There was a young fellow named Lancelot, The cause of his swelling was clear; Cerne Hill's like a huge picture book, He's a man with a pivotal pole The ancients were craftsmen, not fools, The man with the world's longest dick They gathered around for a look, To give an idea of the size As that medical specimen grew, Still squealing in utter delight, ...Then explode with incredible power, The nurses were taken away You non-British readers, you'll see This Texan's reply's sure to rankle My Willy is always in view. Don't you find that size is a bore? My condolences. You sound a good sport To have such a length is a trick; A young man who came from Manila It is true just what he said, When I was a tot, my old nursey, And now, so I am not disgraced, These words are like music to me! Everything's quiet and then I think it's because you're a-merkin I am not impressed with your pickle. On my grave will be chiseled, "It's chilly Nine inches...Well that is petite, It won't help the size of your member Nine inches; alas and alack. A whopper thus handicaps me; I must be content with the tip, I need some advice from you guys,
This is file tdl
If it don't fit, then you haven't tried So basically you are a tease, But first I must give her a scrub, I don't think that she'll miss you much; Old Hengst would have no discourse And Hengist had horns on his head, I've followed your big pecker woes It ain't only long, but quite fat; Said an honest young woman, Ms. Dormer, Her roommate was named Madame Jean, There's no one quite like Joey Spanic, He was not so terrific to me, We all have a strength and a weakness, We all know that your thing is mean; Aesthetically speaking, some guys If you're not concerned about size I am not so concerned 'bout the size As for your comment about beer Hey there, you whorehounding bounder, Soon his mac bloomed long and round - A half-pounder is cause for acclaim, The rumor I set out to scotch But ladies I think it is fair, In the mirror, he saw his reflection; And then in the mirror he spied, She cried, "Brother! Tres magnifique!" She stands, shrugs, and wiggles her hips. Continuing slow masturbation, She's out of the room in a trice; So lads, if a lady is hot, I've kept out of bragging contention, You all have minds that are dirty If I were to enter a contest, I wear a size thirteen triple-E;
Whom his neighbors all looked on askance a lot.
Whenever he'd pass
A presentable lass,
The front of his pants would advance a lot.
--- Anon L1623
'Twas the fair Lady Guinevere.
The cure per King Arthur
For it not to go farther,
Was "Lop it off, back to his ear!"
--- Chinook
Whose scale leaves us all thunderstruck.
Apropos of the latter,
If size doesn't matter,
Why DO women smile when they look?
--- Anon
In achieving Cerne's financial goal.
Drawing tourists world-wide,
To this Dorset hillside,
With the aid of his "magnetic" pole.
--- Anon
Well versed in mechanical rules.
And they were, as you'll learn,
If you're ever in Cerne,
Enormously proud of their tools!
--- Anon
Went to hospital feeling quite sick.
The nurses who swore
They'd seen peckers galore,
Were amazed at the size of his prick.
--- Anon
Checking up in a medical book.
They found that he beat
The old record by feet,
So a full-color photo they took.
--- Anon
Of the gentleman's genital prize,
They each gave a pull
On his massive great tool,
'Til it quivered and rose to the skies.
--- Anon
It was filmed by a camera crew,
Beneath an umbrella,
In case that huge fella
Erupted in mountains of goo.
--- Anon
All the nurses took turns to excite
This monstrous great knob
'Til it started to throb
And pulsate at its maximum height.
--- Anon
An eruption which lasted an hour.
(They called in the cops
Who used pulleys and props
To prevent the collapse of the tower.)
--- Anon
And arrested for public affray.
But the man with the dong
Will be wealthy ere long,
For the video's out any day.
--- Anon
A merry translation from me --
A willy it lies
(When relaxed) 'tween men's thighs,
And ends somewhere down by the knee.
--- C M
(But if I don't answer, some Yank'll):
The British are silly,
The American willy
Comes closer, we're sure, to the ankle.
--- John Miller
I lost my leftleg, that is true.
I didn't feel bad,
I just went and had
Willy fitted for a left shoe.
--- Frank
A hindrance, whenever you score?
I suggest you'd be fine
With a willy like mine,
Which reaches right down to the floor.
--- D M
With such limits on how you cavort.
Will you take me to task
For the cheek just to ask,
"How come both your legs are so short?"
--- John Miller
If I were to be given a pick,
It isn't a crutch,
Two inches ain't much,
But some women like them that thick.
--- Rastus
Had a dick the size of Godzilla.
Though too big to fuck,
Ladies wanted to suck,
'Cause he'd dipped it in bowls of vanilla.
--- Martin V Jensen
That dick had an enormous head.
You can chew on his knob
Like corn on the cob.
I sucked it till my gums all bled.
--- Jule
At diaper change, looked at my percy,
And said: "When you've grown,
The size of that bone
Will make all the girls cry for mercy.
--- Tiddy Ogg
By percy escaping, it's placed
In loops of strong felt,
Attached to my belt,
And wound several times 'round my waist.
--- Tiddy Ogg
I've been blind, but now I can see!
Hallellujah! I'm saved;
This length I have craved
Since the last time I let Ogg go free.
--- Tiddy Ogg
I stir up a hornets nest when
I made a small error,
Unleashing the terror
Of Sis Chris on the rampage again.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Why you're such a lover of ferkin
Out here in the Isles
We give women piles,
Because of the size of our gherkin.
--- Anon
How well can you do slap and tickle?
And I don't want piles;
I'd rather have smiles
From one charming man who ain't fickle.
--- Anon
And cold in the place where that silly
Old duffer has gone.
