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Thales theory, to quickly review it, So three cheers for this man from Miletus, With a strange mathematical itch, Are procrustean efforts now find- (about limerick unconsciously written by Thomas Aquinas)
Extinguish concupiscent fires, O strengthen my efforts to rule O Lord, I can prove intellectual, This limerick's for purging my sin, Or here's Zeno, with Logic to show, Well of course no one says, "Okey-dokey-- Be these proofs, though, still living or dead, There once was a method, RG, This answers your hasty request On coming home early, old Fred Mathematics is science's queen; As physics gets harder and harder, The alchemists, so I have read, Of all thrills coming to men, 'tHooft had the realization A simple improvement I've found: For tradition I have great respect, Now a cat always lands on its feet; I needed to find out the truth, To its back I strapped once slice of bread; I tossed the cat over the rail; A truck passing by in the street, So now with my news I've regaled If time and space are random, There once was a tunnel in Texas; To figure the inches you've run, God said to his cosmos directors, To think I spent nine years at Duke I sing the Am. Phys. Soc's first century, There once was a student with flash, Professor, you should be commended The chairman of AT&T Said a researcher in nuclear fusion, Neglecting his wife for career, There once was a Solid State Phys. There was a physicist named Bohr (to rhyme it is 'hu' but in reality it is 'hv' - McW)
When young, the lad Isaac Newton, A professor of Physics named May His friend, a professor named Beecham, A certain Phys Rev referee There are several Great Lies that we know. The ad said, for one little fee, A grad student's search for advisors Since the Unending Frontier's demise, There once was an academician, Who needs balance and check? "Your physics proposal is clear," When Physics professors get old, The referee caused him much strife. To students unsure of their station, An attractive young person named Fader, There once was a world full of things, Our search for the Boson of Higgs A physicist at MIT (Theory of Everything)
Whether abstract, profound, or just mystic, This brilliant academician Your units are wrong! cried the teacher. A fellow with rings in his nose, Ampere, combing Volta's toupee, A lady removing her scanties A fellow, Ben Franklin by name, A TV repairman named Spencer
Is that everying's made from a fluid.
How it's done, he'd not venture,
Though he'd say, facing censure:
Don't forget steam and ice somehow do it.
--- Lim Hist of Philos P9410
And the view (though all wet) that he'd feed us.
You might say, "What a jerk he is!"
But his town now where Turkey is,
Spawned the first abstract thinkers that greet us.
--- Lim Hist of Philos P9410
Strolled old Thales, the night black as pitch,
And while working a rum
Astronomical sum,
Fell tip over ass in the ditch.
--- A N Wilkins P8506
ing a limerick where none was in mind?
Though Aquinas once wrote
All the lines that you quote,
Supplication was first in his mind.
--- R J Winkler P8507
Eliminate lustful desires;
Give patience and love,
A plenitude of
What humble obeying requires.
--- R J Winkler P8507
My passions and help me to cool
Attractions to sin,
Then help me begin
Considering virtue a jewel.
--- R J Winkler P8507
A Doctor, profoundly effectual,
Whose teachings are sure
If You keep me pure
With thought that are wholly asexual.
--- R J Winkler P8507
Ousting lust and desire from within,
Which leaves oodles of space
For agape and grace,
Plus humility, virtue, and gin.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8507
If you move, you're unspeakably slow.
Move from B to spot A?
Well, let's first get half-way!
But that's C--and you've still half to go!
--- Lim Hist of Philos P9501
So Beings unspeakably pokey!"
Still, a double millenium
Had elapsed before anyone
Was quite clear when the argument's hokey.
--- Lim Hist of Philos P9501
Don't forget where we're finally led:
With these two from Elea,
We can get the idea
That an argument's good for your head.
--- Lim Hist of Philos P9501
That gets rid of the infinity.
Some say that the bug
Is hid by a rug,
But maybe that's how it should be.
--- David Morin et al
To speed up your medical test:
Your increase in weight
Is nothing you ate,
It's just E over c square; just rest.
--- Edward H Green
Found Ned with his wife, both in bed.
Said old Fred, so severe,
"What are you doing here?"
"We all have to be somewhere," said Ned.
--- Albin Chaplin
Electronics: technology's dean.
But all bow in awe
Besides Murphy's Law,
As the ruler of earthly routine.
--- Prof M-G
The physicists seem to get smarter.
They now know topology,
With its groups cohomology,
And those things are just for a starter.
--- Kay R Devicci
Tried hard to make gold out of lead;
But the more modern cult
(With the same end result)
Is begging from Congress, instead.
--- Daniel Mittleman
The best is the call from Sweden.
You've won the Nobel Prize;
Your chest increases in size.
Mom! Get my suitcase from out the playpen.
--- Carl A Benz
Of couplings' peculiar relation.
He'd only just solve
Just how they evolve,
Performing renormalization.
--- Bruce Elliot
Let troublesome numbers be round,
And both pi and "e"
Be equal to three,
And kgm = 2 lb.
--- Edward H Green a
And Sod's Law I'd never suspect.
But you can be tricked
When these two conflict:
Which one can you say is correct?
--- Tiddy Ogg
So tradition says. And I repeat,
Toast when golden brown,
Lands butter side down,
Or Professor Sod's Law will be beat.
--- Tiddy Ogg
So I took the cat up to the roof --
All fourteen floors,
Though it scratched with its claws,
And bit, I must have the proof.
--- Tiddy Ogg
With butter, 'twas liberally spread;
In the interest of science,
Despite his defiance,
To the parapet's edge I did tread.
--- Tiddy Ogg
It spat, yowled, and gave a bale-
ful glare as it fell,
It wished me to Hell...
