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And now the Archbishop of Cant- An Archbishop traveling in Cheshire My semi-demented Aunt Alice The Archbishop, surprised, said, "O daughter! The aged Archbishop of Joppa, "The conception," an Archbishop said A feckless Archbishop named Macht In the middle of sining an anthem, Said the hooker to Archbishop Quinn, There was an Archbishop in France, Let's hear it for Archbishop Carey; I've read a fable or two; (catholic clergy pissed a Brown)
This is something I thought of in March: Each day an archbishop named Flynn, The reverend Archbishop of Lynn The Catholic Archbishop Pell, "The Devil," said Archbishop Pell, The Devil said, "Archbishop Pell "The Devil," said Archbishop Pell, The Devil said "Archbishop Pell "The Devil," said Archbishop Pell, The Devil said "Archbishop Pell "Georgie! Now why the long face? Archbishop George Pell of Melbourne And though I hate gays, I revile Non-gays who are living in sin, As Satan sits rubbing his hands, St Paul likened marriage to Hell, The Archbishop of Tipperary Said the Reverend Archbishop Jones, A fervent young maid of Bermuda When the Archbishop sprinkled their tools, The archbishop swore by the rood, The girls at the parish of Twickenham A bishop whose station was nominal The bishop and I shared a gherkin, There was an old Bishop whose wanker The Bishop of Alexandretta A synod the bishops convene; (Bishop Sheen - Catholic TV evangelist 1950's)
Evangelical vicar in want (Knox ran this as a classified newspaper advertisement.)
There once was a Bishop named Frick, Though clerical errors are fun, The young seminarians' way On some bishops, a scientist, Brown, These verses, one can but surmise, And if, among Romish admirers, Greek sculptors attired in smocks; Said the Bishop of Norwich: "Perhaps The Bishop of Winchester Junction, A rebuke by the Bishop of London That sneaky old Bishop of Bree The surrogate Bishop of Ayr, The Bishop of Coventry sighed, There was an old Bishop whose power The Bishop of Tassafaronga, A bishop, while reading his missal, There was a false bishop of Gloucester, Father Clement's new see was the sea "Baptize me, Bish knows what I want," (crosier - bishop's staff or crook)
There was a good Bishop of Durham, An impotent Bishop named Clyde, There was a young lady named Gression When the Bishop looked over his see, There was an old Bishop of Buckingham, The visiting Bishop of Fife, (mews - coops or stables)
The receptionist asked, "What was wrong The wish of the Bishop of Michigan
Erbury's making his rant,
About fifty great years,
He's spent ass-fucking queers,
But vowing from now on, he shan't.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Was under a great deal of pressure.
When faced with temptation,
(To wit: Fornication)
He feared he required a refresher.
--- Paul M Hoffman
Went to dine at the archbishop's Palace;
But she fell into sin,
Drinking far too much gin,
And pissed in his second-best chalice.
--- Martin Hubbard a
You have done what you shouldn't have oughter;
And in cases like this,
While we don't call it piss,
I'll be damned if it's quite 'Holy Water.'"
--- Martin Hubbard a
Said, "I think circumcision improper
If the organ is small;
But I don't mind at all
About cutting a slice off a whopper."
--- G1121
"Of a personal temptor is dead."
But a meek little curate
Begged leave to demur; it
Was something he fought with in bed.
--- L E J G1155
Gave unction unfurled and stiff-cocked;
He was caught at long last,
Robes and undies half-mast;
The Pope had to have him defrocked.
--- Armand Singer P0301
The archbishop lisped: "My, you're 'anthome."
At which Norman Lamont
Toppled into the font,
Being pushed by that old bitch from Granthem.
--- Bill Wall
"I've committed a terrible sin."
He made the concession
To hear her confission,
But she hardly knew where to begin.
--- Popsicle TP9807
Who saw a nude woman by chance.
The result, I affirm,
Was emission of sperm
In the archiepiscopal pants.
--- L0548A
A reverend cannot be a fairy.
Those dog-collared queers
Will be out on their ears,
Before you can say a Hail Mary.
