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I looked in my wallet and spied I nodded, and not to be crass, Till then I was doing just fine, So tell us, does size really matter? A daring young doctor named Edison, (canon - general rule)
So tell us, does size really matter? Remarked a hot dolly named Jewel, There is an old virgin named Peaches There was a professor named Straw A hermit out west of Ayer's Rock (roup - hoarse shouting)
I doubt that Mahatma Gandhi It's a popular pastime of late (Sitting Bull if its red, Adolf if it's dead)
F.D.R. for the limp, Hindenburg for a blimp, You want to know what size my knob's; Now that we all agree, My thoughts have now turned to a few Call a rose something else -- take your pick -- I've told you again and again, The debate which concerned the new hobbyist When a man brags he's hung like a giraffe, In this group, confession's no sin; It was based on the big universe The rumors of my genital size It's true that this sparkle contends Just whenever I hear a guy say Perhaps this explains an old term I only state women will deride Basicly three types I've seen: The subject you guessed is a rocket, There was a young bloke from Australia, It stands stiff when there's no one to stick There was a young lass from Ashtabula While we are speaking of a jewel, A well-bred young girl of Gomorrah Said a professional gal from Manhattan: Your Peter, I think's, oversexed; There once was a girl named Ludmilla, I bragged of its size as I drank; Royalty's perks aren't all silly. Embarrassed I am of my weakness, Said a cynical doxy named Wimple, "I think that my boyfriend from Limerick, A penis, if given the chance, While approaching Runway-22. A sailor, with girls in each dock, We know you're in love with your dick, "No need to get nervous, O'Toole. There once was a man, Richard Dick, I asked him to demonstrate, please. I couldn't imagine what for, It still wasn't excessively large, "So what do we do with it now?" So I kicked the fool out in fear, As I get off with riding his tractor, Ms L, will you come over here? A tractor? Why you'd not let me know? My green John Deere tractor's for rent, Petunia, you oversexed flower, It's not that I wanted to run; The lady that dated young Mick There once was a young Kappa Sig, I once met this girl from Nantucket; Said the lady to all of her men, The old crocidile sampled his tool Unravelling Timothy's foreskin, There once was a priest named O'Reilly,
A lone dollar bill and I cried.
"I've only a buck
To buy a good fuck."
She agreed but to one inch inside.
--- lilsil2
We commenced in to fuck on the grass.
When along came this guy
His own luck to try,
And accidentally steps on my ass.
--- lilsil2
But this joker was no friend of mine.
Though I don't mean to brag,
After fucking this skag,
My bill came to nine, ninety-nine.
--- lilsil2
Would you rather it longer, or fatter?
You know one size fits all
When you're having a ball,
So enjoy what I have, and be gladder.
--- Younger Brother
Decided old standards to jettison.
He measured men's tools
By linguistical rules,
And established new canons of medicine.
--- G0321
It might if erect on a ladder.
Should you happen to cough,
It could push you right off,
And your manhood could very well shatter!
--- Doug from Upland T9707
"What I want is a real fuckin' fool!
A big-muscled boy
Is a visual joy,
But I want the fool with the tool!"
--- G0370
Who's fearless in all that she preaches;
In church and in school,
The masculine tool
Gets what for in each of her speeches.
--- Armand E Singer 438
Who gave all his tests in the raw.
Already neurotic,
He waxed psychotic,
When students graded "F" what they saw!
--- Anon
Was famed for the hue of his cock.
People came in all weathers
To see its blue feathers.
It died of the roup, or a shock.
--- Robust Ribald Rude P9703
Had a dong one could call "a dandy."
But I'll bet it felt neat
Beneath that loose sheet,
And for taking a leak, was quite handy.
--- Ann Gasser P9003
To name pricks after some head of state.
There's John Major (for cute pricks)
And Old Castro (hirsute pricks).
My own, I call Peter the Great.