But that's not the end of my tail.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Its load covered by canvas sheet,
By the kitty was caught,
And it gallantly fought
To cling to the side with its feet.
--- Tiddy Ogg
You, but my schemings all failed.
I've still no evidence
Of which takes precedence,
And probably soon I'll be jailed.
--- Tiddy Ogg
It's hard to understand 'em.
Things aren't so odd
If you picture a God,
Quod erat demonstrandum.
--- Richard Long
To physics, it turned out a nexus.
Congress said, "Nay!
For this we won't pay;
It won't help in building a Lexus."
--- David Morin et al
Or to find the slug mass of the sun,
Forget your aversion
To unit conversion.
Just multiply wisely by 1.
--- David Morin
"I've added some stringent selectors.
One is the clause
That your physical laws
Shall be written in terms of 4-vectors."
--- David Morin
To study the physics of Nuke,
To get my degree,
An unused Ph.D.
It's enough to make somebody puke.
--- Nick Staffa
And our labors both bookish and venturey,
Now our Physical Reviews
Come in multiple hues,
Wherein none of it seems elementary.
--- Peter Price
This is file uol
Who set out to make a big splash.
But the profs who were rising
Had no time for advising;
She's back on the streets, selling hash.
--- David Morin et al
On your theory so geniusly splendid.
But some say it's luck
And that you really suck,
'Cause your theory's not what you intended.
--- David Morin
Said, "Your graduate physics degree
Is not worth a penny.
Of your kind, we've too many.
Perhaps you can program in C?"
--- Steve Langer PR9703
"My research will dispel all confusion;
At least it will later,
When I've doctored my data,
To make sure it supports my conclusion.
--- Jim Menger P9205
Isaac Newton, his conscience to clear,
Brought her biscuits in bed
Saying "Love you." She said,
"But I couldn't give a fig Newton, dear."
--- Peter Wilkins
Who hated this Quantum Math biz.
"Forget all that crap,
The band has a gap,
And that's just the way that it is."
--- Devlin Gualtieri
Who said on Pigalle to a whore:
"I'm full of 'hu',
How about a good screw?
Why, that's what my Fulbright is for!"
--- G2574
While under a tree that was fruitin',
Got hit by an apple,
Which forced him to grapple
With gravity needin' computin'.
--- Prof M-G
Complained of the classroom today,
"The problem, you know,
Is that they're too slow.
We were far better students than they."
--- Bruce Elliot PR9703
Said, "It's true, you don't seem to reach 'em.
But they're not to blame,
For they haven't the same
Class of teachers that we had to teach 'em!"
--- Bruce Elliot PR9703
Considers all papers with glee:
"What's new is not true,
And what's true is not new,
Unless it was written by me."
--- George Cody PR9703
One is "I'll love you tomorrow."
Here's another false word
That we've recently heard,
"With less money, your research will grow!"
--- Beall Flower
You can skip all that grad-school ennui.
So sent your tuition,
No need for admission!
Get your mail-order physics degree!
--- David Morin et al
Turned up a boatload of misers.
There was barely a nickel,
Cash flowed in a trickle,
And not, as expected, in geysers.
--- David Morin et al
A change in perspective seems wise.
For no grants will be hatched
With string theories attached,
While society's eye's on the prize.
--- Peter Price
Whose papers should've earned the position,
But were too-fewly numbered,
So untenured he lumbered,
Till he fell to the ranks of attrition.
--- David Morin et al
Screw peer review -- what the heck!
Send all of your crap
To the internet -- zap!
Who cares if it's nothing but dreck!
--- David Morin et al PR9703
Said the fund officer with a sneer.
"But I can't grant your dough;
Your research is too slow;
Only one Nobel Prize every year."
--- Stanley Bashkin
As thousands do yearly, I'm told,
And the question is what
Should be done with this glut,
Why, just kick them out in the cold.
--- Stanley Bashkin
She sounded so much like his wife.
"Accept my derisions
On all your revisions,
And get the hell out of my life!"
--- David Morin et al
Our colleague made prognostication.
Your competitor's facts
In ordering acts,
Rank physics before fornication.
--- Phil Best on M Walker
Though psychiatrists struggled to aid her,
Believed that she was
A robot because
Her physics professor had made her.
--- A N Wilkins P8311A
But Ed said "'Tis nothing but strings.
With Kaluza extensions
To Eleven dimensions,
It's really quite simple," he sings.
--- David Morin et al
Was arrested by Washington bigs.
Though we lost our collider,
We retain the provider
Of bon mots, cause we got Joe Bob Briggs.
--- Pecos Bill
Constructed a new T.O.E.
He was fit to be tied
When he found it implied
That seven plus four equals three.
--- Martin Gardner P9801
Or boring, or somewhat simplistic,
A theory should lead
To results that we need
In limits, non-relativistic.
--- David Morin
Was constantly wishin' and wishin',
That he could invent
A new element,
Or an item like nuclear fission.
--- Al Willis
Your church weighs six joules -- what a feature!
The people inside
Are six hours wide,
And eight Gauss away from the preacher.
--- David Morin et al
Had strange insubstantial woes,
That lightning might strike
Through his schnozz to his psyche,
So he grounded himself through his toes.
--- Jan Sand
Was arrested (ecstatic, they say),
And wired to Watt:
"I was shocked; I forgot
That Volta'd be Ohm Faraday."
--- Cyber Geezer
Heard them crackle electrical chanties.
Said her husband, "My dear,
I very much fear
You suffer from amps in your panties."
--- Anon
At trying new things, he was game.
On dark stormy night,
Tied a key to a kite;
And proved lightning and 'lectric the same.
--- Gifford Wherry
Concocted a fucking dispenser.
But a fucker did prove
If you're not in the groove,
When you blow, you will blow a condenser.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2316
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