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While strolling through glades all a-dapple "Oho!; what a load of old crapple; There once was a bonnie wee lass, Said the priest, "I absolve you, my dear, "Forgive me my sins", muttered Father "Forgiveness? Forgiveness for this!?" Demure is that Deborah lass, When priest from the Jesuit Mission, 'Twould seem that the priests supplication Young Father Patrick O'Finnigan, Middle-aged Father O'Finnigan Old Father Patrick O'Finnigan Reverend Father, I've cause to complain. If you want to be sure to be blessed, "My good priest, what a wonderful plan! "Good lady, your beauty's so fine "Well my wife you have been rather bad, "This law made by men is unfair. "The reason his great robe this priest doffed, "Such orgies, no emperor has seen. The priest spied a little black boy, He poured a few drops on the sand The priest viewed this all with alarm "And what good is that?" the kid asked. But the boy, unimpressed, said, "Forget Amanda didn't marry at Easter. "Oh Father, I haven't a clue", The priest gave a lingering glance Amanda looked dazed and in fear, "This candle will help you to get ...He enquired. So she stroked it real slow "I just want to check it's a real "Too late!" cried Amanda, "I win. So Deborah flutters her eyes, How eagerly Deborah clamps The housekeeper told Father Finnigan Next morning, instead of the tissue, "This waste of good tissues must stop, There once was an Irish colleen, For Father O'Hare, consternation; "Oh Father, forgive me my sin... Said old Father Doyle with chagrin, "Oh Father," I said, "is that true? "My son, it is just Catholic creed! I'm glad you've lost some inhibition, In case that you are a bit shocked, Fr. Francis, I see you've made hay; "A sermon", thought Father O'Quinn, His housekeeper, taken aback, "Lord Jesus!" cried Father O'Quinn, The priest thundered, "Women are bitches! The nun thundered, "Sisters, Beware! "Well Father, that's frightened them off." All the ethical "oughts" (putz - American Jewish slang for penis)
A much admired rabbi from Macon A young Jewish rabbi named Sholem There once was a rabbi named Ray; There was a young rabbi from Kadoches An orthodox rabbi from Rome A rabbi, a priest, and a nun. There was a young Jew of far Rockaway, There was a young rab from Kadoches, (toches - ass, broches - blessings, kadoches - seizure)
In a talk at the Vatican rectory, Said Rabbi Abe Zoggby to Flora: The rabbi who blows SHOFAR claims At her husbands behest, a young Frau
With sunshine, I chanced on a chapel;
Intrigued, I went in
And found Father O'Flynn
And the preacher's wife "sharing an apple".
--- Peter Wilkins
O'Flynn, you're not sharing an apple.
You're both in the nude
And look thoroughly screwed".
I said, "Bet you've been having a grapple."
--- Peter Wilkins
Who confessed to the priest before mass,
That she'd drunk to excess
At an unknown address,
And what bloated her now wasn't gas!
--- Prof M-G T9711
But now I'll confess what I fear.
If the child calls me Father,
'Tisn't Reverend, but rather
The unknown address was right here.
--- Prof M-G T9711
O'Reilly, "but God! I'd much rather
Not have to take Mass
'Til I've seen to this lass,
And I've worked up a sweat and a lather."
--- Peter Wilkins
Thundered God, "Are you taking a piss?
Well okay, if you must,
But hold fire with your lust,
'Til I've had my own way with that miss."
--- Peter Wilkins
Each Sunday attending a mass
With Father O'Reilly,
Who looks at her shyly,
And dreams of her tits and her ass.
--- Anon
With nuns are in juxtaposition,
They soon abrogate
Their celibate state,
Engaging in frantic coition.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Was entirely for lewd recreation.
Their habit-ual sins
They'd indulge in with grins,
And then give themselves dispensation.
--- Murphy
Promising never to sin again,
Fell for a lass
With a cute little ass,
Who insisted he stick it back in again.
--- Peter J Wilkins P9806a
Dined at his favorite inn again,
Breaking the promise
He made to St. Thomas,
To cut down on food and get thin again.
