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Swaggart went out of his way, Jimmy Swaggart, while driving one day He laid out the innocent facts. On a billboard held up for display, (written in 1983 long before Swaggert viewed the hooker)
A whore by the name of Flo Taggart The sculptor was ready at last Jimmy Swaggart invented a no-tell Said Jimmy, "My story's most viable; Jimmy Swaggart's petite porno pigeon (AP item Kansas City Star 25 Feb 1988)
Jimmy Swaggart explained to his flock Jimmy Swaggart said, "The thing to do In virtue he was no braggart, Alone and supine on the bed, He excused himself to pee. Could Solomon's wisdom and patience Benedic me quia peccave, (Jimmy Swaggart's prayer)
Bless me, a sinner, I pray: An amorous M. A. Jimmy Swaggart is really quite sumpin', An infamous Methodist minister, A minister up in Vermont It was back in nineteen sixty four, The flames warmed their noses and ears; They'd be many issues that needed debate -- They discussed illigits and divorce, A discussion on oral sex followed; Said another, be-robed and be-sandaled, "My Brother," said a vicar most blunt, "Is it true that Hell's full of fine whores -- Before the bishop would give a reply, Comic verse of the type that's limerical, A perverted missionary in China, When our deficit descended to zero, The minister made his oration; A pious young minister's pappy, A pious young minister's sister A pious young minister's spouse A pious young minister's mater A pious young minister's daughter A pious young minister's lad A pious young minister's niece A pious young minister's dog We thought we were going to die The pious young minister's creed The pious young minister's attitude The pious young minister's cherry The pious young minister's aunts The pious young minister's credo A minister of the Church in the Vale, (quail = covies, not bevies--except San Quentin quail - McW)
On the hundredth Baptist conversion, The minister up at Carsphairn (bairn - child)
The huge price the cleric did pay; My steeple is no Boston Stump; The pious young minister's prick Once a crudish Victorian minister, The Book of God's beneath you, When our deficit descended to zero, The pious young minister's peter The pious young minister's demon The pious young minister's flock A minister sat on some holly There was a young girl from Cape Finisterre, A fellow whose job was a minister, The pious young minister's ass A Sunday school student named Glass, Down in Berne, Minister Grew,
Insisting we all kneel and pray.
Though he was reborn,
He got hooked on some porn.
Poor Jimmy, he had feet of clay.
--- Gifford Wherry
Through a cheap red light district to play,
Claimed when caught, "I was dead right
To stop at a red light.
It's a rule that I always obey."
--- Don Moore P9112
He denied there were carnal contacts.
When he motel'd the hooker,
Swaggart was just a looker
Who did pornographic acts.
--- Jim Jambor P9009
Is a gal who will play for top pay.
But her client most recent
(From the League of the Decent)
Was reluctant to go all the way.
--- Neal Wilgus P8302A
Has a john, a pompous-assed braggart.
While watching TV,
She was surprised to see
The same guy on the tube! Jimmy Swaggart!
--- Mr X
To make castings with sex organs vast.
Said Swaggart, "The Devil
in this work shall not revel!"
And proceeded to stone the first cast.
--- Al Chaplin P8804
For non-laymen no matter the motel.
With mystical wonderment,
He'd gaze at the fundament
Of a whore after paying the bitch off well.
--- Don Moore P9009
After hearing my side you are liable
To agree I was caught
Because I wrongly thought
She was prone to discuss the good Bible."
--- Arthur Deex P8804
Says the preacher asked more than a smidgen
Of different lewd poses,
But the hooker discloses
That they were not discussing religion.
--- A N Wilkins P8804
Voyeuristic desires he can't block.
His addiction to see
Sinful pornography
Occurred post hoc, ergo, propter hoc.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P9203
For the Missouri Synod is to
Will my New Testament
To those who won't repent,
But my porno, Deb Murphee, to you."
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9801
Nor in purity was he a laggard.
