It's lucky the kilt that he chose There was a young draper named Chad A drunken Scot fresh from Glasgow Young Jane was quite tall and a Scot, The boss said, "On Sunday you'll go Oh sure, you may snigger and scoff I'm thinkin' a mitten or muff I hope so! I'm sitting here thinkin' So it's off to you to forreign lands A typical Scot named McMorran ('neeps - turnips)
Queen Mary found Scotsmen are built There was a young Scotsman named Jock, A curious young lady named Pam A kilt makes a Scotsman a Scot! There once was a Scot named MacFooshan My Scot would make me eat haggis; An angler who live in Argyll, Like charmers of snakes in Bombay, Said a lassie, whose name was McBissel, The Scots had it right all along -- There was a young woman from Wilts, There was an old crofter named Jock, There once was an old maid from Dubling, There was a young man from Abroath, There was an old man from Cape Verde There was a young lady in Hilt There once was a man from Japan There was an old Scot named McCann, A Jock from the town of Dundee Now please don't go taking offense; A fellow named Derek from Essex A tipsy old Scotsman, MacGregor, There was an old Scot named MacDilts
This is file vkm
There a Texan of Scottish descent, I've just met a braw Scottish-Texan; There once was a man wearing kilts A one-legged man in a kilt A marvelous race are the Jocks (philibeg - like a short sari for highlanders)
A whiskey-soaked piper from Wemyss A fastidious dandy from Milton A quite pretty young Scottish lassie, A young Scottish soldier named Rex, Pay heed to a Scotsman named Sandy, A Scotsman residing in Warren A laddie from Scotland, MacWarren, Do Scotsmen wear kilts for the whistle The common or corn sow thistle? As the lassie he banged on her quilt, There once was a fellow called Milt, They tell me a Scotsman is strong The northernly blizzard from Fife I wore to the party a kilt But the party turned out a real drag: I'll send you a pic of my kilt Some moron insulted our Jock, There's many a well set up Scot, As she lifted his kilt he got flustered; There was a young Scotsman named Andy, Now Carol, I've told you before There was an old Scot from Dundee, In Scotland north of the border, Cold drafts can make Scots get sick, There was an old girl of Newcastle, 'Cause boys like to frolic, have fun; "On a date", said a fellow named Fretter, There was a young laddie named Burton
Would expose just the tip of his hose.
He has others, of course,
That have oft caused divorce:
So short that his whole quelque shows!
--- Anon
Whose family is very well clad.
At church, work, and play,
They're a walking display,
In their Chadean family plaid!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Was asked if he wore aught below.
With a tilt of his kilt
He replied, "If tha wilt,
Tha may'st feel for thysel'; then thou'llt know!"
--- G2351
Who liked men much more than a lot.
If she started to wilt,
She'd lift a man's kilt
And tenderly fondle his bot.
--- Wobbly
Up to Edinburgh (Scotland you know)
In the company kilt."
I'm afraid I might wilt
And start suffering frost-bite below.
--- Anon
But I fear that my balls will drop off;
Then my peter will shrink
And turn blacker than ink
And I'll never again have a boff.
--- Anon
Will keep you from shrinkin' your stuff
Is there's no volunteer
In the group we have here,
Who will lend you the scruff of her puff?
--- Anon
Of hot little snatches for sinkin'
My willy when chilly
And hope there's a filly
Who'll keep my old pecker from shrinkin'.
--- Anon
Wherre therre's Bo-Beeps galorre at yourr hands.
Where the Haggis doeth fly
And the lassies say "aye",
When they want you to get in theirr pants.
--- Anon
Kept haggis and 'neeps in his sporran,
Shortbread up his kilt,
Tartan Socks show the hilt
Of a skean dhu; nothing was foreign.
--- Tony Davie P9612
With a truly remarkable tilt.
To her royal surprise,
Every member would rise
Every time she reached under a kilt.
--- G0273
Who thought that he know how to rock.
As he twisted with flair,
His kilt flew in the air,
And the girls all passed out with the shock!
