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On the shore an old woodsman named Lee f vwels n my keybard I've fur; Two eels drinking cocktails, conveys I am gay. I am poet. I dwell A flea circus owner named Hatch The thesaurus editor's goal "The thing about women," said he, "Before lubricants," asked Mr. Fry, A lama with one L's a priest A clever inventor was Pete, (as opposed to time on his hands)
Otis, yesterday sat down to chat And that's what it seems all about, The farmer's dear wife, name of Marge, Two elephants, Harry and Fay, -- A dull-witted fellow once sped (feather-brained
woman) When twins came, their father, Dann Dunn, There was a young person of York, A frat house in rainy Seattle, To find a nice abro, go straight. On reaching 21, Father, At 21 he went out from town "Hey Grandma, I want to know why!" My uncle puts on quite a show; The editor said, "Listen, Honey, The mute little boy had no hope "I have heard," said a maid from Monclair, This coaster was really a boaster. The old joker from Kalamazoo There was a young lady from Del. He said, "Boo is still looking for you." I received a post card from my dear; There was a young lady named Kinter, The car that was purchased by Wood If you have feet that are ice cold, A wealthy old widow named Fannic "Idealist" describes Gordon Searles; Global warming has turned up the heat; Ere I finish this tragic recital, There was an old person of Fife; If hatred's not one of the forces Ever since I was wed to her, I've Mike's found his Irish Colleen, So Michael has married my sister -- Mike has made off with our Ellen; Lets drink to these fortunate two A pretty Chinese girl, Ming San, There was a young woman called Molly The car that was purchased by Dawes There was a young lady, Miss Flora, There was a young fellow named Whiting, There was a young Lass from Carluke I do not think bedtime is boring A rice grain who lived in East Reading "I've been to that mean marriage broker, A poor girl, she'd be without dower, Tutta
When I become old I think I'll Too much time on the 'puter was bad; So I sit and think about this, But really, things are okay. So be brave my ousted old heart, Our Nora's old man, Dopey Ned, Now it's really late and I'm bored. As I walk in my garden I find In June I might yet remember We sit in a garden of roses, The stars that shine softly and bright, I've crested the peak of the week;
Cut the waves with his saw into three.
Said his wife in disdain,
"On the sea he won't gain,
And it looks like a seesaw to me."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2665
I've cunted 'em lking fr mre.
I thught that there ught
T be mre f that srt
S they must've drpped t the flr.
--- Peter Wilkins
That they really like these soirees.
They talk and they dance,
And they kindle romance.
And these we call social morays.
--- Al Willis P9608
Rupert street, at the fifth. I am swell.
And I sing tra-la-la,
And I love my mama,
And the English, I speak him very well.
--- George Du Maurier P9711
Was successful and had quite a batch
Of cash in the bin.
How did he begin?
Well, he actually started from scratch.
--- A N Wilkins P8508
Was consummate diet control.
At lunch he said, "Please
I am somewhat obese,
So I'll just have a synonym roll.
--- Omar Sundrud
"Is that they take things personally."
"I don't know about that,"
Said his girlfriend, Pat,
"No one could say that about me."
--- Anon
"With no oil, with machinery dry,
How did they make out?"
He friend said, "No doubt
They managed somehow to squeak by."
--- A N Wilkins P8508
A llama with two L's a beast
I'll bet my pajama's
That all three-L lllama's
Are hellish hot fires, at least.
--- Ogden Nash
Who came up with a plan rather neat.
He put watches and clocks
Into each of his socks,
And came up with time on his feet.
--- Brandy Brandon P9509
With an engineer. In nothing flat
Otis told a great joke,
But he thought he would choke
When he heard, "Let us analyze that."
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0512Q
To give what is common some clout.
To raise up the gutter
By rhyming to utter,
And share a joke, friendly to tout.
--- Anon
Observed a young man who did barge
Toward the farmer's prize pig,
And he there threw his wig,
So Marge laid a tress passing charge.
--- Albin Chaplin P9104
Couldn't kiss with their trunks in the way.
So they boarded a plane,
Now they're kissing in Maine,
'Cause their trunks got sent to L.A.
--- Reminisce P9310
To his doctor for pains in his head. (her)
His doctor said, "Jack, (Dot,)
When you jump from the sack (from your cot,)
In the morning, try feet first instead.
--- Bob Giandomenico P8811
Gave Edward as name to each son.
When folks cried, "Absurd!"
He replied, "Ain't you heard
That two Eds are better than one?"
--- Linda Marsh Coll
Who slowed down at a road in the fork;
For he said, "Had I slowed
At the fork in the road,
I'd have never unbottled this cork."
--- Anon
A daily deluge had to battle.
It was no surprise
To see flood waters rise
Up a Greek without a paddle.
--- KJR
It's behind the white fence, in a crate.
You can't climb the fence,
So use some good sense.
You must open the white abrogate.
--- Al Willis
Grandfather, and Great Grandfather
Were walking on water,
So Dan thought he oughter
Try to do same without bother.
--- Daniel Ford
To a lake with a boat he brought down.
On stepping from boat,
It's good he could float,
Otherwise he would surely have drowned.
--- Daniel Ford
Said the grey one then with a sigh,
"Ancestors unwary
Were born January,
While you, dear, were born in July!"
--- Daniel Ford
He'll walk out on the water, real slow.
Though not in this season;
"I perform," is his reason,
"At my best when it's twenty below."
--- John Miller 0057
Your joke was too clean to be funny.
Jokes can be helly
If a little bit smelly;
I want real belly laughs for my money.
--- Grand Prix Lim 795
Of concealing his profanaity grope.
He knew it for certain
That it would be hurtin'
When his mom washed his hands out with soap.