He was quite free of sin;
His weewee never in;
His name and fame: Virgin Jim Swaggart.
--- Jim Jambor P9010
"Let's talk dirty," the nude preacher said,
"For when I talk dirty
Little Jimmy gets spurty,
And my prattle turns my earlobes red."
--- Jim Jambor P9010
(This was no soliloquy)
Through the bathroom door
He could watch the whore
Enjoying him musically.
--- Jim Jambor P9010
Decide were there sexual relations,
Or the innocent joy
Of a cleric Portnoy
Gratified by Revelations?
--- Jim Jambor P9010
Meretrices ac visitavi;
Ad opus videbam
Pictas faciebam;
Sed juro: Mon fornicavi.
--- Fr William Loring P8804
From whores I could not stay away.
Their work I would watch,
Taking pictures of crotch;
But I never did screw them, I say.
--- Fr William Loring P8804
Said of Cupid, the C. D.,
"Sometimes for a joke
He picks the wrong bloke;
Jimmy Swaggart that P.T."
--- Arthur Deex P9701a
A preacher who like bible thumpin'.
He said, "I'll kill gay guys
Then tell god some lies."
Then he'd go find a whore and start humpin'!
--- CM
Whose sermons inclined to the sinister,
Was wont to abuse
His poor flock in their pews,
Save his wife, who just laughed when he menaced her.
--- Paul M Hoffman
Keeps a goldfish alive in the font.
When he dips the babes in,
It tickles their skin,
Which is all that the innocents want.
--- W S Baring-Gold
According to local folklore,
That the ministers met
On a day cold and wet,
To discuss finer points of church lore.
--- Anon
If they turned 'round, it heated their rears.
But Reverend MacTavish
Feared he'd be ravished,
If he turned his back on the queers.
--- Anon
Was it sinful to just masturbate?
Would promiscuous sex
Make their flock moral wrecks?
On what ground could they excommunicate?
--- Anon
And a man who had sex with his horse.
Reverend Jones, half asleep,
Said he much preferred sheep,
But he was a Welshman, of course.
--- Anon
Was it better to spit or to swallow?
I like a boy's bum,
Not the taste of his come,
Said the Most Reverend Antony Rollo.
--- Anon
"I hear the best way to handle
A Mother Superior,
Is plug her interior
With a bright lighted big altar candle.
--- Anon
"Does it enter from back or the front?"
Then they joked about nuns
And made terrible puns,
And talked at some length about cunt.
--- Anon
With big bouncing tits and no drawers?"
Said the Rev to the Bish.
"Do they still smell of fish,
And are they still covered with sores?"
--- Anon
He moved to the fire to dry.
Steam rose from his cloak,
And he finally spoke --
"I may tell you that, bye and bye."
--- Anon
Proves to be, often times, anticlerical.
A saintly old minister
Is depicted as sinister,
And is filled with lust quite hysterical.
--- Isaac Asimov
Once said, "There is nothing finer,
Than to sit in one's cell,
And let one's mind dwell
On the charms of the Virgin's vagina."
--- L0560
Our minister was considered a hero.
He ascended the chancel
But decided to cancel
The sermon, and dance a Bolero.
--- Anon
This is file tom
He preached about hell and damnation.
"May you sinners of shame
Be devoured by flame"...
He exploded in great conflagration.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Had a sex life, diverse, hot, and snappy.
It shocked his dear son,
When he had all that fun,
But it kept the parishioners happy.
--- Isaac Asimov
Was screwed 'til her ass had a blister.
It shocked her dear brother
Who had been her lover,
When she said "You pay for it now, Mister!"
--- Ken
Was a fabulous dancer sans blouse.
It shocked her dear mate
To see her gyrate,
But it made the parishioners carouse.
--- Arthur Deex
Had an orgy with any who'd date her.
It shocked her dear child
To see her go wild,
And none in the parish could sate her.
--- Arthur Deex
Had a social life unlike he'd taught her.
