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There was a sharecropper named Hopper Arrived late, 'twas the doctor's mild boast John Miller, inventive as ever, Having sex with my Mary takes guts There was an old man from New York, There was an old man with a beard, There was a young lady from Gorton Said Paula as she knelt on the floor-o, He'd come a long way, had young Kain, A poor ingenous fool, "You're too good and too quick for me," A strange little fellow named Binder Behold the plight of Sir Hickle, There once was a husband named Decker, At first glance, her sweetheart was nice, Now the neighborhood lecher, Old Louie, While naked, I sat there just tuning Well, needless to say, I screamed, "Wenches An uncircumcised fellow named Wetzell (petzel - Bavarian diminuitive for little bitch or bear)
Determined, a fellow named Fife, A kinky young man named Martinez, I heard that your "thing" is tremendous, There wan an old man of the Nile, The prospect of penile truncation A rapist whose record was spotty, There once was a man named Roger, An impetuous student named Gray, Growing tired of her husband's great mass, Said a butcher's apprentice from Frome What a consort the princess had picked; Unknown to the poor guy from Asia, His wife chopped the dick off Joe Cratchett, A sexy old fellow named Bonner, Sue arrived home too early and saw Young Henry McDonald-McGhee There was a young widow named Gherrity, Said the Duchess, "Young man, you lack power, On Saturday night, up on Mars, The penis of Scrabbleton Skink A long-daubered dauber named Drew I once knew a terrible bragger There once was a seamstress named Molly, That wily whoremaster, McBeer, There was a young fellow name Leif, A passionate pilot named Bligh I'm sorry I cannot agree, A virgin by name of Miss Proper A horny young fellow named Redge, The horny young widow of Fred A playboy of note, Philly Goff, While cutting up meat, butcher Tedder, On the high wire he slips and he falls, His sister had kept a cool head When the White man attempted to run, There was an old goddess named Venus, The sentimental lady named Midge, Did your father also donate his ass? There once was a man from the isthmus, That young Mrs. Bobbit, Lorena, There was once a man they called Beela, A skeptical psycho named Barton, His sweetheart so deftly scratched Boyd, "It's a delicate, intricate job," Said Fred about his girlfriend's beaver, My love life was changed last July, A sad story is Longfellow Post, Mary's consort made, right in the palace
Whose organs were caught in a chopper.
His gonads were tangled;
His pecker was mangled;
It looked like a truncated stopper.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1795
That he'd severed a penis, almost.
From the hostess a groan,
"You cut clear to the bone?"
And the men drank a toast to their host.
--- G0260
Is working on ways that have never
Been used to attach
A dick with dispatch,
In case his own meets with a sever.
--- Peter Wilkins
For her mouth is too close to my Nuts.
I've Been lucky so far,
There is only one scar,
But the shaft has been covered in cuts.
--- Anon
Whose tool was a dry as a cork.
While attempting to screw,
He split it in two,
And now his poor tool is a fork.
--- L1201
Who sat on a Horse when he reared;
But they said, "Never mind!
You will fall off behind."
He did and his privates got sheared.
--- Edwardian Leer 103
Who used a big cleaver to shorten
The prick of her lad,
'Cause she thought it had
A head that looked like Graham Norton.
--- Anon
While Bubba did his best to score-o,
"That scar on his dicky,
It really looks tricky.
I'll bet it's the mark made by Zorro!"
--- Jim Schaefer TP9802
Finding exquisite pleasure in pain.
'Til he plunked in the blender
A chunk of his gender;
He'll never come that way again.
--- Pierce Evans
Once lopped an inch off his tool.
Though a foot it had been, this
Idiot's penis
Is no longer used, as a rule.
--- Jonners
Said the sheep-shearer Mary McGee.
"If you'd not been so hasty,
My shears would not graze thee,
And you'd not gone off half-cocked, you see."
--- Gearhart
Offers to all men this reminder.
"Zip up your pants
If it is by chance
You may be near an organ grinder."
