There was a young lad from Bahrain To please him, she shaved her locks off; She couldn't get over the smell; A beautiful young lady sues A centipede from Syracuse You women, I fear it's bad news, The army of Mexico goes The best kind of shoes that I like What companies make wooden shoes? Is it hazelwood, cherry, or oak, A good story is probably there, And marketing, making the sale, The only material that's good Though custom-made will cost you more, What prices do "klompen" command? What is it that costs people more, An authoress, living at Trim, How funny she'd look with your hat In Germany a girl name of King, "Husband Abdul won't take off his fez. One night when a sheikh from the East There once was a gay caballero If you've studied the old diplomats There was an old person of Fratton, There was an old person of Fratton, There once was a greasy sombrero An eager old eunuch from Durban "I dreamt I walked down the street at A friend looked like a jerk in There once was a woman so natty, The Muslims who dwell in Suez There once was a man of small size There was a Young Person in red,
This is file vlm
There was a young lad name of Nat, A cocksman, retired from St. Pauls, There was a young fellow named Matt, There was a young lady of Wales, There was a young lady of Durban In Texas, the men wear a hat, If I kept it under my hat There was a lass named Charlene Proudly to her he did show I'm packing my kilt and my sporran I'm packing my dirk and my sabre There was a young blade from near Youghal, There was a young laddie whose kilt ...By using his thick pubic hair, Once he hid a mongoose by mistake. Even I won't keep cats in my kilt; Id say that there isn't much chance 'Neath the kilts of the Winnipeg Pipers, No bagpipes, I hope, for their skirl There once was a Scotsman, well built. (For this one I'm gonna feel guilty.) A hard-on that wilts? Oh no please! It's boxers you think take the cheese? Two things about wearing a kilt: I once met a Scotsman named Milt The thing about wearing a kilt, A Scot I knew was named MacGraber, Said a Scot in a kilt in Dundee, In July I ordered the kilt. Now is that a skirt or a kilt? In the summer, the caber he hurled, There was a man from Cowdenbeath The lass asked the Scotsman in ardor, A Scotsman out pushing his mower
Who prayed to the heavens for rain,
For he'd squirted his goo
All over his shoe,
And he couldn't get rid of the stain.
--- Peter Wilkins
Said "Screw me and come! Get your rocks off!".
He ripped off his clothes
But she covered her nose,
As he tore his old favorite socks off.
--- Ardens
Held her nose, and said "What the hell!
I'll do my part!"
And then blew out a fart!
We both stink , so now I can't tell!"
--- Arden
Nike, the makers of shoes.
She tripped over a lace,
Causing hurt to her face.
Now she awaits her compensation dues.
--- Harihari Subramanian
Played 2nd base for the Blues.
He was two hours late
Reporting to the plate,
After tying all of his shoes.
--- Bob Polecat
I do not like feminist views;
My ideal for feet
Is a broad who's in heat
And too horny to take off her shoes.
--- Ed Potts P8802a
Into battle with naught on their toes.
Miguel stopped their boos
With an issue of shoes,
So they cheered him with "Viva Zapatos!"
--- Fred Cohen P8412
To use in the pluggin' of dykes
Are those worn by duffers
With toe-shielding scuffers,
And grippers on bottom called spikes.
--- Anon
Where does the wood come from? And whose?
What kind is the best
To carve out and test,
Or for making the comfort that soothes.
--- Matthew Montchalin
Or something else, if I mispoke,
That makes a good shoe
Like rubbery glue,
Lest pebbles get through and then poke.
--- Matthew Montchalin
Of wooden shoes fashioned so fair,
Of buying and cutting,
Of nailing and shutting,
And bossing them, so I would swear.
--- Matthew Montchalin
And trafficing them by mail.
For demand must be high,
To sell and to buy
Shoes made of wood bound by the nail.
--- Matthew Montchalin
To tailor a "klomp" for your foot,
That's less likely to split
And handmade for good fit,
Is knot free and dry willow wood.
