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The Pope gave his final position
To those who indulge in coition:
"The union is best
When by priest it is blest,
And be sure you don't ground your emission."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1071

Though the virile young priests of the nation,
Waited breathless throughout its gestation,
The Bull of Pope Paul,
Offered nothing at all,
Save prolonged and restrained celebation.
--- Anon

For Bulls of the Pope say, "Amen,"
For they are admonishing men,
Detail by detail, Of God's love avail. Abortionists quail.
No male upon male. In Hell there's no bail.
Your tithe do not fail. Avoid outside "tail."

All outshoots of Moses's Ten.
--- Irving Superior P9312

The sex manual with Catholic appeal
Bears the pontiff's Imprimatur seal.
It's a simple design--
On one page is one line:
"Keep fucking and do it for real."
--- Phil Cannibal P9108

The pope in profoundest oration
Disclosed the Grand Scheme of Creation.
He declared that the soul
Is conceived in a hole,
In the midst of orgasmic vibration.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1065

The man from Basilican Dome
Brought humor to many a home.
They all gathered to hear,
And by millions to cheer,
The great double-talk artist from Rome.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1005

The wily old Pope is loquacious,
A genius in matters fallacious.
He disgorges duplicity
With apparent felicity,
While retaining an image sagacious.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 P9308

The pope in his wisdom first class
Advised all the bishops en masse,
The approved contraceptive,
To which he's receptive,
Was fucking the wife up the ass.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0911

Excommunication
Is papal flagellation
Of wayward souls
With awkward goals
That merit extirpation.
--- William K Alsop P8910

Karol Wojtyla's new letter appalls
Theologians wanting Commandment recalls.
Some call it mere drivel
While others just snivel
And say, "John Paul's Bull has no balls."
--- Thomas G Keller P9312

To all nations the Pope spoke with pride;
The world's future they now must decide.
He sought help to release
His new plan for the peace,
And old whores by the hundreds applied.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-3008

Said the Pope, "Contraceptives won't do,
And abortions are sinful things too.
But there's no need to fret --
Just use Rhythm Roulette.
If you don't want a family, don't screw."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1003

Said the Pope, "It's my studied conclusion,
We must clear up the fucking confusion.
May God's Will be done --
No fucking for fun!
Every fuck should result in a fusion."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0999

Said a pretty young Catholic, Nanette,
Who referred to her husband as "Pet":
"There are times when I must
Look at hubby with lust.
Now the Pope says, 'That's a NO-NO NANETTE.'"
--- Isadore Lippman P8304

One day God said to John Paul,
"I'm really fed up with it all.
You've not told a joke
Since you got the white smoke.
You just bore me with dull Papal Bull."
--- Anon

A fellow in Rome wrote a lonnet,
A hybrid of limerick and sonnet.
The Pope had no use
For this type of abuse,
Which made him pontificate on it.
--- John Miller

He wrote them a long Papal Bull;
Though erudite, the damned thing was full
Of canonical shit
And lacked any wit,
But still had political pull.
--- John Miller

In Texas it reached to George Bush,
As he sat on the "throne" on his tush.
He wiped off his ass;
Said "God, this is crass.
Mass destructive. We must act to crush."
--- John Miller

Said the Pope, "My pure truth is unchangeable;
Compromise with new trend's unarrangeable."
And he issued a bull,
Which some said was full
And complete with an exquisite range o' bull.
--- Jim Vandemeer P9312

There was a young priest who ignored
Some Papal Bulls that he abhorred.
When a new one appeeared
He disdainfully sneered,
"STICK IT UP! on the BULLetin board."
--- Evelyn Bogen P9401a

Though Webster says Bull means decree,
It also Baloney can be.
If worse comes to worse,
And I should worse verse,
Would you excommunicate me?
--- Irving Superior P9312

Said a Bull from the Pope, "Adam's fall,
It is sure, without grace, damns us all."
But you might just as well,
If you're planning on hell,
Go for broke! Try it all! Have a ball!
--- James H Vandermeer P9312