--- Tony Davie Collection A
Most come from the Bible, it's true.
But when Dan writes of Code,
The Archbishop explodes.
"'Tis for us, not for you to construe."
--- Anon
Archbishops are not very arch,
For it's harder to bend
At your uppermost end,
When you're thoroughly stiffened with starch.
--- Limber Limericks
Who wears a perpetual grin,
To teach what he can
Of the nature of man,
Commits an original sin.
--- Cyber Geezer
Was suddenly tempted to sin.
But an angel of God
Put a hex on his rod,
Thus preventing him getting it in.
--- Hugh Oliver A063B
Of dangers and sins he does tell --
Though smoking is sad,
If Gay, you're just bad,
But boy-loving priests avoid Hell!
--- Anon
"Can rule over Gays down in Hell.
His fires won't be stokin'
With virgins a'smokin',
Or Pedophile priests who excel!"
--- Anon
Will discover the joys of my Hell.
When he finally dies,
We'll serve him with fries,
And battered and deep-fried as well."
--- Anon
"Rejects Priests and smokers as well;
But if you are gay
In Hell you must stay,
And I am the one who will tell!"
--- Anon
Has a mind that is not very well.
It flounders in dirts,
Makes Gospels perverse,
And fills up my furnace quite well!"
--- Anon
Invaded God's Earth here as well.
With Muslim perversions
And Turkish diversions,
Most everyone's going to Hell!"
--- Anon
Is the only one certain of Hell.
He's lost all the joy,
Thinks redemptions a ploy;
All thinking he just wants to quell!"
--- Anon
Expecting that pearly-gate place?
Too late to recant
Your barbaric rant.
Relax, while we fete your disgrace!"
--- Anon
Has had all their sinners reborn.
So they sent him to Sydney
'Cause the Pope said "Please rid me
Of gays; from the Church they'll be torn!
--- Archie
That hypocrite Reverend Nile.
Although anti-porny
And never found horny,
He has that damned Protestant style.
--- Archie
As well, we will throw in the bin.
They are outside the Church;
They'll be left in the lurch --
As they burn down below, we can grin.
--- Archie
And gathering sinners in bands,
'Cause stubborn old George
Will do nothing but forge
A decline until Rome's church disbands.
--- Archie
And is just to make the girls swell.
These days we should pay
To make the guy stay,
According to Archbishop Pell!
--- Anon
Was fucking his young secretary.
To keep from succumbing
To premature coming,
He repeatedly prayed the "Hail Mary".
--- Anon
As he rammed a choirgirl to the stones:
"You may trust and believe
That you will not conceive,
So stifle your moans and your groans."
--- G1120
Embraced all the doctrines of Buddha.
But in six weeks, all told,
She returned to the fold,
When the Anglican Archbishop screwed her.
--- G1088
They broke all episcopal rules,
And piddled right back at him;
Took quite a whack at him;
Smeared him all over with stools.
--- G1167
He would see that the hooligans rued
That day on the road
Where his fair mistress road
And the louts were all booring and rude.
--- A N Wilkins P9112
This is file tvm
Said the use of foul anguage did sicken 'em.
Said the bishop, so pensive,
"If you find cunts offensive,
Then be sure that you don't stick a prick in 'em."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1106
Developed a belly phenomenal.
He was famed on this earth,
Not for oversize girth,
But eruptions and rumblings abdominal.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2731
As we knocked back the ale by the firkin.
He said: "During confessions,
I do farmyard impressions.
Cluck cluck cluck! Well, it's better than workin'."
--- Bill Wall
Developed a marvelous canker,
Of such size and grace
That it covered his face,
Whenever he lay down to spank her.
--- Dennis M Hammes
Loved a girl and he couldn't forget her.
So he thought he'd enshrine her
As the Holy Vagina
In the Church of the Sacred French Letter.
--- G1084
The discussion theme, "What is obscene?"
While under the table
Are Myrtle and Mable
Giving bishop peckers a sheen.