--- Peter J Wilkins P9806a
Out of his mind and his skin again,
Died on the day
He had promised to lay
Off of the whiskey, the wine, and the gin again.
--- Peter J Wilkins P9806a
Each noon a gent leers through the pane
Of my private window,
(Number three, second row),
And I fear he will do it again.
--- David Finely
You must do all the things I suggest.
With purity such
That your wife you don't touch.
What he's planned I am sure you've all guessed.
--- David Finley
But what can I, poor woman, remand?"
"My dear, to such bribes
I would never subscribe.
Your sweet self is enough for this man."
--- Anon
That Gabriel himself does pine.
But we know that you might
Be burned at his sight,
So he'll come in this body of mine."
--- Anon
This young spark has been caught in our pad.
But it happens I'm gay,
So I think there's a way.
We will each entertain this fine lad."
--- Anon
When my husband had need I was there,
An there's clearly no doubt
That we seldom wear out,
So Nature suggests that we share."
--- Anon
Was our babe who had gasped and then coughed
And then breathed his last breath
But was raised up from death
Helped by praying that came from the loft."
--- Anon
We can summon the fairiest queen.
And for certain we reckon
You'll be privileged to beckon
Her highness, the Queen of La Treen."
--- Anon
With a very small vial for a toy.
The priest asked the lad
What it was that he had,
And the kid gave a demo with joy:
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Which smoked and began to expand
Then burst into flame;
Concrete did the same,
While the boy tossed the vial hand to hand
--- Jim Weaver Collection
And fearing the boy'd come to harm,
He offered to barter
His own holy water,
Which he carried along as a charm.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Said the priest, (grasping straws, thinking fast,)
"I put some on the tummy
Of a soon-to-be mummy,
And in minutes her baby was passed."
--- Jim Weaver Collection
it. This here's the best stuff I've found yet.
I put some of THIS gas
On an ol' tomcat's ass,
And HE passed a Harley, no sweat!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
She'd previously gone to her priest. ("A
Pre-nuptial chat
About this, about that,
And the other", he said, as he squeezed her.)
--- Anon
She said blushingly, "What should I do
On my honeymoon night?
I'm afraid I'm too tight
Down below for a regular screw."
--- Anon
At her thighs while adjusting his pants.
"What you need is to sit
On this candle a bit",
He replied while exposing his lance.
--- Anon
Absolutely transfixed by his spear.
He said, "Don't be afraid,
For the priesthood has made
It my duty to help you, my dear."
--- Anon
More relaxed and more clenchingly wet
Than you ever have felt."
So she got up and knelt
'Tween his thighs. "Will you give it a pet?" ...
--- Anon
'Til it started to quiver and glow.
He said, "Please sit astride
It with thighs open wide."
But she smiled, shook her head, and said "No".
--- Anon
Holy Roman-type Candle. I feel
That you're lying, you sod."
And the priest said, "Oh god;
Please forgive me my sins, I appeal."
--- Anon
I bet Mother Superior, sin
Was the thing you liked most;
Not that damned holy ghost."
Then she left with a real wicked grin.
--- Anon
This is file ucm
Invitingly opens her thighs
And giggles as Father
Gets into a lather,
Attempting to cover his rise.
--- Peter Wilkins
Her lips around knob-ends and champs.
How lucky they are,
Brother Tim and Papa,
All her uncles and cousins and gramps.
--- Peter Wilkins
"I think you been doin' that sin again.
Last night I got rid
Of those tissues, I did,
But I see you done filled up that bin again."
--- Peter Wilkins
The housekeeper pondered the issue
All over the floor,
And walked out of the door,
To his cries of "Oh lord; how I'll miss you."
--- Anon
So Father I'll straight away shop,"
The housekeeper said
"For something instead
More keepable .. I know! -- A mop!"
--- Anon
A virginal carnival queen,
Who went to the church
For a priest to besmirch,
After drinking a glass of poteen.
--- Anon
He couldn't resist the temptation.
