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While exploring with Captain James Cook She gushed, "Your new garb is much better. Said Gert, "You disgusting old chap, Jack! "Oh do hang it UP!" Mum will roar Genealogist, J Random Oates, An important young man of Quebec, A goose-pimpled fellow named Farkas There was a grave digger from Barnes A youth bought his first suit from a tailor; A hefty young lass in her teens There was a young girl of renown The fellow that live on West Nichols, Now, when you go out on a binge, Les, In summer the girls look more hip. Two high wire walkers named Groat In South Wales where the turf runs to boggy, While lying there flat on her back, (macintosh - a heavy woolen coat)
I continued to hammer away, The miniskirt worn by Miss Kress There once was an old man of Brest, There was an old lady of Lincoln Said a gentle old man, "I suppose There once was a teacher named Jean; Should Sweet Alice invite you to dine, There was a young lady of Nantes, A pensioner from down in Galveston There was a young fellow named Scripps Said a gaily-garbed guy, "It appears (Wilkins Rule - A limerick is not improved by explaining it)
"Your shorts are too short!" yelled Miss Dees. But your shorts aren't short enough, lass; There once was a beauty of note A man once decided to test She strode like a graceful giraffe; The next day she wore a hem high, A day later, (now this may seem blunt) A guy in a Colchester street I doubt if this bloke could be Pete; It might have been me, after all, But it can't be me, I sleep jockless, To a spinster who lived in a shanty At the Pizza Hut menu she beams; I once had an outfit of leather, A salad, they say, was the root My girlfriend had put on my sweater, I'm selling t-shirts on the net, Ties are silly as heck, A rich child, Amelia Holder, An explorer by named Simon Fraser, A stylish young chap from Pusan Said a charming young fellow named Steve When the high muck-a-mucks of the state There once was a wise man named Marvin, There once was a curious guy Since I rarely wear a coat, I A Maine man wore wooden bow ties; Mary Beloff makes ties in a bow Get a tie you can wear with aplomb, On Beseck Lake, Marvin went boating, Arlette, wearing a large woolly jumper, Mother said, "Don't take a chance. I own only one pair of panties; A once-famous gatherer of leeches, There was an old woman of Wales Believe, if you must, urban rumors, I steal from the clothes line of Millie Dear Butler: My panties are cotton; Perfectionist Butler's, you know,
He gave me an old-fashioned look.
He said: "Hello Sailor!
Tell me, who's your tailor?
It must be that nice man, Tim Brooke".
--- Kevin Hale Q
I must feel your fine threads." So he let her.
Then she fondled Lord Cardigan
Till his charger got hard again,
And he opened much more than his sweater.
--- David Finely P9704
Whatever you have in that gap, Jack,
Is far from appealing
And not worth the feeling,
So button your trouser-front flap, Jack.
--- Peter Wilkins
As I drop my old coat on the floor.
So I try, but I frown,
For it always hangs DOWN
When it's put on the hook on the door.
--- Funfax Limericks
While researching the Tailors from Stoats,
Discovered their charms
Lay not in their Arms,
But are found in the arms of their coats.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0211
Had to welcome the Duchess of Teck.
So he bought for a dollar
A very high collar,
To save himself washing his neck.
--- J H Pitman
Would always wear heavy fur parkas;
His great fear, so he said,
Was to die out of bed,
Both balls frozen hard on his carcass.
--- Armand E Singer 994
Whose clothes were all covered in darns.
He'd dug fewer holes
In his life, for poor souls,
That his sweater had under the arms.
--- Michael Palin
He wanted to impress his new jailer.
The suit was impressive;
Swear words were excessive;
He's told to join the crew of a whaler.
--- Arthur Pattaffy Q
Wore a pair of too-tight denim jeans.
Said a well-meaning friend,
"You'd better not bend."
But she did, and you know what that means...
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Who'd stroll through the streets in her gown,
Constructed of leather
And resistant to weather;
It forced her to screw lying down.
