned of the slowness of seamail.
But no gain's without pain,
Now folks often complain
Of how quickly you get things by E-mail.
--- Prof M-G T9710

The high price of stamps made one sick,
But the Postal Department was quick.
New heights they attained
With a stamp which contained
A cunt, that was pleasure to lick.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0882

They handle our packages sloppily
And deliverer our letter improperly.
They increase rates at will,
And we still pay the bill,
Because no one can touch their monopoly.
--- A N Wilkins P9105

When the post office driver named Rivers
Comes to MY house, my mommy just quivers.
I don't understand;
He has nothing in hand,
But mom told Aunt Sue, "He delivers!"
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0410

Could the postal delivery pace
Inspire progress? Consider the case
Of Federal Express.
What assures its success?
Why are FAXes today commonplace?
--- A N Wilkins P9105

A friend sent to me through the mail,
A cup of my favorite hot ale.
"But it's empty," I cried,
Then my mailman replied,
"Well it warmed me through rain, sleet, and hail.
--- Gene Fehler P9302

It comes to my house by the bail,
Like the pellets in a storm of hail.
I'm about to explode
As I carry each load,
Of this damned unwanted junk mail
--- Puff Adder

Our forests are facing a squeeze,
Producing trash bills such as these.
Then recycled are they
To make paper mache,
Wo make wonderful models of trees.
--- Tiddy Ogg

There was a young fellow named Midges;
His mail that came in was prodigious.
But the whole thing was trash
So he burned it to ash;
It all came from foundations religious.
--- Albin Chaplin

On Rural Route 2 lived a vamp
Who at getting mail fast was the champ.
"To make it come quicker,"
She said with a snicker,
"Lick the postman instead of the stamp!"
--- Don Moore P9105

Now the mailman just stopped by and drove
Away leaving a real treasure trove.
With my small pile of kindling
In danger of dwindling,
Junk mail serves to light up my stove.
--- Anon

It was long before ZIPs came to pass,
That the Post Office showed it's First Class.
When it found, without fee,
The correct addressee,
Mailed to: Hill/John/Mass.

(John Underhill, Andover, Mass)
--- J Maynard Kaplan

A considerate postman named Drew
Helped a postoffice clerk to debut.
Said she, "Don't be gentle
For that's detrimental
To helping the mail to get through.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9105

A plaintive young bugger from Yale
Was denied application for bail.
Wrapped up in a parcel
He posted his arcel --
It's jail to sent tail by the mail.
--- Hugh Oliver A131A

For literate clerks on the scene,
The mail sorter now is routine.
As you've always expected,
Mail is still misdirected,
But now it's all done by machine.
--- A N Wilkins P9105

When backpacking, lustful Miss Lentz
Plays 'pony express' with the gents--
Like 'post office' except
One must be more adept
For the horsing around is in tents. (intense?)
--- Bob Giandomenico P9105a

The P.O. calls it 3rd Class Bulk Rate;
They like it cause it pays the freight.
I feel for the carrier
Who wears out his derrier,
Postal Rage is one result of this weight.
--- Anon

Some stamps just have trouble with sticking.
Like a bomb that is silently ticking,
They'll break themselves free,
So Art listen to me,
The bad ones will need a good licking.
--- Bob Birch P0207

Said the Postmaster General, "Oh, yes.
We deliver the mail with finesse.
Competition's been nil
Since our friends on the Hill
Went and outlawed the Pony Express."
--- Arthur Deex P9105

One proposal had simply no sale,
For it made letter carriers quail
And threaten to strike,
When it made sense to Ike
To send out postal paychecks by mail.
--- A N Wilkins P9105

The world seems to shrink every day.
At least, it's appearing that way.
How small must it get,
To stop all this shit,
Of increasing postage, we pay.
--- Larry J Davis P9311

Said the Postmaster General, "Don't bitch
That your letters and checks missed their niche,
Or that clerks, slow and sour,
Are paid forty per hour.
It's the poor who're servile, not the rich."
--- J H Vandermeer P9105

