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A wayout teenager from Poole A French necrophiliac called Jacques, Advantages many there be, Observed old philosopher Hearst: When necrotizing our dirks, "Oh damn!" said illusionist Drew, I'm just sick of the constant palaver! The local pathology labs, Old one-legged Jake goes each day I bet he remembers young Babs; In the pathology lab, our new Once while in the embalmers shed, Said a bleeding heart liberal hemophiliac, The mortuary opens at two. We've buckets of Bertha and Brenda But, Sir, I must protest, I must! A pitiful sight was young Eanus, No worries; we've thought of that too; While embalming a beauty named Phyllis, Now forensics ain't nothing for jokin', A necrophile fellow named Perce A necrophile named Ab The embalmer a corpse did prepare -- There was a young fellow named Skinner Some funeral parlors are whoring There once was a mortician dude, I gaze upon Lucy McTraver, Said the old undertaker named Pete, An old undertaker named West The train struck Miss Senter and bent her. A mortician whose name it was Jim Minger is at it again; He grins and says, "I'm a shit, Dr Minger's date's have all died, At a funeral home tonight, Young Lucy lay dead on the slab, He left poor young Lucy to thaw Necrophiliacs are those who will yearn us A horny old bastard was Perce; A cute morgue attendant named Lynn An embalmer in ancient Karnak, There was an embalmer named Muffin This is why I haven't been here, I read up on medical books, But the body parts were all inert, Imagine what rose from bone-dead? There once was a doc, forensic, "My head hurts, doc. Don't stand there scoffin'!" They called him "Minger the Necro" for shorts; A funeral director named Cliff, He's something, that young Dr. Cliff: A necrophilic mortician named Fred The young necrophiliac, Hurst, There was an old lady named Mopsy, The embalmer's apprentice, young Jack, A girl of strong will was Miss Baker; There is a young medic named Fletcher On the slab in the forensic lab An enbalmer from old Canterbury Old Doc Rigor Mortis boffed Babs, There once was a pervert mortician, A perverted embalmer named Bauer They embalmed the poor lass (drowned at sea) A girl of strong will was Miss Baker; An old undertaker named Rand The embalmer had a certain proclivity A wealthy old harlot named Commer
Necrophilia dug after school.
Oh, Death, where's thy sting?
After doing his thing
He murmured, "She's cool, man, real cool."
--- G2455a
Was doing a corpse in a truck.
As they passed East Berlin
Rigor mortis set in,
And the poor little froggie was stuck.
--- Sten Svensson
In corpse screwing; here are just three:
No chatting-up so;
They never say no;
And the ladies are wholly nag-free.
--- Tiddy Ogg
This one is by far the world's worst.
It does not cause surprise
To see so many flies,
But I think I must scrape her off first.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2884
Well-mellowed stiffs have the perks
Of maggots and rot.
So who needs a twat?
Any old soft tissue works.
--- H Welchel
"Now I've cut my assistant in two.
It would seem I've misplaced
Her from head down to waist;
Though what's left is still good for a screw!"
--- Peter Wilkins
What I need is a freshish cadaver...
No Trojans to buy,
Just myself gratify,
And whenever I want I can have her!
--- TuttaGioia
Have often, fine gals on their slabs.
So that's where to go;
They never say no;
And care not if you give them crabs.
--- Tiddy Ogg
And gets his sick kicks that-a-way.
And then the old cripple
Will cut off a nipple;
He's dozens at home, on display.
--- Tiddy Ogg
The last time he had her, the crabs,
Like rats, were desertin'
Their homes in her skirtin'
And jumping all over the slabs.
--- Peter Wilkins
Recruit said out loud "Whew!
The quim on this dish
Sure looks like a fish."
Said the doc, "Sure tastes like one too."
--- Tom Accousti
I gave a young corpse some head.
I was so good,
She jumped up and stood!
