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Nude Jane who just happened to glance I started perversions quite young, It seems Jim's a bit of a turd; My neighbor wears real sexy clothes; Their daughter, I fear, is as bad; Said Nathan, convicted sex felon, Said Nathan, "My withered old dick Said Nathan, "They said I was sick Said Nathan, "You know that I'm prone Said Nathan, "Don't think it's a bore Said Nathan, "The girls here are swell; I'd guess by the theme of your text Said Nathan, "The proper pets make Said Nathan, "I have in my flock Perversions in here are quite few, A dork called a girl for the thrill According to Miss Hannah Finnema, You speak of my sexual perversion. But as for the thumb up the ass, Today there are only too few As I undressed my old whore called Pam, If ever with sex I am bored, Delights of my life aren't forgotten; The one thing I've never regretted I'm fond of the youthfully shorn; I've learned, when I'm tonguing old Sue, You know of the family Waites, Said the spiral vice-president, Twist, A perverted old hooker named Lux On being "not hard" you are right I once knew a person named Nick; A young man of "consuming" renown, A cranky old woman from Nottage There was a young man of the Tweed, (Published 1879)
I'd like a good laugh tonight; The story about Nick and Kelly: There was a young fellow of Kent A freak by the name of Old Nate At the foot of a heap full of dung, For dinner the soldiers were clustered -- There was a young man from Tijuana, There was an old nurse called Mags, A moody young pervert called Walter'd The Mayor of Boston, it seems, There was a young girl of Antietam, There was a young man of Jodhpur A stargazing blogger named Lauren While licking the ass of King Kivvel, There once was a fellow named Byrd, There once was a young boy called Nick There once lived a young man named Bart A lady who lives in New Delhi There was a young man from the coast, I understand your disgrace, A smattering of applause could be heard, (like James Bond)
A mannerly fellow named Phyfe Fecal Eaters Support Group was stuck There once was a chef from Peru, There was an old man of Seringapatam, (Published 1870)
A contortionist by the name Draper An explorer whose habits were blunt, Once I ate some dirt off the ground. At A&M you'd be a hit. Five bucks a pound, that's for a mix. There was a young lady named Pat, Her old age caused his shit-eatin' grin;
At the hedge and drew back askance,
Then covered up, wriggling,
And gave a shout, giggling...
Oh Mum, look that dog's wearing pants!
--- Anon
On cunnies of bunnies, and bung.
I'd tell you lots more
From "Aardvak" to "Whore",
But right now, the cat's got my tongue.
--- John Miller
And also a pervert, I've heard.
Somes girls that he dated,
His perversions rated,
And I think that Jim came in third.
--- David Miller
The reason she does, heaven knows.
But there in her house
Both she and her spouse
Are always surrounded by beaux.
--- David Miller
Been flashing her boobs at my lad.
At night when he dreams,
I'm awakened by screams,
And grunts while he's shooting his wad.
--- SFA
Deprovara helps keep down my swellin'.
But I still lose my poise
When I bathe little boys,
While fondled in turn by Aunt Helen.
--- John Miller
No longer was up to the trick
Till I found a nurse
Who wasn't adverse
To a gentle massage and a lick."
--- John Miller
For yearning to slice up a dick.
Then I got my degree
And earned my M.D.
And now I get paid for my schtick."
--- John Miller
To perversions when I get a bone.
But you wouldn't believe
What I can achieve
Just getting some people a loan!"
--- John Miller
Coaching girls who've won nothing before.
Though our chance at a win
Is exceedingly thin,
I still can assure you, I score!"
--- John Miller
They serve all my needs very well.
They never resist
Or get pissed when they're kissed;
Don't yell and don't swell and don't tell!"
--- John Miller
That Nathan is using safe sex.
For the girls that I screw
Put up such a to-do,
That I shan't use my fist on the next.
--- John Miller
My clientele quiver and quake.
Be it pussy to stroke,
Or a poodle to poke,
Or a taste of my fine trouser snake."
--- John Miller
Fine hens, and some pullets in stock,
Which you horny young gents
Can access through the fence,
While you ladies can play with my cock."
--- John Miller
Just sheep, cows, dogs, goats and a ewe.
It's good then to find,
You've the same sort of mind
As us, and some fetishes new.
--- Anon
Of phone sex, then slept fast until
He woke the next morn.
And now he's forlorn
Because of his long distance bill!
--- Travis Brasell
The boss at our local sleaze cinema,
For only a pittance,
The price of admittance
Includes a choice screw and cold enema.
--- Anon
I freely admit that immersion
Of my little willie
In things willy-nilly,
Provides me with pleasant diversion.
--- Anon
I'd rather the cunt of a lass
To thus use my digit;
She'll squirm and she'll fidget,
And pray for me when she takes mass.
--- Anon
Perversions which still are taboo.
To stop the decay
Of our puritan way,
We must think up taboos that are new.
--- Alex Heydon P0503
I found blood dripping from her clam.
Said I, "How neat!
This is right up my street.
I got into wound-fucking in 'Nam.
--- Travis Brasell
With Jane, epileptic, I've scored.
I flash lights a bit,
To give her a fit,
Then see how long I stay aboard.
--- Tiddy Ogg
For instance, that boff in the cotton
Last week with Sue Ginty
Who died there in '20
And thus, has grown perfectly rotten.
--- Travis Brasell
Is having my old member wetted
By Sweet Sarah's tongue.
She too, did die young
And thus had a breath rather fetid.
--- SFA
When eating, it gives me the horn.
Though not supposed to bite it,
It gets me excited,
The crunch of the sucked out newborn.