--- Big Little Playoy Lims
Are forever scratching their testicles,
For a tailor at Wallachs
Likes to fit young men's bollocks
Into trousers so tight that the "dress" tickles.
--- G2743
I'm sure that the fellows would cringe less
If your Brooks Brothers suit
Were a little less cute--
You know, less lace, dear, and fingeless.
--- G2676
You can get a much better grip
On all those fine lasses
With soft moist crevasses;
Less layers of clothing to strip.
--- Dirruk
Took a tumble, the newspapers note.
Though HE died in the fall
SHE was not hurt at all,
For she had on her light fall coat.
--- Bob Giandomenico P8712
Lived a wise wizened fellow, Sean Cloggy.
When it rained, he would tog
Up in his London Fog,
Since it's better to be safe than soggy.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0208
As I hammered away at her crack,
She said, "Boy, you're so good,
But I'm wondering - would
You remove that ridiculous mac?"
--- Peter Wilkins
And said, "Woman, I told you today;
When I'm through with your muff,
I'll shoot fountains of stuff
And the mac is protection from spray."
--- Peter Wilkins
Is the world's shortest mini, I guess.
She sat down once in school
On a fresh-painted stool,
Yet got up with no paint on her dress.
--- Thomas A Quinine P8303 A
Who was always funnily dressed;
Who wore gloves on his nose,
And a hat on his toes,
And a boot in the middle of his chest.
--- Cosmo Monkhouse
Who made a considerable stink on
The subject of furs,
For that young niece of hers
Had run off with naught but a mink on.
--- Anon
I ought not to wear my best clothes.
But what can I do?
I only have two,
And these are no better than those."
--- Anon
To her first period class, she was mean.
Her egg hadn't hatched --
Her clothes never matched --
Who else would wear orange and green.
--- Da Brat
Or Dorothy her ruby slippers to shine,
Politely decline!
Remember, Einstein,
Girls in pinafores aren't always benign.
--- Lynn Mostafa
Who lived with a miserly aunt.
When asked to a ball,
Said, "I've no clothes at all.
I must borrow the plumes of my tante."
--- S Littman G0409
Once answered the door with her vest on.
Her caller, the Rector,
Said, "Dear Mrs Nector,
For goodness sake, please put the rest on."
--- Anon
Who removed all his pockets from hips,
Because what he'd handled
(And shamelessly dandled)
Had burst through a hundred good zips.
--- David A Brooks Q
My attire is causing loud jeers,
Ever since, in pursuit
Of a seersucker suit
At Cox's, I wound up at Sears."
--- Bob Giandomenico P9411
"But why?" I replied. "Tell me, please."
She answered with shock,
"Because your huge cock
Is visible well past your knees."
--- Travis Brasell
I can't see the cheeks of your ass,
Or stray pubic hair,
Enticing me there.
You'd best take them off, or I'll pass.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Who went nude in her home just to gloat.
But when she went out
Around and about,
She would put on her shoulder-length coat.
--- Don Moore P9703
The shrinkage of his woolen vest.
It was washed in hot water
And it shouldn't oughter--
That's why it's halfway up his chest.
--- Spike Mulligan
Her long skirt had a slit up one half.
Every step that she took
Attracted a look,
From the boys as she showed off her calf.
--- Friar TP9804
This is file vjm
And the boys, they could all see her thigh.
It was not too concealing;
Extremely revealing.
They ogled and let out a sigh.
--- Friar TP9804
Her short skirt had a slit up the front!
As she walked through the door,
They all ogled galore,
But she had on the skirt, back-to-front.
--- Friar TP9804
Gave all of the girlies a treat;
He walked in a store
And all that he wore
Was a sock... and that weren't on his feet.
--- Tiddy Ogg
An ordinary sock wouldn't meet
The required dimension
Of his penile extension,
Without causing many a pleat.
--- Tiddy Ogg
For dammit, I cannot recall,
Despite allegations,
My somnabulations,
Unless I wake up in the mall.
--- Peter Wilkins
And always assuredly sockless;
Though visiting China's
More elegant diners,
I rarely, if ever, go wokless.