--- Tom Patton P9606
Who mistook his prick for a pickle.
Just one slight incision,
The result of poor vision,
Has left him to pee at a trickle.
--- Phineas Fogg
Who ate many strange pussies like nectar.
With his wife in tears,
She grabbed pinking shears,
Made a fringe 'round the head of his pecker.
--- Laurence Craft
But she found he was cheating her twice.
His sex time was cut,
And she kicked his big butt,
And his privates she threatened to slice.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Having come, feeling sticky and gooey,
To cool off, the poor man
Stuck his dick near a fan --
What was left looks a lot like Chop Suey.
--- Armand E Singer 970
Guitar strings and practiced my crooning,
When in walked Miss Mears,
My yardgirl, with shears,
And said, "Your long stalk needs a pruning."
--- Anon
Like you seem to crawl out of trenches,
With wretched abuse
And want to reduce
My dick down to fourteen short inches!"
--- Anon
Had a hardon the shape of a pretzel,
Till one evening his wife
Trimmed it down with a knife,
Thus transforming his putz to a petzel!
--- Vassar Smith P9403
Who loved more than most the good life,
He noticed his prick
Was becoming too thick,
And resharpened the end with a knife.
--- Armand E Singer 811
Liked to carve grooves in his penis.
To make it so rough,
It would scuff the tough muff,
And bring her passion to a zenith.
--- Anon
Or so I was told round at Brenda's.
But there's been some revision,
After the doctor's incision,
When you ensnared it in Brenda's suspenders!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who sharpened his nail with a file.
Till he cut off his glans,
And said calmly, "A man's
On life's short end once in a while."
--- Edwardian Leer 065 P9306
Fills most with sever trepidation.
But flouting the odds
Of keeping one's rod's
A sport, rife with tingling sensation.
--- Randog
Waylaid a young woman named Lottie.
But he went into shock
When she flipped out his cock,
And cut off his career with karate.
--- Anon
Who was a randy old codger.
He gave the rub
To a wagonwheel hub
And darn near sliced off his todger!
--- Annie Jay
Whose erection persisted one day,
Chose a strange thing to do;
He cut it in two
And went off half-cocked, you might say.
--- Larry Beezley
A young bride inserted some glass.
The prick of her hubby
Is now short and stubby,
While the wife can now piss through her ass.
--- L1195
Who aspired to be bride (and not groom),
"With some knives from the shop,
I shall do my own op."
And these words are inscribed on his tomb.
--- Linda Marsh Coll
Every pussy in town he had licked.
And just as he dreaded,
She could have him beheaded,
Instead she just had him bedicked.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0508
She hid in her muff a sharp razor.
Before he did realize,
He was Bobbittized;
Beware Brenda Diana Duff-Frazer!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
And his doctors could not reattach it.
He got skilled surgeon Randall
To graft on an axe handle.
Now he's eager to bury the hatchet.
--- Jerry Nordal P0606
Is remembered, though long since a goner,
For when he got sick
His wife cut off his dick,
And cast it in bronze in his honor.
--- Anon
This is file svl
Husband Tom, in their bed with Lenore.
She didn't need science
To pick an appliance.
Tom does not have a dick any more.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0503
Was a name unfamiliar to me.
Caught him with my wife;
I did not take his life,
But now he's unable to pee.
--- Anon
Who said, with a mordant asperity,
"I'd have cut off his dilly,
To use occasionally,
Had he not willed the thing to a charity."
--- G2134
We've been trying to screw for an hour!"
He said, "Look, it's my stump,
The Queen, after a hump,
Had its head chopped clean off at the Tower."
--- Theo Heller P9212
Met an alien girl in a bar.
But I ran like mad
When I saw that she had
A collection of dicks in a jar!
--- Blowcephus T9801
Was set in a curious kink.
So he cut off the end
Where it started to bend,
And used it for mixing his drink.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 G0452
Daubed every waspette that he knew;
But his long-suffering wife
With a long paring knife
Cut the long-daubered's dauber in two.
