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There's no NOTHING FOR SOMETHING to claim, A young engineer from Capri I wish my endeavors progress, A physicist friend never ceases Yes, entropy sure is a fox, A marianade's like a pre-treating, My request may seem a bit dotty, There once was a woman named Kerr, Relativity tells us that light A physicist spoke from his chair: "Oh Captain! Now where can we be, There was a young lady named Bright, To her friends, that Miss Bright use to chatter, We've heard of that fellow called Bright, When she left Ms Bright was quite tall; Bright's boyfriend was tall, dark and strong, Spam, in a relative way, A Chinese inventor named Wu At Physics I wasn't too bright. (Furlongs works beetter - McW)
A fencing instructor named Fisk, Now Fisk and his disk had a date Relativistic limericks have the attraction There once was a fat Anglo-Saxon If that meteor is going to go If one tries to fly faster than C, "People can travel," said Albert Einstein, There once was a young man named Lee, Albert Einstein was driving one night What did Einstein, while driving one night At fuck-speed approaching small c, (it's i before e except after c...)
Such antics can lead to a crime According to Professor Parsifal, They say there's no space for my pendulum; Her climax will come from the past, Your molecules will rearrange (D R - Chicago Bulls cross-dressing rebounder 1998)
For things moving free or at rest, As he walked past the beautiful belle, Lo, the old Archimedean screw (Walt Kelly had the first definition in Pogo - McW)
Archimedes while dipped to his waist, Said a classicist down in Peru, Archimedes could have not have felt bleaker, Archimedes said, "My darling daughter, Long ago Archimedes did shout, Could someone inform me, pray tell, One day you have a clear path Another day, but not to bore you; There once was three beads on a string, (mode n=2)
There once was a bird filled with gas, Said the professor, "Land of Goshen! Said a scientist based at Shipshore, Man's greatest inventions are few, To barbarity man said adieu, To calculate E, my dear class, The change in the two cars' momentum There was an old teacher called Grace, (C of G - center of gravity)
Risking the Fundamentalist's curse On a merry-go-round in the night, Potato? "Po-tah-to" said she, Here's proof of it, ladies and gents: That depends, to some minor extent, For that kind of money I'd measure For the girls I would count pussy hairs, For distance, take initial speed A is dv by dt; If women should all drop their bra, The few laws of simplified motion
No BREAK EVEN to bring you much fame.
It is THERMODYNAMICS,
Where a man often panics,
For he CANNOT GET OUT OF THE GAME.
--- Al Chaplin P9203
Thought thermodynamics pure glee.
From Maxwell to Joule
Their works, as a rule,
Moved him perpetually.
--- J Simpson
But I know that they'll always regress.
I've used all my strength,
Gone to such a great length,
Yet all I've achieved is a mess.
--- Nawahl
To tell me that things fall to pieces.
You can't fix a border
'Round states of disorder,
For entropy ever increases.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Even leading to Gibb's Paradox.
For the universe, however,
Does it change, no, not ever.
It stays constant like we're in a box.
--- Nawahl
Says the cook book (ovine) I've been reading.
With the barbecue sauce,
What's the total heat loss
Of the boneless old ewe I'm re-heating?
--- Clynch Varnador
And my knowledge of physics is spotty;
But it's just been reported,
Photons teleported.
I'm ready, so beam me up, Scotty.
--- Limerick Savant
Who could travel much faster than her.
In the course of a day,
In a relative way,
She'd become the most absolute blur.
--- Anon
Has a speed firmly fixed. That's all right
From dawn until evening,
But who is believing
That the law can apply in the night.
--- Kirk Miller
Energy's just the speed of light square
Multiplied by the mass.
So don't feel like an ass,
Though what mass is we cannot quite share.
--- Graham Lester
After traveling so close to "c"?"
"We've reached the far spot,
That you thought we could not;
Length-contraction in action, you see."
--- A P French
Who could fuck much faster than light.
She screwed one day,
In a relative way,
And she came on the previous night.
--- Arthur Buller A
"I have learned something new about matter,
My speed was so great
That is increased my weight;
Yet I failed to become any fatter."
--- A H Buller A
And his trip on that fabulous night.
But his increasing mass
Would have soon proved so vast,
He'd have been a most 'singular' sight!
--- Anon A
On returning she seemed rather small.
"I seem to have shrunk,"
She said to her Unk.
"For awhile I was nothing at all!"
--- Neal Wilgus P8211
And what's better, his manhood was long.
But after the trip
When she asked him to strip,
They found he'd a foreshortened dong!
--- Neal Wilgus P8211
Has properties rather outre.
It speeds at such rate
To your gut from your plate,
It's excreted the previous day.
--- Jerry Missel
Climbed out of a window and flew.
At the peak of his flight,
He went faster than light,
And that's damnably tricky to do.
--- Harald S Green P8510
Learnt nothing and ruined my sight;
Once our teacher did state:
"For homework, calculate
Light's speed, in fathoms per fortnight."
--- Anon
In sex was terribly brisk.
So fast was his action,
The Fitzgerald contraction,
Foreshortened his prick to a disk.
--- Tony Boucher G2636 L1204A
And he hoped that his girlfriend would mate.
But they both knew the risk
For with foreplay so brisk,
The disk might just slide off the plate.
--- Neal Wilgus P8211
Of being shrunk by a Lorentz contraction.
But for readers unwary,
The results may be scary,
When they see just a fraction... (in action. - McW)
--- David Morin et al
Who raced 'round while puttin' his slacks on.
"My trousers won't fit
If they don't shrink a bit,
With Lorentz-Fitzgerald's contraction.
--- Steve Langer
Faster than light, then we'll know
That Einstein is right,
If it flies out of sight
And lands many eons ago.
