MORE
Last night I went on a blind date; At kissing the girl was quite skilled, There's one thing that bothers me, though, I try hard to please you in bed; A cold date who will not palaver Well heavens to Betsy, good lord! Man, next time just untie her sash, Reflecting a churchyard in Stoke, I don't want to seem too demeaning, I've learned here of going to bed The dead men you ladies have squired, An outhouse was chosen for sin, Horrid thing happened in Whittingham, A cadaver, all smelly and stiff There once was a wino named Mack, There was a grave-robber named Fred, Along came another one, Alice, But as for the body, don't waste it; My roommate, young Burk, I'm afraid, Melissa (unfortunate lass) When finished, they gave her a scrub, Those jokes about death are disgasting, "If only you'd show me", I said. Your sick mind is working OT, The finest of head? Sally Binks. Necrophilia's always been cursed, Hermit Dave long rejected the palm, "Whatever I didn't or did, I had just told a corpse, "I'll fulfill ya," (Governor Arnold of Calif sign anti necrophilia bill 2004)
But heavens, what harm can it do, I'll have you know my name is Dave; A fifteen-year-old necrophile Now what in the world could be grander Young Joe, a novitiate priest, I agree that you ought to be miffed Bard Frank's in New York, it's been said, Is owt in this life any sillier So after these last few you've read, October, there's a chill on the breeze. Louise, I remember her well; Well, perhaps there's a bit of aroma If for love, you must dig in the clart, You may think it is pure desperation I tell you, alas and alack, Dead women, more often than not, There once was a floozie named Grace, "Just what in the world could be grander I have this "friend" named Fred, He asked, "Why do you call me a freak? With your Lawyer I can't come to terms; There once was a fellow named Ned; A pervert who rode a bicycle When boffing cadavers, the fear There was a young fellow named Norm To abattoires often I go Necrophilia's always been cursed, They cannot appreciate sushi I've received a brochure from Club Dead Ne'er tried it? Well, give it a whack! A warlock who came from Anguilla, A soldier found Sue near the front There once was a pickled old floozy She climbed on the top of his prong, By golly, you'd never believe it! So they spent the next week in the hay, There was a young girl of Belgrave There once was a woman named Kit
I have to say she was first-rate.
Though she was real quiet...
And should change her diet,
'Cause she was somewhat underweight!
--- Observer
Though her lips were just slightly chilled.
She made my heart flutter,
I melted like butter...
I felt that my life was fulfilled.
--- Observer
The answer, one of you may know.
Please offer suggestion
To this thorny question:
Like why was that tag on her toe?
--- Observer
Passion lacks; was it something I said?
When I ask how's it been,
You just lie there and grin;
Ohmygod! They just told me your dead!
--- Allen Wolverton
Is one whom you always can have her;
With feelings of chalk,
Of sex she'll not talk,
And act just like Lady Cadaver.
--- Travis Brasell
I must have been out of my gourd.
'Cause while I was talkin',
She just lay there gawkin',
And I thought that she was just bored.
--- Observer
And rendezvous with her nice gash;
Although it is dusty,
And smells a bit musty,
She's really a great piece of ash.
--- Travis Brasell
Enjoying some coke and a toke
Of this very good pot,
I'm thinking I ought
To give a cadaver a poke.
--- Hugh Clary
But want you to catch double meaning,
Of which I am sure
Is a trifle obscure,
To Morons and kids just past weaning.
--- John Miller
With lassies quite recently dead...
Though true, they're good fun
When warmed by the sun,
I swear that they give lousy head.
--- John Miller
I'm sure that they never got tired.
Though it might come off
In the midst of a boff,
I doubt any babies were sired.
--- John Miller
But the couple broke through and fell in.
They lay there interred,
From which I've inferred
Their get up had it up to the chin.
--- John Miller
Though nobody there like admitting 'em.
Necrophilia was
Abolished because
Some rotten old cunt went and split on 'em.
