MORE
There once was a midwife of Gaul, I want something new for my pleasure; Poor Peter, with tool miniscule, There's a really unfortunate Greek, A woman I know from New Hampshire There was a young woman named Lynne, Three two-letter words that begin Mickey has a very small mini There was a young fellow named Paul, I asked the Duchess to dance, The lovely Samantha from Reading Observing the bulge in his khakis, (crackie - a small dog)
There once was a young lad named Sean There once was a moron named Ward A Scotsman who came from Lock Ness, "My microbiologist ex There's a very strange bloke who's called Rod, Well aren't you an insolent blighter - Spare a thought for a fellow named Hugh "Though at times sex is sin", mused Miss Grillo, A girl from the land of the tropical There was an old pander from Perth There was a Mulah from Kabul He whispered one night in her ear, My miserable friend, Richard Cholmondley, A bishop there was of Pyongyang A man from Essex County, Us women prefer a big size, There once was a poet of sorts, "It's the home of the Whopper," said Ray There once was a man named Brian, Forgive me, my dear, if I'm blunt, There's a sad little fellow named Herm There was a young lady named Venus A Scotsman can be quite a sight! There once was a guy named Dave, When he showed her his thing-a-ma-jig, At the whorehouse, I saved me some dough. To his date, a young fellow named Hame Ivor Biggun was his boastful name; There once was this girl named Sue Morgan, A great big fat cop of Belle Isle, It must have been the funniest scene; From: the star of the cast, Ethel Schwartz, Now girls, it is not nice to mock Three strumpets waved with their pinkies To his wife an old rounder from Frome, While romping in bed with her Roger, There once was a man named Chico, My Teutonic Maiden said, "Vahrd, My Teutonic Maiden said, "Vahrd, There was a young woman named Jeannie, There once was a young man from Gaul, You must be quite jealous of Peter's Unless you're the king of quim eaters.
Unless, just like Peter, you eat her. Said a snooty young thing from Australia, After he gave his lady a ring, Quite poorly endowed is young Rick, There once was a fellow named Nooney There was a conundrum, 'Enigma,' (Enigma, I hope you don't mind While drifting along the Three Gorges, Now you're up in your hungering pride, These cold frosty mornings in Eng- Just wait until your tea break, "I know you are older and grey, "I'm sorry, can't do it," I said.
Who had hardly no business at all.
She cried, "Hell and damnation!
There's no procreation!
God made the French penis too small!"
--- L0928
Some new kind of sexual leisure.
I'm sick of soft dicks,
And good-old-boy hicks,
Who usually have fuck all to measure!
--- Cyberhog T9710
Was subject to much ridicule.
For Petal cried "Teeny!
How teeny yor weenie!
It gets lost in my pink reticule!"
--- Ogni Gioia
Whose pecker's small size gives him pique.
When with wife he has sex,
They're almost total wrecks,
Because first they must play hide and seek,
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0408
Took a lover to find her own rapture.
She said, "It's of course
'Cause he's hung like a horse,
While my husband is hung like a hamster."
--- Wildman T9801a
Who said, "Very well, let's begin."
"My God," said her beau,
"That's a heart-breaking blow;
It's an hour since I put the thing in."
--- Isaac Asimov
With 'I' are a source of chagrin.
There are guys who can cry,
Even wish they could die,
At that soul-searing phrase, "Is it in?"
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner
Teeny-weeny little jimmy.
The thing's so damn small,
That he has to call
Out during sex that he's in me.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who confessed, "I have only one ball.
But the size of my prick
Is God's dirtiest trick,
For my girls always ask, 'Is that all?'"
--- L0211
And rubbed her behind with my lance.
She said, "Back off honey,
Your limericks ain't funny;
The real joke is down in your pants."
--- Gene Brady
Denied me a romp in her bedding.
My pencil, she said,
Was lacking the lead
To give her much more than a heading.
--- SFA
She said, "I want you in my crack, please!"
She tore open his trousers,
And then exclaimed "Wowsers!
