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Jan went there to hear the last trump, My first stop did not staunch the blood, I think Jesus Christ is the Force "Ad Astra Per Aspera," quoth Janet, Methinks Janet's muff's a black hole In fact, I know Jan very well; This hole, though it often is full On further to Pluto and Charon Our Janet now circles Uranus, There has to be one that is pure in us I don't want to disagree, son, Wikipedia has it both ways, You're right, trouble shouldn't be brewed. That U stress: an abomination. "Mankind is not off to the stars," "Making love," Janet said, "on the moon Said Janet, "It's best in free fall; Said Janet, "I'll leave you, I swear, Despite having Tom by the ears, Said Janet, soon after they'd kissed, "Now Tommy," said Janet, "feel free This time we look in and we see Our Janet has come pretty far Tom laughed, "Oui, oui!" all the way home, The Greeks made a fuss about Helen, Here's Janet, with Hitler, in bunker. Bathsheba was making the news, The Song of Songs waxes Janetic During work on his famous equation, Now time's duly measured by clocks Two thousand, two thousand, two thousan'; Time's the greatest invention, to wit: Said a pupil of Einstein, "It's rotten A physicist down in Morocco One's thought common, the other sublime. The pilot said, "Yes, we are late. A tachyon, moving quite fast, First let me explain that I'm cursed. The future as good as the past, In your time machine go to Bombay, In my time machine, sex is pursued; Sultan's harem of timeless delight, These excursions are always so sweet, Roman orgy you spot in B.C., To travel to time's future stations, I had a twin sister Marie, My very dear brother from Boulder, Mr Wells, in his grand Time Machine, The Barbary pirates and knavery A crusty old pirate named Pete He followed the winds up to Florider She took one look and said "My! There once was a pirate, well known It's the life of a pirate for me, A famed murderous pirate named Blue Silk importers were prone to complain (grosgrain - type of silk-cotton cloth)
Buccaneers, be they ever so bold, --Oh Cap'n -- he declared -- My Cap'n! The Cap'n told cabin-boy Hank, Captain Avery, who brazenly led Two moments in Captain Hook's past; There was an old pirate named Hook, I lost right arm to sword-wielding crook; As the news passed around on the dock, Captain Kidd told his crew he forbid On all pirate vessels the crews (cruse - a small vessel for holding liquid)
And arrived there with an audible "thump!"
The Four Horsemen were drunk
On whiskey and spunk,
And the Archangel played with his stump.
--- John Miller
So I moved up ahead to the flood.
So what did I find?
Noah there going blind --
The bastard was pulling his pud!
--- John Miller
I'm after," said Jan, "so of course,
Since I have little hope
Of bedding the Pope,
I'm heading back now to the source."
--- John Miller
"Though I've screwed on about every planet
That's under the Sun,
I'm off to have fun
Some parsecs from where I began it."
--- John Miller
That's vying for cosmic control.
It sucks in all comers
In frightening numbers,
To find the ideal pleasure pole.
--- John Miller
Having looked I can certainly tell
That although my sweet Jan
Has a lovely tan,
It's pink with a sweet girly smell.
--- John Miller
Has a limited gravity pull;
And I'd find it surprisin'
If "event horizon"
For here was much other than bull.
--- John Miller
Where everything's frozen and barren.
But Janet, in heat,
Can warm up your meat
In a way that leaves astronauts starin'.
--- John Miller
Though the pun here may actually pain us.
If you tickle her cunt,
She'll move to the front,
Where her orbit delights, though it strain us.
--- John Miller
Who knows that's not how to say Uranus.
It is syllable one
That the accent is on,
Though this usage has sure been inurin' us.
--- John Miller
But Websters says syllable one
Or syllable two
Is all up to you;
Go check it; good day and have fun!
--- HMMWV
And that's what my grandmother says.
And Great-uncle Tom
Who says he is from
Miranda, is claiming these days.
--- Tiddy Ogg
If some of our rhymes are all skewed,
Let's get back to talkin'
'Bout huggin' and chalkin',
And all of the girls we have screwed!
--- Scott Oliver
A modern day Bowdlerisation,
By Puritan hags,
Who, lackin real shags,
Know nothing but 'lectric fellation.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Says Janet, "But now I'm on Mars,
Where, sad to relate,
The nookey's not great,
But beats out the back seats of cars."
--- John Miller
Is expensive but carries a boon:
At a sixth of a gee
I come faster than he,
Then he's ready again very soon.
--- John Miller
Though I come twice as hard, that's not all.
As I float off the rack,
I can take, front and back,
Six men all at once, in a ball."
--- John Miller
If you don't stop using Rogain down there.
Now Hours after sex,
It's starting to vex;
Sweetheart, I'm still spitting hair!"
--- John Miller
Our Janet is nearly in tears;
"Oh please get your tongue
Back out of my bung.
I've reserved that for lesbos and queers!"
--- John Miller
"I don't mind your using your fist,
But if you don't mind,
I wish you'd unwind
Whatever it is on your wrist!"
--- John Miller
To fiddle around where I pee.
But I don't want to linger
Too long on a finger;
At least you could try using three!"
--- John Miller
Our Janet astride Tommy's knee.
Says Janet, "Now Fella,
It's not your patella
I want driven deep into me!"
--- John Miller
And is in the back seat of a car,
With a much older Tom,
Saying, "I'll tell your mom...
If you don't do much more than you are!"
--- John Miller
Where the deer and the antelope roam.
Even though he had heard
A discouraging word,
He still porked young Janet. Shalom!
--- Randog
But Paris's johnson was swellin'
Inside of Jan's quim,
While the battle was grim,
And Achilles brave Hector was fellin'.
--- Randog
Says Janet: "Come on, Adolf, hunker
Down here; wipe your 'stache
Around my pink gash.
