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A famous author known for his rare-words There once was a country of, oh There was an old Croesus of Nottinghamshire;
(Notts) There was a young woman names Ells Though I complain of changing meanings, A young boy of the streets with a stutter, There was a young lady of Kent, Phil Attily came dressed up nattily Mrs McFee's on a gossip high; It's never enough to be rough A gal who just loves hurdling fences A clever young fellow of Huntindon,
(Hunts) Lynette, she's a Titan, don't crowd her; A statement beholden Whenever language gets frowzy, The grammatical cops caught two perps: They gathered around, old and young, An author, by name Gilbert St. John, There once was an eccentric Strine
(Australian) I know a m-m-man with a stutter, I once had a colleague who stuttered That snooty young man of Calcutta A wife with a stutter from Dyce, An unfortunate lad from Calcutta, (rutter - one who make ruts? or ship-pilot's log?)
Be the service quite rapid or slow, A stammering young maiden named Kate I once sent a boy for a vial, "Oop North" I'll be going away; (Yorkshire accent - exclamation)
I'm seeking a North-country lass A sweet little girl from Saint Paul Across-the-board changes are those In public, when folks start to yammer The alarm clock is one apparatus A ball is a wonderful thing; A slender bridge built 'cross the bay Consider now one "Hard Luck" Moon, He bought a CD for his lover; A stain has appeared on my ceiling, A man who sold clocks, name of Nick, This is my family escutcheon: (dudgeon - ill humor, resentment)
Some smart-alec threw a big rock Of all of the gadgets I've seen, Duct-tape is a clever invention, In my heart I've a very soft spot She had the argument down pat. LT-MD-DK has peen printed In Florida, forest fires thrive; Gules on a pale between four A brand new detergent name of Pride, My old Hoover needed repair, So I peered through the dim dusty murk Some love it, some hate it, some spurn it; A glazier whose work was first class When buying a house in Calif. Because I'm not really arboreous, There was a young fellow from Malta, My heart is not made of dark stone; When building a new house, or two, No loo can be found where I dwell; What a waste it is to lose one's mind. An old Jewish man in New York With a microwave we'd even make toffee, The TV and pinball machine My garden was battered by hail, I don't know a thing about myrrh; The Mysteries of Man number ten -- Maybe it's one certain chair;
Would never ever use any swear-words.
But at a book fair,
I'd not known he was there.
Unprepared, he had not any spare-words.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Such lofty ideals that no
Man could ever mention
(Imagine the tension)
What might have offended Jane Dough.
--- G2447
And a large aeroplane,
And many magnificent yottinghamshire. (yachts)
--- Langford Reed (Bibby)
Who was subject to curious spells.
While dressed up very oddly
She'd cry out things ungodly
By the palms in expensive hotels.
--- Edward Gorey
The world at large goes on with gleanings,
Extending some names
From places and games
To structures with opposite leanings.
--- Daniel Ford
Was often heard by his friends to mutter:
"Please make me speak w-well
To help m-me leave this hell;
I want to g-get out of the g-gutter!"
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Who always said just what she meant.
People said, "She's a dear,
So direct, so sincere"--
And they shunned her by common consent.
--- Anon
To speak to the group on philately.
What he talked about mostage
Was new use for old postage,
And he gave them their fill, did Phil Attily.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2724
The phone bills pile up to the sky.
When past her walking,
Mr. McFee sees her talking;
He's grateful to use MCI.
--- CW
Or knowing which stuff makes the fluff;
And bluff with benignity
Means guff with indignity.
Whilst re-buff may catch up with the tough.
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P9002
And leaps when a track meet commences,
Had "spring, sprang, and sprung"
On the tip of her tongue,
When asked for a sample of tenses.
--- Ismite
Brush his hair with his toes,
And pole at one time seven puntingdon. (punts)
--- Langford Reed (Bibby)
Both with fire and wit, God's endowed her.
When she fights, she gets proud,
When she's right, she gets loud,
And when not quite so right, she gets louder.
--- Walt Fellman
Is silence is golden.
But if it is so,
How do we know
If a voice it hadn't been told in.
--- Prof M-G
Irregular mavens quite tousey;
Use their NIT-picking pride
As "insecticide",
To kill solecisms that are LOUSY.
--- Jack Kevorkian
A couple of contraary twerps.
It's not they lacked words,
They just spoke them backwards,
Pronouncing the word "spring" as "gnirps."
--- RDH9995
On one final answer hope hung.
The question on grammar
Made all of them stammer,
'Til one yelled, "It's spring, sprang, sprung!"
--- Srakowitz
Remarked to me once, "Honest t. John,
You really can't quote
That story I wrote;
My copyright you are infrt. John."
--- P L Mannock (Bibby)
That their patience got strined,
And they treated him just like an ine. (alien)
--- Anon (Letts) (Bibby)
He still makes girl's hearts g-g-go flutter!
He was m-married in June;
For their h-honeymoon,
They went to C-C-C-Calcutta!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
And got confused by what he had uttered.
And for the duration
Of our conversation,
My syllables too became cluttered
--- Anon
Developed a stu-stu-stu stutter.
Both Christian and proud,
He spat out aloud
All the psalms in a seven-year splutter.
--- David A Brooks Q
Was caught by the rise in the price.
By the time that she panted
Out just what she wanted,
The cost of the stuff went up twice.
--- J D Laird
Vibrated all through from his stutter.
To eat, walk or speak
He would shake for a week,
But he was rather good as a rutter.
--- Anon (L Reed)
In most restaurants, high priced or low,
I am somewhat unnerved
To hear, each time I'm served,
The mundane and inane, "There you go!"
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9407
Got in trouble when out on a date.
