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On Arnie's first day on the job, As you mocked us with great elan, The office which Arnold had sought, Gubernatorial's hard to say. It was proved by polls taken by Roper, In the spirit of Western Expansion, To get my campaign back on track, There once was an actor Teutonic His hummers he scores from Maria, California, the state is grand. They called Arnold the Austrian Oak, Our country has come very far, A statesman in distant Djibouti, Czech-born Albright, oh say can you see, Havel's told you, he's wished it were so. Milosevic, Yeltsin, and Bill A junta decided it rational When you Anglicize, don't go too far; Do the Bosnian splattered in blood In Kigali where justice is slain If a crime is a crime is a crime Is every friend to be sainted? Let victorious might rule the sky, Provide Comfort, with staff and with rod; Banana-Republican brothers An eloquent young man named Demude A useless old pol named of Bennett, Is Nicaragua's depiction A president once, the poor beggar, Open trade with the Cong? Yep, that's right. Ah yes, I forgot JFK Disagree, and we hate you, unless In Brigade 2056 they say, "Hell! A general once lived named de Gaulle, Diplomacy's often complex, But sometimes we must speak our mind My chair sports an antimacassar. I just returned from vacation; Four Men of the Year--I'm aghast! A man from France, the other day, In '43, France's in a bind, If not for Marines and their Shermans, The French have always been fickle, When the EU meets once again, There is an old friend, Juana Quinn, There once was a French referendum There was a great German grammarian, Bundestag was corret, represent- The former provides for the pen- Should Americans, off to the polls, Once we're gutted by Socialist elves, We Americans rightly are wary In the news, this a.m., a new premier, The dastardly fraud, Jaques Chirac, Said Carter to __________, "My word, (use North Korean tyrant or Serban cutthroat)
Saw this girl at the Henley Regatta, In Rwanda a government guy It seems though you crave U coition, Yes, the big day is over and both There was an old Mickey named Cassidy Pyongyang and Paree have a scheme A Fascist, erect and irate, (Democratic large cities do this all the time)
Now, TIME says that signing a truce Since four old men are losing virility, In order to stem the drug flow, When the Russians mailed us an epistle Was it miss-all or instant dismissal?
He smiled full of cheese at the mob.
"Oh really, you guys,
This is such a surprise!"
While the rest of the world looked agog.
--- Gina Peach
We put Arnold in charge of our plan.
Now the TAWDRY affair
Has completely laid bare
That your Gov is a girlie-man.
--- Phil Kinay
With Gray Davis coming to naught,
"Mid great public praise,
Like the Cedar Blaze,"
Elected by press JUGGERNAUT.
--- Chris Papa
I think Arnold will say it okay.
With his German accent,
All the sounds may be bent;
Grab her clitorial would be his way.
--- Tom Patton P0311
No one thinks he's an alky or doper.
He likes women and girls
With straight hair or curls;
He's Arnold, the Austrian groper.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0412
Now Arnold's in the Governor's Mansion.
But his last name's so long
And the rhymes are all wrong,
That the limerick would lose all its scansion.
--- Anon
I'm sorry for couth, that I lack.
With my sex appeal,
I must cop a feel.
So after I win, Ah'll be bahk.
--- Limerick Savant
Whose ego was quite supersonic.
He would compete
For the governor's seat.
His speeches at least are laconic.
--- Timothy Torkildson
Who gets him off frequently via
Her succulent lips,
Which she deftly slips
Over Arnold's well-stuffed beef tortilla.
--- Anon
We ousted that Gray Davis man.
Refined the past;
Freedom at last!
Now Mr Universe pushes his plan.
--- Anon
When he had Mr Universe hopes.
But if he's thinking of
Running for Calif gov,
You can call him the Austrian joke.
--- Dr Limerick 03-28-01
When we find that a Hollywood star,
As a big candidate
With Merits first-rate,
As "Terminator" AVATAR.
