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But that night each one tried it and failed,
While their wives looked on helpless and wailed,
For either they'd teeter,
And fall on their peter,
Or they'd find themselves getting derailed.
--- L1400

So Dick was the toast of the town,
There was nothing too good for the clown.
And the wives all came flocking,
To sample his cocking,
While the husbands deplored his renown.
--- L1401

Then along came a fellow from France,
Whose success you'd foretell at a glance.
For his cock didn't dangle,
But stayed at right angle,
Which gave him an excellent stance.
--- L1402

With a flourish, he took off his clothes,
And assumed Dick's remarkable pose.
But the chief of his talents,
Was keeping his balance,
While he juggled his balls with his toes.
--- L1402

Then came the best part of all,
That always would bring down the hall.
For his finishing trick
Was to straddle his prick,
And wheel out of sight on one ball.
--- L1404

The ladies all ran and told Dick,
That the Frenchman had bettered his trick.
So he straddled and struggled,
And finally juggled,
But he knocked out his prop with a kick.
--- L1405

And the tradgedy didn't end there,
For as he whirled down through the air,
His prick became tied,
In a knot that defied
All attempts to untangle its snare.
--- L1406

Most men would have died of remorse,
But Dick found another resource.
For pretzels he'd pose,
With his twisted up hose,
And he made a nice income, of course.
--- L1407

"There's cause and effect," said McFangle,
"That at first may be hard to untangle.
But the answer is neat:
It's the heat of the meat,
That determines the angle of dangle."
--- Pierce Evans

Our man finds it handy at home,
All this skin on the end of his bone.
For multiple whoring,
And useful thing storing,
And his willy can answer the phone.
--- Anon

There once was a man from Iraq
Whose pecker grew out of his back.
And when he got married,
His wife was then carried
Behind like she was a knapsack!
--- Anon

There was a great juggler named Slick,
Who does a remarkable trick.
Ten doughnuts he throws
In the air with his toes
And catches them all on his dick.
--- David Miller

Of angles my peter's bereft,
Veering neither to right nor to left;
But it nevertheless
Never fails to impress
For it's truly remarkably deft.
--- Peter Wilkins

At will I can cause it to curve;
Even swivel 180 and swerve.
I can vary its length,
Or its width and its strength
And perform such manoeuvres with verve.
--- Peter Wilkins

It'll swivel 180? How crass!
That's sure to put off any lass.
But it could be a treat,
Much as you like your meat;
Try shoving it up your own ass.
--- Anon

I see you've been genetically sent
Equipment that will never be spent.
My own tool, however,
Tires quickly whenever
Encroaching the wife's frontal vent.
--- Anon

A young man who lived in Berlin
Could crack walnuts with his foreskin.
He could smash a wine glass
With the crack of his ass,
And his girlfriend could fill up her quim.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

There was a young man from Berlin
Who could crack walnuts with his foreskin.
With the head of his dick
He could break four-inch-thick
Planks of wood with only one spin.
--- Thunderwing

Fear not for my trouser affray;
Though quiescent for many a day,
When at girlies I glance,
Then my trousers still dance
Like a bundle of ferrets at play.
--- Anon

There was a young soldier named Jock
Who was bombed as he worked on the dock.
Though he lost every limb,
Yet his life was not grim;
He could still drive his car with his cock.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1798

There once was a lad from New York,
Whose penis had tines like a fork.
The girls like it fine,
Till he started to dine,
Eating carrots and peas with his dork.
--- John Miller 0049

An emasculate lad said, "At last,
I've an elephant trunk for a mast.
Though usually great,
I do have to state,
I'm embarrassed when peanuts are passed."
--- Anon

An elephant nose on his dick?
Where did he learn that silly trick?
Still -- it's kinda cute
And it hides a beaut,
That he can whip out really quick!
--- Anon

A kink in her cunt had Miss Rose,
Which presented a problem to those
Who had pricks that were straight.
But the fire chief was great,
For he fucked with a flexible hose.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0591

There is a young nurse in Japan,
Who lifts men by their pricks to the pan.
A trick of jujitsu,
And either it shits you,
Or makes you feel more like a man.
--- L1450

I know of a fortunate Hindu
Who is sought in the towns he's been to,
By the ladies he knows,
Who are thrilled to the toes
By the tricks he can make his foreskin do.
--- L0310

On the flying trapeze, catcher Falk
Catches three as the spectators gawk.
He takes one in each hand,
In itself a trick grand,
While the third one grabs hold of his cock.
--- Al Chaplin P8711

There once was a gangster named Crockett
Who'd keep both his hands in his pocket.
When out on a "hit".
Or beckoning teat,
His weapon, can easily cock it.
--- Irving Superior P8601

A rather remakable Turk
Had a dong with a spasmodic jerk;
Though the world looked askance
As it danced in his pants,
His wife wore a permanent smirk!
--- Ann Gasser P9007

A man on a flying trapeze
Was wracked by a sudden big sneeze.
Just then his foot slipped
And his zipper unzipped,
And he hung there, but not by his knees.
--- Anon

There once was a fellow named Dick
Whose pecker was short and not thick.
No girls he'd seduce,
But when put to good use,
There isn't a lock he can't pick.
--- Frank Fazed

In my old age I've mastered a trick
That pleases the ladies real quick.
I've developed a quake
That makes my limbs shake,
And extends to the end of my prick.
--- John Miller

There was a young fellow of Strensall,
Whose pecker was shaped like a pencil.
Anemic, 'tis true,
But an interesting screw,
Inasmuch as the tip was prehensile.
--- L0243

This is file sql

There once was a farmer called Tim
And he was exceedingly dim.
He was so thick,
He thought that his dick
Was only for seed 'tater dibblin'.

