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It's well-known that some TV preachers Impassioned, not witty nor funny, She grieved when her young son forsook The life of a preacher is fraught The leaders of churches today "Nobody has answered the riddle," Bakker's denounced as immoral; A born-again preacher named Brady, (PTL - TV 'Praise The Lord' programs - Really)
A cleric TUB-THUMPER I knew, There once was a fellow named Dick, On Sundays they capture the air The evangelists seen on TV, When Tammy poured coal in her eye, (Tammy Fay Bakker self caricature)
How I miss the Jim and Tammie Show! Jim Bakker was really a wimp, Jim Bakker paid Jessica money Jessica Hahn one day dreamed Against the wall did Bakker back her, Admittedly did Bakker Sack her The evangelist Bakker admitted Reverend Bakker's astute adaptation Said evangelist fakir Jim Bakker, In horny old Reverend Jim Bakker's He says Bakker is spelled with two K's; To Jessica, Jim said, "Perchance Jim Bakker and Lyndon LaRouche To accept it some found it quite hard. Now there was a dazzling pair! He seemed SIMON-PURE, did Jim Bakker. Oral Roberts had visions so slick, PECKSNIFFIAN type of a creature, Too bad he has lost his rich church, So for this poor "pecker" I sniff, Pecksniffian is someone who She preaches about virtue true Let's not forget righteous Jim Bakker; "Since the PTL seems rather shady, Tammi Bakker to a dreary world gave "Hallelujah!" Jim Bakker intoned, Jim Bakker used funds that weren't his'n, Now that's the tale in a nutshell, Religious TUB-THUMPER, Jim Bakker, By Jerry is Tinky becursed Jerry Falwell slams poor tinky winky Colors, triangles, and purses; Once again Jerry jacks himself off; There's Swaggart, and Bakker, and Falwell, They say that this Falwell guy said. "Tinky's gay!" Jerry Falwell has cried; The kids had seen nothing that's wrong, "God stands by my side as I shout; (preacher Jerry Falwell denounes queer Teletubbies)
Reverend Jerry and all of those maggots The fisherman blasting the fish, I don't know if Mr Tinky-Winky (Jerry Falwell says Tinky-Winky is queer!)
Pat said we deserved 9/11 A modern day prophet or kook? Osama bin Robertson spake Osama bin Robertson spake Pat said we deserved 9/11, Pat Robertson's a powerful guy, Bin Robertson flourished his bible And now that Sharon's had a stroke, A modern-day prophet or kook? As a boy, I loved Sunday school; Real school may not be right anymore, When Pat Robertson asked, "Don't you see There once was an eloquent faker,
Exhibit some deceptive features;
They show ENORMITY
And nonconformity,
While claiming they're religious creatures.
--- Observer
He traps us like flies caught in honey.
He holds us enraptured
Until he has captured
Our minds and our souls and our money.
--- Laurence Perrine P8706
All learning except for one Book.
"Well, here's how it is, Ma,
With my natural charisma,
I'll turn a neat prophet. Check Book!"
--- Laurence Perrine P8706
With dangers. They ought to be taught
To avoid carnal joys,
Like whores and choir boys,
Or leastwise never get caught.
--- John Miller
Condemn all the lecherous and gay,
But when caught in the nude
With some dolly they've screwed,
They say it's a new way to pray.
--- Dick Buenger P8806a
Said a college professor named Biddle,
"Why a preacher who's dealing
In simple faith healing,
Would need to construct a hospital."
--- A N Wilkins P8706a
Billy Graham's a lech, Swaggert's a whore, I'll
Concede that Van Impe's
A second-rate pimp;
Spurn those fuckers and stick with Oral.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8707
"Some things in religion are shady.
But I'll tell, what the hell,
The phrase PTL
Stands for the words: PAY THE LADY."
--- Jay Marshall P8706
Would tell his flock what not to do.
His own advice scorned,
One day when well-horned
He decided a young maid to screw.
--- Chris Papa
One hell of a stupid-assed prick.
He sent away money,
'Cause they talked milk and honey.
They raped his fat ass with a stick.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
With sermons, collections, and prayer.
The commercial airlines
Must change their designs
To win their fair share of the fare.
