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Behold aging stud, Gerulitis; A twitchy young bitch named O'Brien It's widespread, says the TV, I sit here in Colchester town, While fucking, a fellow named Springer At eighty an old man named Scott, A sad-eyed old satyr named Blaine Her sex pot was ready and hot An arrogant Nazi named Schiff, Said a hot-holed young siren in Stead: Chris Halladay's pole must be soft, An elderly trooper named Sand As she sat on the edge of the bed, There was an old sculptor named Tony Libidinous thoughts fill your brain. A heavy drinker named Clyde Olivetti A fellow named Benjamin Berm, You remember that fat Millie Brand, There was a young lass hight Camilla, This relationship's now gone quite platonic, A newly-wed fellow from Bandon A geezer way down in Brazil A lustful young lady named Frenum How he cried when he lost his erection! A Frenchman whose plume was long dead A middle-aged loser named Hecht Just lately it's gone very soft; Really stupid if horny is Munz, Bemoaned an old codger named Dwight, A sad old ex-satyr named Weir "The days were more sportive and merrier," One of Madison Avenue's head There was an old geezer named Meeker, I pity the old Duke of Kent A frustrated nympho named Frome, An impotent first baseman named Cliff, A timid young man named Gary, Said the geezer with evident glee, A tailor whose tail had quite failed There was a young lady named Bigger, While crisps in my cider I'm dunkin', Oh pity an oldster named Ball; A British diplomat named Danner (MANNER is to be printed vertically)
She said: "Arch, the problem, my pet, is, A lecher named Robin Adair, There's a geezer in southwestern France, Septagenarians, wise, That pitiful loser Hieronymus A twitchy young bitch named O'Brien I've conjured up visions of bliss There's still no reaction, I fear; There was a young lady of Arden, (Who said, "Do you call that a hard-on?")
Quit fucking around with the gardener. An impotent fellow called Fred So saying he whipped out his dick Remember old Uncle Tom Cobleigh? "Ha ha!" cried his wife, "It won't show; Said Tommy, "I'd rather NOT be There was an old salty named Krimper "I claim," wails the poet, haranguing, I said though that those were the days, Except when I'm passing the school "It's time we had sex again, Pat", "But 55 years without lusting Whilst doing the deed with Lorraine, But her swan song had not yet been sung; At old age, Wilbur always had scoffed,
His chassis grows stiff with arthritis,
Except for his prick,
One poor drooping stick;
He well knows the shame of limpitis.
--- Armand Singer
Sighed, "Joe, you just keep right on tryin'.
I'll leave you my card,
And when it gets hard,
Please wire or drop me a line."
--- Lims For Year - 01
This conjugal calamity.
The wife needs some loving,
But it isn't forthcoming;
The husband, alas, has ED. (erectile dysfunction)
--- DC Dave
With sweet Molly B. (panties down).
But my limp dick won't rise
To a workable size,
So I rather feel being a clown.
--- Anon
Observed a relapse in his clinger.
He was just halfway through
When it doubled in two,
So he fininshed the fuck with his finger.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1907
Once more a young lady had sought.
So he caught her, it's true,
And he knew what to do,
But his pecker, indifferent, forgot.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0609
Finds his dangler a cause to complain.
In its youth, a real terror,
Now it's failed its old wearer--
The mere thought of it gives him great pain.
--- G0258
But his part of the deal?...it was not.
When a babe lies there dreaming
Of a reaming and screaming...
A poor limp's in one hell of a spot!
--- Grand Prix Lim 590
Broke up with his wife in a tiff.
Though he did not lack charm,
She complained that his arm,
Was the only thing he could keep stiff.
--- Anon
"For weeks Peter's pecker's been dead.
If I don't get laid soon
By that impotent goon,
I'll be found in some other guy's bed."
--- Jim Weaver Coll G0191
Unfit to be standing aloft,
And really diseased.
We'd all be quite pleased
If Chris would go off and get offed.
--- Anon
Had had a seduction well planned,
But he still couldn't muster
More luck than had Custer,
For Sand, too, had had his last stand.
