It's lucky the kilt that he chose
Would expose just the tip of his hose.
He has others, of course,
That have oft caused divorce:
So short that his whole quelque shows!
--- Anon

There was a young draper named Chad
Whose family is very well clad.
At church, work, and play,
They're a walking display,
In their Chadean family plaid!
--- Arthur Pattaffy

A drunken Scot fresh from Glasgow
Was asked if he wore aught below.
With a tilt of his kilt
He replied, "If tha wilt,
Tha may'st feel for thysel'; then thou'llt know!"
--- G2351

Young Jane was quite tall and a Scot,
Who liked men much more than a lot.
If she started to wilt,
She'd lift a man's kilt
And tenderly fondle his bot.
--- Wobbly

The boss said, "On Sunday you'll go
Up to Edinburgh (Scotland you know)
In the company kilt."
I'm afraid I might wilt
And start suffering frost-bite below.
--- Anon

Oh sure, you may snigger and scoff
But I fear that my balls will drop off;
Then my peter will shrink
And turn blacker than ink
And I'll never again have a boff.
--- Anon

I'm thinkin' a mitten or muff
Will keep you from shrinkin' your stuff
Is there's no volunteer
In the group we have here,
Who will lend you the scruff of her puff?
--- Anon

I hope so! I'm sitting here thinkin'
Of hot little snatches for sinkin'
My willy when chilly
And hope there's a filly
Who'll keep my old pecker from shrinkin'.
--- Anon

So it's off to you to forreign lands
Wherre therre's Bo-Beeps galorre at yourr hands.
Where the Haggis doeth fly
And the lassies say "aye",
When they want you to get in theirr pants.
--- Anon

A typical Scot named McMorran
Kept haggis and 'neeps in his sporran,
Shortbread up his kilt,
Tartan Socks show the hilt
Of a skean dhu; nothing was foreign.

('neeps - turnips)
--- Tony Davie P9612

Queen Mary found Scotsmen are built
With a truly remarkable tilt.
To her royal surprise,
Every member would rise
Every time she reached under a kilt.
--- G0273

There was a young Scotsman named Jock,
Who thought that he know how to rock.
As he twisted with flair,
His kilt flew in the air,
And the girls all passed out with the shock!
--- Helen Dowd

A curious young lady named Pam
Stopped a Scotsman and said to him, "Sam,
Anything worn 'neath that skirt?"
But the Scot did assert,
"It's as good as it ever was, ma'am."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2218a

A kilt makes a Scotsman a Scot!
It lets him show off all he's got.
Don't throw it away
In a casual way,
Because a Scotsman has got quite a lot.
--- James Murray

There once was a Scot named MacFooshan
Whose tool had an odd convolution.
Whenever he'd pass
A comely young lass,
The tilt of his kilt caused confusion.
--- Big Little Playoy Lims

My Scot would make me eat haggis;
He chops heart, liver, spleen, and bags this
In calf gut with suet.
One taste and I spew it.
His caber's not enough to gag us?
--- Annie Jay

An angler who live in Argyll,
Tore his kilt as he clambered a stile:
You might think he'd choose
At least to wear trews--
But his wife wears a satisfied smile.
--- Harold C Bibby

Like charmers of snakes in Bombay,
In Scotland the bagpipers play.
Hypnotic their lilts
And so they wear kilts
So they'll have enough room to sway.
--- Irving Superior P8802

Said a lassie, whose name was McBissel,
To her laddie, "Now sit by this thistle".
"I was ne'er built
To sit down in a kilt!
So I'll just stand a wee while and whistle".
--- P9005

The Scots had it right all along --
And Islanders in a sarong.
So if you convert,
Then under your skirt,
Perhaps you could just wear a thong.
--- Marlene

There was a young woman from Wilts,
Who went up to Scotland on stilts.
When they said, "Oh, how shocking
To show so much stocking!"
She answered, "Well, how about kilts?"
--- L1596

There was an old crofter named Jock,
Whose Kilt was the length of a frock.
Had said it was long
To cover his dong,
And save on the wear of a sock.
--- SFA

