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There was an old man of Corfu, On clinkers his choice often fell, He ate them, and sighed, and said, "What A hypercritical bastard named Legman, When I piss, I go to the toilet; My chum, Charley Chan, is a Chink, No urine was ever pristiner Disgusting! Disgusting! Disgusting! (sounds like Shel Silverstein)
I can't warn more strongly than this: There was a young man named McFee, There was a young tourist in Turin, But his daughter's a cute little miss A daughter of fair Ioway, It still is a mystery to me Drink piss and you'll land in the joint. There was a young man from the South, Aussie mum, Dominique Courtay, An elderly rabbi named Riskin There was an old man of Balbriggan, A copraphagous fellow named Fleam When frantic, and absent a loo, The ichor that runs in my veins What a queer world we live in, in truth, Is it folly or ego or rhyme "I declare," cried an old man, "it's truth, There was a faith healer from Deal, There once was a learned guru, Observed, that old pessimist Chase, A philosopher said this will pass, Athenians, don't be in shock, Technology's way of enhancing Moments high, moments low in our lives, So what is my ideal, you ask? A philosopher from the Ukraine Why do dogs lick their own peckers, An oriental scholar named Kim A cynic says, "Now that we know Philosophical questions excite us - We live in a world that bewilders; Determinists say that the Will When talking of life and the reaper, There was a young man of Cadiz, I suppose I could try if I chose, There was an old person from France, I have labored for long in confusion, I supposee I could try if I chose. When I think of the things that for fun A little known fact although true Herman Kahn, the big thinker, once said, If no Pain, how judge we of Pleasure? In this din of come-froms and go-toings, He announced proudly, "I'm on the brink But cheer yourselves up, my good friends; Immortality, a toy people cry for; The TRUTH ABOUT TRUTH is elusive; The moon, it doth wax and doth wane, There is a young scholar of Ennis, The theorists all worked in a huddle I'm laying here thinking 'bout sex. There was a young man from Toledo, Religious, agnostic or heathen, "If," moaned the adherent of self, Men's actions can fill one with tears, A young man from Grimsby named Short There was am old chap who said; "Well, In college young lads are convening
Who fed upon kitty-cat stew.
When he couldn't get that,
He ate what he shat,
And a bloody good shit he shat, too.
--- L0770
Or clabbered piss brought to a jell.
When these palled to his taste
He tried snot and turd-paste,
And found them delicious as well.
--- L0771
Uncommonly fine shit and snot!
Now really, the two
Are too good to be true,
I would rather have et them than not."
--- L0772
When drinking piss highballs puts egg in 'em.
If he tells you you're queer,
To enjoy pissless beer,
Just say to him, "Quit pulling my leg, man!"
--- L0781
I wee in a pan and then boil it.
The smell was quite nice,
So I did it then twice,
Once more and that would of spoiled it.
--- Anon
But I'm thinking he's needing a shrink,
Debating with me
Whether little girl's pee
Is a chilled or room temperature drink.
--- JohnMiller
Than the piss of Rossetti, Christina.
So claimed Ford Madox Brown
As he quaffed a tot down,
In a cup of her priceless bone china.
--- G0809
Our kettle is rotten and rusting!
We have to make tea in
The pot that we pee in!
Disgusting! Disgusting! Disgusting!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
It's no good when you drink your own piss.
It won't cure your 'roid
To drink what you void;
So enough of this pee-drinking bliss!
--- Marshall O'Levin
Who was stung on the balls by a bee.
He made oodles of money
By oozing pure honey
Every time he attempted to pee.
--- L0716
For winin' and dinin' and whorin'.
But the girls wouldn't do,
The pasta was glue,
And the wine tasted vaguely of urine.
--- John Ciardi
Who likes to quaff quarts of my piss;
She signals when ready
For this beverage, heady,
By giving my frenum a kiss.
--- Anon
While at sport in the toilet one day,
Swallowed some of her pee,
"And hereafter," said she,
"I'll do it at lunch every day."
--- L0777
Who first said, "Let's drink our own pee!"
It's no more a cure
Than drinking liquor,
And certainly much less germ-free.
--- Marshall O'Levin
How else can I make clear this point?
If you're in Cameroon,
Then you'd better stop soon.
They'll stop you mid-gulp at gunpoint.
--- Marshall O'Levin
Who taught girls to pee in his mouth.
He explained, "It's a taste
We oughtn't to waste,
And essential in case of a drought."
--- G1513
Said "Rowing is not my forte."
And when rescued said,
"I'm pleased I'm not dead,
And want to drink piss everyday!"
--- Anon
Dines daily on cunt-juice and foreskin.
And to further his bliss,
At dessert he'll drink piss,
For which he is alway a-thirstin'.
--- L0793
Who, cunt juice was frequently swigging.
But even to this,
He preffered tomcat piss,
And he kept a poxed black man to frig in.
--- L0767
Loved to drink a strong urinal stream.
He seduced little gonsils
Into spraying his tonsils
With the stuff he liked best on earth: cream.
--- L0774
A fellow decided in lieu
Of a urinal he'd
Use a mouth, so he peed
In a gay urolagniac, Lou.
--- John Sandler P9112
Betrays me, and even profanes
My passion for piss.
So, Lucy, don't miss.
I 'fess up; I love when it rains.
--- H Welchel
Where Age tries to simulate youth,
While those "under age"
Have a terrible rage
To appear to be older forsooth!
--- Laurence Perrine P8509
That leads us to quarrel with Time?
Age says, "To be sure,
I am wiser than you're";
Says youth, "You're more timid than I'm."
--- Laurence Perrine P8509
When young, I was wild and uncouth,
But when I engage
With the failures of age,
I yearn for the follies of youth."