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner
She pulled up her nighty and said,
"When you're reading a book,
It's pointless to look,
For it goes without saying IT'S dead..."
--- Grand Prix Lim 450
Whose joystick refused to get bony.
It writhed and it wriggled,
Until his girl giggled,
"Now I know where they get macaroni."
--- G0471
You wait for erection -- in vain.
The years have been cruel.
When you use the tool,
It's rather like pushing a chain.
--- Larry Davis P8509
Wanted to lay his gal Betty.
But after much rye
And six martinis, quite dry,
Clyde's cock was as limp as spaghetti.
--- Michael Weinstein P8403
He couldn't deposit his sperm
Inside of his wife,
To create a new life,
For his penis stayed limp as a worm.
--- Cap'n Bean P0409
Who was laid, one by one, by the band?
The bandleader cried,
For three times he tried,
But Old Limpyleg just wouldn't stand!
--- Grand Prix Lim 25
Who had a magical pillow.
She'd lure men to her bed,
And when it touched their head,
Their wands would droop like a willow.
--- Anon
And Willy just lies there, catatonic.
He stays fully flaccid
And totally placid.
Do you think that I need some new tonic
--- Anon
Just couldn't achieve a firm stand on.
His wife tried all night
To get it upright,
For her motto was "Nil Desperandum".
--- Michael Horgan
Drank whiskey till he got his fill.
He tangoed all night
Holding sexy girls tight.
The effect on his pecker was nil.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0609
Was left with an itch in her plenum.
With her flute, she made tries,
Her man's cobra to rise,
But his viper was all out of venom.
--- Albin Chaplin a
Must have been from all that protection.
His balls were so blue,
I guess yours'd be too,
If you couldn't give a sperm injection.
--- Jennifer W T9801
Hung crepe on the thing and then said,
"Sacre Bleu, also merde!
Zat should have been spared,
For wat use am I now in ze bed!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 191
Kept grousing he got no respect,
Cause his wife, out of spite
Had told all within sight,
"His prick simply won't stand erect."
--- Armand E Singer 397
Did not even twitch when I coughed.
The viagra cure
Won't work any more,
And praying can't get it aloft.
--- Anon
(There are those who have called him a dunce.)
But his late-in-life crisis
To be very precise is
Dumb or smart, it won't rise even once.
--- Armand Singer
"I suffer the ultimate blight;
I still love all the foreplay,
What I miss is the more play --
I can't get it up in the night!"
--- Armand E Singer 46
Remarked as he wept in his beer,
"As a sexual hero
My status is zero--
I ain't had it up for a year."
--- G0220
An old Turk told a newsman named Ferrier,
"Before my magic wand,
Of which women were fond,
Became merely an old water carrier."
--- A N Wilkins P8407
Executives sobbed as he said,
"I'm a victim of treachery,
For my rep here is lechery,
And the thing I use for it is DEAD!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 550
Who sex urge grew weaker and weaker.
His pecker at night
Could no women delight,
Ending up as old Meeker's limp leaker.
--- Grand Prix Lim 50
This is file tpl
Whose days as a stud are long spent;
He can't get it on,
His potency's gone.
His minds not too sure where it went.
--- Armand E Singer 922
Told her boyfriend one midnight in Nome,
"If your penis stays dead
You can hop out of bed,
Put your clothes all back on and GO HOME!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 053 G0078
At the sexual plate he would whiff.
So he spent day and night
In a high state of fright,
Because he thought he could be scared stiff.
--- Tom Patton P9704
Was most desperately anxious to marry.
But he found the defection
Of any erection,
A difficult factor to parry.
--- L1422
To happiness I've found the key.
Forget about sex;
It's not for us wrecks.
Just be grateful that you can still pee.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0609
Massaged his dead needle and quailed,
"My wife says a tailor
Who is a tail failer,
Should be first tarred and feathered, then jailed.
--- Grand Prix Lim 228
Who said as she squeezed on the trigger,
"You son of a bitch,
My cunt has the itch,
And in morte, you may attain rigor."
