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There once was a lecher who thought Our vicar he takes off his cassock, The vicar of Framlingham Church If spanking was what you were craving, Hector and Helga Kerfipple Hector was far less lucent; The place where they had it done Into S&M now, its true; I know a young man in Calcutta You fellows are clearly quite crude, A masochistic young man of Split In my sex life, began a new chapter; This guy from Ohio -- a Yankee If you force me to lie on your lap, Said the masochist cook from Des Moines: An amorous lady named Rankin There was a young man from Dusquesne, Whenever those two get together, Said the leather-bitch-goddess, "Mein Gott!!" A masochist in Amarillo A girl who once licked her lips, There was a bank worker named Gordon "Giddyap!" and "Gee! Haw!" and then "Whoa!" There once was a lady from Spain Masochist to sadist, "Yo, There was an old pervert named Stark An armed man, arousing her fears, A cocky young freshman named Breasted There once was a man who would jest, The hobby of Angus McBeirs When he's phoning obscenely, old Potts You can thank your feminist protestors There was an old lecher named Sprat, A dirty old man know as Hecht An old priest pedophilic named Schink A helpful young fellow named Wright A fanatic gun-lover named Crust Humpty Dumpty once sat on a wall, A crazy young lawyer apprentice Uncle Bertram politely stops by There once was an old Gallup pollster A youth with hair long and fastidious, A perverted old man of Fredonia There once was a pervert named Chester, As a man of the world, I aspire At Rehoboth, a broad on the beach The nastiest fogey alive, We hear quite a lot about teachers We've had three in the past couple years, I know of a pervert named Shriver, Yes, the morals of horrid young Bodd There was an Old Person of Cadiz, There was an old fellow called Andy, Our old gym teacher was nuts, There once was a lecherous plumber There was a young fellow named Riffer, A famous perfumer named Deitz There was a strange creature named Marks There was an old geezer named Blair A bus driver named Abner McFuss, A bewildered scoutmaster named Blight Uncle Irving was weird beyond hope; There was an old lecher named Gus Way down where the corpses are rotted, If you've no concern with legality I find that fucking the dead
That S&M could easily be taught.
He tried whips and chains,
And murderous canes,
But all of his pains came to nought.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
And lays himself out on a hassock,
And gets randy tarts
To mangle his parts,
In a manner according to Masoch.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Flagellates himself daily with birch;
Twigs in honour of Masoch
While wearing a cassock,
That gives him a peculiar lurch.
--- Peter Wilkins
Then why that great ass you've been saving?
Just bring it to Frank;
He's got just the plank
To pepper your butt till you're raving.
--- Anon
Liked getting drunk on Ripple.
One night, while drinking,
Helga, without thinking,
Got a piercing in her left nipple.
--- Gearhart
His piercing was one pubescent.
In his right testi
The ring does resti;
I think they have both learned their lescent.
--- Gearhart
Was not a very sanitary one.
They both got infections
Instead of erections,
And the oozing is still not all done.
--- Gearhart
I'd choose torture over a screw.
There's nothing like pain
To drive you insane.
Don't stop! Oh no! Please continue!
--- Anon
Who plasters his member with butter,
Then lovingly screws
A bag of cashews--
He must be a real fucking nutter!
--- Michael Horgan
Repulsive and rotten and rude!
But I get elated
By being fellated,
And vomited on in the nude.
--- Anon
Ate his peaches complete with the pit.
'Twas not for the stone,
He claimed, but alone
For the smart that remained when he shit.
--- Jim Weaver Collection a
When she said to me with great laughter,
"Give me twelve inches of hurt;
Go ahead, lift my skirt.
So I fucked her three times and I slapped her.
--- Darren
Was into a little hanky panky.
But his wife, bridget
Was terribly frigid;
She got embarrased when he said "Spank me!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
With my buttocks exposed would you slap
Me and give me an en-
Ema? Count up to ten.
