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Miss Bliss and her suitor, named Mel, There was a fair Belgian of Locre, A young woman known for her coquetry I met this incredible Sheila; There once was a woman named Mary, Becky who was engaged to a tailor, A pretty young greengrocer's daughter But I just hadn't twigged till you said At the table we sit thigh to thigh It's being left on the shelf that I hate! "I knew that I really loved Jane," A gallant young blade from Duquesne Some day ere she grows too antique, I knew an old geezer named Caesar A youth and a maiden from Costessey A six-foot young maiden, Miss Pooter, I know you're a loose girl, Euphamia, If lads to young ladies harken, There was a young fellow named Pringle, A timid young lad from Nebraska Her husband must not be a wee man. Although you've been gone for awhile, A handsome you bachelor named Lance, Back then, if you knew what you know There's a tiresome young man of Bay Shore When I have to leave town for yonder, A problem had poor Farmer Ted -- For this girl he felt quite an attraction. Love, to a woman's addiction, The thing about men from Wayne State, A macho young farmer named Ed When my heart is broken and blue There was a young fellow named Clark I'm in love with a girl; Ida Stare. A middle aged American called Morty, When boys become men they get randy, Let me say without any circuity A dashing young cowgirl named Nancy There was a young Tripolitanian There was a young man who by chance The pickings round here have been slimf; Sweet springtime is driving me frantic; There's a few chubby gals in this cow town, The farmer's daughter looked so sad, "If you love me, you'll take me away On the sandy beach and in the sun, It will be a life, life of delight. The next morning, right after chores, We traveled light, not a bag was in sight; Two months later, on the Isle of Chad, We laze every day with no glee, This life of ease we soon outgrew; I'll take her back, back to the farm. Bob Schumann was one of life's geeks, Remember when nearly sixteen, One cannot express the elation My dear, you are full of delights! Spring is when thoughts of a guy Jay's a young lad, one for the lasses. Hey guys, if your sweetie feels low, There once were two neighbors in Jasper; My boyfriend is covered with hair Been saying it time and again; Phil Pickle was quadragenarious, There was a young man from the West, Said daughter to Mom, "My friend Mark,
Sat poerched on the edge of a well.
Said he, "Oh, my dove,
I am falling in love."
So she pushed him, and in love he fell.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Who smothered herself with red ochre.
When people asked why,
She exclaimed with a sigh,
"I've fallen in love with a stoker."
--- Wipers Times 1916 (Bibby)
Was caught sharing affection aback a tree.
She denied all the charges,
Claiming Science enlarges
The mind. "We were dallying in rocketry!"
--- Andrew Purdam
I took her home, then tried to feel her.
But there on her couch
I gave a loud OUCH!
Her chaperone was a rottweiler!
--- Anon
Who was thought of as being contrary.
She liked making noise
When she talked to the boys,
And the boys thought the noise a bit scary
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Went out one night with a sailor.
"Oh my gosh!" said her ma.
"Oi, Oi!" said her pa,
"It's too late, but I'll certainly whale her."
--- Anon
Went out with more boys than she oughter.
She said, "I love Pete,
And Robert is sweet,
But Ken makes my knees turn to water."
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
What he meant; I am soft in the head!
I'll make your knee joggle!
I'll borrow his woggle,
And sit on your knee in his stead.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
And smile as the world passes by.
For comfort is found
In companionship bound
In this silence we cannot deny.
--- Azul
For true love, I suppose I must wait.
Though my friends, they tell me,
"Plenty fish in the sea".
How much longer will I have the bait?
--- Doug Harris P0607
Said Bill, "when it caused me great pain
And therefore made me mad
At the buddies I had,
When they said she was stupid and plain."
--- A N Wilkins P8502
Went home with a girl in the rain.
Said she with a sigh,
"I wonder when I
Shall see such a rainbow again."
--- Bennet Cerf Coll P9210
My girl's hand in marriage I'll seek;
If she's not a coquette
(Which I'd greatly regret)
She shall share my ten dollars a week.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who did try his damnedest to please her.
Though overly stout
And well-known as a lout,
He managed to tickle and tease her.
--- R E Heuberer
Sat and talked on a bank that was mostessey;
After five hours of this
The youth ventured a kiss.
Not exactly a speed-merchant wastessey?
--- S C Turner
Just couldn't decide on a suitor.
The one ardent youth
Was tall, but uncouth.
The other was short, but much cuter.
--- Mary Danby Armada 1
But while we're in Mesopotamia,
While climbing the rubble,
Please stay out of trouble,
Unless he's so cute I can't blame ya'.
--- Paul Isaacs
'Twould help when they go a-sparkin',
Or else they'll be told
"Stay out in the cold,
Since you're up the wrong tree barkin'."
--- Chris Papa
Who desperately wished to stay single.
But when he put his paw
On a young gal he saw,
He was filled with a strong urge to mingle.
--- Michael Palin
Met a lovely young lass from Alaska.
When they went for a walk,
He was too shy to talk.
And forgot what he wanted to ask her.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
He must be a big man, a he-man --
A soldier or seaman,
A demon or bee-man,
An FBI agent or G-man.
--- Laurence Perrine P9309
The images quickly compile,
For, I still see your face,
And recall your embrace
And the love in the warmth of your smile.
--- Cap'n Bean
Asked a lovely young miss to the dance.
Poor Lance didn't know,
To the Altar he'd go.
He should have been warned in advance!
--- Norma L Huisman P9208
Today, you would eagerly sow
Wild oats while you could.
It would be understood
That the outcome of wooing is woe.
--- Alex Heydon P0508
When his fiancee cried: "I adore
The beautiful sea!"
He replied, "I agree;
It's pretty, but what is it for?"