It shocked her dear dad
When he saw that she had
Screwed the bishop who'd generously bought her.
--- Arthur Deex
Had a leathery sex life and bad.
It shocked his dear sire
To find he was a lier
With men as the Bible forbad.
--- Arthur Deex
Charged the deacons ten bucks a piece.
It shocked her dear unc,
She laughed and said "Bunk!
The elders are too tough to fleece!"
--- Ken
Had sex with a neighborhood hog.
That dreadful boner
Sure shocked her owner,
And left the young cleric agog!
--- Ken
When the minister raised his arms high,
The benediction to say,
But it wasn't his day.
He'd forgotten to zip up his fly!
--- Richard Lancashire a
Was forever to do the good deed.
The ladies of lust
Their souls would entrust,
And with multiple thrusts, they'd be freed.
--- Steve Anderson P9911
Was a biblically celibate platitude,
Until he got sucked
And raucously fucked,
When his attitude turned into gratitude.
--- Steve Anderson P9911
Was plucked by a horny old fairy,
Who sucked it and pumped it
And then inter-rumped it,
After which he proposed that they marry.
--- Steve Anderson P9911
Had agendas they prayed to advance.
Though chaste and devout,
They longed to come out
And get in the minister's pants.
--- Steve Anderson P9911
Was the same as the famed Father Guido.
You do what you can
But you still are a man,
And there's no way to ban your libido.
--- Steve Anderson P9911
Was chasing a bevy of quail.
He slipped on a rock
And damaged his cock,
And from then on was not very male.
--- G2061
A preacher kept urgin' a virgin,
'Til she finally gave in,
When he said, "It's no sin,
As long as it's total immersion."
--- Anon
Has got a young woman with bairn.
It's a god-awful vice
But it's awfully nice,
And I'm sure the Almighty's no' care'n.
--- Anon
The high cost of having his way;
An ending sinister.
Was he a "lay" minister,
Or did he just practice that way?
--- Chris Papa
'Tis high but is sturdy and plump.
When passing my church
You cause me to lurch,
But just to admire your rump.
--- Anon
Was long, very hard and quite thick.
A shame and a waste
To render it chaste.
She'd just need a taste to come quick
--- Steve Anderson P9911
From the pulpit denounced sex as sinister.
But back in the manse,
He discarded his pants,
Caught the maid in a corner and menaced her.
--- Pierce Evans
The Man of God's above you.
Salvation pole
Is in your hole--
Now wiggle your ass to save your soul.
--- L0573
Our minister was considered a hero.
He ascended the chancel
But decided to cancel
The sermon and dance a Bolero.
--- VOL 3
Longed for the chance just to meet her.
When that dream was fulfilled,
All he had quickly spilled,
And the minister only could eat her.
--- Steve Anderson P9911
Was repressed to the point it was screamin' --
"If you can't find a mate
Or at least masturbate,
You'll get gangrene from petrified semen."
--- Steve Anderson P9911
Included a handsome young jock,
Who the women adored,
Though they all were ignored
'Cause he pined for the minister's cock.
--- Steve Anderson P9911
Put there by a choirboy. What folly!
He leapt from the pulpit
In search of the culprit
And soon made him rue it, by golly!
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Who walked out each night with the Minister.
She said, "I aspire
To a place in the choir."
But some thought her motives more sinister.
--- Anon
Knew a lady that was really quite sinister.
This sister, a spinster,
Who came from Westminster,
Would talk to him right through his finister.
--- Charles Knight
Was so tight, very little would pass.
So when'ere nature calls,
He shits little balls,
With a copious volume of gas.
--- Steve Anderson P9911
Soon rose to the head of his class.
He wasn't that bright,
But he did sleep at night,
With his prick up the minister's ass.
--- L0556
There's nothing that fellow won't screw --
From queens down to cooks,
They're all on his books,
And he dabbles in sodomy too.
--- L1645
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