To attention I'll certainly snap!
--- Peter Wilkins
"I am not one for books, stamps, or coin.
I am getting my thrills
From the barbecue grills.
But I hate when they're spicing my groin!"
--- Carl Ludvig Kjelsen P9508
Was begging her beau for a spankin'.
'Tis a small thing to ask,
Just a swat on the ass,
Then we can really get crankin'.
--- Anon
An afficionado of pain.
If pierced with some tacks,
Or dripped with hot wax,
He'd moan, "Do it again!"
--- Martin Cunningham
They bring out their thongs made of leather.
They put hands behind him,
To let the girls bind him...
And then they discuss the day's weather.
--- Lucas Hulp P9405
"This snivelling slave thinks he's hot!
All my whipping and chains
Must have addled his brains;
He's been pleading, 'Hey, let's tie the knot!'"
--- Robin K Willoughby P8405
For his fantasies uses a pillow.
And will lie there and moan,
With a shuddering groan,
"Give me willow, tit willow, tit willow!"
--- Keith MacMillan A112B
Was steaming and gyrating her hips;
The boys turned around,
Found her hot on the ground,
Smiling and waiting with whips!
--- Melissa K
Who borrowed a length of rope cordon.
He said, "I'd go bust
Without my unit trussed,
When my assets get nibbled or bored on.
--- Chris Young
I will go where you tell me to go.
Our relationship
Is based on the whip
And the stories of Edgar A. Poe.
--- Gents Alphabet Book P9509
Who carried a whip and a chain.
She beat me a lot
Because I'm a dumb sot,
And gave me a horrible pain.
--- Anon
I now know the way we can go.
Yeah, you can beat me,
Be mean and mistreat me!"
But the sadist just smiled and said, "No!"
--- Jane D Hughes P9102 a
Who watched women jog through the park
Hiding behind tree;
Spanking his monkey;
Until he came all over bark.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Broke into her flat, but her tears
Weren't what caused her escape
From forcible rape.
He just wanted to fondle her ears.
--- A N Wilkins P8708
Kept bragging he'd never been bested,
And asked for applause
Especially because
Of all the poor chicks he'd molested.
--- Armand E Singer 855
And children he liked to molest.
Although he liked boys,
He'd use girls as toys,
And he like to fondle the breast.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Was snapping the back of brassieres.
To do this you need
Exceptional speed,
For handbags can damage the ears.
--- Irving Superior P8708
Gives a spinster who'll listen, the hots,
By describing how whangs
Shoot a wad during bangs!
He's a man who likes calling the shots.
--- Playboy Mag Jim Weaver
And the interests of greedy investors,
Which puts kids in the care
Of some friendly au pair,
Or a day-care that's staffed by molesters.
--- John Miller
Who went on a terrible bat.
It a girl weren't alert,
He'd reach under her skirt,
And claim to be petting a cat.
--- Gordon Peterson
This is file tkl
Would make obscene calls when erect.
They caught him last summer -
And nothing was dumber -
While trying to make one collect.
--- David Miller P8208A
Stuffed the altar boy's ass, round and pink.
Said the judge, "You are sick.
See an analyst quick."
So he did and he cornholed the shrink.
--- Albin Chaplin
Heard cries from some girl in the night;
She was flat on the fescue (grass)
When he came to her rescue --
And screwed her till dawn's early light.
--- Armand E Singer 312
Was perverse to the point of disgust.
His choice to despoil
Had zero recoil,
And a 44 magnum plus bust.
--- Arthur Deex P9408
Ogling underdressed babes in the mall.
Leaning over with zest,
He pinched one on the breast --
Which explains his unfortunate fall.
--- Armand E Singer P0102
Had purposely tried to torment us.
He would grab at the hooter
Of the chief prosecutor.
The judge says he's non compos mentis.
--- Al Willis TP9804
To see Margaret and Enid and Vi,
But induced by some gland
Or the Devil, his hand
Always creeps on to Montague's thigh.