--- Helen Dowd
Stopped a Scotsman and said to him, "Sam,
Anything worn 'neath that skirt?"
But the Scot did assert,
"It's as good as it ever was, ma'am."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2218a
It lets him show off all he's got.
Don't throw it away
In a casual way,
Because a Scotsman has got quite a lot.
--- James Murray
Whose tool had an odd convolution.
Whenever he'd pass
A comely young lass,
The tilt of his kilt caused confusion.
--- Big Little Playoy Lims
He chops heart, liver, spleen, and bags this
In calf gut with suet.
One taste and I spew it.
His caber's not enough to gag us?
--- Annie Jay
Tore his kilt as he clambered a stile:
You might think he'd choose
At least to wear trews--
But his wife wears a satisfied smile.
--- Harold C Bibby
In Scotland the bagpipers play.
Hypnotic their lilts
And so they wear kilts
So they'll have enough room to sway.
--- Irving Superior P8802
To her laddie, "Now sit by this thistle".
"I was ne'er built
To sit down in a kilt!
So I'll just stand a wee while and whistle".
--- P9005
And Islanders in a sarong.
So if you convert,
Then under your skirt,
Perhaps you could just wear a thong.
--- Marlene
Who went up to Scotland on stilts.
When they said, "Oh, how shocking
To show so much stocking!"
She answered, "Well, how about kilts?"
--- L1596
Whose Kilt was the length of a frock.
Had said it was long
To cover his dong,
And save on the wear of a sock.
--- SFA
Who went on a mad highland fling.
Her life which was spartan
Is now much more tartan
And everything goes with a swing.
--- Funfax Limericks
Who was constantly plighting his troth.
To girls local and foreign,
He's lift up his sporran,
Then hang upside down like a sloth.
--- Bill Wall
Who had formerly been a Scot laird.
But dressed to the hilt
In an old plaid kilt,
On the island looked simply absurd.
--- Harry Rubin P9212
With nothing worn under her kilt.
When breezes did fly
And push fabrics awry,
You saw a magnificent pelt!
--- Anon
Who of Scotland became a great fan.
Although he looked foreign,
He wore kilt and sporran,
And formed the McSamurai clan.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Who was proud of his kilt and his clan.
He clobbered a boy :
"Look Mum, there's a mini-skirt man!"
--- Mary Danby Armada 1
Wore his kilt rather high from the knee;
Of course you'll conclude,
It was frightfully rude,
But his mother still dresses him -- see?
--- Langford Reed P9702
Sometimes I get too intense.
When talking of wilt
In a good Scottish kilt,
It can be a touchy reference.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Wasn't inclined to be bi-sex.
So the tilt of his kilt
Oft tended to wilt
When approached by a member of his sex.
--- Kevin's Limerick Page
Got so pissed one night at a kegger,
He drank til he dropped
And up his kilt popped,
Revealing his unclothed third-legger.
--- Anon
Who never slept underneath quilts.
He was rugged and bold
And a sight to behold.
He wore nothing at all 'neath his kilts.
--- Albin Chaplin
Who has a peculiar bent.
A sheltie's his steed.
Getting on's quite a deed,
With his kilt, and gals prying intent.
--- Frank Spectre
He wears spurs and a kilt and a Stetson.
He eats haggis with steak;
Downs a whiskey-milkshake;
On his horse, the girls watch as he gets on.
--- Tony Davie
Who had not an iota of guilt.
Men called him obscene
And matrons turned green,
But he wouldn't get down off his stilts.
--- Douglas Airmet
Had a special appliance built.
In old Aberdeen,
He now can be seen
On a crutch and a tall wooden stilt.
--- Limerick John
Who run whooping through glens in check frocks.
For they say, "Wearing breeks
Makes it harder for leaks
And the philibeg leaves us free cocks."
--- Tony Davie P9602
Had erotic but troublesome dreams,
Of heliotrope pipes
With broad tangerine stripes,
Trimmed with fetching black lace down the seams.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Would complain that his trousers got spilt on.