--- Michael Horgan
Was displayed in a room at The Riff;
And, before very long,
A most curious throng
Came to pay for a peek and a sniff.
--- Cap'n Bean P0410
Who kept a dead cat in a sack.
The puss decomposed
And so Mack kept closed
The bag, 'less he wanted some crack.
--- H Welchel
Whose hobby was shagging the dead.
One night on the snatch,
He then met his match,
So he threw down his shovel and fled.
--- SFA
Whose desire for a throbbing dead phallus
Was met (this is weird)
By a man with a beard,
Who was once with the Cowboys from Dallas.
--- John Miller
Just clean it and stuff it and baste it.
If a girl, take your thrill
Then put on the grill
And call in your neighbors to taste it.
--- John Miller
Pursued an unsavory trade,
Which caused him some strain
To entirely explain
Why he slipped out each night with a spade.
--- Darrell Schweitzer P0503
Decomposingg and bloated with gas,
Was exhumed in the fall,
And was voted by all
Necrophiliacs, "Best Piece of Ass".
--- Peter Wilkins
And rendered her down in a tub.
Then preserved the poor lass
As a putrescent mass
At the Young Necrophiliacs Club.
--- Peter Wilkins
And lewdly and greatly aghasting.
Sitting there in the shed,
Giving a young corpse head!
To me is just flabbergasting!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Just a smidgeon of interest in bed.
Just a smile? Just a sigh?
Just a touch on my thigh?
Just a ... shit; I forgot you were dead."
--- Peter Wilkins
And quite too grotesquely for me.
When screwing the dead,
You should get some head.
Discard from the neck to the knee.
--- Rusty Smith
Although she's long dead and she stinks.
When giving a shove,
Her eyes fill with love.
And pulling it out, Sally winks.
--- H Welchel
By the friction, and bodies that burst!
So wrap corpse with tape
And before you go ape,
It is best to go down on her first.
--- David Miller
But has lover who's quite cool and calm;
I can't recommend
The ways of our friend;
Too cheap to finance living balm.
--- Chris Papa
To publish it now I forbid.
It's merely a rumour;
I didn't exhume her,
And don't own a Corgi called Sid."
--- Peter Wilkins
When the Governor banned necrophilia.
It would have been grand
But I did save her hand, (see Tom Lehrer)
As an item of memorabilia.
--- Ward Hardman
To give some dead lovely a screw.
It may be dead boring,
But it's cheaper than whoring;
What's poor hermit Dave going to do?
--- David Miller
The bloke with the corpse in the cave.
You find it reassuring
That I don't find it boring.
Each day I dig up a new grave.
--- David Miller
Said he'd dig six feet or a mile.
For he had a cold passion
For the fetish in fashion,
And the living had gone out of style.
--- Anon
Than knobbing the lovely Amanda,
Whose quivering flesh
Keeps surprisingly fresh
In these buckets beneath my verandah?
--- Anon
This is file tjl
Keeps his knob-end in trim and well-greased
For those nights of delights,
When he gives the last rites,
To the newly and freshly deceased.
--- Peter Wilkins
By this rude necrophiliac gift.
But in the grand scheme,
You'd be foolish to dream
That it's the last time you'll get stiffed.
--- Anon
Just roaming the streets wearing red
Designer pajamas,
Mailed from the Bahamas,
While searching for whores who are dead.
--- Travis Brasell
Than waiting for hours getting chillier
Than ice, as one's date
Thaws to just the right state,
To indulge in one's lust, necrophilia?
--- Peter Wilkins
You can't take your mind off the dead.
But if your will fails,
Deceased tell no tails,
Except for new holes, enough said.
--- Phil T
The leaves lose their grip on the trees.
And frost-hardened soil
Means back-breaking toil
To dig up and fuck dear Louise.
--- Tiddy Ogg
The ooze, the slime and the smell.