--- Matthew Montchalin
Never buy these "klompen" at the store.
They are made for tourists
But the locals and purists
Reject them -- your feet soon get sore.
--- Matthew Montchalin
Much higher when they're made by hand?
Or higher depending
On steaming and bending
And fitting with belts and a band.
--- Matthew Montchalin
The markups when sold at the store,
Or lifespans that last
Or things solid brass,
Or salesmen you meet at the door?
--- Matthew Montchalin
Possessed a remarkable whim.
She wore a large bonnet
When writing a sonnet;
A helmet when writing a hymn.
--- Explosion of Lims P0104
Hanging down from her titties like that!
A fez or beret
Might not get in the way,
But a fedora would cover her mat.
--- Anon
Who was grown up and taking a fling,
She wanted a chance
At a great romance
But hated wearing the same dirndl thing.
--- Tom Patton P0206
(At least, that is what Abdul says.)
But this asinine headgear
'S not my kind of bed-gear,
So, Your Honor, that's why I'm a Lez!"
--- Robin K Willoughby P8407
Met the Bey of Rabat for a feast,
He said, "It's a shame
That I don't know your name,
But the fez is familiar at least."
--- A N Wilkins P8407
Who was losing his loot playing faro.
He vowed he would eat
His hat, were he beat --
Have you ever tried french-fried sombrero?
--- Dean Walley P9007
And also the aristocrats,
The exceptions are few,
It is bound to be true,
The virtuous wear the white hats.
--- VOL 11
Who would go to Church with his hat on.
"If I wake up", he said,
"With my hat on my head,
I shall know that it hasn't been sat on."
--- Archie
Who would go to church with his hat on.
"When I wake up", he said,
"With my hat on my head,
I shall know that it hasn't been sat on."
--- Anon
On top of a fat caballero.
It emitted a reek
From its brim to its peak,
That would leave a skunk gasping for air-o!
--- P K Harvey
Kept all of his goods in a turban,
Including his dick,
Where it played him a trick,
When his spirits got high on some burbon.
--- Carl Ludvig P0207
High noon wearing nothing," said Pat,
"Except a chapeau.
What embarrassed me so
Was that it was last season's hat."
--- A N Wilkins P8312
His yarmulka made of a merkin.
He said, "I don't care,
I like pubic hair,
And it's fine to wear to work in!"
--- Domin8r
Who loved to drive people quite batty.
She would walk in the wind
And lose her hat pin.
You guessed it, her name was Miss Hattie!
--- Mary Anne Lizzi P9302
Wear hats that were fashioned in Fez.
I doubt that you care
What headress they wear,
But that's what my lexicon says.
--- R J Winkler P8407
Whose hat came down over his eyes.
Said he, "So who cares
If I bump into chairs?
The hat make a perfect disguise!"
--- Norman Storer P0401
Who carefully covered her head,
With a bonnet of leather,
And three lines of feather,
Besides some long ribbons of lead.
--- Anon
Who upon his head put a hat.
It had many rubber jinglers,
And glow-in-the-dark fingers.
He got it at the Pink Pussycat.
--- Anon
Now claims that the best screw of all
Doesn't wear a brassiere
And blow in his ear--
It's for hanging his hat on the wall.
--- Norm Storer P9508
Who said he'd not be seen in a hat.
He came back from Timor,
His head covered in straw;
His friends looked quite amazed. What is that?
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Who wore her hair back in two tails,
And the hat on her head,
That was striped black and red,
Was studded with ten-penny nails.
--- Anon
Who insisted on wearing a turban.
When asked why she wore it,
She said, "I adore it;
I'm weary of fashions suburban."
--- Anon
So big, it is fatter than fat.
To make the thing fit,
They must fill it with shit,
And in Texas, the men do just that!
--- Dave Canfield A
My hat would be right where I sat.