"Well in future," she said,
"When you leap into bed,
I suggest that you come with a kilt on."
--- Hugh Oliver A102B
Was slender and bold and quite sassy.
She hitched up men's kilts,
Then crawled under their quilts,
And seduced them with her classy chassis.
--- Anon
Abstains with great zeal from all sex.
He is such a Spartan,
Because of his tartan;
He suffers from a kilt complex.
--- Playboy Book Lim P9706
Who was incomprehensibly randy.
The fluid he spilt
All over his kilt
Wasn't beer, wasn't Scotch, wasn't shandy.
--- Anon
Would wear on his kilt his proud sporran;
Passersby would ask, "Sir,
Could that be ballock fur,
Or do you just want to seem foreign?"
--- Armand E Singer 553
Was proud to be wearing his sporran;
Not quite a disguise,
Its outlandish size
Did make him appear a tad foreign.
--- Armand E Singer 553A
Of wind round their bollocks and gristle?
Or is it the thrill,
When they are climbing a hill,
Of the sharp scratchy tickle of thistle.
--- Peter Wilkins
For that you can just go and whistle.
Thistles have prickles
That do much more than tickles
And damage an eager young pistle!
--- Peter Wilkins
Jock said with a fine Scottish lilt,
"There is a great meter
For the state of my peter.
Ya measure the tilt of ma kilt."
--- Anon
Who said to a Scot named MacCrilt,
"I can see at a glance
You've no underpants.
I can tell by the tilt of your kilt."
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay
And to date one canna be wrong.
But much blood is spilt
When he lifts his kilt,
'Cause he sharpens the tip of his dong!
--- Jules
Caused terrible trouble and strife,
As keenly it tore
Up the kilt that I wore,
Like the blade of a surgical knife.
--- Peter Wilkins
And some briefs to disguise any tilt
That could maybe arise,
If it happened my eyes
Came to rest on a girlie well-built.
--- Peter Wilkins
There was only one half-decent hag,
Who though nicely built,
Caused no tilt to my kilt,
For her pug-ugly face made me gag.
--- Peter Wilkins
And you'll notice the tenting and tilt,
My voluptuous lass,
At the thought of your ass
With my dick buried up to the hilt.
--- Anon
Comparing his kilt to a frock.
But Jock didn't wilt,
Just lifted his kilt,
And beat him to death with his cock.
--- SFA
Who's got himself sweaty and hot
For a toss of his caber,
But pity his neighbor
That gets in the way of the shot.
--- Tiddy Ogg
As she opened the jar of hot mustard,
On his dick, it was spread.
"Bloody hell, girl," he said,
"I really prefer tartan custard."
--- Anon
Who knocked over his bottle of Shandy.
He lifted his kilt
To wipe up what he spilt,
And the barmaid said, "Blimey! that's handy!"
--- Anon
This "dress" ain't a dress to be sure;
Why no, it's a kilt
(And observe how well built
I am, dragging my dick on the floor).
Who wore his kilt just south of his knee.
But when he whirled,
His kilt came unfurled,
And you'd be shocked at what you might see.
--- William K Alsop Jr
Where minds are so very much broader,
They wish to inform:
Under kilts, nothing's worn,
And it's all in perfect working order.
--- Tony Burrell
When kilts and not pants they do pick.
Surely you blunder
By asking what's under,
And learning it's your wife's lipstick.
--- James Murray a
Who wore a great tassel or tarsel;
It made her so proud
That folks said, out loud,
Her tassel wouldn't make a small parcel."
--- Anon
Blithe spirits in rain as in sun.
But when down comes the rain,
The response is the same--
It's "Anoraks on!" and "Aw, Mum!"
--- Anon
"I may dress in a coat and a sweater,
And a scarf with a flare
But gloves I won't wear,
For without them I feel a lot better."
--- Albin Chaplin
Who in summer, would not put a shirt on.
In sunshine, or cold rain,
He would suffer the pain,
While meandering with his mum's skirt on!.
--- Arthur Pattaffy