The Papal Bull I thought was neat
Concerned that which Catholics must eat.
It's oral, it's kinky;
Their fingers get stinky,
'Cause Fridays they couldn't eat meat"
--- Mark Levy P9312

When bigotry's buckets are full
And Calvinist casuistries pall,
With Protestant bias
We scoff at Pope Pius
And sit around shooting the Bull.
--- Norm Storer P9312

Each limerick must have some wit
But excess in taste don't commit.
If you go too far,
I may prove you are
Against all this Papal Bull (shit).
--- Irving Superior P9312

The Pope makes edicts I shun
Like: birth control, sex, evolution.
But on matters of weight
His ideas are so great;
I've slimmed down with his abs solution!
--- Anon

The Pope wore a Dior creation
As he spoke on TV to the nation.
"Original sin
Concerns getting in,
And ignores sodomy and fellation."
--- Arthur Deex P8208

To all nations, the Pope in a huff
Gave his speech with the same crap and stuff.
"Our new plan we'll release
For promoting the peace.
We've promoted the war long enough."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2983

Said the Pope, "I must stress it again:
Whether married or not, sex is sin
If it thwarts procreation;
It is certain damnation.
Therefore please mind which hole you are in."
--- James H Vandermeer P9312 A

Said the Pope, as he read from the roll:
"True religion saves only the soul.
We must have further study,
And then more further study,
Of further study of birth control."

(gutless bugger isn't he - McW)
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 G1154

The Pope, who's a biblical scholar,
Brought his Cardinals to Rome just to holler:
"You must punish and scold
Every priest must be told,
Turn your pants 'round as well as your collar."
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0206

I'll say this but once and speak fast;
Perverted Popes have me aghast.
I think that the Vatican
Won't allow that again,
And so, Arch the First is the last
--- Anon

Back in Avignon, Pope Uc Castets
Would enjoy isorhythmic motets,
Chanted by sisters three:
One would sit on his knee,
While the others did weird pirouettes.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

This is file tjm

Certain minstrels, dressed in Papal hues,
Got to travel around the Vaucluse:
To Venasque, late in May,
For a quick virile lay,
Or to Chateauneuf, for screws and booze.
--- Joel Cohen

When the Popes dined in old Avignon,
They would rarely ingest food alone.
There were minstrels galore,
An occasional whore,
And some valets, to answer the phone.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

There was a mimic from Cardiff,
Who loved keeping his parts stiff.
This priapic protrusion
Helped support the illusion,
Except when dressed as the Pontiff.
--- Robert Elliot

Archie, you pope peddling sod;
You've had your instructions from God.
Now return what is mine,
My vestments divine,
For dressed in my frock, you look odd!
--- JP

Simply divine, is your frock,
Except where disturbed by my cock.
The conclave did vote,
(You people take note.)
And gave me the seat of the rock!
--- Archie

Get thee to a nunnery do,
Before my ire's raised up at you.
I'm enjoying this job
As Pope of this mob --
The corks that I wear, I smoke too!
--- Archie

Archie, get up off your tush!
I know you don't speak burning bush.
Give JP his dress
And come and confess.
Do you need Me to give you a push.
--- Anon

Peter, I am glad to see
You're here to confess sinfully
You've been helping the fuzz
And getting a buzz,
For the beavering beaver of E. (Ericka)
--- Archie

(Just wait while I'm sniffing this line,
Oh good, it is smelling just fine.
It's a scratch and sniff
Of a snatch that's stiff --
But necrophilia's such a grind!)
--- Archie

You mean you thought I'm sniffing coke?
Pardon me while I quietly choke.
I am into hemp;
It is heaven sent.
I don't sniff -- I chew or I smoke.
--- Archie

But enough of this digression;
Now it's back to your confession.
Yes, my son, you have sinned;
Most greviously limmed --
Make amends for this possession!
--- Archie

I'm Spanish and in a position
To start up a new Inquisition.
Confess, or I'll stretch
You on racks, holy wretch.
And these thumbscrews will force your submission.
--- Peter Wilkins

