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A physicist whose mind was impaired,
Said, "Eureka, I am now prepared
To spread news far and wide,
Without ego or pride,
That E equals M C squared."
--- Al Willis TP9804

There's a law that just simply can't be
About time and space fantasy.
But Albert Einstein
Theorized it just fine,
Because E over M is squared C.
--- Anon

A four-footer, a really thin runt,
Had a cock that was short, thick, and blunt,
With a very flat head:
Tetrahedral, he said.
"Ecstasy equals squared mini-cunt!"

(E = M c**2)
--- Jim Weaver Collection

A famous equation will loom
As a constant reminder of doom.
For E, as we feared,
Equals m c (when squared).
Who'll be first to square what, and with whom?
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P8506

After swallowing radium, Miss Errant
Said, explaining her deed so aberrant,
"If approached in the park,
Now I'll glow in the dark,
For I'm armed with a nuclear deterrent!"
--- Vasser W Smith Lib Lim

An atom that came from the tap
Had electrons all over its map.
But in its interstices
Lurked a much worse disease:
Decay and a permanent zap.
--- Robert Resnick

FDR: Nuclear things might be bad.
I could hold it for study a tad.
The risk to the race
Is so hard to face.
But he didn't and we are all glad.
--- Carl A Benz

In physics, the subject was fission,
Soporific, the lecturer's vision.
The student woke with a start,
And from the room he did dart,
For he'd had a nocturnal emission.
--- John Miller

A Latin grammarian, Priscian,
Once had a nocturnal emission;
It began with a fart
That near tore him apart --
The first case of nuclear fission.
--- Armand E Singer 386

They say they've got nuclear fusion
Bottled up in a simple solution;
We've heard this before;
I'm guessing it's more
Media hype and confusion.
--- Dr Limerick 03-04-02

'Twas a brilliant informed decision,
Getting power from nuclear fission.
It would be even smarter
That William J Carter
To accomplish the fusion collision.
--- Nawahl

The power of M's and C-squares
Provides us with just cause for scares.
Our childhood fright
Of a bump in the night,
Is now mushrooms from nightmarish prayers.
--- Carl A Benz

Vacation wherever you please
For a place with a warm sunny breeze.
And avoiding the sun
Kiev is the one...
Cloudy -- 4000 degrees.

(contaminated by Chernobyl)
--- Jay Marshall P8607

"In case of The Bomb," Colonel Nye,
"Sit down with your hands on your thigh.
Now bend forward low
As far as you'll go,
And then kiss your keister goodbye."
--- Irving Superior P8406

A handsome young man with blue eyes
Built an atom-machine of great size.
When asked why he did it,
He blushed and admitted,
"I was wise to the size of the prize."

(Lee DuBridge to Ernest Lawrence on winning Nobel Prize)
--- Lee Dubridge P0303

Beware of the plasma fanatics;
They're prone to a fusion of antics,
That generate heat
When hydrogens meet
With magnetohydrodynamics.
--- Bruce Elliot

Population growth always vexed Tom,
And his spirit was never quite calm
Until Malthus heard
The encouraging word
Concerning the nuclear bomb.
--- A N Wilkins P8702

The chemist heaved a long sigh,
When his filtrate was finally dry.
But an unstable fraction,
In a quick chain reaction,
Formed a mushroom cloud five miles high.
--- Jonathan P Dowling

When man his good senses deployed,
Then smallpox no longer annoyed.
There's a much better plan
Which will benefit man --
When the last atom bomb is destroyed.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2961

When atoms meet atoms and fuse,
There's part of their mass that they lose.
The emitted article
Is not only a particle,
But a wave -- and you don't get to choose.
--- Chuck Baggett

There once was this young man named Gant,
Who worked hard in a nuclear plant.
He died six months later
A real 'hot-potater'
And his grave stone still glows brilliant!
--- Laurence Craft

A Danish professor named Bohr
Thought atoms had a nuclear core,
"A plum pudding raisin
Would scatter just grazing,
Not like sine to the negative four!"
--- John Woodward

A "nuke" power station near Bradley
Wanting better publicity badly,
Sent reply-cards: "Come, learn!
Tick a date and return!"
Those who went, came back ticking madly.
--- Carl Ludvig Kjelsen P8701

India blew up a device.
Pakistan said, "That's not nice,"
Then blew up their own.
They wanted it known
That India should have thought twice.
--- Frank Spectra

Brahmastras, a Vedic fire-bomb --
Don't know what it's called in Islam.
But one thing I know,
This stand-off could blow,
And set off a righteous pogrom.
--- H Welchel

"How nice that they both have The Bomb,"
The alien said with aplomb.
"With just a few flashes,
They'll top all the clashes
We've watched since before Vietnam."
--- John Miller

"Just think of the carnage to be,"
Said the alien, winking at me.
"If their hate doesn't fizzle
Tens of millions will sizzle --
What a pleasant thing for us to see.
--- John Miller

"Is it Hindus and Muslims who fight
To prove to each other who's right?
Gentle Christians and Jews
Should horn in with their views,
And some more from the left and the right.
--- John Miller

"It really will be quite a show.
Do you think the arms merchants will know
They've themselves to thank
When their children grow lank,
Suffused with a soft bluish glow.
--- John Miller

"Millions killed, millions maimed and dismembered;
Cities blazing, homes burned, charred and embered.
And you do it because
You must all serve the cause...
(If indeed it is ever remembered.)
--- John Miller

"With luck then the conflict will spread
Until every last human is dead.
Then it won't be a sin
To quickly move in...
Or maybe cockroaches instead.
--- John Miller

"Oh, I do think you're so very clever!
I knew you were smart but I never
Did quite realize
You could sterilize,
Cleansing your own world forever.
--- John Miller

