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Bill Clinton could not go as far
As making Monica a star.
He was then content
To have her, knees bent,
While he puffed on her scented cigar.
--- Anon

Mr Clinton said, "Yes, Mr Starr,
I admit that I used a cigar.
But in my defense,
Thought my thing was immense,
It didn't go in very far!"
--- Cap'n Bean P9902

The misuse of a good cigar,
With intern who went very far,
Earned old "Slick Willy"
The strong OBLOQUY,
As lap dog to stern Kenneth Starr.
--- Chris Papa

They have several, so who knows where
Willy can escape his mare,
With young colt to play,
Use cigar risque,
And make use of his PIED-A-TERRE.
--- Chris Papa

Why Monica, love your blue dress!
Too bad that Bill made such a mess.
You are no humidor.
If he'd smoked that ci-Gore,
You could have stayed out of the press.
--- Marty and Croc

Monica thinks she's a dish
And all that Billy could wish.
She has a new trick,
She sucks on his dick,
And makes a cigar smell like a fish.
--- AABBA Bob

Says Clinton, "I'll never surrendah!
Must get on with the country's agenda!
For my next brilliant stroke,
I will light up and smoke,
The cigar that was in her pudenda!"
--- Jim Schaefer

Miss Lewinsky and Clinton went far
With their sexual acts most bizarre.
But the substitute phallus
I thought was quite callous,
As you can't light a soggy cigar.
--- CyberCelt TP9901

The latest Revelations From Starr
Involve Bill, Monica and a cigar.
She did stuff the old stogie
Like sausage in her hoagie,
While Bill jacked off and watched from afar.
--- Puff Adder

Old Bill said "What's the use,
It won't light, it's so soaked up with juice."
But then he said "Doggone it,
I can still suck on it -
Unless it's been in your caboose!"
--- Lee Malone

He warned her, "It might leave a scar
If you let it burn down too far.
It may burn your clit
If you leave that thing lit;
That's no way to smoke a cigar!"
--- Anon

When Monica visited Bill,
The heat could be sensed on the Hill.
But by Bill's definition,
He needs no contrition --
The cigar is unlighted still!
--- Conan Librarian TP9901

In a Monica-Bill groping match,
He stuck a cigar in her snatch.
That slight bit of friction
Began her addiction --
Now Monica's wearing the patch!
--- Tim Thompson

When Prez gives a shiny BIJOU,
It won't mean sincere "I love you",
It's inhaling far,
Or well-packed cigar,
Doing things it was not meant to do.
--- Chris Papa

In this Clinton-Lewinsky debacle,
Starr's thorough, 'cause Monica's frock'll
Be brought into court
(On account of the ort) --
And, yes, even the President's cock'll.

(ort - scrap, leftover)
--- Knotweed

So in order to ease his distress,
His dick she did fondly caress.
But when she did suck it,
Poor Bill said "Oh fuck it!"
And shot his load over her dress.
--- Anon

Excuse me, but I digress;
With this evidence, just a big mess.
For after four years
I confirm your worst fears,
I've gotten a badly stained dress.
--- Anon

When it's stained, you should burn Old Glory;
With a dress it is the same old story.
If his mess remains
Leaving ugly stains,
Burn it quick before it becomes hoary.
--- Tom Patton

With lust that was careless, SLIPSHOD,
He slobbered over young intern's bod.
Then soiled with a mess
Her pretty blue dress,
Which betrayed his "not me" facade.
--- Chris Papa

Slick Willie may have to confess,
To get himself out of this mess.
If he'd only screwed
Miss L. in the nude,
He wouldn't have come on her dress.
--- Mushroom

Bill Clinton, it seems, was quite reckless
When giving Monica a "pearl necklace."
Some pearl drops
Dripped leaving spots;
Her dress is, like Bill's rep, far from speckless.
--- Gearhart

For three years she kept an old dress,
Which was stained with Bill's sticky mess.
Something's not right,
But I think that she might
Have sucked off each guy in Congress.
--- Karen

I think I am just going to scream,
If I read one more lim on that theme
About Monica's dress
Always rhyming with mess..
Now as novel as last night's wet dream.
--- Anon

If I were a liberal of fame,
And I soiled the dress of a dame,
And the DNA might
Give proof to the right,
I'd put that damn dress to the flame.
--- Bob Birch P9811

This news just came over the wire:
Slick Willy is still under fire.
A lesson he's learned;
When passions burn,
Make sure flames consume the attire.
--- Gearhart

Whatever you do in US,
Please, do not screw the Pres.
He is feeling lame
From exhaustion and shame,
After coming on that wretched dress.
--- Nik Synytskyy

The President may not be so great,
And you may not let him past your gate,
But one thing we know,
As the dress will show,
Old boy Clinton can ejaculate.
--- Jennifer Morales

While Clinton's willy was spurtin',
Should he wipe it off on the curtain?
Or should he make a mess
On Monica's dress,
And be found out for certain.
--- Mushroom

He certainly made a fine mess
On Monica's lovely blue dress.
Didn't he think he
Should cover his dinkie,
While delivering the Lewinsky address?
--- Anon

It seems that they tested the dress,
Which turned out quite clean. Who would guess
That Bill had a knack
To cover his track.
He was careful to not leave a mess.
--- Frank Fazed

When Willy went wild with young whore,
He left certain DNA SPOOR;
Impeachment was long,
But Democrats strong,
His continued term would assure.
--- Chris Papa

The topic Bill hoped to suppress,
Has returned to cause him great distress.
It was hidden away,
To preserve DNA.
The return of the semen-stained dress!!!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

"The battle was a badge of honor,"
Said Clinton the liar and conner.
"I don't see," he made plain,
"It, at all as a stain."
True - stained was the dress that was on her.
--- Anon