--- Res Ipsa
"Opportunity's step on the stair;
But I couln't unlock
To its magical knock,
For I was always washing my hair."
--- Morris Bishop
It lay there in front of the toaster
And it said, "I'm the best,
For I lie to your west.
Yes, everyone loves a West Coaster!"
--- John Dohner P8907
Asked the new kid to bring him some snoo.
"What's snoo?" asked the boy,
Falling hard for the ploy.
"Not a lot," said the rogue, "How 'bout you?"
--- Dogbard
Who was most undoubtedly wel.
That to dress for a masque
Wasn't much of a task,
But she cried, "What the heck will my fel.?"
--- Anon (Cerf) (Bibby)
He expected an answer, "Boo who?"
He would say, "Please don't cry."
But things went awry,
When the black man replied, "Who be Boo?"
--- Al Willis
The picture was pretty and clear
Of the Earth far away.
Turned it over, did say
Having fun, but I wish you were here.
--- Friar
Who married a man in the winter.
The man's name was Wood,
And now, as they should,
The Woods have a cute little 'splinter'.
--- Joan Ranucci
Was checked and inspected but good.
But when Wood picked a wife,
He disrupted his life
For he failed to check under the hood.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2842
This is file sjm
And put them in places quite bold,
Nothing can warm 'em
Like a nice hot bum,
But it ruins the mood, so I'm told.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Was torn by great torments and panic,
For she lived without hope
And with life could not cope,
Till she married a factory mechanic.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2565
He's wild about kittens and squirrels --
A most ardent votary
Of church, home, and Rotary
And worships his children, all girls.
--- Armand E Singer 680
You can pan-fry your eggs in the street.
But I will get by.
I've an endlees supply
Of cold from my old lady's feet.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
There's a point to explain which is vital.
The bride Fate did balk,
Was Irish, from Cork;
You'll now see the sense of my title.
--- Archie
He was perfectly foul to his wife.
He remarked as they wed,
"I shall kick you in bed,"
Which he did for the rest of his life.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Which sometimes influence their courses,
When marriages fray,
Why it is today
That so many end up in divorces.
--- A N Wilkins P9508
Been trying to cope and survive.
Don't go out on the town,
And I don't fool around.
It seems I was married alive.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
The best man wants verse, not obscene.
So no rhymes with a melon,
Just stand and toast Ellen;
And Mike -- That's the end, while it's clean.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
I hope that at least he has kissed her!
But whatever trials
Or pains and denials --
We knew that he couldn't resist her.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
There's no doubt their two hearts are swellen'.
In typical fashion
They've succumbed to passion,
And as for the rest, I'm not tellin'.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
As they struggle to face life anew.
May their marriage be blessed
With love, luck and zest,
And may all of their best dreams come true!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Sighed, "I am going to marry a man."
Mused her mother, "Some day..."
But Ming San said, "Monday.
His name is Feng Wu Chi La Wan."
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Who said, "My life isn't so jolly.
Oh, my husband, Joe,
Is handsome, I know.
But he isn't half bad with his lolly!"
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Was fully inspected because
He bought only the best.
But his wife he bought dressed,
And neglected to check her for flaws.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2532
Who met an Italian adorer.
He gave her a kiss,
And now she's not Miss
Nor Mrs, indeed, but Signora.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Who spent with his wife, much time fighting.
She said, "We're in a bind,
We must act more refined."
He said, "Dear, can you put that in writing?"
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2835
Who married a man from Craignook.
Forty years have since passed,
And he's still aghast
That she can read him like a book!
--- Francis K Young
But my wife complains I'm exploring,
With a new nasal sound
I seem to have found;
All night she's awake from my snoring.
--- Shelby Forrest
Was constantly fearing and dreading
That she would be took
To a fiendish old cook,
But instead, she was thrown at a wedding.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
A toitish and greedy old joker.
To hear wedding chimes,
We haven't what rhymes,
Oh, Daughter! I'm just a coal stoker!"
--- Tutta Gioia
But her dad the cupboard would scour.
To provide her with "this"
So she'd trade in her "miss"
And plan an Old World bridal shower.
--- Tutta Gioia
Retire to a quaint little isle.
I'll take this brunette,
A saucy coquette;
She's the girl that I walked down the aisle.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
I was gone and my wife became mad.
She packed up her stuff
'Cause she'd had enough.
Now I'm alone and feel really sad.
--- Anon
As she runs off seeking some bliss,
With some fellow named Frank,
A sergeant by rank.
Tell me, is something amiss?
--- Anon
I am mine 24 hours a day.
I use ICQ
For something to do,
And meet plenty of new friends this way.
--- Anon
Even if you're ripped apart.
Life does improve;
You'll get out of that groove
And find someone to help you restart.
--- Anon
Gets more and more vague in the head.
One night he set Nor
Outside the front door,
And took a milk bottle to bed.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
(Already untangled the phone cord)
I need a distraction,
Some kind of action,
Cause tonight this job has no reward.
--- Anon
The fragrance affects me like wine.
Drunk with passion flowers;
Could stay here for hours;
Nature cleansing my body and mind.
--- Archie
The end of cold dark December.
I'll dance in my shorts
And play lots of sports,
But what to do come November?
--- Anon
Surveying a gamut of poses.
The scent seems divine,
Like a robust, red wine,
Which pleasures the end of our noses.
--- Anon
Compete with the moon and her light.
With the Comets - outdone,
By the glare of the Sun,
Choose the time that is right for them - Night.
--- Anon
The view towards the weekend's not bleak.
Down the hump's steep backside,
I'll anxiously slide
To Friday PM's sweet mystique.
--- Randog
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