What a rougue and a con;
He had only nine inches of willy."
--- Peter Wilkins
When you look at the size of your feet,
Your not in proportion.
So please heed my caution
And limit the food that you eat.
--- Jules
But I'm sure that, come next September,
When you jump on the scale,
You won't feel like a whale
And you may stoke up that dormant old ember.
--- Jules
It's not much, my dear Jules, but lie back
For I've just noticed these;
Your 38C's,
And I fancy a bit of a snack.
--- Peter Wilkins
If you were my size then you'd see.
A hefty thick cock
Is cause of jaw-lock,
Unless one just sips it like tea.
--- H Welchel
Just cozied 'tween ivory and lip.
While you're slamming skull,
And getting brutal,
I'm barely just getting a dip.
--- H Welchel
'Bout a dick of enormous size.
Should I just give him head,
When he takes me to bed,
I'd like to keep this prize.
--- Anon
Lubricants from far and wide.
They'll make it seem
There's enough room to ream
Even a hole that's pinsized!
--- Anon
You're boyfriend you don't wish to please,
Just to make him hot
And give him sex, NOT!
Blue balls though he's down on his knees!
--- Anon
'Cause she has been with you, there, bub.
There's filth in the mix
That Clorox can't fix,
But a flamethrower'll work 'cause she's grub.
--- Anon
She said that she can't stand your touch.
She likes my big pecker;
(the one called "homewrecker"),
I know by the feel of her clutch.
--- Anon
With ladies -- he took them by force.
The girls didn't mind
Rough stuff of that kind,
For Hengst was hung like a Norse.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Protruding from helmet of lead;
Those horns came in handy
For Brandy and Mandy,
Who used them in Hengist's Norse bed.
--- Anon
And the problems you have, I suppose.
That to stow it away
At the end of each day,
Is like rolling up a garden hose.
--- Rusty Smith A
It bangs on my thighs, pitterpat.
I sun in the nude,
And many have viewed;
It's visible clear from Landsat.
--- H Welchel A
When asked if large cocks made her warmer.
"Any size, ten to six
Will satisfy chicks,
Though I'd personally rather the former.
--- Ulla
Whose pussy was centered between
Two legs opened wide,
Which beckoned inside
Any cock up to inch seventeen.
--- Ardens
Who happens to be a mechanic.
All the young hens,
Bring their cars to him;
It's said his cock's like the Titanic!
--- Anon
Mechanic though you said he may be.
He won't get in my car,
'Cause when I got so far,
He'd sink quite unexpectedly.
--- Anon
Which serves to define our uniqueness.
My weakness? Divulge it?
Let's say I indulge it;
My strengths are length, width and meekness.
--- Peter Wilkins
Although it remains yet unseen.
But please at your leisure,
Will it give me much pleasure
As the spin on my washing machine?
--- Michelle
Are really a marvelous size.
They don't need a sock
Stuffed into their jock
Nor bean bags hid behind their flies.
--- Anon
You're giving it to the wrong guys;
Good size is much better
For making you wetter,
And giving you multiple sighs.
--- Anon
Just so long as the man really tries
But things here are so quiet
With no beer on my diet
To see ANY would be a nice surprise!!!
--- Anon
That won't solve the problem, my dear
Get shot of the stump
And go get a lump...
That can shift from the front or the rear.
--- Anon
With your pitifully small quarter-pounder.
It's my half pound with cheese,
Hanging down to my knees,
That's bound to make her eyes go rounder.
--- F Ormatsee
Tumescently over two pound!
She said to his raise,
"May I have mayonnaise?"
Indeed, it had quarts, and she drowned.
--- H Welchel
But the other's a low-down dirty shame.
I'm sure that the cheese
Is the result of disease,
And that's hardly a claim to fame.
--- S C Saint
'Bout the size of what's here in the crotch
Of my shorts, hasn't had
An effect. That's too bad;
So I might as well find it a notch.
--- Anon
Now you let me inspect you down there.
(Not forgetting your rear
And your mammary gear)
So come knock on my door if you dare.
--- Anon
He'd grown an enormous erection.
Much too good to waste,
So with lack of haste,
He stroked it and gave much inspection.
--- Tiddy Ogg
His door had been flung open wide.
There's Prudence, his sis;
She mustn't see this,
But jeez, there was nowhere to hide.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Goes over, kneels, holds to her cheek
That huge throbbing gland.
Holding firm with her hand,
As the great purple head starts to leak.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Her dress falls, then swiftly she slips
Off panties, is spread
Legged there on the bed,
Displaying her pink pussy lips.
--- Tiddy Ogg
He shows not the least inclination
To honor the offer,
Leap on her and boff her;
She's seething with sexual frustration.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Returning with cleaver, to slice,
With anger and malice
That huge throbbing phallus,
Which then she proceeded to dice.
--- Tiddy Ogg
And offering all she has got,
I have to advise
For the sake of your thighs,
Don't hesitate, hump on that twat.
--- Tiddy Ogg
But now I think I'd like to mention,
Mine is size ten,
And it's swelling again.
It's not yet drawn that much attention.
--- Gearhart
And like writing limericks so flirty.
The size of my thing
Is for sizing a ring,
And the swelling makes my knuckles hurt me.
--- Gearhart
I could 'hang tough' with the rest.
My length and my size
Is quite long and quite wide.
I refer to my shoe size in jest.
--- Gearhart
I need them quite wide as you see.
As the old saying goes,
Compare feet and nose;
The size compares elsewhere with these.
--- Gearhart