But that night each one tried it and failed, So Dick was the toast of the town, Then along came a fellow from France, With a flourish, he took off his clothes, Then came the best part of all, The ladies all ran and told Dick, And the tradgedy didn't end there, Most men would have died of remorse, "There's cause and effect," said McFangle, Our man finds it handy at home, There once was a man from Iraq There was a great juggler named Slick, Of angles my peter's bereft, At will I can cause it to curve; It'll swivel 180? How crass! I see you've been genetically sent A young man who lived in Berlin There was a young man from Berlin Fear not for my trouser affray; There was a young soldier named Jock There once was a lad from New York, An emasculate lad said, "At last, An elephant nose on his dick? A kink in her cunt had Miss Rose, There is a young nurse in Japan, I know of a fortunate Hindu On the flying trapeze, catcher Falk There once was a gangster named Crockett A rather remakable Turk A man on a flying trapeze There once was a fellow named Dick In my old age I've mastered a trick There was a young fellow of Strensall,
This is file sql
There once was a farmer called Tim (dibbling - to poke holes in soil for planting - McW)
Tim had a young lady he mated, One day she met a very nice bloke, Now Tim's lady does not feel so crappy, Do you know that your dick plays a tune A bold bawdy buster named Sheeney, A circus performer called Nick A mechanical marvel named Bill, (And decorate lampshades at will.)
A carpenter named Bobby Gene, The reason, all can understand, One day a pink snake with one eye There is a stout fellow named Jake There was a young man from St Lutz, Do you know it climbs on your shoulder? At his work, a bricklayer, O'Doul There once was a singer named Alice This fellow had money as well; There once was a young man named Molder An organist playing at York, There once was a young man named Richey, A gallant young cocksman named Nick, Liz, tired of mountainous greenery, The length and the girth are importan' There was a young fellow from Merton, (animadvert - archaic for notice, observe)
At a picnic with buxom Ms Boyd, Pissing contests by some had become A wanton young lass asked an ass, "Sir, In Texas, a hunter afield, Said a girl as she walked down the Strand, At the movies, a joker named Capp, There was an old person of Annerley, Three cheers for Aloysius Fitzgerald A short organed fellow named Kevin,
While their wives looked on helpless and wailed,
For either they'd teeter,
And fall on their peter,
Or they'd find themselves getting derailed.
--- L1400
There was nothing too good for the clown.
And the wives all came flocking,
To sample his cocking,
While the husbands deplored his renown.
--- L1401
Whose success you'd foretell at a glance.
For his cock didn't dangle,
But stayed at right angle,
Which gave him an excellent stance.
--- L1402
And assumed Dick's remarkable pose.
But the chief of his talents,
Was keeping his balance,
While he juggled his balls with his toes.
--- L1402
That always would bring down the hall.
For his finishing trick
Was to straddle his prick,
And wheel out of sight on one ball.
--- L1404
That the Frenchman had bettered his trick.
So he straddled and struggled,
And finally juggled,
But he knocked out his prop with a kick.
--- L1405
For as he whirled down through the air,
His prick became tied,
In a knot that defied
All attempts to untangle its snare.
--- L1406
But Dick found another resource.
For pretzels he'd pose,
With his twisted up hose,
And he made a nice income, of course.
--- L1407
"That at first may be hard to untangle.
But the answer is neat:
It's the heat of the meat,
That determines the angle of dangle."
--- Pierce Evans
All this skin on the end of his bone.
For multiple whoring,
And useful thing storing,
And his willy can answer the phone.
--- Anon
Whose pecker grew out of his back.
And when he got married,
His wife was then carried
Behind like she was a knapsack!
--- Anon
Who does a remarkable trick.
Ten doughnuts he throws
In the air with his toes
And catches them all on his dick.
--- David Miller
Veering neither to right nor to left;
But it nevertheless
Never fails to impress
For it's truly remarkably deft.
--- Peter Wilkins
Even swivel 180 and swerve.
I can vary its length,
Or its width and its strength
And perform such manoeuvres with verve.
--- Peter Wilkins
That's sure to put off any lass.
But it could be a treat,
Much as you like your meat;
Try shoving it up your own ass.
--- Anon
Equipment that will never be spent.
My own tool, however,
Tires quickly whenever
Encroaching the wife's frontal vent.
--- Anon
Could crack walnuts with his foreskin.
He could smash a wine glass
With the crack of his ass,
And his girlfriend could fill up her quim.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who could crack walnuts with his foreskin.
With the head of his dick
He could break four-inch-thick
Planks of wood with only one spin.
--- Thunderwing
Though quiescent for many a day,
When at girlies I glance,
Then my trousers still dance
Like a bundle of ferrets at play.
--- Anon
Who was bombed as he worked on the dock.
Though he lost every limb,
Yet his life was not grim;
He could still drive his car with his cock.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1798
Whose penis had tines like a fork.
The girls like it fine,
Till he started to dine,
Eating carrots and peas with his dork.
--- John Miller 0049
I've an elephant trunk for a mast.
Though usually great,
I do have to state,
I'm embarrassed when peanuts are passed."
--- Anon
Where did he learn that silly trick?
Still -- it's kinda cute
And it hides a beaut,
That he can whip out really quick!
--- Anon
Which presented a problem to those
Who had pricks that were straight.
But the fire chief was great,
For he fucked with a flexible hose.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0591
Who lifts men by their pricks to the pan.
A trick of jujitsu,
And either it shits you,
Or makes you feel more like a man.
--- L1450
Who is sought in the towns he's been to,
By the ladies he knows,
Who are thrilled to the toes
By the tricks he can make his foreskin do.
--- L0310
Catches three as the spectators gawk.
