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How Fermi could estimate things! What would you have thought, Galileo, As he viewed the apple plantation, Said Heisenberg one day to his son, A quantum mechanic's vacation There once was a man who said "Damn! Tom E. Quation, physicist true Though Sir James (God's-a-formula) Jeans Said philosopher-physicist Jeans: "I'm English!" he said with a scowl. An equal of Gordon was Klein, As principles go, Murphy's rules; The brightest success will not last, The jolt in a bolt is directly On a tropical beach walked Niels Bohr, Old Pauli was heard to opine I tangled my Wolfgang-Paulology Co-ed dated her physics professor, A young physicist named Bill Schnieder Writing with a cramp in my finger, Though Einstein's equations were firm, There once was a man with strange hair; There once was a man with strange hair, Albert Einstein's the man we must credit Said Einstein, "I have an equation "Now if P over U be inverted, When Einstein said without doubt, Tried to fuck at the speed of the light, The faster-than-light speed quorem, It would also have infinite mass Can the sun, squirting light by the ton, That patent clerk -- Al what's-his-name -- Einstein sat all night awake. "Electrons all jumbled like rice?" About physics I'm hopelessly dense; For a bullet, a train, and a gun; Einstein said with a smile, Of the many effects miscellaneous, As Einstein explored elevators Einstein was known for creativity, Albert Einstein realized When Newton sat under the tree, "It's gravity!" Newton had said Newton said as he gazed off afar, One day, legend says, Isaac Newton (rambuten - a liche-like fruit)
A ballistical student named Rafferty, Newton looked at the data, numerical, There was a young man of Khartoum, A calculus fit to compute on, While eating that apple he bit, For that which must rise must soon fall; But note that the opposite's true, And branches not low, but quite high, 'Neath the tree Newton lay on the green Through a prism looked Newton, at light. The first law of Newton I sing; An intrepid young student named Raleigh Newton's Fourth Law Of Motion: Weightless astronauts getting some action, A spaceman and girl in free fall Old Mrs Thomas's friend The radiation was a small oversight, For experimental results the world waited A Neanderthal teacher named Fred A proton once said, "I'll fulfill If Albert Einstein hadn't cared,
Like the well-known ten Olympic rings,
And the one hundred states
And weeks with ten dates,
A birds that fly with one wing.
--- David Morin
If instead you dropped cows and did say, "Oh!
To lessen the sound
Of the moos from the ground,
They should fall not through air but through mayo!"
--- David Morin
Newton just stared in contemplation.
No-one's surprised
He'd not realized
The GRAVITY of the situation.
--- Kitten
"My principle's not a hard one.
Measuring x is an ease,
Finding p is a breeze,
But determining both can't be done."
--- Chris Matthews
Has his colleagues in dire consternation.
For while studies had shown
That his speed was well known,
His position was pure speculation.
--- Anon
I can't possible be in this tram.
For how can I know
Both how fast that I go
And also the place where I am."
--- Anon
Liked to derive when he would screw.
Each night as he came,
He was heard to exclaim
"My God! What a glorious proof!"
--- Anon
Holds the view that the stars are machines,
He admits that behind
The machine is a Mind --
Or a Minder apparelled in Jeans?
--- R J P Hewison
"How many or few are five beans?
Friend Einstein says four,
Five, six, or more,
But I'm blowed if I know what he means."
--- R C Owen
"My name, I should think, would be 'Joule',
And yet as a rule
I must answer to 'Joule'
Confound that ambiguous vow'll!"
--- Edward H Green
And his work was equally fine.
But, lo, what a fate,
For in physics of late,
His name is replaced by a sine!
--- Devlin Gualtieri
For that which is warm, of course, cools.
For Entropy's laws
Remind us that flaws
Can often be found in bright jewels.
--- Matthew Montchalin
For that which will move will be classed
As gradually stopping,
And things that are topping
Will find themselves bottomed out fast.
--- Matthew Montchalin
Proportional to how correctly
One needs the outcome;
Now don't be too glum --
It can't be predicted perfectly.
--- Matthew Montchalin
Transfixed by the waves flowing pure.
Then he looked at the sand,
And thought it quite grand,
How those waves met the grains at the shore.
--- David Morin et al
After too many glasses of wine,
"Francesca, my dear,
At my knitting you sneer.
Am I casting my purls before swine?"
--- Virge
In my yarn based on knitting's mythology.
Now it seems apropos
To admit that I owe
Both Wolfgang and Paul (Dirac) an apology.
--- Virge
Who proceeded at once to undress her.
When she patted his erection,
The angle of deflection
Proved him rigid enough to impress her.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0209
Had a wife, but he couldn't abider.
This frustated schmuk
Ran completely amuck,
And buggered the super collider.
--- Anon
References include Schroedinger,
Einstein and Podolsky,
Rosen come Sukowski,
With Greenberger, Horne, and Zeilinger.
--- Michael Reck
There was one thing that did make him squirm.
A cosmos expandable
Was not understandable,
So he added that ill-fated term.
--- David Morin
He said, "Other than physics, don't care."
He sat down with a book,
And had a long look,
When he realized that E = mc square.
--- Sarah Antel
Who said, "Other than physics, I don't dare."
He sat down with a book
And had a long look,
And realized E = mc**2.
--- Sarah Antet
For being the man who first said it.
The name of the game
That brought him his fame
Was E = mc squared - Get it?
--- Stanley J Sharpless
Which science might call Rabelaisian.
Let P be virginity
Approaching infinity,
And U be a constant, persuasion.
--- L1415
And the square root of U be inserted,
X times over P,
The result, Q.E.D.