--- Gents Alphabet Book P9412
Whose ego much needed a bolster.
So he charmed little girls
And showed them his curls,
And acquired local fame as a molester.
--- G2722
Was trapped in a circumstance hideous.
By mistake in the park
He was grasped in the dark
By a man with intentions insidious.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2566
To the girl he was with, said "If onia
Weren't so wholesome and fresh
When we touch in the flesh!
But my jollies I'll get when I phonia!"
--- Keith MacMillan A086B
Whose friends called him "Chet the Molester",
Till one day, the dumb twit
Grabbed a lady cop's teat.
Said the cop, "You are under arrest, Sir."
--- Anon
To help fourteen-year-old boys to acquire
A more mature air,
Manly grace, savoir faire.
Consult Norman Douglas, Esq.
--- A N Wilkins P8703
Lay stretched out in the sun -- out of reach,
Till a treacherous hand
Burrowed up through the sand...
And in Texas they blanched at the screech.
--- Hugh Oliver A030A
Is a pedophile, by name of Hive.
This awful old letch,
Screws what he can catch,
And prefers all his girls under five.
--- Anon
Fondling kids 'neath the bleachers.
But the truth around here,
Catch a pedophile queer,
Nine times out of ten, it's a preacher.
--- Jim Weaver Collection a
Respected theological queers.
When they're hauled into court,
They're the sorriest sort,
As they plead mental illness in tears.
--- Jim Weaver Collection a
Who offered two tots each a fiver
To lie down on ther backs,
Let him tickle their cracks,
And play a cute game called muff diver.
--- Armand E Singer 219
Are a frightful affront and a fraud.
His particular joy
Is to catch a small boy
And poke angleworms in his pod!
--- G2268
Who was always polite to all ladies.
But while fondling his daughter,
He fell in the water.
Which probably saved him from Hades.
--- Edwardian Leer 010
Who was always continuously randy.
It was, I am told,
That he is really bold,
And he hangs around schools with candy.
--- Anon
And everyone hated his guts.
He used wicked ploys
To attract the young boys,
And they'd cry, "Here he comes, Seymore Butts!"
--- Jayne
Who boasted to every newcomer,
How he went about smelling
(I blush with the telling)
Girl's bicycle seats in the summer.
--- Jim Weaver Collection a
In matters of sex he did differ.
Though girls seldom object
To the method direct,
He was more of a smeller and sniffer.
--- Albin Chaplin G2475
Must turn passive men into beasts.
Elusive each scent,
So mornings are spent
In smelling girls' bicycle seats.
--- Irving Superior P8503
Whose idea of diversions and larks
Was stirring up tramps,
Disturbing boys's camps,
And fondling nude statues in parks. (buggering statues...)
--- G2419
Who tried to get girls to strip bare.
But they caught that pervert,
Made him roll in some dirt
Full of ants. Other geezers, beware!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Liked to suck off small boys on his bus,
Then go out and sniff turds
And the assholes of birds--
He sure was a funny old cuss.
--- L1479
Stole some hours in a whorehouse each night,
Since the term "pederastic"
He considered elastic
When none of his troop was in sight.
--- Guy Wernham P9306
Little girls he would frequently grope!
Then we noted one dawn,
Uncle Irving was gone...
And so, noted too, was Dad's rope.
--- Oscar B Leone P9611
Who wore a prostatic truss.
It would pinch, sweat, and itch
When the son of a bitch
Got too close to young girls on the bus.
--- G2361
My dearly departed I spotted.
She said with a smile,
"Be my necrophile?"
At which point, I told her, "Get knotted!"
--- SFA
And your dog is a recent fatality,
I think you will find
Necrophilia's kind,
When mixed with the old bestiality.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Is easier when they've been bled.
There's much less palaver
From a dried out cadaver,
And less of a stain on the bed.
--- Paul Boston
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