It's only the size of a crackie's!"
--- Limberick
And the size of his tool made girls yawn!
He viewed with distaste
That south of his waist,
He was hung like a damn leprechaun!
--- Anon
Whose wife was eternally bored.
When he took out his dick,
She was physically sick.
It was more like a wart than a sword.
--- Ward Hardman
Said, "Come, see my monster, young Bess!"
But when they went to bed,
She looked at it and said,
"It's more like a goldfish, I guess."
--- Tiddy Ogg
Had a weeny too teeny for sex,"
Complained Sue with a sigh.
"Perhaps I should try
A macroeconomist next!"
--- Mido T9711a
And his doctors they think him quite odd.
The size of his phallus,
He puts down to malice
On the part of his father, or God!
--- Tony Long P9201
To continue your rootin' despite her
Complaints that your knob
Is too small for the job -
What, you use your "kit" too 'cause it's tighter?
Who exclaimed, feeling terribly blue,
"I get nowhere with chicks,
'Cause when God gave out pricks,
It was me at the back of the queue!"
--- Paul Westwood P9607
As she eyed the guy nude on her pillow,
"Your equipment's so small
That it's no sin at all;
I would term it a mere peccadillo."
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner
Fought me with a subject one-topical.
She claimed that my skewer
(For the good it would do her)
Might as well have been microscopical.
--- MrMalo
Who had sheilas collapsing with mirth,
When he asked them to chew
On his didgeridoo
Of exceedingly miniscule girth.
--- Peter Wilkins
Who worried about his poor tool.
He cursed of his ails,
"What good are four nails,
When your hammer is so miniscule?"
--- Phil T
"I wish for strange nooky, my dear."
Said his wife, "What a bore!
Had you two inches more
You could get some strange nooky right here."
--- Bob Giandomenico P9103a
Looked down at his pecker, most glumly.
"With such a small widget,
I can't attract Bridget,
Or other young ladies, most comely."
--- Tiddy Ogg
Who offered an actress his dong.
She cried, "'Pon my Seol
I have a huge hole,
But your thing's just comme-ci Kumsong."
--- L1738
His dick was as small as can be.
His power was naught;
Women could not be bought.
He was even restricted to pee.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Which is not very much a surprise.
You claim yours is cute,
But it's really minute,
And wouldn't ever win you a prize.
--- Anon
Who was seen by his girl without shorts.
She said "You look silly
With your wee little Willy.
Of what use is it to cavorts?"
--- Stan
As he pulled down his shorts for a lay.
With a well-seasond whore
Named Lenore who said, "More
Like a child-sized White Castle, I'd say."
--- Michael Weinstein P8802
Whose dick was so short he was cryin'.
As he said, with a tear,
As he cried in his beer,
"If I said it was long, I'd be lyin!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
But your bat is really a runt.
If you're calling that
A "major league bat"
You probably do nothing but bunt!
--- Anon
Has a tassel the size of a worm...
Though he visits love bookers,
He's avoided by hookers,
For his worm wouldn't make a worm squirm.
--- Grand Prix Lim 110
This is file ttl
Whose man had a very small penis;
So exceedingly small
It was nothing at all,
So she told him, "There's nothing between us."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0636
Often seen around Glasgow at night.
Lasses don't want him;
They tease and they taunt him;
His willie's one inch when upright.
--- Jayne
And to all the girls he did wave.
While pleading for pleasure,
His dick they did measure
And the finger was all that they gave.
--- Mervyn Cripps collection
She laughed and said, "That one can't dig."
He was nobody's fool
And said to his tool,
"It's time that I pay and look big."
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P8405
Twenty-five of fifty, 'tis so.
But it is not pleasin'
To tell you the reason.
You pay by the inch, don't you know.
--- Les Stewart a
Said, "Your cunt is too big for this game."
But she said, with derision,
"It should fit with precision,
If your prick is as big as you claim."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0469
But his bragging was a little too tame,
As his was quite small,
And hidden behind a ball,
And the piss-taking was really a shame.