He muttered at vespers
"Forgive me, I trespass."
Then screwed her without hesitation.
--- Anon
I seem to have no discipline,
I'm there in two beats
All over the sheets.
Some even ends up on my chin.
--- Ogni Gioia
As he furtively nipped at his gin,
"When you use your own hand,
Satan strikes up the band!
It's the sinfullest sin you can sin!"
--- Ogni Gioia
There are many bad things you can do...
Bombing a city!
Never being witty!
Just why is this deed so taboo?"
--- Ogni Gioia
You must never go spilling your seed!!
It's got something to do
With wanking in lieu
Of begetting more Papists to breed.
--- Ogni Gioia
It's liable to lead to coition.
But do not worry, dear,
Fr. Francis will hear
Your most heartfelt act of contrition.
--- Anon
I would if I'd not been de-frocked.
But before you shriek,
I'll come for a week,
As long as your larder's well stocked.
--- Anon
Been busy while I've been away.
Moved in on my kill;
This can't be god's will.
Retribution is coming your way!
--- Anon
"I should write 'bout 'The Evils of Sin'.
But my mind is a blank,
So I'll sit here and wank
Till I'm feeling inspired to begin."
--- Peter Wilkins
Cried, "Father, it's sinful to jack!"
So she whipped off her scanties,
Her bra and her panties
And guided him into her crack.
--- Peter Wilkins
"Inspiration at last to begin!"
As his housekeeper dribbled,
He jismed and scribbled
His sermon, 'The Pleasures of Sin!"
--- Peter Wilkins
They're devilish Succubi witches.
I won't even mention
Their soft, yielding, clenchin'..
(Shit! Now I've come in my britches!)
--- Peter Wilkins
Men are filthy and base, I declare.
Close your eyes to those sods
With their hot throbbing rods...
(Shit! Now I'm soaking down there.)
--- Peter Wilkins
"It was meant to, dear Sister. Come quaff
This communion wine."
"Is it your place or mine?"
"What the fuck; here's the altar; let's boff!"
--- Peter Wilkins
Are not mere behavioral naughts.
If you go astray
You'll hear mama's "Oi Vey!"
And your rabbi will call you a putz.
--- Jim Jambor P9103
Found the faith of his followers shaken,
When they learned he'd a taint
(See "Portnoy's Complaint")
Of fucking both ham-hocks and bacon.
--- G2416
Was feared as a possible golem.
He sneered at the Torah,
Hummed snatches from 'Laura',
And crapped out at dice screaming "Roll 'em!"
--- Armand E Singer 227
The poor man had nothing to say.
He sat under a wreath,
With a dick in his teeth,
That's how they found out he was gay.
--- Anon
Who had a hospitable toches.
His friends had no fear
To attack from the rear,
For he'd make it quite kosher with broches.
--- L0479
Humped the cantor's wife right her home.
She was left on her tush
With a sore burning bush,
And he went without saying "Shalom".
--- Alex Heydon P0507
In a New Orleans brothel were stunned.
For the nun changed profession,
Padre took her confession,
And the rabbi cried "Oi vey! What fun!"
--- Michael Palin
Whose screams could be heard for a block away.
Perceiving his error,
The Rabbi in terror
Cried, "God! I have cut his whole cock away!"
--- G1107
Who had a hospitable toches.
His friends had no fear
To attack from the rear,
For he'd make it quite kosher with broches.
--- L0479
The rabbi was lacking in tact or he
Would not have made it --
At least not as stated --
A point that he stands pro-phylactery.
--- Pat Byrnes a
"All Jewish girls, so says the Torah,
Must dandle my handle..."
Well, boss, one new candle
He's added to light his Menorah.
--- Travis Brasell
That he is quite good at such games.
He hopes he will please
All the M.O.T's, (members of tribe)
Pretending that he is Harry James.
--- Chris Papa
Took her son to a rabbi, with know-how.
When she ventured to ask
Concerning the task,
He responded, "It shouldn't be long now."
--- Macsam
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