--- Peter Wilkins
Cried her nephew, "Your clothes are so scanty!
Each year a worse mess!
So I've brought a new dress
To restore the dear status quo auntie."
--- Norm Storer
Calories out the window, it seems.
"Hey, I just had a thought --
Can eat more than I ought,
'Cause I'm wearing my stretch denim jeans!"
--- Val Burns P0608
But I thought that suede was much better.
So I bought me a jacket,
But I couldn't hack it,
Because it tickled my tits like a feather.
--- Bobby
Of Adam and Eve's first dispute,
For he was unnerved
When the greens that she served
Included his best Sunday suit.
--- A N Wilkins P8312
The one with my big high school letter.
It then seemed to me
And I'm sure you'll agree,
On her it looked quite a bit better.
--- Dr Limerick
With any design you can get.
From XL, down to small,
I've shirts to fit you all;
Buy some, if you've not done so yet.
--- Anon
And will never be found 'round my neck.
For despite corporate backing,
Their utility's lacking,
Leastwise the last time I checked...
--- Allen Robel
In her tiger-skin coat felt much bolder--
Till a thief, a right mug,
Said, "Cor! Smashin' rug!"
Rolled her up in a bundle and sold her.
--- Mary Danby Armada 1
Consulted his clothing appraiser.
"I need something chic,
For fording a creek.
Here, let me try on this trail blazer."
--- Ogni Gioia
Took a stroll with umbrella and fan.
New Yorkers, I fear,
Would think he was queer,
But Koreans would call him a man.
--- James Wade P8303
(As he wiped off his dick on his sleeve)
"I suppose there are those
Wipe their nose on their clothes;
But they lack the finesse I achieve!"
--- Anon
Found the budget was hard to equate,
They levied a tax
On women in slacks,
In proportion to volume and weight.
--- Lims Unlimited
Whose hobby was sulptin' and carvin'.
He sold wooden bow ties,
Which was really quite wise.
It kept carvin' Marvin from starvin'.
--- Anon
Adorned with a wooden bow tie.
And wherever he went,
They said, "He's a gent,
Who pines to be knotty, oh my!
--- Bruce Burchated
Invariably do not wear a tie.
But were I to wear one,
Not because I'm your son,
It would for sure be a wooden bow tie.
--- Jim Beloff
He dead now; they caused his demise.
When his pipe he lighted,
His bow tie ignited
And fried his hide from chin to eyes.
--- Anon
And with wood there is no need to sew.
Done with chisel and mallet
And a small bit of talent,
So no woe bestows to this pro.
--- Anon
If of bow ties you have not a qualm.
They're made of light wood,
And look pretty good;
Made to order at woodbowties.com
--- S Smith
Attired in best shirt and coating.
When his trusty boat sank,
Marv's mind became blank,
But his wooden bow tie kept him floating.
--- Mark Hamilton
It made her look larger and plumper.
She emphasized certain parts;
She looked like a queen of tarts.
I thought she was wearing a bumper.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Always wear nice underpants."
Then if I got
Hurt I would not
Be embarrassed in the ambulance.
--- Karen
I save them for emergencies.
If I'm a survivor,
I will ask the driver,
"Will you stop for my panties first, please?"
--- Karen
Has taken to combing the beaches,
Where he helps all the aunties
On and off with their panties,
And they help him off with his breeches.
--- L1463
Who loved those north-easterly gales.
When the wind was just right,
She stood in the bight,
Till her bloomers they billowed like sails.
--- Marlene McCarty
That only the ladies wear bloomers.
Be they jockeys or scanties,
Or shorts or lace panties,
They're all much the same to consumers.
--- Anon
And put on her panties, silk, frilly;
Too bad that they're clean,
But I know where they've been,
And the thought sure excites my old willie.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Don't see how you could have forgotten
That silk's not my style.
I find rayon vile,
And think nylon panties are rotten.
--- Anon
Remember guest's preferences, so
They come away pleased
And later are seized
By great need to visit once mo'.
--- Anon
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