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Small ranches in Nevada have names
Implying that they're playing games.
The indecent sort
Of the bedroom sport.
They're wicked and should be in flames.
--- Marlene

Whoever named Travelers Rest
Should be eulogized, lauded, and blessed;
I've a feeling of calm
And of Gilead's balm,
And an innkeeper's hand in my vest.
--- Limber Limericks

One thing that will never lose worth
Is traveling at length on the Earth.
Strange minds become grokked,
Their cultures -- unshocked,
Expanding ones tolerance girth.
--- H Welchel

An over-worked middle-aged guy
From Essex is heaving a sigh;
From comforts of home
He will soon have to roam,
And I fear that poor bugger is I.
--- Anon

A maiden from Travelers Rest
Took off for a tour of the West;
She ended her roaming
In northern Wyoming,
When a ranchero lassoed her chest.
--- Limber Limericks

The summertime's going away;
Of the sun, I've had barely a ray.
Some summer was this;
'Twas exceedingly piss;
I may emigrate later today.
--- Jayne

Our summer's been breezy and mild.
Now autumn blows in like a child.
An innocent dove,
Receptive to love...
Come visit Virginia awhile.
--- H Welchel

My sister once stayed in Va,
In winter it snowed every day.
It snowed very deep,
While she was asleep,
And the skies were all murky and grey.
--- Jayne

Virginia's for lovers, they say,
So I might come around there some day.
I'll save for the fare,
And sleep in your chair,
If you're happy to let me come stay.
--- Jayne

I once met this little green man,
Who said, "Walk as fast as you can,
But first look left and right,
Especially at night,
Or you'll end up as flat as a pan!"
--- Friar

A fisherman living in Lock
Complained that the length of the walk
From his house to the sea,
Took two days or three,
And more if he stopped for a talk.
--- Michael Palin

Do yo think anyone understands
A strange word like the 'ampersand?'
It fill me with woe;
It's weird like 'rondeau.'
It's as bad as a 'multiplicand.'
--- Jim Weaver Collection

A collector who lived in Topeka
Bought an Early American beaker.
He explained, "To a painter,
Warhol may seem quainter,
But I'm sure that my beaker's antiquer.

(quainter and antiquer are anagrams)
--- Espygrams P8312

How strange for a definite "she"
To think "Animal Husbandry,"
Any animal needing
A husband for breeding
Would conceivably not look at Me!
--- Ann Gasser P9011

Things which once would have caused great dissension,
In public attact little attention
In the Land of the Free,
And from what I can see,
There's nothing now that you can't mention.
--- A N Wilkins P8802

"Asleep marble slab" -- that must be
Some West Coast jocularity,
That we East Coasters hope
Soon eastward will grope,
And with it some lucidity.
--- Irving Superior P9806

A woman who once faked a letter; A
Reference by which she could get her a
Job much improved,
Regretted her move,
When they asked her to show her et cetera.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

At first those words seemed most demonic.
I struggled with meaning and phonic --
Still all at once,
I felt like a dunce,
Then wrote some words boustrophedonic. (as the ox plows)
--- Anon

If you hear, in a brangling mung, (noisy mixture)
You're the butt of a winxing ong-tongue,(braying tattletale)

Aim for mouth or belly,
Till you've an assything wrung. (compensation for offense)
--- Poplollys Bellbones P8501

The language that all of us speak
Is English and it is unique.
For when we read "break",
We rhyme it with "cake".
I think Mr. Webster's a freak.
--- Al Willis T9707

A sailor setta sail from Genoa,
Butta he notta know where he goa.
Whenna he getta there
He notta know where,
So now he no goa no moa.
--- Warrick Elrod

Two monkeys a live in a zoo,
Getta bored with whatta they do.
One a said, "Let'sa go
To a nice funny show."
Now they look atta me anna you.
--- Warrick Elrod

My respect for king's English is tops.
My thirst to learn more, never stops.
My snap-judgments were spurned
When on Sunday I learned,
Coprophilic is not love of cops.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0510Q

Unalloyed is our recommendation
For refinement and purification,
To remove every trace
Of that which is base,
Indulge in some hot cupellation.