He continued, "Our F-stamp is new
And costs twenty-nine cents, it is true.
We just can't stay alive
If we charge twenty-five.
And the F? It stands for "Fuck You!"
--- J H Vandermeer P9105

Said the Postmaster General, "Hurray!
I've something important to say.
The letter you send
From here to South Bend,
Costs less than a penny a day."
--- Arthur

Said a postal employee "Sly Elf"
"I've posted our rules on my shelf":
Be polite and sublime,
Carry stamps all the time,
And save the last round for yourself.
--- Arthur Deex

An old fashioned person named Brett
Said, "This sonnet my love will me get."
Not having E-mail,
He sent it by snail.
Neither letter nor Brett have come yet.
--- Peter Wilkins

Stamps honor wise men and fools;
Some good, and those who break the rules.
They merely echo
Our sad need to show
The foibles of all our weird schools.
--- Chris Papa

For the mailman, a lady named Pickett
Dropped her panties, exposing her thicket.
Said the mailman, "This box
Can me used to mail cocks,
But the stamps will not stick till I lick it.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-3003

How do Post people in Britain, pray,
Find addresses such as "Obscure Bay",
Or "Quaint Shambles N.W.",
Or "Lush Bleakside, Loch Ness'
Or in Devonshire, "1 Bumbling Way"?
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0105

If you're mailing a letter in haste,
And you haven't a moment to waste,
But you've had a mishap,
For you can't seal the flap,
Then by hand you can work up some paste.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1865

Socially Conscious Pornography
We've socially conscious biography.
Esthetics, and social geography.
Today every field
Boasts it Marxian yield,

So now there's class-conscious pornography
--- Anon L0956

This is file vpl

Oh, the worker is nobody's fool,
For by rights, he's the man with the tool.
His ponderous prick'll
Arise with the sickle,

And bugger the Fascists who rule.
--- L0957

Miss de Vaughan was a maker of panties,
For all girls from subdebs to grand-aunties.
Her very best ad
Was herself, lightly clad
In her three-ninety-five silken scanties.
--- L0958

So this wench is a capitalist,
She's our villain and ought to be hissed.
But she's lush and she's plump,
And a glimpse of her rump
Would teach Marx that there's something he's missed.
--- L0959

Now de Vaughhan had resolved on a lockout,
To give Communist Labor the knockout.
She said, "Fuck the foul fools."
(She'd attended good schools),
And took a fresh bottle of Hock out.
--- L0960

Joseph Smith was a sturdy Longshoreman,
(And an eminent amateur whoreman),
Just to be sympathetic
He grew peripatetic,
'Till his picketing irked de Vaughan's doorman.
--- L0961

For this lout was a scab born and bred,
Who fainted when e'er he saw red.
In distress he reported,
But she only retorted,
"Run home and hide under your bed."
--- L0962

For her plans were peculiar and wicked,
As she thought, "He's a man, if a picket."
She lured him inside,
And insidiously plied,
The prick of the picket to lick it.
--- L0963

Joe's rod was a stiff as a rail,
But he couldn't lit principles fail.
"You degenerate bitch,
That's a trick of the rich,
But the People prefer honest tail."
--- L0964

"You may tickle the cocks and the vanities
Of the rich men who purchase your scanities,
But the proud People's Front
Calls for sound hairy cunt.
So its down with de Vaughan's panty-wanities."
--- L0965

He picked a soft couch in her office,
And tore off her pants and ripped off his.
Then he showed her the rod
Marks the difference, by God,
Between what a man and a toff is.