--- L1692
I think that I may well be drunken.
I'd go and fuck Lottie,
A fine bit of totty,
But alas, from the booze my dick's shrunken.
--- Tiddy Ogg
His fortunes have plunged in free fall.
What once was pure magic,
Has turned truly tragic:
He can't make it rise up at all.
--- Armand Singer
Seduced a very young Jappaner.
Though he diddled for days,
He could not get a raise,
From a pecker which hung in this M,A,N,N,E,R.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 G2001
If men get me all hot and wet, it's
No good if you lay,
And want a replay,
They're limper than ten day old lettuce."
--- Anon
Besotted with vin ordinaire,
Could get no erection
But touched by affection,
Would brandish his limp do-take-care.
--- Armand E Singer 620
Who can't keep his dick in his pants.
Though it's worthless for screwing,
He knows what he's doing;
It's handy for watering plants.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0609
When recalling their most recent tries
Say, "As youths we'd complain
Being forced to abstain.
It's quite easy now, since it won't rise."
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9708
Is forced to join Impotents Anonymous;
His thing just won't rise
Like most other guys' --
Ignoring commands, it's autonomous.
--- Armand E Singer 744
Sighed, "Joe, you just keep right on tryin'.
I'll leave you my card,
And when it gets hard
You wire me, or drop me a lian.
--- G0156
Of a pretty curvaceous young miss;
But my thing isn't working;
It seems to be shirking
And dismally drooping like this. (printed vertically)
--- Anon
I have terminal droop of the spear.
What I need is a lass
With a cute little ass,
To come snuggle on down with me here.
--- Anon
The tool of whose swain wouldn't harden.
Said she with a frown,
"I've been sadly let down,
By the tool of a fool in the garden."
--- L0002
What you need is a new love pardner.
I'm very well hung
And if you have a tongue,
That's all I should need for a hardener.
--- MrMalo
Took a job as a waiter and said
To a diner called June
Who complained of no spoon
For her tea, "Shall I use this instead?"
--- Anon
Stirred her tea anti-clockwise (a trick
For the left-handed man)
Which he did with elan
And said, "There you are love; want a lick?"
--- Anon
Young girls used to make him feel knobbly.
Whenever they sat
On his knees for a chat,
He'd say, "Careful now; mind Mr. Wobbly."
--- Anon
Mr. Wobbly's a wimp; I should know.
You're an impotent fool
With a useless old tool;
Should have left you a decade ago."
--- Anon
A wanky old geezer like me;
When I was a pup
I could get Wobbly up
All night, and all day, if need be."
--- Anon
Whose pecker got limper and limper.
"We men are ill served;
The world," he observed,
"Ends not with a bang but a whimper."
--- Armand E Singer 159a
"It's destiny, fate overhanging.
Never let down your guard;
Paraphrasing the bard,
'Life ends with a whimper, not banging.'"
--- Armand E Singer 159A
When thrice-daily the girls I'd amaze
With my flexible joint,
But it's come to the point:
Now my peter takes ages to raise.
--- Peter Wilkins
Between lunchtime and 2 (as a rule)
When the girlies at play
Cause me trouser affray,
As I stare at their bodies and drool.
--- Peter Wilkins
He said, flashing his member. "What's that?"
She said, "Nasty limp thing;
I remember in Spring
'44, it was juicy and fat."
--- Anon
Ain't fair", he said, "Look how it's rusting."
"You knew when we wed
And you took me to bed",
She said, "Once was enough; you're disgusting."
--- Anon
Poor Bill lost the use of his vein.
She cried, "It's no good
If you can't keep it wood!"
He replied, "It's not up to the strain."
--- Tim Fisher
In fact, she had only begun.
She said, "Listen Billy,
Now sort out your willy
Or get the job done with your tongue."
--- Tim Fisher
But he'd gone to the well much too oft.
To be sure, his intentions
Retained giant dimensions,
But the physical part had gone soft.
--- Isaac Asimov
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