(cupellation - smelting method for refining precious ores)
--- Ed Potts P8801

Too often we use a de trop word (superflous)
Or lean hard on the indigo word,
But words such as these
Do less to displease
That words that are too-too froword. (perverse, unyielding)
--- Bob Giandomenico P8801

Great idea for wordplay got here.
Convolute, turn, subject, idea.
Repeat words, turn about,
Leaving articles out;
Result seems decidedly queer.
--- Irving Superior P8604

FULSOME is less, rather, more,
Of anything good that's in store,
Sincerity sham,
Excesses to cram,
And liable to raise someone's gore.
--- Chris Papa P9704

Easily seduced by fulsome praise,
Tyro will soon succumb to malaise,
Overweening pride
Will rot from inside,
And nothing's the price that he pays.
--- Daniel Ford P9704

We limeys and yanks don't agree
On syllable emphasis, oui?
I'll REsearch the matter,
My FORTHcoming patter
Shall DEtail deTAILS, all for free.
--- Ogni Gioia

Two homographs are spelled the same.
Two homonyms are not to blame,
For sounding alike
As do, dike and dyke;
But these two are really quite tame.
--- Larry Davis P8712

The ubiquitous diphthong o-u
Is tough to pronounce for there's coup,
Slough, dough, ought, rough
All, of course, joust enough
To becloud a dour nous when you're through.
--- Jack Kevorkian

Here's a question. Could someone explain
It to me and I'll not ask again?
The query is this:
Why, when we reminisce,
Do we go down, not up memory lane?
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0207

"DOWNSIZE" is the word -- biz abuses it!
And each time I hears it, I loses it!
First they DOWNSIZE my check,
Then my benefits...Heck
Think I'll DOWNSIZE the next guy that uses it!
--- Writerman

This is file txm

A fellow quite clearly eponymous
With mystery was surely synonymous.
No one knew who he was,
Which was likely because
His first and last names were anonymous.
--- Warrick Elrod

To the French language some might say, Bah!
For example, take the word voila.
Since words don't sound as spelled
One may then be compelled
To bid French adieu with au revoir.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0510Q

The staid English Prof, Woodward McQuary,
Used a challenging vocabulary.
When asked, "What does that mean?"
His reply, crisp and clean,
Would be, "Get thee to a dictionary."
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0510Q

Let's abolish the tattered cliche.
Let's agressively drive it away.
I'm sure you'll agree
To join forces with me.
In the meantime, have a nice day.
--- Russ Roth P9410

Siunce Hebrew's read from right to left,
The Bethlehem is Mehelhteb.
If this at home you'll learn,
You have when you return
A retteb yats ne Viva Let.
--- Irving Superior P8811

Hill-Billy -- a word of contraction?
Or names, by way of compaction?
I'm sure that you'll see
If you trace family tree,
That they're both from above-said extraction.
--- Friar T9801

A scholar from old Samothrace
Asked, "A hyphen in 'mammoth-race'?"
"For question as dicey as
That, Dionysius,
Best ask Zeus; cable 'Grammar, Thrace'."
--- Jasper Griffin T9707

I hired a chap from Paree
To work on my memoirs, you see.
But his style was pedantic
With words so gigantic,
No one would think it was me!
--- Monique de Plume

I told the chauffeur of the cab,
"Sir, take me to La Marble Slab."
Scratched his head, said, "I bet
You're from Pentatette."
The drove me to La Mental Lab.
--- Irving Superior P9806

Our teacher says words like 'coniferous'.
Even worse are 'conspicuous' and 'deciduous'.
Long words are a bore
And we keep getting more
But the end of the lesson's 'splendiferous'!
--- Funfax Limericks

When Englishmen and Yankees speak
Their diction sounds to each like Greek.
Diction -- heir we.
Diction -- nary.
And which is which, we each each tweak.
--- Irving Superior P8811

"Hesitators are losers," we reap
As advice that we'd be wise to keep.
If we hold to this creed,
Are we also to heed
Those who tell us to look ere we leap?
--- Bob Giandomenico P9004

If Shakespeare were writing today,
He would have to adapt to the way
Certain words which he used
Have become quite confused.
For example "The lovers were gay."
--- Watto

Maladministration
Is blatant supportation
Of little heels
And bigger wheels
Engaged in peculation.

