Oh Doctor of Gynecology,
Before you're examining me,
Just as a rule,
Sterilize that tool
In water of proper degree.
--- Arden

A mathematician I know
Once attempted to piss in the snow:
T'was so cold, that 'tout
De suite', he had a cubed root!
But he knew how to thaw it out, though...
--- Robin K Willoughby P8506

There was a young fireman named Tinder
Who save an old lady and pinned her.
Then he fucked her all day --
When the smoke cleared away,
His pecker was burned to a cinder.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1825

There once was a lad from Bombay
Who played with his thing every day,
From morning to night
Till he set it alight;
'Twas the friction that caused it, they say.
--- PeterW

Delightful though it may be,
To write in the snow with one's pee,
You have to make sure
The temperature's more
Than a willy dismembering degree.
--- C M

An acid-head male from Westphalia,
Had a dong so long it could impale ya.
One day on a Trip,
Circumsized by his zip,
His genitalia's an absolute failure!
--- Percy Longprong

At a party a boozer named Fry
Caught his tool in his zipper -- oh my!
An old seamstress not bright
Spent all day and all night
Just to free up his prick from his fly.
--- Phil Cannibal P9003

There was a young fellow named Puttenham,
Whose tool caught in doors upon shuttin' 'em.
He said, "Well, perchance
It would help to wear pants,
If I could just remember to button 'em."
--- L1210

Our albino friend was a Jew;
His favorite tool we all knew.
It was made of Pyrex;
With it he had sex,
Till the day that it caught in his poo!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Despite my inflexible grip,
My Leekie has slowed to a drip.
Some think that it's justh
The onset of musth;
But no, it's been caught my my zip.
--- Anon

A wire-winder caught his wire in the winder.
He thought that fate couldn't be kinder.
Said his wife Jane,
"You can say that again,
Just think if it was the meat grinder!"
--- Henry Mucha

The great body builder Kim Fong,
Lifted weights at the gym in a thong.
Then Kim lost his grip
And let a weight slip;
Now Fong has a ding in his dong.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0311

An eccentric young boy, name of Billy,
Got his kicks tying strings 'round his willie.
But one fateful night,
He tied them too tight,
And since then he's known just as "Millie".
--- Natalie F

Jack was once known as 'Big Dipper',
Till his dipper got caught in his zipper.
It's hard not to laugh,
But he zipped it in half
And now he's called Jack the Ripper.
--- Writerman

A rose is a rose is a rose,
And I love when her petals enclose
My upstanding horn --
Except when a thorn
Puts a hole in my leaky old hose.
--- John Miller

I'll have to confess -- at a push,
My Rose has the thorniest tush,
'Cause often I've bled,
When using my head,
For beating about Rose's bush.
--- SFA

There was a proud fucker from Ceylon,
Whose dick was the size of a pylon.
Till he zipped up his fly,
And let a great cry:
"She-it! I hope I look good in nylons!"
--- Bill Casey

A tumescent nude cyclist named Rangle
Once sped down the road at an angle,
Which gradually sagged
Till the chain, when it snagged,
Gave the angle of dangle for mangle.
--- David A Brooks Q

My didgeridoo doesn't yield,
For animals who live in a field.
I lost this desire,
When it caught on barb wire,
And it has never properly healed.
--- Anon

There once was a fabulous Creole,
Whose prick had a wide-open pee-hole.
This carrot so orange,
Got caught in the door-hinge,
When he tried to bugger the key-hole.