You see, I brought her back from the dead!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who's a funeral home necrophiliac,
"Though I'd give girls a stab,
As they cool on the slab,
It plays hob with my poor sacroiliac!"
--- Ward Hardman
No shoving back there in the queue;
We've oodles of fresh
And delectable flesh
For the Old Necrophiliacs' do.
--- Anon
And slabs of old biddies most tender,
Awaiting dissection;
A wicked selection
Of thawed-to-perfection pudenda.
--- Anon
I'm angered and filled with disgust,
Because you've allowed
Old Ogg through the crowd
To sample first -- stirring up dust!
--- Anon
Bemoaning the size of his penis.
But the girls all agree
He's better than me,
Despite seven inches between us.
--- Anon
We've buckets of heifer and ewe.
Our mortuary ball
Is intended for all
With a philia, necro- or zoo-.
--- Anon
The mortician had thoughts necrophilous,
So he garnished with gook
Both her cranny and nook,
But contracted her fatal bacillus.
--- Hugh Clary
Though scientists, clearly plainspoken,
Confess that cadavers,
Like Davy palavers,
Are cheaper than hookers for pokin'.
--- Hugh Clary
Once kissed an old corpse in a hearse.
He drew back with a shiver
Which threw chills down his liver;
Then he tried something more and fared worse.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 G2455
Sneaked into the coroner's lab.
He went down on a stiff
Who had died of the syph,
And choked to death on a scab.
--- G1846
On the hard granite slab, she lay bare.
Then he started with screwing
And said, "How'm I doing?"
But she gave him a cold glassy stare.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2916
Who worked in the morgue, the poor sinner.
His mind had some warps,
For he'd pull out a corpse,
And he'd have a few fucks before dinner.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2927
Cadavers, and money is pouring
To their coffers from crowds
Who like women with shrouds.
But to me, necrophilia's dead boring.
--- Anon
Whose methods were often quite crude.
Whilst making a slit
His member would twitch,
And he'd embalm with his own special fluid
--- Lanark
And feel that I just have to have her,
For one final poke
'Fore she goes up in smoke...
Today they cremate her cadaver.
--- Tiddy Ogg
As the corpses he studied, discreet:
"Though I know I can't tarry
And the dead we must bury,
But first I must bury the meat!"
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2911
Remarked with much candor and zest,
"Though I find I'm confused --
By a cunt that's not used,
Yet a fuck in the coffin is best."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2900
At the morgue they reviewed what did dent her.
Said old coroner Skinner,
"It is not time for dinner,
But first I must get off dead Senter."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2858
Just delighted in 3-day old quim.
It sure wasn't the scabs
That smelled like dead crabs,
But the green pus that just covered him.
--- S C Saint
Bi-sexual necro's is a sin.
His illusion of fun,
Is to suck down a cold-one,
And there's no way to tell where he's been.
--- Anon
But it does have it's own benefit;
My date's don't talk back
While I work on their crack,
And they've never once told me to quit."
--- Anon
This is file uhl
And they all smell like formaldehyde.
He gets down in the lab,
Boring stiff's on the slab;
Now he's re-named his dick, "Dr. Hide."
--- Anon
I heard (as the body took flight)
The mortician's curse.
He said, "We will hearse
And rehearse 'til we get it right."
--- Anon
But the mortuary assistant, McNabb,
Who had cravin's and urgin's
For decomposed virgins,
Took Lucy back home in a cab.
--- Peter Wilkins
In the dark with some seafood. The flaw
Was his plan went to Hell;
He could not, by the smell
Pick her out from the oysters (all raw)!
--- John Miller
Before, to our graves, they will turn us.
"We've so much in common,
'Cause during embalmin',
"We're both stiff!" Tom affirmed, in dead earnest.
--- Hugh Clary
He buggered a corpse in the hearse.
He arose from the dead
With a smile and he said,
"This day I forever shall curse!"
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2908
Played strip poker, but just couldn't win.
