Oh Doctor of Gynecology, A mathematician I know There was a young fireman named Tinder There once was a lad from Bombay Delightful though it may be, An acid-head male from Westphalia, At a party a boozer named Fry There was a young fellow named Puttenham, Our albino friend was a Jew; Despite my inflexible grip, A wire-winder caught his wire in the winder. The great body builder Kim Fong, An eccentric young boy, name of Billy, Jack was once known as 'Big Dipper', A rose is a rose is a rose, I'll have to confess -- at a push, There was a proud fucker from Ceylon, A tumescent nude cyclist named Rangle My didgeridoo doesn't yield, There once was a fabulous Creole, (orange - a tough word to rhyme. - McW)
That's engineer Sam, the Quebecker, A housewife didn't think it a treat The great phone-booth rapist named Frick Insatiable Rosie rode Josh, There was a young singer named Zix When Rambo goes out in cold weather, Some guy crushed his willie at Starbucks A young nature lover named Mick Upon once a time when I wrangled I had a wee mishap and bled, At Starbucks when this poor guy went Lamar got too close to a winch, A circus performer named Poole
This is file stl
There was a young Scotsman named Jock, So back to the velcro I guess, A young dandy called Walter Lou, There was a young miller named Dusty, Dusty's wife was so eager to please, There once was a smart-alec Lee, The down zipping motion is clean; It could catch a small skin-strip, Our Bob likes to play with his zipper. I was watching a re-run of Flipper Back before zippers were plastic, The dangers of zipping a zipper A raffish young rowdy from France, He loved to make his zipper zip, There was an old rake from Stamboul, I'm reading a tale, rather tall, In search of a loo, Jenny's trotting. A flesh-coloured, one-eyed protrusion, A note then she hurriedly scrawls, So Jenny, in no way afraid, At this point in sagas I mention So twenty four hours have passed, With one hand that object she kneads, So Giggling, she runs, while that male's Now diamonds, 'twas said , when a youthful You slammed the door right on my pud! Yeech, Blood! Have you bitten me? Well, you have been nipped in the bud. Stop shrieking at me -- be a man! Look! It has not come right off, Not Coors or Bud Light, my good friend. Let me tickle you just right here. Now you have a nice silver stiffie. What has become of my log?
Before you're examining me,
Just as a rule,
Sterilize that tool
In water of proper degree.
--- Arden
Once attempted to piss in the snow:
T'was so cold, that 'tout
De suite', he had a cubed root!
But he knew how to thaw it out, though...
--- Robin K Willoughby P8506
Who save an old lady and pinned her.
Then he fucked her all day --
When the smoke cleared away,
His pecker was burned to a cinder.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1825
Who played with his thing every day,
From morning to night
Till he set it alight;
'Twas the friction that caused it, they say.
--- PeterW
To write in the snow with one's pee,
You have to make sure
The temperature's more
Than a willy dismembering degree.
--- C M
Had a dong so long it could impale ya.
One day on a Trip,
Circumsized by his zip,
His genitalia's an absolute failure!
--- Percy Longprong
Caught his tool in his zipper -- oh my!
An old seamstress not bright
Spent all day and all night
Just to free up his prick from his fly.
--- Phil Cannibal P9003
Whose tool caught in doors upon shuttin' 'em.
He said, "Well, perchance
It would help to wear pants,
If I could just remember to button 'em."
--- L1210
His favorite tool we all knew.
It was made of Pyrex;
With it he had sex,
Till the day that it caught in his poo!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
My Leekie has slowed to a drip.
Some think that it's justh
The onset of musth;
But no, it's been caught my my zip.
--- Anon
He thought that fate couldn't be kinder.
Said his wife Jane,
"You can say that again,
Just think if it was the meat grinder!"
--- Henry Mucha
Lifted weights at the gym in a thong.
Then Kim lost his grip
And let a weight slip;
Now Fong has a ding in his dong.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0311
Got his kicks tying strings 'round his willie.
But one fateful night,
He tied them too tight,
And since then he's known just as "Millie".
--- Natalie F
Till his dipper got caught in his zipper.
It's hard not to laugh,
But he zipped it in half
And now he's called Jack the Ripper.
--- Writerman
And I love when her petals enclose
My upstanding horn --
Except when a thorn
Puts a hole in my leaky old hose.
--- John Miller
My Rose has the thorniest tush,
'Cause often I've bled,
When using my head,
For beating about Rose's bush.
--- SFA
Whose dick was the size of a pylon.
Till he zipped up his fly,
And let a great cry:
"She-it! I hope I look good in nylons!"
--- Bill Casey
Once sped down the road at an angle,
Which gradually sagged
Till the chain, when it snagged,
Gave the angle of dangle for mangle.
--- David A Brooks Q
For animals who live in a field.
I lost this desire,
When it caught on barb wire,
And it has never properly healed.
--- Anon
Whose prick had a wide-open pee-hole.
This carrot so orange,
Got caught in the door-hinge,
When he tried to bugger the key-hole.
--- L1256
Who stretched, with some gizmo, his pecker.
It failed to adapt;
With tension it snapped:
A Quebecker's hi-tech pecker wrecker.
--- Anon
When her husband peed on the seat.
The next time he did,
She slammed down the lid.
Who says revenge isn't sweet.
--- Macsam
Had cornered another young chick.
She thwarted the act,
As a matter of fact,
By slamming the door on his dick.
--- David Miller
Like a banshee demented, by gosh.
With her pussy-lips slapping
And grippingly wrapping,
She finally snapped off his cosh.
--- Peter Wilkins
Who got out a needle to fix
A sliver he had
That was hurtin' so bad,
Because it was sticking his prick's.
--- Anon
He takes measures to be tough as leather.
He fills his ass crease
With gobs of bear grease,
And staples his foreskin together.