This is file ukm

Was it a whole different matter?
Dismissed as being tabloid tatter;
Was the president wearing,
The dress she was sharing;
Crossdressing while spilling his batter?
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Dear Monica, I have to confess
We have made such a terrible mess.
How would we know
When you gave me a blow,
It would end up all over your dress?
--- Speckle Bird TP9901

The problem is not that she ate it,
(She discovered a little belated).
He just wanted to chew
And cause it to spew,
But the stain on her dress was ill-fated.
--- Barrie Eksteen

Slick Willy, though feeling quite gingery,
Didn't disturb Miss Monica's lingerie,
But he made a big mess --
Not just on her dress --
Adding an intern to insult and injury.
--- FCA P9803

Our Exec denies any jizz
From hitting the young intern Ms.
Says Bill, "If her dress
Is somewhat a mess,
It's from my proclivity to whiz."
--- Jim Weaver Collection

This is news you don't want to miss;
Better listen carefully to this;
You'd never guess.
The stain on her dress
Turns out to be presidential piss.
--- Jennifer Morales

There once was an intern named Monica,
Whose practiced skill on harmonica
When applied to the President,
Made her dry-cleaner hesitant,
That his spots would come out in the laundrica.
--- Anon

It's time to go, Monica dear.
Oops, DISEMBOGUED on you, I fear.
But Hillary calls,
And my Peace Prize stalls.
Let the cleaner get that stain clear.
--- Chris Papa

Bill's problems would be so much less
And America's too, don't you guess?
Just one little condom
Applied to his small dome,
But it wouldn't have made such good press!
--- Vince Kasten

I hope, my dear Wuzzums, your dress
Is clean of the jism excess.
I sometimes misfire
In the throes of desire,
For it sure makes a god-awful mess.

I'll wash it, dear, you can be sure
So it will be sparkling and pure,
To wear the next time
Your cock, so devine,
Annoints me with au jus du jour.

There once was a boy named Bill
Whose penis just wouldn't keep still.
He made a big mess
On Monica's dress
And all over Capitol Hill!
--- Gina B P9803

An ambitious young man from Hope
Was never reluctant to grope.
But he messed up a dress,
So he had to confess.
But he'll still not admit to the dope.
--- Anon

The President said "One more quickie,"
Unfurling his prodigal dickie.
"Watch out for my dress!
I don't want a mess!"
Said Monica, getting all sticky.
--- Ogni Gioia

These limericks are really quite lame,
But I guess that it's Clinton I blame;
Had he fucked just his wife,
For once in his life,
Or at least missed the dress when he came.
--- Robert Wiley

Bill Clinton said "Al, it's not silly
For interns to wear aprons, frilly;
Protection of dresses
From stains and such messes
Is vital for presidents, really!"
--- Travis Brasell

I doubt Billy boy will be gloating
At surviving the seas he's been boating.
But I'd say best guess is:
They pass laws to make dresses
Come equipped with a Teflon type coating.
--- Anon

Monica did acts so obscene
In a place where they both were not seen.
Oh she did confess
But just like her dress,
Bill Clinton would never come clean.
--- Thomas M Patton P9901

President Willy who thought as a preener,
Dreaming of women and weiners,
"Isn't it rich,
That the dirty bitch,
Had never hear of the dry cleaner."
--- Richard Long

There once was a White House aide,
Who for some of her duties was paid.
But the one she liked best,
Left a stain on her dress;
Even if she never got laid!
--- Tom C

Bill's in trouble now, that seems for sure,
As new evidence comes to the fore.
When Ken showed him that dress,
Clinton claimed, under stress,
That he'd not come across it before.
--- Anon

Clinton, not getting much leaner,
Sat dreaming of women and wieners.
Isn't it rich;
That dirty bitch
Had never hear of the dry cleaners.
--- Disgusting Jim

Had Monica focused on cock,
He wouldn't have sprayed that new frock.
But she tickled his scrot
Of that randy old goat,
And forgot to maintain her lip-lock.
--- Ogni Gioia

And then there's the stain on the dress,
That's put Bill under some stress.
Should he deny it,
The facts sure imply it;
Her mouth couldn't hold the excess.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Said Bill to the gal he befriended,
"Your dress is torn and should be mended.
So take it off quick
But do mind my prick."
...Except that is not how it ended.
--- Bob Mornington

I think Monica has ADD!
'Cause "Swallow!" was the decree.
He'd ask and he'd ask
But she'd not stay on task,
Hence her dress all sticky with debris.

(ADD - attention deficit disorder)
--- Ogni Gioia

When her dress had been caught in the door,
And the coffee fell down to the floor,
Bill helped mop up the mess.
Then he sent a new dress,
And advised, "Please don't spill anymore."
--- Jim Weaver Collection

There was an intern from DC
Who went with the Pres on a spree.
Said her mother, "I guess
That stain on your dress,
Means he didn't go in where you pee!"
--- John Miller a

Old Billy Clinton's a mess,
There's stains on Monica's dress.
And I'm sure you will find,
That there's some left behind,
On the carpet. Now will he confess?
--- Mushroom

Of course, good old King Cole
Was a most careful old soul.
Though he called to be piped,
He would never have wiped
His come on the dress of his moll.
--- Bob Mornington

Old Bill almost lost his fine shirt
From a stain left on Monica's skirt;
But will he recall
What started it all,
And the trouble from one little squirt?
--- Anon

The Constitution provides civil redress
Should a Benedict Arnold impress
A public too unwise
To notice disguise.
All I've got is this damn dress.
--- Anon

Monica brought about lot's of stress,
When she told of a stain on her dress.
But we're the first ones
To say she had the runs;
Her panties were a smelly old mess.
--- Jennifer Morales


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