--- Chris Papa
While pursuing his national duty,
Discreetly pursued
And completely undood
A pretty East African cutie.
--- Lims Unlimited
Where next year you are likely to be.
Will you stay Sec. Of state
Till Bill shuts the gate?
Are you mulling Czech presidency?
--- Esther Koch
Your Czech vote valid still? Do you know?
Twice you fled homeland fray;
Lucky you, safe away;
Will you tempt fate again or say whoa?
--- Esther Koch
Have all been indicted, but will
Even one of these pricks,
Charged with something that sticks,
Be excluded from Joe's Bar and Grill?
--- Anon
To take a few cues from a passional.
Granting amnesty to
All those prisoners who
Were attracting support international.
--- David Morin
Keep appearances much as they are.
Don't wear without care
The St George's Cross where
Angry anglophobes might bomb your car.
--- David Morin
Need our geo-political crud.
Self-righteous yet craven
We vow a "Safe Haven",
A ghetto, where death is aflood.
--- Birne P9406
And children scream out in their pain
Help foreigners hie,
Then turn a blind eye,
So that primitive slaughter can reign.
--- Birne P9406
To be punished severely each time,
Is caning a Yank
And scarring a flank
An excess, without reason or rhyme?
--- Birne P9406
Is everyone else somehow tainted?
Can black be called white
And day renamed night?
Can myths be so simply repainted.
--- Birne P9406
To dictate where Iraqis may fly.
Don't ask for their reason,
Declare "open season",
To be caught in the air is to die!
--- Birne P9406
Dispense Justice with cursory nod.
But make a mistake
And Innocence take,
So we learn what it's like to play God.
--- Birne P9406
Can always count on one another.
A nod and a wink
Are sufficient, I think,
To have infant domocracy smothered.
--- Dr Limerick
Said, "The family allowance is crude;
Every time a Quebecker
Whips out his old pecker,
Some taxpayer in Ontario gets screwed.
--- John R Colombo P9704a
In sex-wasted years in the Senate,
Proposed just one bill,
Preventing Brazil
From selling us carloads of rennet.
--- Armand E Singer 379
Of the Freedom Fighters fiction?
Running this by a few,
Half the lies were untrue.
C. I. Aid the Contra-diction.
--- Murky Ireland T9711
Went out for a coup with au rigor.
He returned from the coup
With his clothing askew
And a smile on the face of Noriega.
--- Arthur Deex P8911
Befriend them with all of our might!
While our neighbor, Fidel,
Can just go to hell.
Trick question: Which one did we fight.
--- John Miller
Who left some good friends in a bay
And failed in his plot
To have Castro shot;
Since we goofed, Mr Castro must pay!
--- John Miller
You fight, then our love we profess.
Even Schroedinger's Cat
is no stranger than that;
Such logic's beyond me, I guess.
--- John Miller
Picking up senoritas is swell.
But the moment we dread
Is when they start to shed --
It reminds us too much of Fidel."
--- Arthur Deex
This is file val
Five hundred years old, ten feet tall.
He thought he was God,
Which was really quite odd,
For God's David Frost, after all.
--- Paul Bristow
And sometimes its doubletalk text
Must serve as a ruse,
In hopes to confuse
Fanatics who don't wish us best.
--- Anon
In words that are clearly defined,
Which don't minimize
American lives,
To calm down fanatical minds.
--- Anon
I learned about them while at Vassar.
Though now out of style,
They once earned a smile
From the likes of Gamal Abdel Nasser.
--- Mimi
Now I sit here in utter elation.
I got great head in Cuba,
Got laid in Aruba,
Now I'm Ambassador of Foreign Relations.
--- Fgo TP9804
Their aim--to make peace that will last.
When they meet, I surmise
They will unzip their flies,
And resume what they did in the past.
--- Al Chaplin P9402
Chastised the US to Tom Delay.
He then asked the man,
"Sir, do you speak German?"
