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In the war to be "King of the Polls", When I watch network newscasts today, It's not that we all have desire Another new legal dance Clinton's Education Plan may stall. If a camera is pointed Bill's way, What next? It's not easy to guess; Bill's experiencing something brand new: Now, lovers of Clinton, don't flame; The president had a big fit Sam Donaldson's back on The Hill, Clinton's friends in the media strive The temple of justice still glitters, They set up a partisan sting It took time to be nailed for this dud; I think I have got the right view! There was an old fellow who ranted, Sipping tea with Red China's head man Bill and Al are beginning to sweat. The NY Times let out a howl; ...The Democrats throw in the towel? I'm Clinton! Time's man of the year! Ms Tripp, who was in the know, As we watch Clinton's White House ferment, Bill's troubles are the only things There's "congenital liar" in prose; TV news can be purged of this blight. Some statistics we've gathered with ease, Shuttlecock, also known as badminton, In the great southern state, Arkansas, If Prez Clinton was watching his feet Lamenting his humongous thighs, To die in the Senate is Borkian. For Bill, whisky just will not do; When George Bush parachuted through air, An uncommonly checkered past Clinton submit to castration? Our good name erodes by ablation. Would Clinton submit to castration? Would Clinton submit to castration? A privileged client's attorney Would Clinton submit to castration? Your idea begets empathy, It's the greatest play yet from Slick Willy, Would Clinton submit to castration? Would Clinton submit to castration? The hair growing from Bill's pate and crown As I watched the inaugural affair, Slick Willy, at golfing's a klutz; Thoughts on Bill's sexual exploits are mixed, I'm sick of the vague, euphemistic They said stairs were the reason Bill Clinton Clinton's gravely voice is a clue "Slick Willie! Look out!" yelled his host. Would Clinton submit to castration? The bell rings, she questions who is it, If Clinton had stayed in D.C. Over problems he found hard to mull, Would Clinton submit to castration? His headaches Bill came to despise, Of Bill's records we've seen but a few; There seems to be a bit of a flap It's her husband, she just couldn't please. It said in Bill's fortune cookie, Bill felt ill when he sat down to dine; We watch Bill with utmost suspicion,
The news media sold out their souls.
Elections aren't games!
They should be ashamed!
New reporters should examine their goals.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
I know I can't trust what they say.
They've developed a knack
Of mixing fiction and fact.
When you mix white and black, you get grey.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
To see politicians on fire,
It's just that the news
Has no way to cruise,
Unless it can steep us in mire.
--- KJR
Around an illict romance.
The worst of this mess
Is the fact that our press
Has its nose in the President's pants.
--- MrMalo
Feds push around the States; what gall!
John Engler said, "Please,
We've different priorities.
I've a problem with one size fits all."
--- David A Brooks Q
He slips into his role right away.
To the press, he can lie.
At a funeral? He'll cry.
"Photo ops" are his game-winning play.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
More sheet sniffing leaks to the press.
The power judicial
Is quite prejudicial,
When politically used to distress.
--- M David Tilson
The press isn't bowing on cue.
Clinton can't get much spin
With his Teflon worn thin.
They're getting wise but it's long overdue.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
From Clinton News Network this came
With a "Breaking News" banner,
Which then in some manner
Was erased. Well, now, ain't that a shame?
--- John Miller
And complained of what newsmen had writ.
He said, "Take my advice
Try to write something nice."
The newsmen would rather eat shit.
--- Albin Chaplin
Putting pressure on President Bill.
He seems glad to be back,
At the front of the pack,
Exercising his fact-finding skills.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
To make sure that their candidate thrives.
"Good news!" takes the stage
Right on the front page,
But the scandals always land on page five.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
The News seeks new sins for its twitters.
Each wanted to sleuth but
In this case to truth cut,
The comics with skits and sidesplitters.
--- Anon
About Clinton's adulterous fling.
It's the economy, stupid!
So forget about cupid,
But the media know sex is king.
--- Anon
There are crooks both in Justice and HUD.
Now that Willy is charred,
Cokie Roberts hits hard,
Claiming sharks are now smelling the blood.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who cares if the Prez has a screw?
The Prez has done fine,
Still all of you whine.
I'm sick of this media spew.
--- LadyJ
Till his TV receiver was canted
At a forty-five angle,
So he could untangle
The news he received that was slanted.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2761
Will advance Clinton's big global plan.
Will he give the old coot
A snappy salute?
And hope it's not shown on C-Span?
--- Jim Weaver Collection
They've been caught doing things they regret.
With the press closing in,
They have traded their grin
For a big bottle of Tagamet.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
It smells like it came from your bowel.
For election surety,
He sold national security.
When will the Dems throw in the towel.
--- Puff Adder
Why do that when they feast cheek to jowl
At the trough with vile despots,
While the press calls it "cheap shots",
When we point out their leader is foul.
--- John Miller
An honor I've earned, that is clear.
Now Time's no belittler;
They rank me with Hitler.
(And also with Starr, ain't that queer?)
--- John Miller
Contacted her favorite news show.
And till Bill's unseated,
We all will be treated
To a nightly detailed blow-by-blow.
--- Nate Birkholz
The press corp has picked up the scent.
Like a pack of lean hounds,
They will track the smell down
And find out what the stink represents.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Airwaves and print to us bring.
I'll be happy to see
What the ending will be,
After that fat lady sings.
--- Phylcarp
The temper of Willy arose.
"If you don't hold me back,
I am set to attack;
I'll be smashing Bill Safire's nose."