--- Laurence Perrine P8509
Who said, "Although pain isn't real,
If I sit on a pin,
And it punctures my skin,
I dislike what I fancy I feel."
--- Langford Reed
Who found he had nothing to do,
So he sat on a tack
And thought into and back
And out and beyond, and clear through.
--- John Ciardi
"I can't take much more at this pace;
You don't strike all the pins,
It's a contest none wins;
We all lose the last human race."
--- Armand Singer
Like the pain from a kick in the ass.
And it won't matter much
If we're Russian or Dutch,
Or a hobo who sleeps on the grass.
--- Warrick Elrod
But the sun's just a heated up rock."
"Your heresies stagger us,
Foul Anaxagoras!
You're ostracized. Go take a walk."
--- Tom Strobel
Philosophy's means of advancing:
A lens to zoom in
On the head of a pin,
To count how many angels are dancing.
--- Peter Wilkins
Toast the love and the joy and the wives;
Things of which we can boast,
Things our friends tend to roast,
Coast to coast, host of good that survives.
--- Joel Ash P0607
Well, most people fulfill that task.
Something I can hold,
Sufficient to behold
Au naturale, and not a mask.
--- Anon
This is file uwl
Told his concubines "Never again!
I seek the sublime
Not in women and wine,
But through exercise of my brain."
--- Anon
And why do gay boys wear Mum's knickers?
Philosophy's cruel,
Makes thinking a tool,
When God made the brain to sop liquors.
--- Anon
Had the strangest thing happen to him.
He was clapping one hand
To make his rod stand,
When his palm-tree turned into a quim.
--- Neal Wilgus P8311
Life's a futile, inconsequent flow,
And there's really no knowing
The way it is going,
I am going to let myself go."
--- Thomas Thorneley
Is twinkle tits having mastitis?
Your pretense of arcane
Is but yammer inane;
Don't you dogs ever get laryngitis?
--- Anon
Inventors for death get our guilders;
For Society shuns
Intellectual ones.
Those who work to destroy are called builders.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2446
Is, in point of initiative, Nil.
If we say--We are free?
They cry--Fiddle-de-dee
Yet they hold us responsible still.
--- T Thorneley
Or Des Cartes's evil demon, the creaper
In limerick's or prose
Everyone knows,
Us philosophers, we do it deeper.
--- Anon
Who inferred that life is what it is;
For he had early learnt,
If it were what it weren't,
It could not be what which it is.
--- J Strachey
But the question is: "Can I suppose
I could choose what I chose
If I chose?" I suppose
If I chose to. But nobody knows.
--- E F C
Who said, "Free will? Not a chance!
For our physical worth
Is pre-programmed at birth,
And our choices are made in advance."
--- Richard Long
Can free will be just an illusion?
If each choice we make,
We are destined to take,
It it fate I should draw this conclusion?
--- Richard Long
But the question is: "Can I suppose
I could choose what I chose if
I chose?" I suppose if
I chose to. But nobody knows.
--- E F C
I have done that I shouldn't have done,
I am never remiss,
For the trouble is this:
I delight in recalling each one.
--- Lims Unlimited
About the great sage Lao Tzu,
Is that when questioned how
One attained the great Tao,
He replied and in English, "Fuck you!"
--- Forbidden Limericks P8802
"I don't want to be Red or be dead.
Let's think the unthinkable,
And war-game the brinkable,
So we end up with peace and with bread."
--- Ernest Lefever Lib Lim
If no Work, Where's the solace of Leisure?
What's White, if no Black?
What's Wealth, if no Lack?
If no Loss, how our Gain could we measure?
--- William Bliss
Is existence itself worth pursuing?
It's really quite freeing
To be called Human Beings;
Please note: we're not called Human Doings.
--- Steve Holst
Of an epiphany scored in ink.
It has just hit me, WHAM,
That I know that I AM,
But that doesn't mean that I need think."
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0308
Though it's true that the search never ends,
We may each in our day,
Have our personal say,
And feel free to ignore current trends.
--- L S Sprigge
On their knees, dispute, even lie for.
And were they allowed,
Would surely be proud
To eternally apply for, even die for.
--- Ystap
Is philosophy merely delusive?
What seems rubbish to you
May be for me true,
Which leaves everything inconclusive.
--- E O Parrot
Reminding us all life is vain.
Whatever our course,
We veer from the Source
Of all that is simple and plain.
--- Timothy Torkildson
Whose very particular yen is
To prove, spite his name,
Old Kierkegaard's claim
To a life philosophia perennis.
--- Liam Brophy
To give, beyond hope of rebuttal,
Axiomatic precision
To nix indecision:
The law of the Excluded Muddle.
--- Dr Limerick
My thoughts have become quite complex.
Is it something learned,
Are our instincts spurned,
Or is it all really reflex?
--- Marlene Lewis
Who was cursed with excessive libido.
To fuck, to screw,
And to fornicate, too,
Were the three major points of his credo.
--- L0353
I wonder if when I stop breathin'
My body will seep
Some spirit to keep,
Or if my whole self will be seethin'.
--- Anon
"I'm my first value, they I'm on the shelf.
If I must love the highest
To be objectively pious,
It follows that I'll be screwing myself."
--- Wendy McElroy P8211
And despair for the forthcoming years.
What a wonderful place
Were the whole human race
On vacation for ten thousand years.
--- Warrick Elrod A
Used to give things a great deal of thought.
Like, Is there a god?
And, How long is a cod,
And, Is stamp collecting a sport.
--- Michael Palin
I think my gout's giving me hell,
But until one can find
Which is Matter, which Mind,
How the hell is a fellow to tell?
--- W Stewart
And answers to questions are gleaning.
But there's one thing I fear --
Though the answer is clear,
Does the question itself have a meaning?
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2519
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