--- Cyber Wizard
That the semi-gelatinous goo
That exudes from her twat,
Like low-tide flavored snot,
Is quite yummy when served on toast, too.
--- Clu
The one any decent sort hates:
While their ma gets her kicks
Watching daddy suck pricks,
The youngest, of course masturbates.
--- Armand Singer
Who never a buck could resist,
"I'll eat shit off the slit
Or perhaps off a tit,
Just as long as my asshole is kissed."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2349
Said, "I have to feel pain when I fucks:
To get whipped and eat shit
While I fingers the clit--
(This stuff really brings in the bucks!)"
--- G2161
As it rammed up yer ass, my delight!
Your screams woke the cat
Who came in and shat,
And you gobbled it up in one bite.
--- Anon
When my ass needed wiping, he'd lick.
With a swipe of his tongue,
He'd clean out my bung,
And sometimes he'd tickle my prick.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
In a pie-eating contest near town,
Was injured quite badly,
When suddenly, sadly,
The old cow, without warning, sat down.
--- Observer
Lived alone by the sea in a cottage.
She ate solely sea food,
But it did her no good;
She died eating homemade crap pottage.
--- G1507
This is file uyl
Who sucked his wife's arse through a reed.
When she had diarrhea
He'd let none come near,
For fear they should poach on his feed.
--- L0798
Do this and I'll howl with delight.
Here's what I have planned:
You just shit in your hand,
And then while it steams take a bite.
--- Anon
In his mouth she would frequently pee;
With a squat and a grump,
In her mouth he would dump.
She gladly eats his shit for free.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who had a peculiar bent.
He collected the turds
Of various birds,
And had them for lunch during Lent.
--- L0779
Liked to take a dump on his plate.
The fruit of his bung
Never touches his tongue;
He fried it and served to his mate.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Where I lay, licking turds from mom's bung.
I love there to play,
Though mom passed away,
Ten years back when I was still young.
--- Anon
To a man they complained and they blustered.
The accepted the soup
Which was made from elk poop,
But the moose turds were lacking in mustard.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2949
Who declared as he wallowed in guano,
"It may seem imbecilic
To be so coprophilic,
I indulge in it just 'cause I wanna."
--- L0757
Who did colostomies for fags.
To make sure they'd not burst,
And to quench her thirst,
She'd guzzle the stuff in the bags.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Moan, "My coprophilia's faltered.
A tasty supply
Is so hard to come by.
Shit! I wish that my lifestyle was al-tered." (all turd?)
--- G1517
Was troubled with repeating beans.
With commendable wit,
He encased them in shit,
And sold them as chocolate creams.
--- G1512
Who liked horse turds so well she could eat 'em.
She'd lie on their rumps
And swallow the lumps
As fast as the beasts could excrete 'em.
--- L0765
Who found he could easily cure
His dread diabetes
By eating a foetus
Served up in a sauce of manure.
--- L0297
Would flood when a beau put his oar in.
The sturdy young skipper
Who lapped her big dipper,
Announced "It ain't rain, but it's pourin'."
--- Anon
The duchess came out with some drivel.
She ran into a turd
And she said a bad word,
So he told her to keep her tongue civil.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1270
Who tasted a poisonous turd;
He chewed it with grace,
Made a hell of a face,
And then, died, without saying a word.
--- Cap'n Bean
Who asked if the bowl he could lick.
"No way!" said his mum,
"Now go wipe your bum!
Pull the Flush! Now you make me feel sick!"
--- Donald McGill
Whose girl was kind of a tart.
She'd bury her tongue
About a foot up his bung;
Licking shit was her favorite sport.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Has habits disgusting and smelly.
She likes to eat feces
Of various species.
(The recipe is tattooed on her belly.)
--- Anon
Who ate melted shit on his toast.
When the toast saw the shit,
It collapsed in a fit,
For the shit was its grandfather's ghost.
--- L0769
I don't want to be in your place.
Some odd things remain;
Please try to explain
The shit-eating grin on your face.
--- M Jay
When the Carney ate the fresh turd.
And to keep from choking,
His his dick he was stroking,
He drank urine, shaken, not stirred!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Was greatly distressed by his wife,
For whenever she was able
She'd shit on the table,
And gobble the shit, with her knife!
--- L0790
In a catering search gone amuck.
Did they ever succeed
With their big catered feed?
Better yet! The made it "Pot Luck"
--- Jeff Iverson
Who had a fixation with poo.
This peculiar chap
Would go for a crap,
Then he'd mix it all up in his stew!
--- Anon
Besmeared his wife's anus with raspberry jam,
Then licked off the sweet
And pronounced it a treat,
And for public opinion, he cared not a damn.
--- L0796
Wouldn't wipe himself with toilet paper.
He'd clean his bung
With the tip of his tongue,
To relish the taste and the vapor.
--- John Chastaine T9707
Once flavored some cannibal cunt.
The asshole was shitty,
And--more was the pity,
It oozed from the rear to the front.
--- L0385
And then ate some seeds that I found.
You won't believe it.
Squash grew in my shit!
I sold it for five bucks a pound.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
One bit of confusion, to wit:
This market you've found,
The five bucks a pound,
Is that for the squash or the shit?
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Of squash and shit blended with sticks.
I stir it quite well,
Enjoying the smell,
And then give the sticks lapping licks.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who said: I do so love scat.
But the first guy she bore,
Said: You vile depraved whore;
You'd have to be sick to do that.
--- Alexander Baron
Her incontinence brought him chagrin;
He lifted her frock
For oral - a shock!
He found Pampers which leaked on his chin!
--- Anon
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