(dibbling - to poke holes in soil for planting - McW)
--- Anon

Tim had a young lady he mated,
But she never did get impregnated.
Tim had not a clue
About what he should do;
The poor girl was so very frustrated;
--- Anon

One day she met a very nice bloke,
And told him "Life is no joke.
I've never been screwed"
And so it ensued,
That he gave her a wonderful poke.
--- Anon

Now Tim's lady does not feel so crappy,
'Cause she's met a real sexy chappy.
She is very well done
In the rain or the sun;
All this bonking makes her ever so happy.
--- Anon

Do you know that your dick plays a tune
On the piano, each late afternoon?
Moonlight Sonata
Au naturata?
Cock Bach by the light of the moon.
--- Ericka

A bold bawdy buster named Sheeney,
Plays checkers with girls like a meany...
Where rules clearly demand
Moves be made with the hand,
Sheeney used the head of his peeny.
--- Grand Prix Lim 905

A circus performer called Nick
Has mastered a marvelous trick;
With comsummate ease
He can swing through the trees
With the aid of his prehensile prick.
--- Michael Horgan

A mechanical marvel named Bill,
Had a tool which was shaped like a quill.
With this scholarly dink,
He could squirt purple ink,
And write, draw, or color at will.

(And decorate lampshades at will.)
--- Anon G0255

A carpenter named Bobby Gene,
Had a member both rare and obscene.
The girls thought it swell;
It drove bolts home as well;
Loved by all as a screwing machine.
--- Conch TP9901

The reason, all can understand,
Why Jim's punch on Joe's jaw did land.
"I saw your name, Joe,
Written in the snow;
The writing was in my wife's hand!"
--- Frank Fazed a

One day a pink snake with one eye
Swelled up and crawled onto Kate's thigh.
Before plunging in,
He shed his foreskin
And said, "She's got nasty hair pie!"
--- Anon

There is a stout fellow named Jake
With a whip lithe and long like a snake.
He lets the thing out
And slings it about,
To sniff out hot babes on the make...
--- Grand Prix Lim 175

There was a young man from St Lutz,
Who had a remarkable putz.
It would sniff, it would hunt,
For it only liked cunt.
Absolutely no lips, hands, or butts.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Do you know it climbs on your shoulder?
That we've built you a special holder?
(It drags on the ground
If we leave it unbound)
Do you think she'll believe what you told her?
--- Ericka

At his work, a bricklayer, O'Doul
Spreads the mortar about with his tool,
Which makes the big crowd
Cheer O'Doul long and loud,
While the sexy girls slaver and drool.
--- Grand Prix Lim 917

There once was a singer named Alice
Got a girl from his gig at the Palace.
His strong manly heart
Stole the love of this tart,
Or was it his prehensile phallus?
--- Mike Dale

This fellow had money as well;
The women, they thought it was swell.
When deep in their hole,
He could lengthen his pole.
And for that they paid dearly, they tell.
--- Curt

There once was a young man named Molder
Who attempted to throw a small boulder.
He tripped on a rock,
And grabbed his own cock,
And threw himself over his shoulder.
--- M Taylor

An organist playing at York,
Had a prick that could hold a small fork.
And between obbligatos,
He'd munch a tomatoes,
And keep up his strength while at work.
--- L0262

There once was a young man named Richey,
Whose bollocks were cripplingly itchy.
You may think that's sad
But even more bad,
His pecker was really quite twitchy.
--- John Miller

A gallant young cocksman named Nick,
Is known for his prehensile prick.
He takes the thing out,
And waves it about,
Without using his hands...What a trick!
--- Jim Weaver Collection a

Liz, tired of mountainous greenery,
Went looking for ocean-front scenery.
The beach that Liz viewed,
Was all male and nude,
She saw nothing by acres of wienery.
--- TXnTed a

The length and the girth are importan'
So you gals can do all your sortin'
And get us in line,
To watch us unwind,
For woodies I'm sure we'll be sportin'.
--- Gearhart

There was a young fellow from Merton,
Who went out with only his shirt on,
From which did peep shyly,
His membrum virile,
For people to animadvert on.

(animadvert - archaic for notice, observe)
--- G2426

At a picnic with buxom Ms Boyd,
My ambitions were quickly destroyed;
Though she relished a weiner,
When she saw my cuisine, her
Expression was, frankly, annoyed.
--- Hugh Clary

Pissing contests by some had become
The last word in pecker aplomb.
But now the same boys,
Are abusing their toys,
In order to bet on the come.
--- Irish

A wanton young lass asked an ass, "Sir,
Do you love me?" So then as he passed her,
He gave her a bang
From his powerful wang.
'Twas catastrophe, almost disaster.
--- Ellen Alaka P9509

In Texas, a hunter afield,
Was arrested with weapon revealed.
He was told, "While it's fun
To carry a gun,
The law says it must be concealed."
--- Cyber Geezer

Said a girl as she walked down the Strand,
To her friend who was too plainly manned:
"Dear, it's catching the eye
Of each girl we pass by.
Can't you cover it up with your hand?"
--- G0461

At the movies, a joker named Capp,
Had a big popcorn box in his lap.
His date was not wise
To impending surprise,
His dick was right under the flap.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

There was an old person of Annerley,
Whose conduct was strange and unmannerly;
He rushed down the strand
With his dong in his hand,
With intent quite disgusting, generally.
--- Edwardian Leer 109 P9306

Three cheers for Aloysius Fitzgerald
Who, being nine-eights unappareled,
Went strolling the Strand
With his prick in his hand,
Proclaiming the End Of The Werald!
--- G2334

A short organed fellow named Kevin,
Used a vacuum to stretch it to seven.
Then to eight and to nine,
And though ten was divine,
There will be a film at eleven.
--- Karen Jones


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