--- Jim Weaver Collection
You can remove the left slant overnight.
Take a big wooden wedge
And shove it under the edge
Of the boob tube till the picture looks right.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
And there's one that with Rodham we'll tease.
Bill's been dropping his pants;
Let us figure the chance
That he's not yet brought home a disease.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Is the favorite game of Bill Clinton.
While his bird's been around,
Many ladies have found,
Though it's bent, it shows no signs of quittin'.
--- Bluebird TP9901
Live the meanest hogs you ever saw.
'Twixt the pigs they admire
And a favorite-son liar,
Bent pricks are not viewed as a flaw.
--- John Miller
He'd known there's another to meet.
But he missed the first pass
And fell flat on his ass;
The ortho surgeon he'd greet!
--- WLP
Billy C wolfed down three more Moon Pies.
But when caught by the press
In yet one more huge mess,
He said, "Oh shit! I'll just tell more lies."
--- Rosie
A Russian park death is called Gorkyan.
They have had quite enough,
So the demos got tough;
They voted Bill's doctor, Kevorkian.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
This is file vem
What he needs is another screw.
He is so bad
And Hill is so mad,
That she's broken his bent dick in two.
--- Karen
He sailed down with high-spirited flair.
He landed with ease,
Not hurting his knees,
Unlike Bill in the White House wheelchair.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Has left my opponents aghast;
When I get in a tight
I can re-direct spite
By supporting my role in a "cast".
--- Jim Weaver Collection
What a question that needs concentration.
On the one hand, the wife;
In the other a knife;
Say goodbye to the balls of our nation.
--- Deep Goat TP9807
Let's spare further pain to our nation.
My object sublime:
Set punish to crime;
A fitting one's simply castration.
--- Naz
So wonders his curious nation.
If his balls hit the floor
Would it even the score
And bring Congress complete jubilation?
--- Anon
It surely would cause a sensation!
A ruler without balls.
For women this calls
For a major, big celebration.
--- Marty TP9807
Embarked on a truth-seeking journey.
When the pres lost his dick
To a blade nice and thick,
He now carried his balls on a gurney!
--- Anon
If he felt it would end his frustration?
His addiction you know,
Is to fellatio.
I bet first he would try masturbation.
--- H Welchel
For one who's too quick with his 'fly', T
Negating new tricks,
Is kiss family jewels bye-bye.
--- Chris Papa
As Kevorkian he met down in Philly.
"Someone you have to see;
End my pain; please aggree.
Dr. Jack, come on down and meet Hilly."
--- Jim Weaver Collection
And indeed would that serve the nation?
I can just hear the calls,
If you cut off his balls,
"Keep those - 'cause the rest's no sensation!"
--- Anon
Would it stop his eternal temptation?
It's giving me gas,
These tales of grab-ass;
Let's do it on Face the Nation!
--- Anon
Has been dyed shades of grey, blond and brown.
Hair shades of this man
Reflect his game plan,
But are subject to change by sundown.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
It was hard to ignore Clinton's hair.
It made such a sight,
As it gleamed silver-white,
That I almost went blind from the glare.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
His short game is driving him nuts.
He's not very old,
But he's often been told
That there's something wrong with his putz.
--- Popsicle TP9807
With the whole nation's focus transfixed.
Why don't we call a cab,
And send Bill and his Lab
To the vet and have both of them "fixed"?
--- Jim Weaver Collection
"Distinguishing characteristic."
Is it splotched? Is it bent?
All we know is she meant
She can tell between some dicks and this dick.
--- Anon
Was arrested from golfin' and sprintin'.
It sounded less wimpy
Than saying, "He's gimpy
From wrenching his knee at badminton."
--- Cyber Geezer
That his rasp is not due to the flu.
It could be allergies
To dust, pollen, or fleas,
Or he may have inhaled a Kazoo.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
But the Slickster was drunker than most.
Slick Willie mis-stepped.
More confused; less adept.
Now a stiffer right knee he can boast.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
To relieve his sexual frustration?
Or would he claim innocence,
No weapon his defense,
Impotent in a united nation?
--- Anon
And the practical joke is exquisite.
Not aware of the prank,
Rodham's heart quickly sank.
Jack Kevorkian came for a visit.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Instead of Greg Norman's for tea,
That knee wouldn't pop,
And he'd not have to hop
Meeting Boris in old Helsinki.
--- WLP
Bill was feeling so listless and dull.
As the doctor looked close,
He finds Bill's morose.
There's lamp fragments stuck to your skull.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
I ask for the good of the Nation!
With his balls down the potty,
He'd less likely be naughty,
And the White House could get some aeration.
--- Ogni Gioia
So a plan, Doc had quickly devised.
A lobotomy's done,
But he's still having fun;
Not removed was the part that tells lies.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Tells the public they're not for review.
He will keep under wraps
Rectal problems, perhaps.
He's an asshole, so tell us what's new.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
About where medical records are at.
I'll bet Bill's afraid
To reveal he got laid,
And acquired a case of the clap.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Bill sneaked out every chance he could seize.
Doc made him feel sick,
Until he learned the trick:
Moby Dick's not a social disease.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
"Be blessed with lots of nookie".
He put on his specs;
'Twas an Indian hex:
"Big blast with lots of nukeys!"
--- Anon
Concentration's been on the decline.
After thorough exam,
The doctor yelled "Damn,
X-rays show there's no gonads or spine."
--- Douglas C Cogan P9706
Because of his peculiar condition.
All you ladies watch out,
For this lecherous lout
Who has no nocturnal emission.
--- Popsicle TP9806
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