There once was an old maid from Dubling,
Who went on a mad highland fling.
Her life which was spartan
Is now much more tartan
And everything goes with a swing.
--- Funfax Limericks

There was a young man from Abroath,
Who was constantly plighting his troth.
To girls local and foreign,
He's lift up his sporran,
Then hang upside down like a sloth.
--- Bill Wall

There was an old man from Cape Verde
Who had formerly been a Scot laird.
But dressed to the hilt
In an old plaid kilt,
On the island looked simply absurd.
--- Harry Rubin P9212

There was a young lady in Hilt
With nothing worn under her kilt.
When breezes did fly
And push fabrics awry,
You saw a magnificent pelt!
--- Anon

There once was a man from Japan
Who of Scotland became a great fan.
Although he looked foreign,
He wore kilt and sporran,
And formed the McSamurai clan.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada

There was an old Scot named McCann,
Who was proud of his kilt and his clan.
He clobbered a boy :

"Look Mum, there's a mini-skirt man!"
--- Mary Danby Armada 1

A Jock from the town of Dundee
Wore his kilt rather high from the knee;
Of course you'll conclude,
It was frightfully rude,
But his mother still dresses him -- see?
--- Langford Reed P9702

Now please don't go taking offense;
Sometimes I get too intense.
When talking of wilt
In a good Scottish kilt,
It can be a touchy reference.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

A fellow named Derek from Essex
Wasn't inclined to be bi-sex.
So the tilt of his kilt
Oft tended to wilt
When approached by a member of his sex.
--- Kevin's Limerick Page

A tipsy old Scotsman, MacGregor,
Got so pissed one night at a kegger,
He drank til he dropped
And up his kilt popped,
Revealing his unclothed third-legger.
--- Anon

There was an old Scot named MacDilts
Who never slept underneath quilts.
He was rugged and bold
And a sight to behold.
He wore nothing at all 'neath his kilts.
--- Albin Chaplin

This is file vkm

There a Texan of Scottish descent,
Who has a peculiar bent.
A sheltie's his steed.
Getting on's quite a deed,
With his kilt, and gals prying intent.
--- Frank Spectre

I've just met a braw Scottish-Texan;
He wears spurs and a kilt and a Stetson.
He eats haggis with steak;
Downs a whiskey-milkshake;
On his horse, the girls watch as he gets on.
--- Tony Davie

There once was a man wearing kilts
Who had not an iota of guilt.
Men called him obscene
And matrons turned green,
But he wouldn't get down off his stilts.
--- Douglas Airmet

A one-legged man in a kilt
Had a special appliance built.
In old Aberdeen,
He now can be seen
On a crutch and a tall wooden stilt.
--- Limerick John

A marvelous race are the Jocks
Who run whooping through glens in check frocks.
For they say, "Wearing breeks
Makes it harder for leaks
And the philibeg leaves us free cocks."

(philibeg - like a short sari for highlanders)
--- Tony Davie P9602

A whiskey-soaked piper from Wemyss
Had erotic but troublesome dreams,
Of heliotrope pipes
With broad tangerine stripes,
Trimmed with fetching black lace down the seams.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

A fastidious dandy from Milton
Would complain that his trousers got spilt on.
"Well in future," she said,
"When you leap into bed,
I suggest that you come with a kilt on."
--- Hugh Oliver A102B

A quite pretty young Scottish lassie,
Was slender and bold and quite sassy.
She hitched up men's kilts,
Then crawled under their quilts,
And seduced them with her classy chassis.
--- Anon

A young Scottish soldier named Rex,
Abstains with great zeal from all sex.
He is such a Spartan,
Because of his tartan;
He suffers from a kilt complex.
--- Playboy Book Lim P9706

Pay heed to a Scotsman named Sandy,
Who was incomprehensibly randy.
The fluid he spilt
All over his kilt
Wasn't beer, wasn't Scotch, wasn't shandy.
--- Anon

A Scotsman residing in Warren
Would wear on his kilt his proud sporran;
Passersby would ask, "Sir,
Could that be ballock fur,
Or do you just want to seem foreign?"
--- Armand E Singer 553