Is a relative," Einstein asserted.
--- L1416
By this time he had the most clout,
Wrote FDR a letter,
The atom is better,
But I'm just a high school dropout.
--- Carl A Benz
But it was such a big, hopeless fight.
Could not move my hips
And have now come to grips
With the fact that old Einstein was right.
--- Dirruk
Einstein shot holes in that theorem.
You'd have infinite extension
Of erectile dimension
And the ladies won't let that thing near 'em.
--- MrMalo
And a warping of space come to pass.
As the universe closes
You'd find your own hose is
Coming 'round to fuck you in the ass.
--- MrMalo
Attract light from a more distant sun?
They took up the scent,
And found the light bent.
Einstein had skeptics on the run!
--- Carl A Benz
Told us energy and mass are the same.
To make matters worse,
He said, (not in verse)
There is no preferred reference frame.
--- Daniel Koon
"These equations are so hard to make!
With a wave of my hands,
The Universe expands,
But Omega still puts on the brake."
--- Devlin Gualtieri
This is file vil
Quoth Einstein, "That's too high a price."
In reply, answered God,
"Well I don't find it odd.
So shut up and let me play dice."
--- Bruce Baskir a
Of the cosmos, I'd like to make sense.
They say Einstein is right;
That space is finite;
Perhaps bound by a white picket fence.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun
Adding their speed can be fun.
Take a trip down the path
Paved with Einstein's new math,
Where a half plus a half isn't one.
--- David Morin
As he doodled on paper with style,
"E equals m C-squared,
But with your ass freshly bared,
We could fuck like wild dogs for awhile."
--- Anon
The loss of events, simultaneous,
Allows A to claim
There's no pause in B's frame,
Where this last line is not so extraneous.
--- David Morin
And studied the spinning ice skaters,
He eyed as suspicious,
The forces, ficticious,
Of gravity's great imitators.
--- David Morin
And replied, when asked about gravity,
"Energy is mass multiplied
By the square of the speed of light;
I call it my Theory of Relativity.
--- Tom Campbell
Time is a dimension disguised.
Forever we stretch
'Twixt birth-date and death,
And, quite relatively, no one dies.
--- Jarmo
An apple above him, broke free.
A Golden Delicious,
It struck him quite vicious.
I'm glad it was him and not me.
--- Richard Long
When an apple dropped down on his head.
But, oh, what dismay
On that famous day,
If a brick had dropped on him instead.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
"From here to the most distant star,
The wonderous ellipses
And solar eclipses
All come from a 1 over r."
--- David Morin et al
Came a-runnin', a-hollerin', and a-hootin'.
He was a-rubbin' his head,
And a-wishin' instead
Of an apple, he'd picked a rambuten.
--- David Morin et al
Went down to the Gentlemen's Laffertry.
When the walls met his sight,
He said, "Newton was right.
This must be the center of graffiti."
--- D H Cudmore G2727
And them made observations, empirical.
He said, "But of course,
We get the same force
From a point mass and something that's spherical.
--- David Morin
The strength of whose balls was his doom.
So strong was his shootin',
The Third Law of Newton
Propelled the poor chap to the moon.
--- G2607
White light, and a head to drop fruit on,
A mind to absorb it,
And soar into orbit.
That's all that it takes to be Newton.
--- Gina Berkeley A
Great Newton decided that it
Should be thrown straight up.
And then with some luck,
Might fall somewhere else where he sit.
--- Matthew Montchalin
A principle applying to all.
That apples plus distance
Give rise to resistance,
Because, badly beaned, you will crawl.
--- Matthew Montchalin
That returning the apple that grew
To the branch that had lost it,
Depends not on who tossed it,
But on the tree and the distance it flew.
--- Matthew Montchalin
Make distances hard to defy.
But those that are low,
One reaches just so,
Without climbing so far as to die.
--- Matthew Montchalin
And an apple fell down on his bean.
Came the question protracted:
Was the apple attracted,
Or pushed by some forces unseen?
--- Albin Chaplin P9207
The spectrum was a curious sight.
"This light isn't stained,"
Sir Isaac explained,
"For when recombined, it is white!"
--- Chris Matthews
My voice has a relevant ring:
"An object left free
Of hassles will be
Engrossed in just doing its thing."
--- Edward H Green PR9603
Deserted a fast moving trolley
To discover a flaw
In Newton's first law,
But this efforts were folly, by golly.
--- J Reimer
That bodies is regular motion
Quadruple their speed
When approaching the need
For a multi-orgasmic explosion.
--- Peter Wilkins
Were frustrated losing their traction,
Thus proving for all
Robert Newton's Third Law
Of the equal opposing reaction.
--- C P Mariner
Obeyed the progenitive call.
But Newton's Third Rule
Grabbed hold of his tool,
And shot him across to the wall.
--- G2597
Had a radioactive bell-end;
He stuck it up Millie
Who lit up Caerphilly,
And blew all the lights in Bridgend!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
And Jake died on the nuclear site.
To the morticians, his wife said,
"Let me take him home instead.
He can still keep me warm on cold nights!"
--- Laurence Craft
On a cloth that was C-14 dated.
Disproving Turin's shroud
Made atheists proud,
But they still must explain how we're created.
--- Anon
Died in his cave in his bed.
When his C-14's taken,
Its half-life was mistaken,
For it proved he was living, not dead.
--- Anon
My long-term belief in free will.
Though theorists (may) say
That I ought to decay,
I'm damned if I think that I will."
--- David Halliday PR9703
Or maybe even hadn't dared,
To tell us so,
We never would know
That E equals M times C squared.
--- Richard Long
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