(orange - a tough word to rhyme. - McW)
--- L1256

That's engineer Sam, the Quebecker,
Who stretched, with some gizmo, his pecker.
It failed to adapt;
With tension it snapped:
A Quebecker's hi-tech pecker wrecker.
--- Anon

A housewife didn't think it a treat
When her husband peed on the seat.
The next time he did,
She slammed down the lid.
Who says revenge isn't sweet.
--- Macsam

The great phone-booth rapist named Frick
Had cornered another young chick.
She thwarted the act,
As a matter of fact,
By slamming the door on his dick.
--- David Miller

Insatiable Rosie rode Josh,
Like a banshee demented, by gosh.
With her pussy-lips slapping
And grippingly wrapping,
She finally snapped off his cosh.
--- Peter Wilkins

There was a young singer named Zix
Who got out a needle to fix
A sliver he had
That was hurtin' so bad,
Because it was sticking his prick's.
--- Anon

When Rambo goes out in cold weather,
He takes measures to be tough as leather.
He fills his ass crease
With gobs of bear grease,
And staples his foreskin together.
--- John Chastaine T9710

Some guy crushed his willie at Starbucks
His "little man" don't work when he sucks.
He's suing those guys
For hurting his prize;
His wife, too, is asking for big bucks.
--- Anon

A young nature lover named Mick
Said, "I fear I've a very sore prick."
Friends were quick to exclaim:
"It's a whore that's to blame!"
They were wrong; a thorn's prick made Mick sick.
--- Robust Ribald Rude P9703

Upon once a time when I wrangled
A lass 'neath the sky that was spangled
With bright starry host,
I thought I was toast,
When what I had dangled, thorns mangled.
--- Travis

I had a wee mishap and bled,
Right after I got out of bed,
And watered my meat.
This damn toilet seat
Tipped over and fell on the head.
--- SFA

At Starbucks when this poor guy went
To potty, the lid slammed and bent
His own "little man."
Now he thinks he can
Sue Starbucks for their last red cent!
--- Anon

Lamar got too close to a winch,
And was caught you-know-where in the pinch.
Bystanders deplored
While he screamed, yelled, and roared,
And his sex life went west, inch by inch!
--- G2066

A circus performer named Poole
Forgot to obey the First Rule:
"It's okay to have fun,
But take care how it's done."
He twisted the end off his tool.
--- Armand Singer P0402

This is file stl

There was a young Scotsman named Jock,
Who had a most horrible shock.
He once took a shit
In a leaf-covered pit,
And the crap sprung a trap on his cock.
--- L1184

So back to the velcro I guess,
Which is better than zippers, unless
In the hush of a church,
Your 'old man' gives a lurch,
And the velcro goes "szhssssszzzzp!" with the stress.
--- Anon

A young dandy called Walter Lou,
In the loo met his waterloo;
He, after a drip
Pull up his zip
Too quick. Now knows not what to do!
--- Gunjan

There was a young miller named Dusty,
Whose tack was ever so rusty.
Trapped the end of his tail
In his large windmill's sail;
Now it's rare that he ever feels lusty!
--- John Miller

Dusty's wife was so eager to please,
That she spent all her time on her knees.
She'd be gobbling cock
That was hard as a rock,
While checking the pubes out for fleas!
--- oOOo

There once was a smart-alec Lee,
Attacked by the powers-that-be.
It drove him so daft
That he yanked on their shaft,
Till their thunder all rose to High-C.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

The down zipping motion is clean;
It takes but a jiggle, I mean.
The opposite route
Can rip tip to root;
When caught in the up-zip, I SCREAM.
--- Anon

It could catch a small skin-strip,
When that zipper starts to unzip --
You'll cry more than a little,
Be unable to diddle;
Do be careful that it doesn't slip!
--- Anon

Our Bob likes to play with his zipper.
It's his secret for staying so chipper.
But he best take more care,
Or himself he'll ensare;
Then button style will seem much more hipper.
--- KAMS

I was watching a re-run of Flipper
(Long ago when I was a nipper)
And I ran to the john
While commercials were on,
And I snagged my foreskin in my zipper.
--- Scott

Back before zippers were plastic,
My screams made the folks think I was spastic.
And being no fool,
For protecting my tool,
I now only buy pants with elastic.
--- Scott