--- Michael W P9505
A Solomon's wise, while a Clinton just lies,
After rough rides, a Teddy, Turns Benito (spaghetti),
A Kennedy's thick, A Nixon is slick,
If it's regal and classy, It's a Haile Selassie.
--- Michael W
I think that you're all penile snobs.
It's not what you've got,
You foolish young twat,
It just how you use it on jobs.
--- Archie
There's one small favour we need.
We want you to measure
Your wands of pleasure,
And report your numbers back to me.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Years past, when pretty young shrew
Took hold of my cock
While guarding the flock,
And bellowed, "You're hung to the ewe!"
--- Anon
It still smells as sweet; there's no trick.
I can't help but ponder
If girls would be fonder
Of Joe if his first name were Dick.
--- Joe Long
Most women find it a pain.
A beautiful sight --
But night after night,
Sex is an act of the brain.
--- H Welchel
Was on which animal penis was knobbiest.
When caught in this study,
His face turned quite ruddy:
"It's not for my work, I'm a lobbyist!"
--- Actaeon
Well then, girls, it's considered a gaffe,
If you eagerly glance
At his meagerly lance,
And then let loose a gut-wrenching laugh!
--- Observer
Pray tell us, please, what did you win?
Did the judge base on strength
Or was it the length,
Or how far you could push it in.
--- James
And I tell you, it couldn't be worse.
We coated in batter,
For size doesn't matter,
And it arose up in pure verse.
--- BORG
Are baseless, untrue and crass lies.
To end this odd strife,
Just look at my wife,
And the sparkling light in her eyes.
--- Tim Main
With these claims, but it really depends--
Credits where credit's due,
Is the sparkle from you,
Or the postman and several close friends?
--- Richard Lancashire
"Why's it girls have legs?" my mind will stray
To another old joke
"Why's a dong on a bloke?
It's a handle to throw him away."
--- Ulla
About using her hand to get sperm
Out of someone's dick,
When of fucking she's sick;
displayg-off" 'stead of "Holding the worm."
--- Gearhart
The body part most men hide
In their pants,
Because at a glance,
Can't tell if it's long or it's wide.
--- Marlene Lewis
(1) a dong like a long skinny bean,
(2) a dick short and stout;
Don't leave number (3) out:
Thick and long, seldom found, rarely seen.
--- Anon
Not engines or wheels or a sprocket,
But that mighty missile
That is mostly gristle;
The kind that we feel from our pocket.
--- Anon
Whose willy smelt just like a dahlia;
So fragrant a bloom,
It freshened the room,
But his sex life was just complete failure!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Or to lovingly give it a lick
And then when she's itchy
It's soft and untwitchy--
Small wonder they call it a prick.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9307a
Who spent a night in the village cooler
For betting a Judge
A half pound of fudge
Twice his length wouldn't cover a ruler.
--- G0240
Remember the general rule:
It's the workman's skill
That gives her the thrill,
And not just the size of his tool!
--- Kaylin
This is file til
Would never let any man bore her:
Neither back nor in front, (She thought it lewd)
Not in mouth nor in cunt, (The way men screwed,)
And she viewed their stiff pricks with horror.
--- G1558
""Concerning this business of cattin',
If I had my picks
Of the world's finest pricks,
I'd take neither this'n nor that'n.
--- G1832
So his absence leaves you sorely vexed.
But I think you'd feel fine
If you'd substitute mine,
'Cause one Peter's much like the next.
--- Anon
Who had an affair with a driller.
At the sight of his oil,
It would make her blood boil,
For only his bit could fulfill her.
--- Graham Miles
This tool, this whang, this shank.
But my sweetie, named Beulah,
Pulled out a long ruler,
But just at that moment, I shrank!
--- Al Willis T9707
But some think it's gilding the lilly,
When they line up the studs
Who pull out their puds
And each Princess may then Piccadilly.
--- Theo Heller P9212
Of my pitiful wimpy-assed geekness.