--- Funny Bone
Who boyfriend turned out a bad bargain.
He was handsome and tall,
But she started to bawl
When she felt his tiny hard organ!
--- Laurence Craft
Had a pecker that made the whores smile.
It was teeny and skewed,
He could only get screwed
When the girl kept on twisting meanwhile.
--- G0250
In our youth we boys played submarine,
Half submerged in the water,
But the girls did not bother.
Periscopes were the smallest ever seen.
--- Dirruk
To: the cast of the play, "Queen of Hearts."
My co-stars I'll coach,
But I want no approach
From actors with very small parts.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Us guys with an undersized cock,
Just 'cause your hole
Needs a telephone pole,
And the smell sends us all into shock.
--- John Miller
At some boys, to mock their young dinkies.
In response to their quips,
The boys stretched wide their lips,
And replied right back to the stinkies.
--- Res Ipsa
Said, "I'll get some strange pussy at Nome!"
"If you get two inches more,
You stupid old bore,
You could get some strange pussy at home!"
--- Clarence E Boyle P8504 a
She scoffed at the size of his Todger.
She gave him no head,
But kicked him out of bed,
Then summoned the well-hung young Lodger.
--- Anon
Who thought he was all suave and rico.
But all the girls say,
To his ego's dismay,
His taquito is muy poquito!
--- Anon
Ven I suck, yours gets long und hard.
Vereas Jim Smith's kleine schwanz
Can't supply a girl's vants.
Sheiss-kopf should be feathered und tarred!"
--- Ward Hardman
Venn I zuck, yours gets so long und hard.
Vhereas Jim Smith's klein Schwanz
Can't zupply a girl's vants.
'Scheisskopf' zhould be feathered und tarred!"
--- Jim Smith
Who sobbed to her date, "You're a meanie.
You claim you're a stud,
But Oh! What a dud!
Your prick is a real teeny-weeny."
--- Isaac Asimov
Whose dick was exceedingly small.
Said the female reportage,
Of his noted shortage:
"The rise is the same as the fall!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
If bragging 'bout 10 centimeters.
That's under four inches
Which pleases few wenches,
Unless you spew semen in liters.
No matter how ably you treat her.
Sans pump-action found in repeaters.
Go join the sad crowd of meat beaters.
--- Randog
"Now concerning the male genetalia,
Men brag of their size
Till you're sure you've a prize,
Then exhibit wee paraphenalia.
--- G0243
She was shocked by the size of this thing!
"Like it or not,
It's all that I got.
Get your Whopper at old Burger King."
--- Writerman
Disgraced by his miniscule prick;
Sneers his wife, "It's a joke;
You can't fix it, `tain't broke;
I laugh `till I almost get sick!"
--- Armand Singer
Whose wife became totally loony,
For she ached for the rise
Of a boner of size,
But his dick was amazingly puny.
--- Cap'n Bean P0406
Who went through life bearing the stigma
Of limerick error,
Perhaps from the terror
Of sexual romps with a pigma.
--- Anon
The changes below that you find.
I don't mean to scoff
But your meter was off,
So I changed it but left it unsigned!)
--- Anon
Where the Yangtse to Sanxia forges,
She complained with a groan
While eyeing my bone,
"But you promised me one that enlarges!"
--- Hugh Clary
When no one is here, glorified.
Last night you were needed;
I could have succeeded,
But that's when you shriveled and died.
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay
land are fresh and they're putting a zing
In my step when I go
Off to work, but you know
That they do tend to shrivel my thing.
--- Peter Wilkins
And then in your hand you can take
Your thing that is shriveled,
To dunk it a little.
You'll see just how fast it will wake!
--- Ardens
But I haven't had sex for a day.
I've worked up a sweat
And my panties are wet.
Will you screw me without a delay?"
--- Peter Wilkins
My dick's a disaster in bed.
It's a wee little thing,
Like a piece of old string.
And it's moribund, dormant, and dead.
--- Peter Wilkins
MORE