--- Peter Wilkins
Of a portable secondhand font,
Would dispose of the same
For a protrait (in frame)
Of the Bishop-Elect of Vermont.
--- Ronald Knox
Who had an oversized dick.
As he traveled around
It dragged on the ground;
From whence came the term "Bishopric."
--- Popsicle
The Bishops decree there are none,
Or else they infer
That if they occur,
They must never be seen to be done.
--- E O Parrot A
Of greeting the dawn of each day,
Was to dance in the nude
'Round the Bishop of Bude,
Because everyone thought he was gay.
--- Martin Hubbard
Plastered butter in front of each gown.
Then he threw a full score
From the fortieth floor,
And they hit with the buttered side down.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1975
Were not meant for clerical eyes.
Should the Bishop and Dean
Find out what they mean,
They ought to turn pink with surprise.
--- C Inge
They stimulate naughty desires,
Confess them, at least,
To your neighbourhood priest,
For the price of ten Ave Marias.
--- Anon
Nude statues created from rocks.
But their names are forgotten,
We recall just the rotten
Old bishops who knocked off their cocks.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 G1160
It's pretentious to sit in the apse.
But this may atone
For the site of my throne--
It's swell for controlling the chaps!
--- G C Haines
Found his phallus would no longer function.
So in black crepe he wound it,
Tied a lily around it,
And solemnly gave it last unction.
--- L0570
To his randy young dean, Dr. John Donne:
"In the name, sir, of God, peace.
If you won't wear a codpiece,
Don't preach with your flybuttons undone."
--- Victor Gray
(An unabashed sinner was he)
By resolve and design
Swilled the Eucharist wine,
Replacing the contents with pee.
--- Armand E Singer 239
Was reduced to a state of despair,
By the fact that his dreams
Contradicted the themes
Of his eloquent leadings in prayer.
--- Tony Davie P9601
"Her pubic hair, brownish, seemed dyed."
The Duke, to respond,
"Since I thought them blonde,
Why not ask Blind Tom to decide?"
--- Arthur Deex P9101
Would lie in his belly and sour,
And emit little burps
From one end and some chirps
From the other on every half hour.
--- Dennis M Hammes
Could stand his seclusion no longa.
His habits monastic
Were very elastic--
But, unhappily, so was his donga.
--- L1662
Accidently sat on a thistle.
He let out a shriek
In Latin and Greek,
Then gave an episcopal whistle.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
With no virgins at all on his roster.
An entered name's not
Therefore prone to scream what
The Glouscester imposter has cost her.
--- David A Brooks
As he saw when he looked out to see:
There were fishes and fishers
And praying well-wishers.
We called him "our dear Father C."
--- Laurence Perrine P9101
Said the babe with a wink and a taunt.
So it wasn't his crosier
That grew rosier and rosier,
And then suddenly filled up the font.
--- Don Moore P9101
Who fished with a hook and a worm.
Said the Dean to the Bishop
"I've brought a big fish up,
And I fear we will have to interr'm."
--- W R Inge
Could never a woman bestride.
He said, "It's a sin
To shove that thing in!"
So he didn't, but God knows he tried.
--- Margaret A Murdock P8312 A
Who went to the church for confession.
She was felt as she knelt
By the Bishop of Gelt,
Who confessed to a serious transgression.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1033
I fear that he overlooked me,
And now I've a notion
He considers the Ocean
A sea he can well oversee.
--- Laurence Perrine P9101
Fell in love with some oysters while shucking 'em.
His wife, with disdain,
Could scarcely restrain,
The spritely old Bishop from fucking 'em.
--- Anon
Had a nymphomaniacal wife.
While he exhorted the pews,
She was out in the mews,
Bringing stodgy young vicars to life.
--- G1108
With that girl you just saw, Bishop Sprong?
Please don't think me shrewish,
But could she have been Jewish?
Why else cry out 'How long! Lord, how long!'?"
--- Robin K Willoughby P8707
Was to make all his sexy bits itch again.
With actions adroit
In downtown Detroit,
He urged them to surge in a niche again.
--- Anon
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