Even so, I must brag,
If my dick were a nag,
'Twould be 'Pole Position' at Preakness.
--- John Chastaine
"To classify clients is simple.
You can tell at a glance
When he pulls off his pants,
If a man's got a prick, or a pimple."
--- G0490
On the whole had a longer and slimmer wick.
But yours, dear, is thicker,
And slick past the knicker--
As a sticker far quicker and trimmer, Dick."
--- G2706
In the constant search for romance,
His master's career
Would be ruined, I fear,
If he lived in the president's pants.
--- Phil T
The pilot announced to the crew,
Better hold tight --
"It's a short one, all right!"
Said the stewardess, "Widest one too!"
--- Friar T9801
Continuously saw to his flock;
They awaited his call,
Because one and all
Knew his was the best shuttle cock.
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P8308
And we've heard that it's long and it's thick.
But bloody hell, son,
The topic is done!
I'm afraid we're all sick of your prick.
--- Jason
I just wanted to measure your tool."
"When measuring software,
A yardstick isn't fair.
You should start with a small six-inch rule."
--- Al Willis T9711
Who had a very small prick.
He said, "Damn you eyes!
This beast grows in size!"
Who'd believe such ridiculous schtick?
--- Marilyn
He said "I can prove it with ease.
Just lose your scanties;
Get out of those panties,
And I'll go get a tube of goose grease."
--- Marilyn
Till he tripped and he fell on the floor.
His trousers popped open
While I was agropin'
To see if that cock had grown more.
--- Marilyn
Nor up to its sexual charge.
He told me to hold it;
Lovingly enfold it;
And it grew quite as big as a barge!
--- Marilyn
I asked with a big puzzled brow.
He said, "Now it's found
I'll use it to pound
That furrow I'm waiting to plow.
--- Marilyn
If he thinks he can use it in here.
He's another think coming,
Just take that thing slumming,
While I wait for that giant John Deere!
--- Marilyn
Consider the following factor:
It's not just the size
Of what's 'twixt your thighs,
'Tis the power of your anatomic reactor!
--- Marilyn
I'll show you my mid-sized John Deere.
This novel fellow,
(Green trimmed with yellow)
Sure causes most ladies to leer.
--- Frank Fazed
I've a front and backyard to mow.
Could you come over
And cut the clover?
Midsized, that should be quite a beau!
--- Petunia
But if to your lawn it is sent,
There's nothing to gain
As long as there's rain.
You might have to put up a tent.
--- Frank Fazed
My tractor will not trim your bower.
'Twas in the tall grass
That I ran out of gas.
I think I'll just take a cold shower.
--- Frank Fazed
I'd sure like a bit of sex fun.
I looked through the glass,
Thought, "I'll save my ass.
That fellow is loading a gun."
--- Frank Fazed
Was depressed by his shortness of stick.
But it grew to such size,
That she screamed in surprise,
"Just look at the size of that P R I C K !"
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0544a
Who excelled in statistics and trig.
With equations devised,
Frat brothers were sized,
Being scaled from real small to quite big.
--- Bob Birch
My rod from my pants she did pluck it.
With tears in her eyes,
She said of its size,
'Twould be like dangling string in a bucket.
--- Bob Hunt z
"I've rated you all one to ten.
Not inches, but points,
So the size of your joints
Doesn't matter." Oh really? Since when?
--- Jim Weaver Collection
As he lay on his back in the pool.
And he spat and said, "My
But I taste rather high.
Am I flavored like this as a rule?"
--- Grand Prix Lim 609 G0913
(An acre or two of yet more skin)
Young Debbie said, "Yuck;
No I don't think we'll fuck,
But I thank you, dear Timmy, for orskin'."
--- Peter Wilkins
Who had a penis he liked to call Smiley.
He said, "A smile is a frown
'Til you turn upside down."
And the altar boys all agreed highly.
--- Anon
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