A laddie from Scotland, MacWarren,
Was proud to be wearing his sporran;
Not quite a disguise,
Its outlandish size
Did make him appear a tad foreign.
--- Armand E Singer 553A

Do Scotsmen wear kilts for the whistle
Of wind round their bollocks and gristle?
Or is it the thrill,
When they are climbing a hill,
Of the sharp scratchy tickle of thistle.
--- Peter Wilkins

The common or corn sow thistle?
For that you can just go and whistle.
Thistles have prickles
That do much more than tickles
And damage an eager young pistle!
--- Peter Wilkins

As the lassie he banged on her quilt,
Jock said with a fine Scottish lilt,
"There is a great meter
For the state of my peter.
Ya measure the tilt of ma kilt."
--- Anon

There once was a fellow called Milt,
Who said to a Scot named MacCrilt,
"I can see at a glance
You've no underpants.
I can tell by the tilt of your kilt."
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay

They tell me a Scotsman is strong
And to date one canna be wrong.
But much blood is spilt
When he lifts his kilt,
'Cause he sharpens the tip of his dong!
--- Jules

The northernly blizzard from Fife
Caused terrible trouble and strife,
As keenly it tore
Up the kilt that I wore,
Like the blade of a surgical knife.
--- Peter Wilkins

I wore to the party a kilt
And some briefs to disguise any tilt
That could maybe arise,
If it happened my eyes
Came to rest on a girlie well-built.
--- Peter Wilkins

But the party turned out a real drag:
There was only one half-decent hag,
Who though nicely built,
Caused no tilt to my kilt,
For her pug-ugly face made me gag.
--- Peter Wilkins

I'll send you a pic of my kilt
And you'll notice the tenting and tilt,
My voluptuous lass,
At the thought of your ass
With my dick buried up to the hilt.
--- Anon

Some moron insulted our Jock,
Comparing his kilt to a frock.
But Jock didn't wilt,
Just lifted his kilt,
And beat him to death with his cock.
--- SFA

There's many a well set up Scot,
Who's got himself sweaty and hot
For a toss of his caber,
But pity his neighbor
That gets in the way of the shot.
--- Tiddy Ogg

As she lifted his kilt he got flustered;
As she opened the jar of hot mustard,
On his dick, it was spread.
"Bloody hell, girl," he said,
"I really prefer tartan custard."
--- Anon

There was a young Scotsman named Andy,
Who knocked over his bottle of Shandy.
He lifted his kilt
To wipe up what he spilt,
And the barmaid said, "Blimey! that's handy!"
--- Anon

Now Carol, I've told you before
This "dress" ain't a dress to be sure;
Why no, it's a kilt
(And observe how well built
I am, dragging my dick on the floor).

There was an old Scot from Dundee,
Who wore his kilt just south of his knee.
But when he whirled,
His kilt came unfurled,
And you'd be shocked at what you might see.
--- William K Alsop Jr

In Scotland north of the border,
Where minds are so very much broader,
They wish to inform:
Under kilts, nothing's worn,
And it's all in perfect working order.
--- Tony Burrell

Cold drafts can make Scots get sick,
When kilts and not pants they do pick.
Surely you blunder
By asking what's under,
And learning it's your wife's lipstick.
--- James Murray a

There was an old girl of Newcastle,
Who wore a great tassel or tarsel;
It made her so proud
That folks said, out loud,
Her tassel wouldn't make a small parcel."
--- Anon

'Cause boys like to frolic, have fun;
Blithe spirits in rain as in sun.
But when down comes the rain,
The response is the same--
It's "Anoraks on!" and "Aw, Mum!"
--- Anon

"On a date", said a fellow named Fretter,
"I may dress in a coat and a sweater,
And a scarf with a flare
But gloves I won't wear,
For without them I feel a lot better."
--- Albin Chaplin

There was a young laddie named Burton
Who in summer, would not put a shirt on.
In sunshine, or cold rain,
He would suffer the pain,
While meandering with his mum's skirt on!.
--- Arthur Pattaffy