--- William N Nesbit P9611
Who walked with a clump and a swagger.
The reason, they say,
That the guy walked this way
Was, his dick was cut off with a dagger.
--- G1993
Whose boyfriend was called Long Dong Wally.
One day I am told,
He poked the wrong hole,
And she cut off his ding dong, by golly!
--- Pookapocka
Laid cheating wives nightly all year,
Till caught in the bed
Of a frau of Burnstead,
And her husband cut off his career.
--- G2035
Who wanted to be a sex thief.
He tried hard to wrecker;
She cut off his pecker;
His career was amazingly brief.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Wooed other guy's wives in the sky.
Now this great amoretto
Is talking falsetto,
'Cause they cut off his source of supply.
--- Gordon Groene P2005
For the story related to me
Was that Tillie, his wife,
Chopped it up with a knife
And made willie con carne for tea.
--- Peter Wilkins
Refuses all offers to bop her.
Quite probably if
Propositioned, she'd sniff
And disdainfully lop off your chopper.
--- Peter Wilkins
Was jerking off under a hedge.
The gardener grew near
With a huge pruning shear,
And trimmed off the edge of his wedge.
--- L1212
Just couldn't relinquish her dead;
His tool she embalmed
With oil of the palm,
Preserving his stiffness in bed.
--- Mark Levy P9402
Was stricken with shakes and a cough;
Plus a grievous condition
Called depressed micturition.
Then parts of his whacker broke off.
--- Armand Singer
Fell down with his cock in the shredder.
It came out like chopped veal,
But in time it did heal,
And he said it went off a lot better.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1824
Then straddles a wire where he sprawls.
With a newly carved slit,
And a rather large clit,
The seal does its act with his balls.
--- John Miller
On finding the snake in her bed;
He didn't lose heart
But next night put a part
Of their dear father's in there, instead.
--- Beelzebub
The Indians made him a fool.
They cut off his nuts
To hang in their huts,
And stuffed up his mouth with his tool.
--- L1216
Who loved young Adonis' penis.
When Jupiter, the fool,
Cut off the boy's tool,
She remarked, "Please don't come between us."
--- L1700V
Caught her Sam screwing Jill on the bridge.
She said, "Jill you home-wrecker,"
Then cut off Sam's pecker,
But she keeps it on ice in the fridge.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun
I was in '63 freshman med class?
Most pickled old stiffs
Still had their per tiffs,
But a widow had kept one for her baths.
--- Anon
Who swam the canal every Christmas.
He once mis-timed a lock
And it severed his cock,
And it cost him the love of his mistress.
--- Puff Adder
There can't be a living soul meaner;
With a couple of whacks
From a well-sharpened axe,
Did leave her spouse haIf a pound leaner.
--- Armand Singer
Who would play with his dick for the feela.
His girlfriend got mad,
Cut his dick off, that's sad!
And now the poor fellow's called Shiela.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Whose faith in some chick was uncertain,
Offed his prick and both ears,
Or at least so one hears,
And mailed her the mess in a carton.
--- Armand Singer
As to render him sexually void.
She is now serving time
For the heinous crime,
Of using the nails to de-Freud.
--- G1992
Said the surgeon, "Now, forceps and swab,
Nurse; and scalpel and chis-
el. Don't laugh -- it's not ris-
ible...Shit! Now I've cut off his knob!"
--- Peter Wilkins
"The only way was to deceive her,
But she caught on real quick,
Grabbed hold of his dick,
And chopped it off with a meat cleaver!"
--- Anon
When a meteor fell from the sky;
The bit of hot rock,
Which shortened my cock,
Cut sex cause it left me two shy.
--- Joel D Ash
Who cut off his manhood to roast...
He said, "It's delicious,
But I am suspicious
It's the thing I'll be missing the most."
--- Grand Prix Lim 852
Extra marital use of his phallus.
At Queen Mary's direction,
Surgeons did a resection;
The phallus resides now in Dallas.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0501
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