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He was actor and dancer and singer;
In our psyche his image will linger.
He was hero and gallant,
And his greatest talent:
He could make a lady come with one finger.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0312

"Ah-Ah," screamed a housewife from Ealing;
"Oh God, it's a wonderful feeling,
From my tits to my feet,
At the height of the heat,
I tell you, it sets me to squealing."
--- Armand Singer

No more, Oh! no please, I pled;
We've mashed a big dent in the bed.
You've worn out my puss.
I am such a wuss.
Let me just give you some head.
--- Karen

Don't push that button again.
You've pushed it until it is thin.
That ain't no reset;
Just wait one minute;
And wipe off that shit eating grin.
--- Karen

I just wanted a bit of fun,
So I called on my number one.
In a sexual game,
I cried out his name!
And bother! I yelled the wrong one!
--- Anon

His penis went rather lank;
His passion and ardour, it sank.
His smile was real wry,
As he looked in my eye,
And said "WHO in the HELL is FRANK?"
--- Anon

You certainly know how to hum;
That makes a girl want to succumb.
The tension's so great,
Don't think I can wait,
I'm ready to ...oooh...aaah...uhmmm...!
--- Kaylin Brandon

While the soul through the purging can make it,
Nor clothing nor body can take it,
So let Islam staff it.
We have the last laugh fit,
For seventy virgins all fake it.
--- Dennis Hammes

A wife who had never complained
Had her husband convinced that he reigned
As a stud in their bed,
But the truth be it said,
Was her orgasms all had been feigned.
--- Cap'n Bean P0205

If mine were the world to remake,
A couple of liberties I'd take.
No woman corny;
All women horny;
And orgasms that couldn't be faked!
--- Mercury

A sexy young prostitute, Bridgit,
Once got into bed with a midget.
With artistic skill,
She feigned thrill after thrill --
But privately dreamed of her digit.
--- Norm Storer

Great love, Eve and Adam would make,
But all her orgasms were fake.
She'd writhe and she'd moan
To quicken his own,
Just so she could get to the snake.
--- SFA

Quite right for the snake was ALL snake;
Once inside her he'd writhe and he'd shake,
Till she'd stiffen and shudder --
No sound would she utter;
Just lie there and quiver and quake.
--- SFA

So girls, don't begrudge us our sheep
When you can have critters that creep,
Which warmed on a rock,
Can beat any cock,
Though the price that you pay may be steep.
--- SFA

If my offer you're tempted to take,
We can meet down at Table Rock Lake.
On the water, it's nice.
(A hotel would suffice) --
I promise an orgasm I'll fake.
--- Anon

To a girl seeking financial gain,
There's something I'll have to explain.
The easiest way
To achieve it today,
What you really detest, is to feign.
--- Norm Storer P9812

Quite honestly, Emily Jane
Admits that she once tried to feign
The perfect orgasm --
But since nobody has'em,
Her effort was clearly in vain.
--- Norm Storer

This housewife was frigid, named Dawes,
And didn't know what was the cause.
So she faked her orgasms,
A class act with spasms;
On the stage she'd have gotten applause!
--- Laurence Craft

Her orgasms -- phoney, it's true;
Phone sex with no matter who.
It's usually the plumber --
I'll give you her number,
So she can orgasm with you.
--- Lightbulb

Now while she is phoning her John,
Thoughts of her hubby are gone.
So Old Man Maloney
Starts feeling all lonely,
Yet horny, and really turned on!
--- Lightbulb

But she just won't stop her phone-sexin',
While leaving her buddy a-vexin'.
So Old Man Maloney
Calls Old Faithful (his pony)
And rides its tight ass like a Texan.
--- Lightbulb

Next door there's a Mrs Maloney
Whose orgasms mostly are phoney
To please her old man;
For as oft as she can,
She gets more than she needs from her pony.
--- Anon

A woman whose last name was Drake,
During sex, she would quiver and shake;
But she fooled all the guys
With her moans and her signs,
For her orgasms really were fake.
--- Cap'n Bean P9812A

Sex with a lass sure is fine,
For she'll scream and she'll moan and she'll whine.
As she wriggles and spasms,
She'll fake her orgasms,
But I sure as hell didn't fake mine.
--- Anon

I wouldn't worry about brain,
When most of it goes down the drain.
When you manage to capture
Us women in rapture,
And with orgasms we don't have to feign.
--- Anon

Factitious orgasmic delight
Resounds from some beds every night.
While lying humpbacked,
Some women enact
To please in the saddle, their knight.
--- Nick

A gal named Penelope Baker,
In bed was a screamer and shaker.
But the matter of fact
Was it all was an act,
For, at orgasms, she was a faker.
--- Cap'n Bean P0503

This wonderful girl I was making
Was screaming and moaning and shaking.
I said, "Honey child
You really are wild."
She replied, "It's OK, I'm just faking."
--- Anon

A new year is ripe in the making.
To count blessings, time I am taking.
Her ass isn't big,
She's never a prig,
When coming, she seldom is faking.
--- Daniel

Ladies have learned how to take it;
When time in bed comes to make it,
Anything but STOLID;
A performance solid
Is needed if one is to fake it.
--- Chris Papa

An orgasm it can be fine;
A multiple one is devine.
But if you should moan,
And it's not your own,
You faked it, you bullshiting swine.
--- Brad

The last time I had an orgasm,
It came with a spine-tingling spasm.
In the midst of our thralls
It busted my balls,
And I smeared all the walls with my plasm.
--- G0712

A smartass was one Philip Munn.
(He wasn't called "Cunning-ham" for fun.)
He took every occasion
For ejaculation,
And in between loaded his gun.
--- Anon

