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I say, now it's wrapped thin... His willie got slammed by the seat? Frank, I am not sure that I can The roll was on that toilet lid. He poor little willie was caught I need my willie just in case Can somebody please tell me why This sounds like a case for Nurse Ratchett, A split? What was I thinking of, Dear Petunia, I have a fine feeling My lips surely would ease your pain A farmer and peer of Bo Peep, I thought I would give you this tip, There was a young fellow named Dick, He found one, and took it to bed, The cock of a fellow named Fred His cock like a corkscrew expanded, A corkscrew-pricked fellow of Natchez, In France, a young lady named List, In the circus Miss List did enlist, When Dick saw Miss List piss a twister, They checked that their spirals turned right Their screams of despair were symmetric; Their ending was sad, we admit; A fellow who lives down the street A curious fellow from Trent As the end of his life, it unfurled, I'm doing what you told me to. I said I wanted a screw, 'tis true, 'Twas ten years ago I got wedded; Many years ago I heard a tale Seems his prick had a thread that turned right To his horror he tried to pull out As he looked at that torn bloody stump, On his headstone they carved a refrain A pitiful loser named Fred A cork-screwed member had Ned Since birth, poor old Galloping Dick There was an old satyr named Mack, A distorted young fellow named Fred, How sad is a cockster named Ted, A twisted old virgin named Fred, A curious fellow named Frank While feeling my hardware in bed, She declined to give me some head, As the old twisted cock of Doc Purse His lovemaking made his wife sick; The knot he unravelled forthwith. Last night I played with my willow, A firefighter fighting a blaze, Rear mounting, they tell me, is "in", Where I might find a nipple or two, Though matches that work can be few, The guy with the left-threaded tool, A piteous story is Bert's; I'm in love with a young female copper, There was a young man of Port Said Bewailed an old lecher named Doane, Stiff-jointed is Willis P Derry; A fortnight ago I had Jane; Smiled a fun-loving oldster named Rand, A fortnight ago I had Jane; There once was a girl, Tiger Lilly, Tiger Lill's a well-ridden filly, Now, how would you know that its worn? Good Lord, have those cuties been talking?
Perhaps I could slip it right in?
A poke or a chaw?
It's barely a straw,
And won't strain your lips or your chin.
--- H Welchel
Did he have a really long 'treat'?
Or did the guy slip,
Whack it on the lip?
That story just isn't complete.
--- Anon
Explain the whole story 'bout that man.
At that coffee spot
He sat on the pot
Then for the TP, he did scan.
--- Anon
I am not quite sure what he did,
Except that he twisted,
The toilet seat listed
To one side and somehow it slid.
--- Anon
Between seat and rim of the pot.
I guess now it's bent
Which is why he sent
His lawyer to sue for a lot.
--- Anon
That I will get past second base.
So if you be kind,
Will you please remind
Me to stay away from that place?
--- Anon
(As I painfully prod, poke and pry
My tool, sorely mangled
From the steel where it's tangled)
Fine Velcro's not used for a fly?
--- John Miller 0301
To help with the pain where you catched it.
Better give her a call
If with pain you bawl.
She may have to put on a split.
--- Petunia
When Ratchett I recommended above.
It would be insane
To inflict more pain,
But a splint could be taken off.
--- Petunia
You have just what I need for my healing.
I'll give you a hint,
It isn't a splint,
And applied in most cases when kneeling.
--- John Miller
And make you feel better again.
In future though,
Close with Velcro,
Or my tongue treatment would be in vain.
--- Petunia
Disdains Velcro, his fly closed to keep.
"While foreskin's protected
When my tool's erected,
The opening sound scares the sheep."
--- Irish A
Take time to adjust 'fore you zip.
Even though you're late,
Avoid a sad fate...
The pain when your pecker goes ripppp...
--- Frank Fazed
Who was cursed with a spiralling prick,
So he set out to hunt
For a screw-twisted cunt
That would match with his corkscrewy dick
--- L1155
And then in chagrin, he dropped dead.
For that spiralling snatch
It never would match--
The damn thing had a left-handed thread!
--- L1156
Was adorned with a corkscrew head.
When at last he laid eyes
On a cunt the right size,
He was foiled by a left-handed thread!
--- G0335
A spiral vagina demanded.
His search lasted years
And ended in tears;
The thread of her cunt was left-handed.
--- G0336
Tried thousands and thousands of snatches,
But this fellow named Dick
Found no cunt for his prick,
And he cried in despair, "Nothing matches!"
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0559
Had a cunt with a helical twist.
She could not find a fit
For her helical slit,
So she cried in remorse, "I am pissed!"
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0560
Where she pissed with a spiraling twist.
All the patrons convulsed
But Miss List was repulsed,
For a fuck was the thing she had missed.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0561
He ran to the ring and he kissed her.
Then he showed her this thing
Which was coiled like a spring,
And she yelled to him, "Fuck me now, Mister!"
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0562
And they faced their first fuck with delight.
On Miss List, Dick did flop,
And he spun like a top,
And their organs at last did unite.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0563
They needed assistance obstetric;
For Dick's thread, you can guess,
Was a standard U.S.,
But Miss List had a cunt that was metric.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0564
Their organs were shattered and split.
For the force that existed,
Both assholes were twisted,
And they died amidst spirals of shit!
--- Albin Chaplin Appeal 385
Has a generous serving of meat.
Though as thick as your wrist,
His dick has a twist.
His problem? It just can't be beat.
--- Jim Weaver Collection a
Had a penis that's spirally bent.
When he was excited,
It properly righted
And coiled again when he was spent.