"No". "You're welcome," and Tom walked away.
--- Al Bienstock
With Krauts ramming them from behind.
Now with gratitude,
France is being a prude.
What if the US had said, "Never mind!"
--- Frosty
All of France would still be full of Germans.
They say we've no class;
They can all kiss my ass,
Because they treat us like we're vermin.
--- Frosty
Sucking up to the Hammer and Sickle.
When shove comes to push,
They'll be there with Bush,
Or their oil will come in a trickle.
--- John Henry
They will all decry France's Le Pen.
But fuss as they ought,
They're just mad he got caught;
"We with Hitler would rise once again!"
--- Tomer Shiran
Who said: "My, what a fix we are in!
When we go to war,
The French all get sore,
Because they don't think they can win."
--- William K Alsop Jr
On Europe, and who should defend 'em.
United consensus
To break down old fences?
No, France, it would seem, wants to mend 'em.
--- Anon
Whose grandmother wasn't an Aryan,
So his books have been burned
And his person interned,
And his doctrine denounced as barbarian.
--- Thomas Thorneley
Ing the people of all Deutschenland
While the Rat represents
Only just Bundeslands
And is more legislatively bent.
Sion of importantly mindedly Men-
Schen, but the latter will make
Sure that for society's sake,
The whole thing is hushed up with no tension.
--- Danube
Give kowtow to effete foreign trolls?
Those Canucks, Frogs, and Krauts,
Who're with Bush on the outs,
Would replace him with Liberal assholes.
--- Ward Hardman
Any scholar, who into this delves,
Will assert, "You were screwed,
Once you lost that Bush dude,"
So lets choose what's best for ourselves.
--- Ward Hardman
Of replaceing George Bush with John Kerry.
You might think George perverse,
But the other's far worse,
And empowering him will be scary.
--- Ward Hardman
As the result of a coup in Baremier,
Under strict house arrest,
Former "Friend of the West,"
But the new one is thought even scheme-ier.
--- J Maynard Kaplan
Who scorned our appeal to attack,
His motive was oil
From 'neath Arab soil.
Now he'll get no more from Iraq.
--- The Sailor P0306
It appears you've behaved like a turd.
But would you come to speak
To my Sunday School next week,
Since we're feathers right off the same bird."
--- Phil Cannibal P9501
Enjoying champagne and a natter.
I said, "Pardon me,
Aren't you Rusty Lee?"
She said, "No, I am Jomo Kenyatta."
--- Kevin Hale
Demonstrated their brand new war cry.
You could hear every word
Of a song you have heard;
As he sang, "Tut, Tut, Tutsi goodbye."
--- Tom Patton
You're gonna get some coalition.
Elections have brung
A bundestag hung,
Which may be the ideal position.
Our dear Angie and Gerd swear an oath
That they won. "German cri-
Sis now ends! None but I
Can do it." (For *their* purse this means growth.)
Who was famed for impromptu mendacity.
When asked did he lie,
He replied, "To reply
Would be to impugn my veracity."
--- Conrad Aiken
To combat the world as a team.
For Kim and Chirac
Are about to embark
On an axis of low self-esteem.
--- Graham Lester
With the pose of implacable fate,
Said, "Our triumph has been
To make a machine
To be worked by the will of the Great.
--- Thomas Thorneley
A Man-Of-The-Year should produce;
But is it so wise
To name four old guys?
I'd say they are playing it Luce.
--- Norm Storer P9402
They decide to abandon hostility.
With a bit of persuasion
They rise to the occasion,
Before they lose all their ability.
--- Nancy Henry-Kline P9402
A deal was made with Mexico.
But their drug czar's a crook,
A fact we overlooked.
Maybe someday we'll learn, but we're slow.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
That flew through the air with a whistle,
We waited in doubt
And suspense to find out
Was it missive or missal or missile? --
--- Laurence Perrine P8406
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