This is file shl

A camper with peter immense,
Said: "To carry a pole makes no sense!
I just spread out a blanket,
Crawl under and yank it.
My orgasm's always in tents."
--- Rowdy Jack

On a warm summer day I was showing
A coed the technique of rowing,
When finally she spoke:
"I do love your stroke,
But there's more than the bilge overflowing!"
--- Anon

There once was a man from Rangoon
Whose orgasms came far too soon.
Said women he knew,
"It's no fun with you,
Go practice it on a baboon."
--- Julia Strawn P8805

There was a young man who did gyrate
Within a young woman, quite irate.
She complained, "You done bore
For an hour or more!
I think you can't come, is what I state!"
--- Sam Shaffe P8704

"To die" is a great euphemism.
It signals release of my jism.
I pray that I'll perish
And always I'll cherish
Your poem that stayed my skepticism.
--- Anon

My Girl is a sexual magician;
Her one and only ambition
Is to give me an orgasm,
A real heavenly spasm.
She's a coition-emission technician.
--- Ed Wolfert P8209

She ignited desire with her glance
And fanned it to fire of romance.
So inflamed was his heart
And its flesh counterpart,
That it made him combust in his pants.
--- Lance Payne P8405

Superstitious and poor Mrs. Tunney,
Had a habit both touching and funny:
She would wad up a buck,
In her cunt ere she'd fuck,
So her husband could come into money.
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner

Confucius say: Problem like sand;
Finding answer, worth many grand;
Man with sex on mind,
Go to bed he will find,
In the morning, solution-in-hand.
--- Anon

The sight of her well-tufted chasm
Induced an involuntary spasm.
I put up a fight
But try as I might,
I couldn't delay my orgasm.
--- SFA

There was this young boy named Fritz,
Who has orgasms each time he shits.
"This not knowing
If I'm coming or going,
Is driving me out of my wits.
--- Jim Weaver Collection a

That merciless Emperor Dacian,
Much given to deep penetration,
Said, "Getting there's fun
But second to none
Are pleasures from ejaculation."
--- Armand E Singer 617

Good grief; if the end has begun,
Let's go out with a fuck; have some fun.
If my pecker's unfurled
In a pussy, the world
Can go bang; I'll die happy my son.
--- Anon

The size of the barge on a trip
Makes no diff' if a yacht or a slip.
If you get the right motion,
You still cross the ocean
With all in or even the tip.
--- Anon

I, too, shot a wad with a wallop
Into Trudy, my very first trollop;
The force of my blast
Put her hip in a cast
And thereafter she walked with a lollop.
--- Anon

There once was a man from Crete,
Who triumphantly came on his feet.
Till that fateful day,
He let a fine spray,
And slipped, going down in defeat.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

The rich man, the poor man, the tramp--
Each man has an Aladdin's lamp.
He need only rub
(The rich hire a sub)
And he is the Orgasm Champ.
--- Irving Superior P9103

Jim told us with hearty sarcasm,
That he never had had an orgasm.
Though indiscreet,
We slipped 'neath his sheet,
And found, without doubt, that he has 'em.
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay

In Ottawa girls are quite dumb;
They'd rather just sit on their bum.
Lazy? I know.
But they won't say no,
When finally you say, "Here I come!"
--- Dudesdead

There was a young man named Levine,
Who said to his lady, inclined,
"Thanks for the spasm,
It felt like orgasm;
As a matter of fact, 'twas divine.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

A young fellow whose last name was Crockett,
Liked to walk with his hand in his pocket.
He was able to hide
What's happened inside,
'Til he comes like a jet-propelled rocket.
--- Coops

The girl down the road begged, "Come soon,
The last time you came it was noon!"
"I hate to dispute you,"
Said I, "or refute you;
The last time I came was in June!"
--- Anon

I sure love it when hard nipples jut;
Makes my phallus get eager to strut.
I think at your breast,
I need not be a pest,
I can come while just reading this smut!
--- Tutta Gioia

With fountains of jizm I splat-
terred the ceilings and walls and the cat.
Now I've emptied my hose;
All I want is to doze;
You expect me to natter and chat?
--- Anon

I miss you, Voluptuous Dame.
The last time I called out your name,
My peter got stiff
Within tenth of a jiff.
And a half-second later I came.
--- Anon

Now William was born in Kentucky;
He thought himself wonderfully lucky.
One jerk, plus a spasm,
Produced an orgasm
And he thought that he was just ducky.
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay

I once came so fast and so hard,
I left her all mangled and scarred.
The cops found her spleen
Way down some ravine,
But most of her stayed in the yard.
--- H Welchel

A hard-riding trucker named Escher
Tried out a big hooker in Lesher.
He had an orgasm
Inside her vast chasm...
But from thinking about it, not pressure!
--- Grand Prix Lim 112

When the elderly Mrs. Topopov
Blows Mr. Topopov's pop topov,
The Topopovs don't stop
Until pop pops his top,
And then only to mop all the slopov.
--- Anon

"Please come in your best suit on Sat."
Said Barb's invitation to Matt;
He R.S.V.P'd,
Said, "I really need,
To come much more sooner than that!"
--- Anon

We should have a sound or a song,
A slogan or elaborate gong,
To emit a loud cheep
Or some kind of peep,
Or a long ranging deep-throated bong.

(Whenever POP goes our dong!)

A dapper young fellow named Peening
Thought prancing nude girls gave life meaning.
A lusty lap dance
Has left him entranced,
But out seven bucks for dry cleaning.
--- Gary D McCullough

The battery mechanic named Hood,
Was pumping as fast as he could
On top of his wife,
And he said, "'Pon my life,
An occasional discharge is good."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0197

To a girl that he met at a dance,
Jack made an improper advance.
He was so much impressed
When this girl acquiesced,
That his rifle went off in his pants.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1846


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