(toff - one of high social status, often used disparagingly)
--- L0966

Now our Joe was the first proletarian,
Who had filled with his sperm the ovarian
Recess of de Vaughan,
Which had sheltered the spawn,
Of unnumbered Fascists, all Aryan.
--- L0967

Next day, his friends said, "You've been soaring.
You're dead on your feet. Were you whoring?"
He replied, "Starving masses
Mean more than plump asses.
Last night, from within I was boring."
--- L0968

And de Vaughan thought her troubles were over,
Her picket had left (to recover),
But he'd furnished her womb
With incipient bloom,
A fact she had yet to discover.
--- L0969

So after nine months, to the day,
The employer in labor pains lay.
As the boy hove in sight,
He yelled, "Workers Unite!"
And the doctors all fainted away.
--- L0970

The moral of this is, my child,
By rich promises, don't be beguiled.
Remember that workers
Are eminent firkers,
And go left, if you must be defiled.
--- L0971

This government claims job creation,
It's aim, but the criminalization
Of entrepreneurship
In youngsters, your worship,
Is yet one more strange aberration.
--- Anon

Said a Marxist who stood on the pier,
"Though you may think my views rather queer,
I could gambol all day
With the sharks in the bay;
It's the ones in striped trousers I fear."
--- W H G Price

A democracy's destined to fail
When a leader, who doesn't inhale,
Wants to socialize health,
And distribute the wealth;
Proven blueprints for grief and travail.
--- P9701

Consistent disciples of Marx
Will have to emply special marks
If nationalization
Of all copulation
Leads to laisse-faire fucking in parks.
--- A Cinna

How grim is the socialist plan
To create a new Marxist Man,
Who'll be malleably meek
And in no way unique,
In a world that is hopelessly bland.
--- F R Duplantier Lib Lim

Yelled a communist, "Down with the Pope
And all the crowned heads of Europe!
Equal rights is our creed,
What more do we need?"
Then somebody shouted out, "Soap".
--- Anon

Historians and linguists may miss
The apposite nature of this,
But the sound that a snake
Is given to make,
Was a surname will suited to Hiss.

(Alger Hiss - communist sympathizer 1950's)
--- F R Duplantier Lib Lim

In Russia a new OGPU gag --
Be careful when spelling GULAG.
Two hundred mis-spellers
Are now recent dwellers
In Russia's most northern GHOULAG.

(OGPU - ??)
--- Irving Superior P8911

A white man was known to have said
That he'd rather be dead than be red.
But an Indian Chief
Heard him with disbelief,
Since he rather be red than be dead.
--- Warrick Elrod

The Head of all Russias is Yeltsin.
To peasants who want someone else in,
With Gulags taboo,
Siberia too,
He'd tell them, "Keep pulling your belts in."
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Although Communism is dead,
In Russia the wine is still red.
Most "reds" are extinct,
Except of course INK;
And borscht is now pinkish instead.
--- Irving Superior P9812

Old Castro's mood was quite black
When he said, "We've got to fight back."
He sent out his order:
Put bugs in the water -
'Tis a Castro-intestinal attack.
--- Neal Wilgus P8205

There once was a Communist lass,
Who made liberal use of her ass.
There is no comrade yet
To whom she has said, "Nyet!"--
It was fully reported in Tass.
--- G0635

A man, who had lately declared
That property ought to be shared.
Thought it going too far
When they called for his car,
And a list of exceptions prepared.
--- Thomas Thorneley

Comrade Engels devoutly maintains
You have nothing to lose but your chains.
He's an anti-imperialist
Marxist materialist,
Loosening monachies' reins.
--- David Morin

Havana was once the hot spot
For drinking and gambling, was it not?
To send Fidel
Closer to Hell,
Give open trade another shot.
--- John Miller

"I wonder where you have been, Fidel?
Why is it you haven't been seen, Fidel?
That all your Castrology
Is just an apology
For imprisoning all you think infidel?"
--- Jim Weaver Collection

The Viet Cong beat us, by Christ!
At a terrible, terrible price...
So we work to keep poor
Little Cuba, nest door,
While Saigon is the one we treat nice.
--- John Miller

Dialectic Materialism
Should be called Inferiorism.
It will upset your life,
Causing all kinds of strife,
Also party inperialism.
--- Tom Patton P9812