I'll agree to your plans for me
(I'm not to be arrested by "E")
And Marlene can rape
Me, using duct tape,
But pay me in hemp scrip, plenty.
--- Archie

There one was a Pope from Des Moines,
Who ravished his altar boys' loins.
He powedered their balls
And dressed them like dolls,
While his staff annointed their groins.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

One evening the Pope and a clown
Were alone and both feeling down.
So in secret the slobs
Swapped their clothes and their jobs,
And their change of life never was found.
--- Anon

All hail to Pope Archie The Free!
Whom Feds gave the deep third degree.
When asked for his stash
Of hash and of cash,
His clever reply was, "Who, me?"
--- Archie

Alexander, the Borgian Pope,
Remarked to this cardinals, "Nope,
I'd rather fuck Lucy,
My daughter, than goosey
A priest with his ass full of soap."
--- G1143

So here was this popular Pope,
With a prick he could knot like a rope.
He baptised this rarity
With his balls, Faith and Charity,
And his asshole as Christendom's Hope.
--- G1144

Then filled with ambition, the Pope,
Once bound his huge cock with a rope.
If once he could thin it, he
Could bugger the Trinity,
And fill Mary's cunt with soft soap.
--- G1145

Alas, our dissatisfied Pope
Would stretch out his cock with a rope.
He used it on foresters,
And virginal choristers,
Which made all the cardinals mope.
--- G1146

When an old vegetarian Pope,
He shot off in a ripe cantaloupe.
The seeds produced scores
Of sactified whores,
And a priest with a prick for a cope.
--- G1147

"The Pope has done opened his flies",
Muttered Sister Marie in surprise
As he waggled it out
And around and about.
"Tis a blessing, I hope, in disguise."
--- Peter Wilkins

He's just drying off the brown streaks.
He's been off to visit the Greeks,
And strong is tradition.
He's done some coition
Between some Hellenic boy's cheeks.
--- Tiddy Ogg

It must be fun being the Pope;
With all of those nuns you can grope.
As God's number 2, (there's a pun here)
There's nowt you can't do.
I'm sure with that job I could cope.
--- Tiddy Ogg

But how will I get thus elected?
What's needed to be so selected?
I'm sure the temptation
Of a massive donation
Of a billion bucks, 'twould be effected.
--- Tiddy Ogg

But Karol Wojtyla of Krakow,
I fear that you don't have the knack of
Disguising your face
Like a spy; so your Grace,
You may take that ridiculous mac off.
--- Peter Wilkins

I wonder how many would ken
The Pope by the name he had "then?"
I wouldn't have known
Had my boss, then, not shown
Off his countryman's name to us men.
--- Liam na Beag

The Pope lowered the bar for a "soul";
It doesn't need to come out half-whole.
Just two mated gametes
Who met on the streets,
And died without time to get old.
--- Mad Poet

In heaven they won't need much space;
Nanometers, dry at room temp, they displace.
A genome distended;
And effect, unintended;,
The Pope has room for them all at his place.
--- Mad Poet

Amen to my hero, the Pope;
With his face on my wall, I can cope,
When it all starts to suck,
Or I've run out of luck,
And I'm out at the end of my rope.
--- Bob Leclerc

I will feel his pontifical power
Rain down like an energy shower.
It gives me the will
To work harder still
For at least one third of an hour.
--- Bob Leclerc

While the preacher his sermon was making,
The whole congregation was taking
A siesta much needed.
But the sermon succeeded!
At its end they all had an awakening.
--- Don Moore P0206

A stubborn old banker named Jude
And a preacher, a Baptist, argued.
Asked, "Have you been saved?"
The old baker raved,
"No dang it, I've been accrued!"
--- Michael Polo P8606

For salvation our preachers will pray,
Claiming morals are now in decay.
Wives should heed this advice:
Best laid men, best laid mice,
Have plans which will lead them astray.
--- Albin Chaplin P9602

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