He takes one in each hand,
In itself a trick grand,
While the third one grabs hold of his cock.
--- Al Chaplin P8711
Who'd keep both his hands in his pocket.
When out on a "hit".
Or beckoning teat,
His weapon, can easily cock it.
--- Irving Superior P8601
Had a dong with a spasmodic jerk;
Though the world looked askance
As it danced in his pants,
His wife wore a permanent smirk!
--- Ann Gasser P9007
Was wracked by a sudden big sneeze.
Just then his foot slipped
And his zipper unzipped,
And he hung there, but not by his knees.
--- Anon
Whose pecker was short and not thick.
No girls he'd seduce,
But when put to good use,
There isn't a lock he can't pick.
--- Frank Fazed
That pleases the ladies real quick.
I've developed a quake
That makes my limbs shake,
And extends to the end of my prick.
--- John Miller
Whose pecker was shaped like a pencil.
Anemic, 'tis true,
But an interesting screw,
Inasmuch as the tip was prehensile.
--- L0243
And he was exceedingly dim.
He was so thick,
He thought that his dick
Was only for seed 'tater dibblin'.
--- Anon
But she never did get impregnated.
Tim had not a clue
About what he should do;
The poor girl was so very frustrated;
--- Anon
And told him "Life is no joke.
I've never been screwed"
And so it ensued,
That he gave her a wonderful poke.
--- Anon
'Cause she's met a real sexy chappy.
She is very well done
In the rain or the sun;
All this bonking makes her ever so happy.
--- Anon
On the piano, each late afternoon?
Moonlight Sonata
Au naturata?
Cock Bach by the light of the moon.
--- Ericka
Plays checkers with girls like a meany...
Where rules clearly demand
Moves be made with the hand,
Sheeney used the head of his peeny.
--- Grand Prix Lim 905
Has mastered a marvelous trick;
With comsummate ease
He can swing through the trees
With the aid of his prehensile prick.
--- Michael Horgan
Had a tool which was shaped like a quill.
With this scholarly dink,
He could squirt purple ink,
And write, draw, or color at will.
--- Anon G0255
Had a member both rare and obscene.
The girls thought it swell;
It drove bolts home as well;
Loved by all as a screwing machine.
--- Conch TP9901
Why Jim's punch on Joe's jaw did land.
"I saw your name, Joe,
Written in the snow;
The writing was in my wife's hand!"
--- Frank Fazed a
Swelled up and crawled onto Kate's thigh.
Before plunging in,
He shed his foreskin
And said, "She's got nasty hair pie!"
--- Anon
With a whip lithe and long like a snake.
He lets the thing out
And slings it about,
To sniff out hot babes on the make...
--- Grand Prix Lim 175
Who had a remarkable putz.
It would sniff, it would hunt,
For it only liked cunt.
Absolutely no lips, hands, or butts.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
That we've built you a special holder?
(It drags on the ground
If we leave it unbound)
Do you think she'll believe what you told her?
--- Ericka
Spreads the mortar about with his tool,
Which makes the big crowd
Cheer O'Doul long and loud,
While the sexy girls slaver and drool.
--- Grand Prix Lim 917
Got a girl from his gig at the Palace.
His strong manly heart
Stole the love of this tart,
Or was it his prehensile phallus?
--- Mike Dale
The women, they thought it was swell.
When deep in their hole,
He could lengthen his pole.
And for that they paid dearly, they tell.
--- Curt
Who attempted to throw a small boulder.
He tripped on a rock,
And grabbed his own cock,
And threw himself over his shoulder.
--- M Taylor
Had a prick that could hold a small fork.
And between obbligatos,
He'd munch a tomatoes,
And keep up his strength while at work.
--- L0262
Whose bollocks were cripplingly itchy.
You may think that's sad
But even more bad,
His pecker was really quite twitchy.
--- John Miller
Is known for his prehensile prick.
He takes the thing out,
And waves it about,
Without using his hands...What a trick!
--- Jim Weaver Collection a
Went looking for ocean-front scenery.
The beach that Liz viewed,
Was all male and nude,
She saw nothing by acres of wienery.
--- TXnTed a
So you gals can do all your sortin'
And get us in line,
To watch us unwind,
For woodies I'm sure we'll be sportin'.
--- Gearhart
Who went out with only his shirt on,
From which did peep shyly,
His membrum virile,
For people to animadvert on.
--- G2426
My ambitions were quickly destroyed;
Though she relished a weiner,
When she saw my cuisine, her
Expression was, frankly, annoyed.
--- Hugh Clary
The last word in pecker aplomb.
But now the same boys,
Are abusing their toys,
In order to bet on the come.
--- Irish
Do you love me?" So then as he passed her,
He gave her a bang
From his powerful wang.
'Twas catastrophe, almost disaster.
--- Ellen Alaka P9509
Was arrested with weapon revealed.
He was told, "While it's fun
To carry a gun,
The law says it must be concealed."
--- Cyber Geezer
To her friend who was too plainly manned:
"Dear, it's catching the eye
Of each girl we pass by.
Can't you cover it up with your hand?"
--- G0461
Had a big popcorn box in his lap.
His date was not wise
To impending surprise,
His dick was right under the flap.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Whose conduct was strange and unmannerly;
He rushed down the strand
With his dong in his hand,
With intent quite disgusting, generally.
--- Edwardian Leer 109 P9306
Who, being nine-eights unappareled,
Went strolling the Strand
With his prick in his hand,
Proclaiming the End Of The Werald!
--- G2334
Used a vacuum to stretch it to seven.
Then to eight and to nine,
And though ten was divine,
There will be a film at eleven.
--- Karen Jones