--- Laurence Perrine P8706
Who claim they're of God's ministry,
May cite chapter and verse,
But are con men and worse,
And are masters of hypocrisy.
--- Warrick Elrod A
To give longer lashes a try,
It caused delerium,
Until COLLYRIUM
Washed anthracite out, by and by.
--- Chris Papa
The latter with lashes aglow,
Hair teased to great heights,
Lips like neon lights,
Like high-heeled, soliciting "Ho".
--- Chris Papa
Whose deacon played the role of pimp.
For lust on the rug,
He could give Hahn a hug,
But his nature, sadly, stayed limp.
--- Jim Jambor P9009
For extracurricular fun. He
Is living in limbo
But Miss Hahn ("I'm no bimbo")
Is now Mr. Hefner's new bunny.
--- Sid Rothenberg P8805a
She was rising to heaven redeemed.
But Jim Bakker atop her
Was able to stop her,
While "Oh, God, I'm coming!" she screamed.
--- Arthur Deex
For well he knew how best to crack her.
"It's either to bed
Or discharge," he said.
With Catch Two Two did Bakker sack her.
--- Irving Superior P8706
But HOW was the unmentioned factor.
We voyeurs want to know --
Which way did he go?
A frontal? Or did Bakker back her?
--- Irving Superior P8706
Infidelity had been committed.
Saith the Lord, "A concession
Can be made for transgression,
But a blow-job will not be permitted."
--- Al Chaplin P8706
Of transsubstantiation
With spiked wine, he first treats 'em,
Then with ritual eats 'em.
A most holy divine consumation.
--- Dick Buenger P8706
"When I see a nice piece, I just take her.
While we play Humps and Hugs,
My wife turns to drugs.
Praise the Lord that I wasn't born Quaker.
--- Martin Wellborn P8704
Motel room he prayed to his maker.
An angelic creation
In holy elation
Appeared and then forced him to take her.
--- Dick Buenger P8706
He's eccentric in some other ways.
He gave Tammy the whammy,
A blow job to Sammy,
And now he hangs out with the gays.
--- Jay Marshall P8706
If my trousers should drop, take a glance.
Here's a fine Christian prick."
Said the young lady chic,
"I've had plenty of those in my pants."
--- Al Chaplin P8706
Indulged in a game called La Touche.
This game is all well
When played in a cell,
But so public "quand joue dans la douche"!
--- Jim Jambor P9012
Indeed, the disclosures were odd.
But when Reverend Jim Bakker
Said, "Come, meet your Maker,"
We now know he didn't mean God.
--- Keith Gilman P0110
High up with the best TV fare.
And money they made.
While prayers were parlayed,
To millions in loot they would share.
--- Chris Papa
Of course we now know he was faker.
Before throwing stone,
Ask; Is he alone?
If you're with Tammy Faye, would you wake her.
--- Phil Kinay
A nine-hundred-foot Jesus came quick.
To Jim Bakker likewise,
Came a vision surprise --
There appeared a nine-hundred-foot prick.
--- Al Chaplin P8706a
According to my history teacher,
Seen without fail,
On T.V., in jail,
At least one evangelist preacher.
--- Anon
His good name now just a besmirch.
His overmade wench,
Cried at the Law's bench,
Then cut loss, and left him in lurch.
--- Anon
Who poor folks he sure tried to "stiff."
One gets in a jam
For using God-scam,
Like plunging right over the cliff.
--- Anon
This is file tpm
Might take advantage of you.
A lady by day,
She gets her own way,
When evening arrives, you do too!
--- Maggie
The whole time she's looking at you.
But you'll pay the price
If you fall for this vice,
Tempting fate with this sweet rendevous!
--- Anon
As far as sex goes, he's no faker.
Be it a he or a she,
He poked them with glee,
All in the name of his Maker.
--- Mike Perry
Folks have wondered," said Reverend Grady,
"What the three letters stand for,
What Jim Bakker was canned for,
Makes it clear that it means PAY THE LADY!"
--- A N Wilkins
Hairdo called "Tsunami Wave."
Tall and unbent,
Great stele of cement,
It didn't help Jim to behave.