And the flies 'round her head.
Now that she's dead,
Have the softer parts started to jell?
--- Tiddy Ogg
That's grown since she fell in that coma.
But keeping her cool,
'Neath the ground, by the pool,
Ensures she don't get melanoma.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Your toils tug the strings of my heart.
But love labor's not lost.
Do say grace to the frost,
As it keeps her from falling apart.
--- Ulla
That leads me to such machination.
Though Lou ain't too hot,
No headache she's got,
And never that damned menstruation.
--- Tiddy Ogg
There's maggots down deep in her crack.
They make her divine
But, dammit, they're MINE,
And I'm pissed that I can't get them back.
Are available before they rot.
Though stiff as a rock,
Dead women don't talk,
So it's unlikely that you will get caught.
--- Phil T
Who kept a dead john at her place.
She said, "I'll admit
His pension is shit,
But to waste it would be a disgrace!"
--- John Miller
Than screwing the lovely Amanda?"
"But Jesus; she's dead!"
"Yes I know," panted Ted,
As he humped her beneath the verandah.
--- Peter Wilkins
Though the thought of him fills me with dread.
His girl slipped into a coma
From acute hematoma;
But he fucks her though she is half-dead.
--- Anon
Is it 'cause I make love a la greek?
Although she isn't active,
My partner's attractive
And she's only been dead for a week."
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0112
I like something which wriggles and squirms.
I in fact keep a whore
Whom, though dead, I adore--
But to screw her's a real can of worms.
--- Anon
A Casanova he was, so 'tis said.
But his conquests were cheap.
Love's fruits he would reap
With great rigor for mortis in bed.
--- Phil T
Would bugger road-kill with his pickle.
A bloated old deer
Felt pleasantly queer;
The maggot-squirms gave him a tickle!
--- H Welchel
That's greatest, at first, does appear
To be the foul smell.
But I'm here to tell...
Don't worry -- it's gone in a year!
--- Anon
Whose wife was hurt out in a storm.
He conveyed her inside,
But then she promptly died,
So he had her while she was still warm.
--- Albin Chaplin
For the meat there reminds me of Flo.
Who was stolen I fear
From my freezer last year,
And was eaten by vultures, you know.
--- Peter Wilkins
By the friction, and bodies that burst!
So wrap corpse with tape
And before you go ape,
It is best to go down on her first.
Or Brahms, or even Mancusi
The fresh ones are dry
Needing lots of KY
And only when ripe are they juicy
And I think that I may go ahead
And spend my next hol. (holiday?)
With chicks who don't stall
Nor even demand to be fed!
--- Anon
Morticians all merrily quack:
"They won't give you hell
With a scream or a yell;
Their fingernails won't claw your back."
--- Anon
Used to masturbate whilst his familiar,
Had sex with the dead.
It is called, so I've read,
"Vicarious necrophilia."
--- Anon
And soon was abusing her cunt.
But Sue didn't mind;
She was deaf, dumb, and blind,
And brain-dead as well, to be blunt.
--- John Miller
Known as Old Gooseberry Suzie.
She once tried to mate
With a corpse laid in state;
Guess at her age you can't be too choosy.
--- ROE
Which stood up so straight and so long.
She 'ooed' and she 'aahed',
As she played with his prod;
When she came, his balls rang like a gong!
--- ROE
The corpse got a grip on her clit slit.
When she finished her screwing,
She yelled, "What are you doing?"
He replied, "I've never felt so fit!"
--- ROE
Engaging in erotic play.
It just proves that the dead
Can be quite good in bed,
If you'll just let them have their own way.
--- ROE
Who kept a dead man in a cave.
She said, "Though he is old
And he's terribly cold,
Yet he's better than my husband Dave.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2857
Who made love to a dead man named Britt.
She got quite a tiff
Going down on the stiff,
But she cried the next day when Britt split!
--- Jim Weaver Collection a
MORE