--- John Chastaine T9710
His "little man" don't work when he sucks.
He's suing those guys
For hurting his prize;
His wife, too, is asking for big bucks.
--- Anon
Said, "I fear I've a very sore prick."
Friends were quick to exclaim:
"It's a whore that's to blame!"
They were wrong; a thorn's prick made Mick sick.
--- Robust Ribald Rude P9703
A lass 'neath the sky that was spangled
With bright starry host,
I thought I was toast,
When what I had dangled, thorns mangled.
--- Travis
Right after I got out of bed,
And watered my meat.
This damn toilet seat
Tipped over and fell on the head.
--- SFA
To potty, the lid slammed and bent
His own "little man."
Now he thinks he can
Sue Starbucks for their last red cent!
--- Anon
And was caught you-know-where in the pinch.
Bystanders deplored
While he screamed, yelled, and roared,
And his sex life went west, inch by inch!
--- G2066
Forgot to obey the First Rule:
"It's okay to have fun,
But take care how it's done."
He twisted the end off his tool.
--- Armand Singer P0402
Who had a most horrible shock.
He once took a shit
In a leaf-covered pit,
And the crap sprung a trap on his cock.
--- L1184
Which is better than zippers, unless
In the hush of a church,
Your 'old man' gives a lurch,
And the velcro goes "szhssssszzzzp!" with the stress.
--- Anon
In the loo met his waterloo;
He, after a drip
Pull up his zip
Too quick. Now knows not what to do!
--- Gunjan
Whose tack was ever so rusty.
Trapped the end of his tail
In his large windmill's sail;
Now it's rare that he ever feels lusty!
--- John Miller
That she spent all her time on her knees.
She'd be gobbling cock
That was hard as a rock,
While checking the pubes out for fleas!
--- oOOo
Attacked by the powers-that-be.
It drove him so daft
That he yanked on their shaft,
Till their thunder all rose to High-C.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
It takes but a jiggle, I mean.
The opposite route
Can rip tip to root;
When caught in the up-zip, I SCREAM.
--- Anon
When that zipper starts to unzip --
You'll cry more than a little,
Be unable to diddle;
Do be careful that it doesn't slip!
--- Anon
It's his secret for staying so chipper.
But he best take more care,
Or himself he'll ensare;
Then button style will seem much more hipper.
--- KAMS
(Long ago when I was a nipper)
And I ran to the john
While commercials were on,
And I snagged my foreskin in my zipper.
--- Scott
My screams made the folks think I was spastic.
And being no fool,
For protecting my tool,
I now only buy pants with elastic.
--- Scott
Kept fat fellows watching that nipper.
For that fiendish device
Can take off a real slice--
Beats a mohel, hands down, as a clipper!
--- Grand Prix Lim 938 G2071
His zipper got caught in his pants.
And his friends all agreed
That the way that he peed
Was purely a matter of stance.
--- G2013
And see his fly-front gaily rip.
But once his member tangled,
Got hideously mangled,
And now the lad's no longer quite so flip.
--- G2071a
Felt his ardor grow suddenly cool.
No lack of affection
Reduced his erection --
But his zipper got caught on his tool.
--- L1219
Involving a prick through a wall,
And so I embellish,
And lim it with relish,
So most ain't original at all.
--- Anon
Finds one in the park, down she's squatting;
In Northermost stall,
Adjacent the wall
Of the gents, and a hole there she's spotting.
--- Anon
Into her space makes an intrusion.
A game girl is Jenny,
Of fear she's not any,
She's massaged it to a conclusion.
--- Anon
And pushes it in through the wall.
She wrote: "OK mate,
If you thought that was great,
Tomorrow, same time, here I'll call."
--- Anon
Meets Jim in the car repair trade,
And gets a device,
She thinks will do nice,
For when that appointment is made.
--- Anon
Some odd thing to build up the tension,
But now an old fool,
I'm not quite so cruel,
I'll not so distract your attention.
--- Anon
She's reached the park rest room at last,
And just as she's seated,
Her vision is treated
To the very same quivering mast.
--- Anon
"Oh yes, baby, more... more...", he pleads.
Released is her grip
On the crocodile clip,
She's got from some rusty jump leads
--- Anon
Distress is revealed by the wails
Of pain from the throb
Of his sorely torn knob,
As he tries to release it and fails.
--- Anon
Ogg was both innocent and truthful,
Are girlie's best friends,
But this story tends
To show that a croc clip's more utheful.
--- Anon
No more for awhile for this stud...
Let's lounge for a bit
And lightly lick tit...
My God! What's that dripping? Its BLOOD!!
--- H Welchel
Nope. I've checked my bits but don't see
That I'm loosing blood.
Don't faint, my sweet stud --
That's your blood that's flowing so free.
--- Marlene
That's why there is so damned much blood.
I will save your life;
Let me go get my knife --
I'll amputate that little spud!
--- Marlene
I'll tell you my alternate plan.
(My name is Marlene,
It is not Lorena.)
I'll tape it back on, if I can!
--- Marlene
You will still be able to boff.
I'll use some clean lint,
And this sturdy splint.
Some alcohol you'll have to quaff.
--- Marlene
That is how we reached this sad end.
You are still way to frisky,
Drink all of this whiskey,
So your bloody wound I can tend.
--- Marlene
I need this thing larger, my dear.
I will need to see
Where the duct tape must be.
Yes, tape can fix that, never fear.
--- Marlene
Don't you think it looks quite spiffy?
He's going to yell "Sheee-it!"
As soon as he sees it.
You'll have to look now while he's squiffy.
--- Marlene
It's skinny and silver and clogged!
I feel so hung-over,
Where's Fido or Rover?
I need me some hair of the dog.
--- H Welchel