--- Chris Papa
"It seems that God's wrath's been postponed:
I'm caught in adultry,
With a gal hot and sultry,
And it's Tammy my wife, who gets stoned."
--- Arthur Deex P8706
For his wife and himself to BEDIZEN
Themselves. Then of course
His wife did divorce
Him when he was sent off to prison!
--- Observer
Of going from castle to cell.
Some would celebrate
If the very same fate
Should happen to Jerry Falwell!
--- Observer
Was unscrupulous profit-taker.
But now he's arisen
From his time in prison
And his former life as a faker!
--- Observer
For having a cute little purse.
Thunders he, "Tinky's gay",
But to Falwell I say,
"Shove your rantings up where it smells worst."
--- Anon
"Teletubbies turn little boys kinky!
This thing is nefarial;
Theres a three cornered aerial
And he's purple like my little dinky"
--- Anon
That Jerry, he knows all the curses:
"He isn't like me!"
I guess that means we
Ought to order up 6 million hearses.
--- Anon
When that windbag blows, I just scoff.
'Cause the symbol I see
When he preaches to me --
Ich sehe ein scheisskopf.
--- Anon
Who try to pretend that it's all well.
They're climbing so high
They're reaching the sky --
I sure hope they know how to fall well.
--- Jay Marshall P8706
"Wearing triangles there on your head
Is a sure sign you're gay;
You don't screw the right way;
You'd bugger old Barney instead."
--- Bob Birch
"When you're queer, it's a hard thing to hide.
I know 'bout you fellers
And your choice of colors,
That's how they judge what is inside."
--- Bob Birch
They're just into movement and song.
So what's FaIwell's point,
Getting bent out of joint...
Brains - short...Homophobia - long.
--- Bob Birch
This is what my crusade is about.
To find cute purple critters
That give me the jitters;
'Tis my calling makes Tubbies come out!"
--- Bob Birch
Can go stuff their assholes with baguettes.
Do not be too sure
That his own life is pure;
He sure knows a lot about faggots.
--- Anon
But what is his real secret wish?
A man on a mission?
Well I've a suspicion,
If he didn't waddle, he'd swish.
--- Anon
Can engage in some acts they call kinky.
Because this Tele-Tubby
Is so downright chubby,
It makes his equipment look dinky.
--- Frank Petersohn
While thinking Bush manna from heaven.
He wants Chavez killed
And Dover he's filled
With Hundred Club nonsense (times seven).
--- Anon
I'll bet that Elijah would puke
If living today,
He had heard crazed Pat say,
"Department of State needs a nuke."
--- Anon
And told us a storm or a quake
Would quash all the folks
Who thought him a hoax,
And ID a classroom mistake.
--- Anon
And told us a storm or a quake
Would quash all the folks
Who thought him a hoax
And ID a classroom mistake. (Intelligent Design?)
--- RanDog
While thinking Bush manna from heaven.
He wants Chavez killed
And Dover he's filled
With Hundred Club members (times seven).
--- RanDog
And recently reminded us why;
He alone saved Orlando
From dental dam and dildo,
And turned back asteroids in the sky!
--- RGCPJC TP9806a
And preached that it's slender and libel
To teach Darwin's theory,
And said, getting teary,
"Our schools have lost God and gone tribal!"
--- RanDog
Bin Robertson swears the lord spoke.
"You must understand
That giving back land,
Will make mincemeat out of a bloke."
--- RanDog
I'll bet that Elijah would puke
If living today,
He'd have heard crazed Pat say,
"Department of State needs a nuke."
--- RanDog
That's where I learned the Golden Rule.
They didn't teach Science
Or shout defiance;
Separate Church and State was the rule.
--- mdt1
Since Pat Robertson kicked down the door.
He wants ID taught (intelligent design)
Where it should be naught.
Sunday Schools the right place for that bore.
--- mdt1
Why from Florida's fires all do flee?"
It's because God has hurled
Bolts at foul Disney World.
(And some others too, it seems to me.)
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9809
That inbred throwback, Jim Bakker.
He's a cocksucking faggot!
And what about Swaggart!
The nude hooker photograph taker.
--- Jim Weaver Collection a
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