--- Alex Heydon P0503
And his toes, they were due to be curled.
He said; "I've just hatched
And not even scratched
The surface of this wonderful world".
--- Doug Harris P0503
You said that you wanted a screw.
So a wrench on your dong
Seemed not at all wrong...
You can stick it back on with some glue.
--- Tiddy Ogg
But my stick cannot be fixed with glue.
There's a big giant dent
And it's really quite bent.
For that, you idiot, I will sue!
--- Mel Prophet
Then she chopped off my schlong, had it threaded!
Now it's kept in her purse,
And to make matters worse,
She screws it back just when we're bedded!
--- Maddog
'Bout an Indian chief on the trail
They say he met death
And with his last breath
Told the world what had made his heart fail.
--- Anon
And he searched every day dawn to night
For a corkscrew shaped cunt;
Thought he'd ended his hunt
And he greedily screwed with delight.
--- Anon
But her cunt held on tight to the lout.
Seems her thread was reversed
And his luck he then cursed,
As he stripped all the threads from his spout.
--- Anon
This is file ssl
He saw his life out of him pump,
And decided the world
Should beware of this girl,
That he hoped no one else would hump.
--- Anon
So his memory would ever remain:
"Here lies Galloping Dick
With a cork-screw shaped prick.
He got screwed by some bass-ackwards dame!"
--- Anon
Had problems performing in bed;
Though he'd twist and he'd spin,
It just wouldn't go in:
His prick had a left-handed thread.
--- Armand Singer
Who sought out a match for to bed.
On that long-savored day,
To his bitter dismay,
Her quim had a left-handed thread.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Had been cursed with a corkscrew-shaped prick.
Dropped dead after finding
A cunt corkscrew-winding,
'Cause a left-handed thread had the chick.
--- Anon
Whose prick had a left-handed tack.
If the ladies he loves,
Don't spin when he shoves,
Their cervices frequently crack.
--- L0192
Had a tool with a corkscrew-shaped head.
He found, having hunted,
A girl corkscrew-cunted,
But, Alas!, with a left-handed thread.
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner
Whose prick has a true corkscrew head;
He can not get it in
To his dates fat or thin;
God gave him a left-handed thread.
--- Armand Singer
Cursed his penis's coarse corkscrew head.
He'd spent most of his life
In vain search for a wife,
Whose cunt had a left-handed thread.
--- Confused
Had a penis shaped just like a crank.
To achieve an insertion
Was quite an exertion,
But a friendly whore gave it a yank.
--- G0334
She noticed my cock's right-hand thread.
And said "That big screw
Would run me right through,
But I'd bang a good hard hammer head."
--- RanDog
So I coaxed her to fuck me instead.
But her spiralling snatch,
My cock wouldn't match;
Her cooze had a left-handed thread!
--- Jeff Wisnia
Was rammed in the cunt of his nurse,
She complained, but too late --
By a strange twist of fate,
She had taken a turn for the worse.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0573
It always was over too quick.
One night in frustration
Caused by short duration,
She tied a square knot in his dick.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0309
He said, "All her complaints are a myth.
Her action was mean.
My pecker turned green,
And hurts me whenever I pith.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0309
Stroking it with a Brillo.
Now all that is there,
Is a bunch of loose hair,
And one more head on my pillow.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Decided to count all the ways
He could handle his hose,
Using only his toes.
Untying the knots took three days!
--- ROE
That it works either thick-walled or thin;
I'd rather, instead
Take my left-handed thread
And search through the odd-fittings bin...
--- John Miller
Or a Tee into which I can screw;
Metric or inch,
Black in a pinch,
But plastic I tend to eschew.
--- John Miller
And there might be some leakage, it's true;
If I wiggle a bit,
I can still make it fit,
Though it might be a trifle askew.
--- John Miller
Whose sex-life just wasn't too cool,
Now, with widow sins;
Hers too, WIDDERSHINS.
Now fun is the general rule.
--- Chris Papa
His plumbing is shot and it hurts.
That device in his pants
Has seen too much romance;
It just barely oozes and squirts.
--- Armand Singer
Who loves to be screwed good and proper,
Which is all very fine,
But we screw all the time,
And I've blisters all over my chopper.
--- Michael Horgan
Whose penis was tattered and frayed,
Which earned him the taunts
Of his elderly aunts,
And complaints from the women he laid.
--- William K Alsop Jr
"Much hazardous duty while prone,
Abusing my overtime,
Plus dalliance in clover time,
Has made a limp wreck of my bone."
--- Armand Singer
He's almost too rigid to bury;
His brain has quit thinking,
His dingus is shrinking:
Old age is disheartening--very!
--- Armand Singer
My penis has started to drain.
It isn't the clap
Or any such crap,
It's the fluid she had on her brain.
--- John Miller
As he took his limp joystick in hand,
"I fear that my Wurlitzer
Won't win me a Pulitzer,
But it still, when commanded, does stand."
--- Armand Singer
Since then I have had to abstain.
It wasn't the clap
Or any such crap;
My dick's in a sling from the strain.
--- John Miller
Who told me, "The name may sound silly,
But if you impale
This here Tiger tail
As you ought to, I'll wear out your willy!"
--- John Miller
Who's worn out ten knickers quite frilly.
In the jungle at night,
Her eyes shine so bright,
They light up John Miller's worn willy.
--- David Miller
You shouldn't, 'cause I could have sworn
That only sweet girls
Could access my pearls,
And see how they're tattered and torn.
--- John Miller
Was it Laura suspected of stalking?
Or pert little Meg
Who often would beg
For photos, at which I was balking?
--- John Miller
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