As she bared her tail section,
One corpse had an erection,
And Lynn nearly jumped from her skin.
--- Michael Weinstein P9511
Oozed it into a fresh corpse's crack.
Rigor mortis set in,
And clamped off what had been
His pride, which he didn't get back.
--- L0480
Whose work kept him late very often,
For when anyone died
He took personal pride
In laying each corpse in its coffin.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0735
'Cause Le Geeze to me was so dear,
That I opened his casket,
Put the bones in a basket,
And then waited 'til all was clear.
--- Anon
And bought me some butchers' hooks.
I used my clothes-line
Each piece to define,
And managed to bring back his looks.
--- Anon
So dressed in a black mini-skirt,
I inserted a battery,
Whispered some flattery,
(Please don't think that I'm a pervert).
--- Anon
None other than his throbbing head.
Le Geeze is pure bliss,
I shouldn't hide this;
So will let you all join instead.
--- Anon
Who like to give corpses a lick.
When I asked him why,
He said with a sigh,
"Why to ease the way in for my dick!"
--- Lyonesse
"Well Sir, you must take care when boffin'
Your granny at night,
By the gibbous moon's light;
To take the lid right off the coffin."
--- Anon
A sick one, who liked a cold corpse
To a shapely warm lass,
With a curvy, warm ass,
And a good case of genital warts.
--- Frosty
Had wanted to marry a stiff.
Before long, of course,
He got a divorce,
Because of the maggots and whiff.
--- Anon
Though riddled with virulent syph,
He claims, "Look, I don't mind;
When I need to unwind,
I just hop a safe med-school stiff."
--- Armand E Singer 848
Whose sex life really was dead,
Said, "Just every so often
I'll get in a coffin,
But I think 'twould be more fun in bed."
--- Frank Ward P9312
Did become a mortician at first.
When they brought in Mrs. Palmer,
Before he'd embalm her,
He shagged her until her head burst.
--- Paul Graham
Who died with a bad case of dropsy.
But the old undertaker
Said he'd not try to make her
Until doctors performed an autopsy.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2902
Said, "I fondle each dead lady's crack.
Though they're cold on the click,
They sure do the trick,
For they never complain or fight back."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2886
She swore that no fellow could make her.
Sometime later she died
With a smile of great pride,
But was fucked by the old undertaker.
--- Albin Chaplin Appeal 1950
Whose actions bespeak the true lecher.
On catastrophe calls
Like tornadoes and squalls,
He screws female stiffs on the stretcher.
--- Armand E Singer 45
Lay the corpse of Gertie the Crab.
When old doctor Minger
Slipped in her his finger,
He added a grand to the tab.
--- Frosty
Would drink with his stiffs and make merry.
He never would fracture
A virgo inacta;
His preference was that of a fairy.
--- Jim Jambor P9101
On one of the morgue's coldest slabs;
"She was quite a lay,"
Said Doc, "But I may
Tomorrow remove all her scabs."
--- Anon
Who fancied a young dead beautician.
He sawed off her legs,
And hung her from pegs,
And spun her till getting emission.
--- H Welchel
Started using his staff to deflower;
This did change his whole life;
He now holds off his wife
Saying, "First take a very cold shower."
--- Armand E Singer 716A
When the assistant said to his boss, "Gee,
There's a shrimp in her works!"
"That's her clitoris, you jerk."
"Oh, it tasted like shrimp to me."
--- Tom Accousti
She swore that no fellow could make her.
She expired, in fact,
With her hymen intact,
But was fucked by the old undertaker.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2851
Once screwed a dead whore in the sand.
He performed his rendition
In the finest tradition;
An embalmer conducted the band.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2920
For girls in a state of morbidity.
'Twas the shock of his life
To be caught by his wife,
And she took the prize for lividity.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Fell dead after fucking old Palmer.
Though her will did declare
The last fucker would share,
Palmer lost to the wily embalmer.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0673A
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