The dangers of zipping a zipper
Kept fat fellows watching that nipper.
For that fiendish device
Can take off a real slice--
Beats a mohel, hands down, as a clipper!
--- Grand Prix Lim 938 G2071

A raffish young rowdy from France,
His zipper got caught in his pants.
And his friends all agreed
That the way that he peed
Was purely a matter of stance.
--- G2013

He loved to make his zipper zip,
And see his fly-front gaily rip.
But once his member tangled,
Got hideously mangled,
And now the lad's no longer quite so flip.
--- G2071a

There was an old rake from Stamboul,
Felt his ardor grow suddenly cool.
No lack of affection
Reduced his erection --
But his zipper got caught on his tool.
--- L1219

I'm reading a tale, rather tall,
Involving a prick through a wall,
And so I embellish,
And lim it with relish,
So most ain't original at all.
--- Anon

In search of a loo, Jenny's trotting.
Finds one in the park, down she's squatting;
In Northermost stall,
Adjacent the wall
Of the gents, and a hole there she's spotting.
--- Anon

A flesh-coloured, one-eyed protrusion,
Into her space makes an intrusion.
A game girl is Jenny,
Of fear she's not any,
She's massaged it to a conclusion.
--- Anon

A note then she hurriedly scrawls,
And pushes it in through the wall.
She wrote: "OK mate,
If you thought that was great,
Tomorrow, same time, here I'll call."
--- Anon

So Jenny, in no way afraid,
Meets Jim in the car repair trade,
And gets a device,
She thinks will do nice,
For when that appointment is made.
--- Anon

At this point in sagas I mention
Some odd thing to build up the tension,
But now an old fool,
I'm not quite so cruel,
I'll not so distract your attention.
--- Anon

So twenty four hours have passed,
She's reached the park rest room at last,
And just as she's seated,
Her vision is treated
To the very same quivering mast.
--- Anon

With one hand that object she kneads,
"Oh yes, baby, more... more...", he pleads.
Released is her grip
On the crocodile clip,
She's got from some rusty jump leads
--- Anon

So Giggling, she runs, while that male's
Distress is revealed by the wails
Of pain from the throb
Of his sorely torn knob,
As he tries to release it and fails.
--- Anon

Now diamonds, 'twas said , when a youthful
Ogg was both innocent and truthful,
Are girlie's best friends,
But this story tends
To show that a croc clip's more utheful.
--- Anon

You slammed the door right on my pud!
No more for awhile for this stud...
Let's lounge for a bit
And lightly lick tit...
My God! What's that dripping? Its BLOOD!!
--- H Welchel

Yeech, Blood! Have you bitten me?
Nope. I've checked my bits but don't see
That I'm loosing blood.
Don't faint, my sweet stud --
That's your blood that's flowing so free.
--- Marlene

Well, you have been nipped in the bud.
That's why there is so damned much blood.
I will save your life;
Let me go get my knife --
I'll amputate that little spud!
--- Marlene

Stop shrieking at me -- be a man!
I'll tell you my alternate plan.
(My name is Marlene,
It is not Lorena.)
I'll tape it back on, if I can!
--- Marlene

Look! It has not come right off,
You will still be able to boff.
I'll use some clean lint,
And this sturdy splint.
Some alcohol you'll have to quaff.
--- Marlene

Not Coors or Bud Light, my good friend.
That is how we reached this sad end.
You are still way to frisky,
Drink all of this whiskey,
So your bloody wound I can tend.
--- Marlene

Let me tickle you just right here.
I need this thing larger, my dear.
I will need to see
Where the duct tape must be.
Yes, tape can fix that, never fear.
--- Marlene

Now you have a nice silver stiffie.
Don't you think it looks quite spiffy?
He's going to yell "Sheee-it!"
As soon as he sees it.
You'll have to look now while he's squiffy.
--- Marlene

What has become of my log?
It's skinny and silver and clogged!
I feel so hung-over,
Where's Fido or Rover?
I need me some hair of the dog.
--- H Welchel