And Eva Braun? Boy, you can junk her."
--- Tiddy Ogg
But Janet was David's sex muse.
Inspiring his psalms,
She quashed all his qualms,
That God didn't sanction their screws.
--- Randog
In verses both hot and poetic.
Like father, like son,
'Tis true, Solomon
Succumbed to her naughty aesthetic.
--- Randog
He took a break for masturbation.
Drip by drip came the goo,
So he reasoned it's due
To the phenomenon of time dilation.
--- Anon
And events can be mentioned in logs.
But I never saw
It ordered by law,
That notes should be scribbled in blocks.
--- Q
The whole world wide over carousin'.
This ain't just New Year
Or New Century here,
'Cause the third New Millenium now's in!
--- Anon
For both work and play lets you do it.
With no night or day
You would waste away.
With no time you'd simply say, "Screw it!"
--- Tom Patton P0409
To find I'd completely forgotten
That by living so fast,
All my future's my past,
And I buried before I'm begotten.
--- C F Best
This is file vgl
Discovered, to everyone's shocko,
To get time to reverse,
You need just chant a curse,
Where instead of "O-Clock" you say "Clock-O."
--- Nick D Kim
One boasts a high financial clime.
Whether simple, complex,
Rolex and Timex,
Both do keep fairly accurate time.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0608
But we'll make up for our bad fate.
If we travel tonight,
Past the speed of light,
We'll arrive before we leave the gate."
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Was imaginarily-massed;
And thus it decayed
Before it was made,
And traveled from future to past.
--- Kay R Devicci
I'm a poet whose time got reversed.
Reversed got time
Whose poet a I'm.
Cursed I'm that explain me let first.
--- Anon
A present that will last and last;
Never over the hill,
Time will ever stand still,
Loving act that cannot end too fast.
--- Joel D Ash
On a stage set for grand passion play;
Perfumed garden exotic,
Time spent there erotic;
Perhaps you will stay there all day.
--- Joel D Ash
Every chance in advance is reviewed;
Find a boudoir in France,
Circumstance without pants,
Lady craving romance, a night lewd.
--- Joel D Ash
Ladies with unfulfilled appetite;
The old master is out,
Eunuch nowhere about,
The right time to slip in a night flight.
--- Joel D Ash
And it's easy to dial a repeat;
Loving Helen of Troy,
Perfect moment of joy,
That's redone till the treat is complete.
--- Joel D Ash
Simply don an old sheet and go see;
You can enter the mix,
Do few loving tricks,
Disappear into time when you flee.
--- Joel D Ash
Great inventors made investigations.
But there ain't nothing to it;
Any dimwit can do it;
All it takes is a little bit patience.
--- Anon
Who went off at a speed close to c.
She came back one day
In a relative way,
And ended up younger than me.
--- Kay R Devicci
I hear that you've gotten much older.
And please tell me why
My lower left thigh
Hasn't aged quite as much as my shoulder.
--- David Morin
Was smart, young, adventurous and keen.
His unresolved flaw
Was he'd broken God's law,
And arrived back in time 'fore he'd been.
--- Weekly Science
Were synonymous, and their unsavory
Reputations were earned
From the cities they burned
And the captives they sold into slavery.
--- A N Wilkins P8804
Always kept his intentions discreet.
But one day he forayed
And his fleet was betrayed
By his treacherous pet parakeet.
--- Nick D Kim
And then took an interior corrider.
Came upon a fine lass
Who thought pirates quite crass,
But all of the other men bored her.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
I do like that gleam in his eye.
But what I keep wondering
While he is out plundering
Just what's left at home here for I?"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
For not taking the crow's nest alone.
He slipped once while frigging
Way up in the rigging,
And fell, and he broke his best bone.
--- Arrgg T9707
A looting and pillaging spree!
Yes, I'll buckle my swash
(An adventure, by gosh)
Once I've finished this nice cup of tea.
--- Anon
Buried treasure, then silenced the crew;
It just never occurred,
Until he was interred,
There was no one around him who knew.
--- J Maynard Kaplan
When bold pirates hijacked them off Spain.
Said one merchant named Moss,
"I think I'll cut my loss,
Buy a farm and there try to grosgrain."
--- Loren Fitzhugh P9206
With oodles of loot in the hold,
When all the food rots
And the men get the trots,
Cannot eat their silver and gold.
--- A N Wilkins P8804
The poopdeck's not only for crappin'!
We'll turn with the tides,
'Til we've come to broadsides;
White waves, hard astern, are a-cappin'!
--- Brian Belge
"Quite frankly, my boy, you're a wank.
You're hopeless at thuggery,
And useless at buggery;
Now go take a jump off this plank.
--- Peter Wilkins
His pirates and scattered the dead
From Bombay to Jamaica,
In his last days turned Quaker,
And died of old age in his bed.
--- A N Wilkins P8804
Memories which still leave him aghast.
A visit quite vile
From a big crocidile,
And that time he was wiping his ass!
--- John Chastaine a
Whose foul deeds were writ in a book.
At last he walked the plank,
And then his ship sank.
'Twas the end of this buccaneer crook.
--- Thomas A Ratliff P0305
And left eye to a low-flying rook,
When it crapped in my eye,
But sadly, 'twas my
First day with the fucking hook!
--- David Miller
Captain Hook's sad demise caused a shock.
It seems that he bled
To death in his bed
From, they claimed, just an itch in his jock.
--- Bob Giandomenico P8804
Two nicknames he'd always kept hid --
Oscar and Ulysses --
Were namesakes of sissies
And worse to be tagged O. U. Kidd.
--- Bob Giandomenico P8804
Have a powerful craving for booze.
It is their holy water
For blessing or slaughter,
And they drink it from tankard or cruse.
--- Laurence Perrine P8804
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