--- PeterW
Then M will be big as can be.
To accelerate through
A constant so true,
Would require way too much energy.
--- Anon
The speed of light in a gadget of mine.
When my in-laws go fast,
Back into the past,
Relatively speaking, they're not mine.
--- Kirk Miller
Charged with running a red light in Philly.
"But your honor, 'twas green,
At least it had been;
I was moving at .2 times c."
--- A M Gabrys
When he reached a speed faster than light.
Then he took a quick peek
In his mirror, and "EEK!" --
For his headlights weren't dipped, but on bright.
--- Prof M-G
At a speed so much faster than light,
In his mirror observe
That near caused him to swerve?
His very own headlights, on bright!
--- Prof M-G A
Her throbbing twat triggered my glee.
But as I collapsed
She poured me a Pabst
And claimed that I came before she.
--- H Welchel
If m c squared equal a prime.
A mathematical converson
Of this temporal inversion
Can send her too far back in time.
--- MrMalo
It is certainly not quite imparsible
That this time machine
Spits her out at fifteen,
And your situation is incarcerable.
--- MrMalo
Guess time is the same old continulum.
Just hope my fast frien'
Does not warp back past ten,
And pinch off my choad at the endulum.
--- H Welchel
This is file uml
While into the future I blast.
There will be no cheer
As you will not hear;
The disintegration will happen too fast.
--- Roy Herselman
So fast, you won't notice the change.
As your parts dissemble,
You'll begin to resemble
Dennis Rodman with a case of the mange.
--- MrMalo
Observe what the First Law does best.
It defines a key frame,
Inertial by name,
Where the Second Law then is expressed.
--- David Morin
The attraction was easy to tell.
But despite his persistence,
He was kept at a distance
By that darn conservation of L.
--- David Morin
Is still being used in Peru,
And they use it in Spain
To elevate grain,
And in Egypt to irrigate snoo.
--- Cyber Geezer
Tried screwing a mermaid in haste.
But he failed to account
For his weight in the mount,
Which equaled the water displaced.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 P9708a
"When in love you can best follow through,
And show your devotion,
With the helical motion,
Of the great Archimedean screw."
--- Anon P
As he bathed and swigged wine from a beaker.
H20 he displaced
But no longer grimaced,
As he burst forth with one word, "Eureker."
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0109
Please immerse yourself in this water."
She said, "Father, I know
It's your principle, though
Could you please make it just a bit hotter?"
--- William N Nesbit P9707
"I have found what it is without doubt,
The upthrust (or force),
Is equal (of course),
To the weight of the fluid pushed out."
--- Keith Johnson P9204
The precise sound of a Rebel Yell,
Or impart unto me
The max velocity
Attained by a bat out of Hell?
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9605
To spend your hour in the bath.
With arch deities
Like Archimedes,
And the power of physics and math.
--- David Markowitz
The towel's gone that would restore you.
You're late; you fuss;
Get hit by a bus.
Well, there goes chaos for you.
--- David Markowitz
But one of them thought it was king.
It sat in the middle;
Its thumbs it did twiddle.
In which normal mode did they swing?
--- Andrew Yeats
Who bobbed back and forth with its mass,
For one complete hour,
Changing sunlight to power;
Its novelty never surpassed.
--- Laura Gold Daniel Ripin
I teach classes about the ocean.
When they leave here,
This much I fear,
They all study bodies in motion.
--- Tom Patton P9708
As he fondled the boobs of a whore,
"Just the press of my hand
Seems to make you expand,
Thereby contravening Boyle's Law.
--- Hugh Oliver 38c
Though pundits are prone to rank two
As vitally clever--
The wheel and the lever,
More essential by far, is the screw.
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner
As brilliant inventions accrue.
To create wheel and lever
Was remarkably clever,
But divinely inspired was the screw.
--- Albin Chaplin G2236
Just add up two things, and you'll pass.
Take the CM point's E,
And add on with glee,
The E 'round the center of mass.
--- David Morin
Was that which a third car had lent them.
Total P was conserved,
Until braking, they swerved,
And total K E, till it bent them.
--- David Morin et al
Who often fell flat on her face.
The reason you see,
Was her C of G,
Was somewhat too high for her base.
--- Keith Johnson P9204
And their accusations perverse,
Unequivocally
It is crystal clear we
Share a disorderly universe.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0201
Coriolis was shaken with fright.
Despite how he walked,
'Twas like he was stalked,
By some fiend always pushing him right.
--- David Morin et al PR9703
"And of course, it's tom-ah-to, you see."
But the square of ct
Minus x will be
Always something on which we agree.
--- David Morin
Those scientist folks are so dense,
That no speeds can be reckoned
In cubits per second,
And that cost us each fifty cents.
--- Anon
On the census. Our nation's intent
Is: Spend twenty-four bucks
Per person -- That sucks!
And get within seven percent.
--- Anon
Each gentleman's most valued treasure;
Convert that to meters,
Then factor those peters
By the cube of their sex partner's pleasure.
--- Anon
And applying the sum of root squares,
To whichever is less.
I'll bet I could guess
A reliable figure like theirs.
--- Anon
Times time, and then next you'll need
Acceleration
(And then you'll have fun.)
Times half time squared then add distance seed.
--- Peter Wilkins
Is this useful? There's no guarantee.
If it leads to, "Oh heck!"
Take dv by dx,
And then write down its product with v.
--- David Morin
Then gravity would fall so far,
The Earth would faster spin
And mankind would begin
To catapult to yonder star.
--- Irving Superior P8802
Should be taken with good old precaution.
When you move too fast,
Like a cosmic ray blast,
You'd prefer an einsteinian notion.
--- Nawahl Razak
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