It's so hard to sit here and watch 'em,
As their missile launchers, they notch 'em.
They'll leave a huge dent
In their subcontinent,
If we don't pray Dona Nobis Pacem!
--- Irish

This is file ukl

India thinks the A-bomb's just swell.
With Pakistan this does not sit well.
While the world said no,
They decided to show
That they can blow each other to Hell.
--- FB

Pakistan matches their Indian brothers
In the bomb race that some would smother.
But I think it's good;
It should be understood;
It's less likely they'll attack each other.
--- Puff Adder

It seems that our leaders deplore
The threat from the power plant core.
So they build in devices
For preventing the crisis,
While preparing for nuclear war.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2539

"I married her just for a lark,"
This Russian was heard to remark.
"Now she's my wife
And delight of my life;
Since Chernobyl, she glows in the dark."
--- Jay Marshall P8607

A babe met a guy from Wyomium,
Whose jewels were made out of plutonium.
While getting some ass,
They reached critical mass;
She lamented, "I should have just blownium!"
--- John Griffin

Her lips were now made of uranium,
And with them, she drove him insanium.
Like nuclear fission,
She caused an emission,
And a meltdown occurred in his branium.
--- Kaylin

As the number of string theories shrinks,
We toss out those weird missing links.
And with the bath water
Perhaps some we oughter
Save in boxes beneath our sinks.
--- Arthur Deex

Super-Symmetry just like IIA.
Again only closed strings we essay.
Still no tachyons;
Yet the massless fermions,
Being chiral, spin only one way.
--- Arthur Deex

Super-Symmetry 'twixt force and matter;
But of open/closed strings just the latter.
And there's no tachyons
But there's massless fermions,
Spinning both ways with nonchiral clatter.
--- Arthur Deex

There's also HO and HE
Like a model railway you'll agree.
They are both heterotic
(Which sounds quite exotic)
The key here is Group symmetry.
--- Arthur Deex

Super-Symmetry twixt matter and force;
Both open and closed strings of course.
Tachyons we shuns
And with ten dimensions,
It's SO(32) group symmetry we endorse.
--- Arthur Deex

First start with a little boson
And exclude the pesky fermion;
No matter, just things
Open/closed called strings,
And imaginary mass, a tachyon.
--- Arthur Deex

There was a professor of Chatham
Who had an affair with an atom.
The result of coition
Was nuclear fission...
There was a profesor of Chatham.
--- Hugh Oliver 68a

When a neutron is shot from the sun,
It displaces a proton by one.
Now nitrogen's green
'Cause carbon 14
Replaced him, that son of a gun!
--- Tom Campbell

A scientist working in Greece
A wondrous report did release.
He developed at last
A big bomb with a blast
So great, it was used just for peace.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2605

Photons in pairs have a quality
With no regard for reality,
When on paths that don't meet,
They non-locally beat,
Testing a Bell inequality.
--- Michael Reck

An optic professor named Mullers
Revealed to his class over crullers,
"By shooting my gism
All over the prism,
I can come in the primary colors."
--- Steve

Dr Young was having a fit.
His optics had developed a slit.
"My grant will not pay,
So I'll use it this way."
And you know the rest of this bit.
--- Devlin Gualtieri

An astronomer's swift limousine,
Went through a red light in Racine.
He was going so fast,
That the light which he passed,
Through the Doppler effect, showed as green.
--- Anon A

The astronomer's face shifted green
When he passed the red light in Racine.
'Twas a light on the door
Of the house of a whore,
Replaced by that fucking machine.
--- Neal Wilgus P8211

There was a young atom in Hell
With a vacancy in an inner shell.
An electron high above
In his heavenly love,
Saw the hole, and in it he fell.
--- Bunnar Tibell

There was a young lassie named Laser,
Who never let problems dephase her.
Never yielding coherence,
She kept up her appearance
By wearing a ruby red blazer.
--- Frank Moser

A man grinding lenses in Guelph
Reached up for some tools on the shelf.
He fell down between
The lens-grinding machine,
And a spectacle made of himself.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2608

A paint mixer took some light blue;
Some light purple was added in, too.
When he stirred it up good,
Then he knew that he would
Have a hit. It's a mauve-elous hue.
--- Kirk Miller

To Michelson and E. W. Morley
Their theory explained rather poorly
Why the first beam, of light
Reached their eyepiece all right,
But the next one arrived just as early.
--- Daniel Koon

The multiport is a thing nefarious.
The ways of construction are various.
With phases and mirrors,
Bewaring of errors,
The setups we build are precarious.
--- Michael Reck

The experiment of Michelson and Morley
Allows us to say, very surely,
"If this ether is real,
It has no appeal,
And shows itself off rather poorly."
--- David Morin et al

The physics of optical fibers
Presents us with effects diverse,
That will pulses reshape,
Interference unmake,
With components that light does disperse.
--- Michael Reck

Is light a particle or wave?
Corpuscular it seems to behave.
But through a double slit,
Interference does its bit,
Demonstrating that photons do quave.
--- Chris Matthews

A young child looked up in the sky,
And said, "It's so blue, Mom, but why?"
You see, blue scatters more
(There's this power of 4),
So it rarely comes straight to your eye.
--- David Morin et al

The sky has a beautiful hue;
To scattering of light, it is due.
Long wavelengths like red,
Through air go unbled,
Leaving us seeing the blue.
--- Chris Matthews

There once was a quantum optician
Embarked on a ludicrous mission.
His goal was to show
That all photons are slow,
In spite of their massless condition.
--- Mike Lubell

A grating can lead to a blur
When its lines cause some ghosts to occur.
It showed wriggles and bumps
And then also some lumps,
But reviewers have yet to concur.

(Novel soliton solutions in Rowland ghost gaps)
--- Anon


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