(peculate - steal or embezzle)
--- William K Alsop P8910

"I must learn," gnawed the earl at his knuckle,
"What's 'Mony a mickle make a muckle'."
He spared no expense,
But it still maid no sense,
So he took to his wife with a buckle.
--- Weekly Science

A mountain was happy although
It was tired of its altitude. So,
It got Rand McNalley
To call it a valley
And spent its last years being low.
--- Ryan Waldron

A mountain was filled with frustration,
Unable to change its location.
Terra Firma's travel guide
Showed promise but died,
And forever postponed its vacation.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

While sitting there, twiddling his thumbs,
A fat man too loudly hums.
Says his wife in distress
"I would never have guessed,
That my word in this all is just "Mum's!"
--- Anon

On the stage, once a question was flung
In a musical, prettily sung:
Oh, why did we further
The cold blooded murder
Of the famous and great English tongue?
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P9102

There once was a man named Fishel,
Who lacked a middle initial.
The judge said, "I know,
I'll give you an "O!"
So right now his named is official.
--- Harry Squires P9208

If I was God I would adjure
A certain word all to abjure.
Though I'm not that authoritative
I find it perjoritive:
Can't we think of something more mature?
--- Mike Dale

"Newbie"s the word I'd erase;
It's a word that has seen better days.
If you are a new netter,
You deserve something better
Than this juvenile school-bully phrase.
--- Mike Dale

But I have a better suggestion?
That is a very good question.
It needs to be short
And easily taught,
So as not to cause mental congestion.
--- Mike Dale

But it certainly isn't a sin
To just go straight ahead and jump in.
'Cause who knows whether you
Are an old hand or new?
Everyone's once an internet virgin.
--- Mike Dale

While claiming to practice perception,
The newspapers spew misconception.
With righteous pretense
They falsehoods dispense
As they daily deliver deception.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 P9308

That "n" word was quite the hum dinger.
I'll queue up to give you the finger,
As you scratch your beer belly
Watching Ma on the telly,
Smiling toothlessly on Jerry Springer.
--- Anon

Don't say sad, say melancholy;
It's a much longer word, by golly.
Four-letter words
Are for the birds,
So never say tram, say trolley.
--- Harry Rubin P9309

There is in this world multiplicity
Of beings with strange eccentricity,
Who connive in collusion
To distribute confusion,
And complexity make of simplicity.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 P9308

That essay by Miss Rose Macaulay
Has made me go all creepy-crawly.
My brain feels torpescent,
Those words so turgescent,
Are not all in the dictionary, surely?
--- Rose Vines

A NOT asked another, "Oh, let
Us be knotted together, my pet!"
They tried, but forgot
Two NOTS cannot knot,
Let alone become part of a net.
--- Laurence Perrine P8604

With words one must not be too venty;
For children use not over twenty.
By dispensing with verbiage,
You get rid of disturbiage,
And one word to wives should be plenty.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2828

Four words of identical sound:
A paddle for getting around;
Conjunction of choice;
"Above" (poet's voice);
Raw mineral mined from the ground.
--- Laurence Perrine P8508

Bedraggled, bedridden and sore,
I said it would just make me more
Onery for that book
Which I'd not want to look
At or be read to out of from up for?
--- Aaron Bell P9605

Do you like prepositions? I do.
Relatively they number but few.
Some are: of, without, with,
Through, from, to; though it's myth
That in southern states by is "bayou".
--- Loren Fitzhugh


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