She refused to have fun,
Saying, "Nun-nun-nun-nun --"
And by then it was simply too late.
--- Isaac Asimov
And I waited for him quite a while.
But he went to the shed;
Brought a file back instead,
So what could I do but just smile.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
"Ecky thump ... 'e bah gum", as they say.
I'll be working next week
There and desperately seek
An interpreter during my stay.
--- Anon
(Not a wench who is too upper class)
Who'll interpret for me,
As she sits on my knee,
With her wigglesome cute little ass.
--- Anon
Attended a grand southern ball.
No one knew what she said,
Till she started instead
Of saying just "you," said "you-all."
--- Warrick Elrod
That overcome all of their foes,
And remove every shred,
From A down to Z,
Of everything everyone knows.
--- Anon
On their cell phones and you'd like a hammer,
No more need to get peeved
Or unreasonably grieved;
There'll soon be a new airwaves jammer.
--- Jenni Saqua
Men truly have reasons to hate is.
It interrupts slumber
For men without number
And only to see one not late is.
--- Laurence Perrine P9304
This is file tzm
You may hit with a crack or a ping.
Whether oblong or round,
In the air, on the ground;
Where a ball is, excitement will reign.
--- T Edward Cross
Was concerned about how much it'd weigh.
With cables light
Was quite a sight
And was delighted to have its way.
--- Thomas M Patton P9704
Through life he's remained out of tune.
At his birth the prediction
Was his fiscal affliction,
Since his mouth contained a plastic spoon.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0507
"For Lovers" it said on the cover.
The song (only one)
Ended soon as begun.
Now he's looking for somebody other.
--- Anon
The color of tea like Darjeeling.
I guess it's okay
If I leave it that way;
I'll wait till it gets more a-peeling.
--- Peter Wilkins
In high fever, cried out, "I'm sick!
I can't stand their dials --
Not one of them smiles --
And I never know what makes them tick."
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
On a field, gules, a rampant curmudgeon;
'Neath a bar sinister,
Thirteen crabs, azur,
With a coot at fess point in high dudgeon.
--- Arthur Deex P8604
Which bashed in the face of my clock.
It innards went bong
And the time was all wrong...
My poor clock lost its tick and its tock.
--- Gerald Bosacker
This one is a con-game pristine.
The dishes must be washed,
Before they are tossed,
Into this do-nothing machine!
--- John K Roberts P9304
Though its use is a bone of contention.
But what a surprise!
It's been given a prize;
And in papers, it's given a mention.
--- Anon
For duct tape; I use it a lot.
With it we might
Even fix a bad night.
It also disguises duct rot.
--- Karen
I need the convenience; that's that.
The cans always slip
When it loses its grip,
But it's great for calling the cat.
--- John K Roberts P9304
On the side.--Intelligence hinted?
It's only a time;
Trial and error what's prime.
It knows not the toast has been tinted.
--- John K Roberts P9304
There's no hope unless rains soon arrive.
But there is a bright spot;
The fires are too hot
For the billboards on I-95!
--- Prof M-G TP9807
Cross-crosslets fitchy a boar
Rampant sable and crowned,
On a chief vert a hound
Passant gardant between two garbs Or.
--- Elizabeth Fuller
Cleans all clothes way down deep inside.
Commercials will tout it.
Announcers will shout it,
"Performance proves it's fit to be Tide."
--- Tom Patton P0308
So I went to the shop in the square
Where a sign, held by string
Read: "We'll fix anything,
From a washing machine to a chair."
--- Anon
At the shop were the old chap did lurk,
At another small sign
Containing one line,
"Please knock hard, the bell doesn't work."
--- Anon
Some go so far as to burn it;
Adore or abhor it,
You just can't ignore it;
Yet most will do little to earn it.
--- John Miller 0004
Said, "Mind you, I never trust glass.
It's like solid air;
You think it's not there,
Then it gives you a bash as you pass."
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
A no-fault insurance claim if
A fault underground
Should upwardly bound
And sideways your house cause to shift.
--- Irving Superior P9412
But housebound and very uxorious,
A house in the trees
With just me and the breeze
Would assuredly be purgatorious.
--- Limber Limericks
Who bought his grandfather an altar.
But, as happens to most,
It broke in the post,
As it squeezed through the Straits of Gibraltar.
--- Michael Palin
I don't speak in a very harsh tone.
But I think it'd be neat,
When kids trick or treat,
If they'd please leave my mailbox alone!
--- Prof M-G T9710
Most people forget things, that's true.
It's really too bad
Whey forget to add
One extra, most useful, a loo.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
You can be quite sure there's no smell.
For when nauture calls,
We make social calls;
Our neighbors they know us quite well.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Not having one is most unkind.
For verbosity brings
Inarticulate things
And we'll go forward to the behind.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Possessed quite a magical fork.
It picked up fowl and fish,
Beef or lamb from a dish,
But refused to come near ham or pork.
--- Warrick Elrod
And to get my nagging wife off me,
I bought one. Silly goose!
Now its only use?
It heats up our left-over coffee.
--- John K Roberts P9304
Have caused today's teenager scene.
Although they don't know it,
They like it! But, oh! it
Will leave their minds blank as a screen.
--- Laurence Perrine P9304
And chewed by a big cottontail.
The remainder fell prey
To an insect array;
From now on I'll buy food retail!
--- Mary A Summerline P9202
Except that it causes a stir,
When received as a gift.
It's supposed to be sniffed,
Like a wine or a fancy liquor.
--- Limber Limericks
"The Trinity, Life, Death, and Zen;
Where's Earhart and Judge Crater;
How to signal a waiter;
And how to imprint M & M?"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
I hope that I'm not sitting there.
I check my chair each day;
It looks like it's okay.
I don't want to become a pair!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
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