(Would you move your tam?
Wham, bam, thank you, ma'am!)
I'd look really silly like that.
--- Anon
Who met with a Scotsman in Aberdeen.
Feeling no guilt
She looked under his kilt,
And was amazed at what could be seen!
--- Bridget W. Curran
Bagpipes where his willy should go.
But she fainted dead away
When she heard him say,
"Will ye no gi' it a wee blow?"
--- Bridget W. Curran
And flying to cities quite foreign.
Been gargling so
That my accent won't show,
For it helps with the r's in g'morrrrrrn.
--- Anon
And saying farewell to my neighbor,
Sweet Katie's young mater.
I'll miss her, but later
I'll phone her while tossing my caber.
--- Anon
Who found he had only one ball.
Obsessed by his wants,
He discarded his pants.
With kilts he is now loved by all.
--- Linda Marsh Coll
Had a strange sort of angular tilt.
For beneath it he kept
A large ferret which slept
In a nest he had specially built...
--- Anon
Which he knitted with infinite care,
So his ferrety pet
Could keep out of the wet
And the rain and the sleet around Ayr.
--- Anon
Not enough care did the poor kid take.
The new pet left his nook
As you guess he mistook
The young laddie's pole for a snake.
--- Anon
Though the jockstrap has never been built
To protect from that kind;
I don't mind if I find
A vixen or two 'neath my quilt.
--- Anon
Of me losing the means of romance.
It don't take much brains
To know one should take pains
To keep animals out of ones pants.
--- Anon
They wear, I suspect, furry diapers,
'Cause at twenty below
They need something, you know,
To keep off the frost from Old Priapus.
--- Hugh Oliver 79b
Makes even my testicles curl.
If so I'll go bare
'Neath the kilt I shall wear,
Should they need an emergency twirl.
--- Anon
His skirt was an old worn-out quilt.
But a hole in the middle
Solved the big riddle;
The Scots are bare-ass 'neath their kilt!
--- Laurence Craft
It depends upon how one is built, Re:
The large require skirts,
While a kilt is for squirts,
And I'd rather you'd skirt me than kilt me.
--- Anon
I'm begging you, down on my knees.
Please take off the kilt
'Tis for boxers you're built
For I just think that they take the cheese!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Some guys in jockeys will please
The gals who do look,
But boxers I took,
To let my "boys" swing in the breeze.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
It's definitely handily built
For fucking a lass,
But a breeze up the ass
Makes a hardon rapidly wilt.
--- MrMalo a
And asked what was under his kilt.
Upon lifting his skirt,
Found a budgie named Bert
Who was stuffing his pecker with millet.
--- Anon
It tends to reveal how you're built.
If she brushes her arm
Across the alarm,
The sporran lights up and says "Tilt!"
--- Bill Wall
Beneath his kilt wielded a caber,
Supported by stones
Which would fair break your bones.
This affair was much more like hard labor.
--- Annie Jay
"My wife wears her slacks constantly.
And with my long hair,
And her scalp almost bare,
They can't tell the he from the she!"
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
'Twould be sixty days 'fore 'twas built.
Now it's been half a year,
And it still isn't here.
The shopkeeper's feeling no guilt!
--- Liam na Beag
Depends on just how they are built.
A blanket with pleats
Lets check out the treats;
Peek under without any guilt.
--- Anon
And in the winter he curled,
When his knobby knees
Often would freeze,
As around him his Campbell kilt swirled.
--- Thomas A Ratliff P0308
Who walked about on Hampstead Heath.
He was very well built,
So he wore a loose kilt
And displayed what he had underneath.
--- Chris Youth
What's worn 'neath your kilts, I wonder?
Not to be caught,
The Scotsman said, "Aught,
It's aw' in fine working order!
--- Anon
Was arrested and told to mow slower.
The kilt, if you please,
Nicely hangs to your knees.
But your foreskin? It hangs even lower.
--- Anon