--- Morris Bishop
I know my heart's heart tends to wander,
So I squander my money
On gifts for my honey;
It's presents that make the heart fonder.
--- Laurence Perrine P9004
He didn't know which girl to wed.
On Maria and Jean
He was equally keen.
"Ave Maria," advised Uncle Fred.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Much later, he had satisfaction.
He gave her a chain,
His wife did complain,
For it brought on a loud chain reaction.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Is just what she reads in cheap fiction.
True love is primary
And sex, secondary.
With men, it's a matter of friction.
--- Al Willis T9712
(And this incidently I hate)
They dress for distress,
And I must confess,
They take mommy on every date!
--- Hungry Hannah
Could pitch bales of hay overhead;
But he found out one day
Better uses for hay --
Now it's woo that he pitches instead.
--- Cow Sheep Petersen Rhodes
And I can think only of you,
You know what I think?
I think that you stink;
I know that the fault is with you.
--- Marlene Lewis
Who cared not with whom he did spark.
In his mind was no doubt
For when lights were put out,
All the cats felt the same in the dark.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1991
This is file som
And I just can't forget Ida's pair.
My mind's eye does pare
Off her clothes, I despair!
How to win her - you got ideas spare?
--- Doug Harris
Said life began when he reached forty.
Meeting the opposite sex,
Wondering what came next;
He found the best actions were naughty!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
And females begin to look dandy.
They get attentive, and then some,
Chasing girls that are winsome,
Who soon learn that boys are quite "handy."
--- Bill Edwards P9103
That with women we like contiguity;
An end we can gain
By legerdemain,
By witchcraft, or else ingenuity.
--- Limber Limericks
Saw a cowboy she really could fancy;
She sneaked up beside him,
And roped him and tied him,
'Cause runnin' 'em loose can be chancy.
--- Cow Sheep Petersen Rhodes
Who dated a Turk, a Turanian,
A Zulu, a Slav,
A Croat, a Zouave,
Then married an old Pennsylvanian.
--- Limber Limericks
Into a nurse's eyes did glance.
Before he was aware,
He floated on air,
And was definitely in a deep trance.
--- Edwin J Weinstein
I've found that the girls hate my limpf.
My old walking cane
Just split at the grain;
I cannot catch my sinner nymph.
I'm dreaming of love so romantic;
Of a tender nice guy
Who's fast forward not shy,
And who owns a big heart quite gigantic.
--- Anon
Who will sit by the lake around sundown.
Their dreams mostly lost in
The Big Town (that's Austin),
Where they'd love to go chase a good man down.
--- Anon
In her long skirt and blouse of plaid.
Then she saw me
And she said with glee,
"Let's elope to the island of Chad."
--- Liam na Baeg
From this farm that's all work and no play,
To a place by the sea;
Just us, you and me,
We'll party all night, sleep all day.
--- Liam na Baeg
We'll swim and play and have such fun;
Frolic and free
And here is the key:
Labor and work? We'll have none.
--- Liam na Baeg
Our love for each other will burn bright.
I'll love you tonight
And the rest of my life,
If you will be my white shining knight.
--- Liam na Baeg
My lover and I slipped out the door,
Away from the farm
To a land of charm.
We headed for the blue water shores.
--- Liam na Baeg
Bought a ticket on the very next flight.
Our plans supposed
We wouldn't need clothes.
We are on the beach before midnight.
--- Liam na Baeg
Now we are both quite a bit sad.
Sand in our hair.
There's sand everywhere;
Our sunburned skin is really quite bad.
--- Liam na Baeg
With only the sun, sand and the sea.
There is no stimulation;
I'll say without hesitation,
It's a boring life, to the Nth degree.
--- Liam na Baeg
The love of my life became a shrew.
Bitchin' and kickin',
Sand she is flickin'.
She says I'm the cause of her mood blue.
--- Liam na Baeg
Back to farm, with all of its charm.
The plow and the cow
Look very good now.
We'll go back and repair all the harm.
--- Liam na Baeg
Not blessed with the best of physiques.
And so, to win Clara,
That fine avis rara,
Took quite a large number of weeks.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
On your very first date as a teen,
At the movies? If yes,
Then I bet you can't guess
What was shown on the cinema screen.
--- Peter Wilkins
Of flying off on a vacation,
And finding the locals
(The nice ones, not yokels)
Engaging oneself in flirtation.
--- Millicent Friendly
You light up my days (and my nights!)
With the sweet things you do;
But I have to warn you...
I'm a little terrified of heights.
--- Anon
Turn to beautiful, bouncy, or shy
And demure little lasses
With cute little asses,
Who giggle and wiggle on by.
--- Peter Wilkins
He looks for his love in the masses.
He does not care what kind,
Though one thing you will find:
He's got a thing for girls with glasses.
--- Gaz Perch
Affection is what you should show;
A personal gift
Will give her a lift;
Go buy her a rake or a hoe.
--- Travis Brasell
A maid, and a fellow named Caspar;
And when she walked by
She would give him the eye,
And Caspar of Jasper would grasp her.
--- Alsops Foibles
And therefore he's never quite bare.
But he's awfully sweet,
So cute and so neat,
That I think that we make quite a pair.
--- Toast Point
That falling in love is a pain.
But one hint of romance
And my heart starts to dance,
So I'm damned if I'll ever refrain.
--- Anon
Still single, and not temerarious;
When a mild mid-life fling
Wound him tight as a spring,
His coworkers found it hilarious.
--- Gail Koontz
Who loved a young girl with much zest.
So hard did he press her
To make her say, "Yes, sir,"
He broke three cigars in his vest.
--- Anon
Quite often takes me to the park.
To him should I mention
What is his intention,
'Cause I'm mostly kept in the dark?"
--- Observer
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