He was actor and dancer and singer; "Ah-Ah," screamed a housewife from Ealing; No more, Oh! no please, I pled; Don't push that button again. I just wanted a bit of fun, His penis went rather lank; You certainly know how to hum; While the soul through the purging can make it, A wife who had never complained If mine were the world to remake, A sexy young prostitute, Bridgit, Great love, Eve and Adam would make, Quite right for the snake was ALL snake; So girls, don't begrudge us our sheep If my offer you're tempted to take, To a girl seeking financial gain, Quite honestly, Emily Jane This housewife was frigid, named Dawes, Her orgasms -- phoney, it's true; Now while she is phoning her John, But she just won't stop her phone-sexin', Next door there's a Mrs Maloney A woman whose last name was Drake, Sex with a lass sure is fine, I wouldn't worry about brain, Factitious orgasmic delight A gal named Penelope Baker, This wonderful girl I was making A new year is ripe in the making. Ladies have learned how to take it; An orgasm it can be fine; The last time I had an orgasm, A smartass was one Philip Munn.
This is file shl
A camper with peter immense, On a warm summer day I was showing There once was a man from Rangoon There was a young man who did gyrate "To die" is a great euphemism. My Girl is a sexual magician; She ignited desire with her glance Superstitious and poor Mrs. Tunney, Confucius say: Problem like sand; The sight of her well-tufted chasm There was this young boy named Fritz, That merciless Emperor Dacian, Good grief; if the end has begun, The size of the barge on a trip I, too, shot a wad with a wallop There once was a man from Crete, The rich man, the poor man, the tramp-- Jim told us with hearty sarcasm, In Ottawa girls are quite dumb; There was a young man named Levine, A young fellow whose last name was Crockett, The girl down the road begged, "Come soon, I sure love it when hard nipples jut; With fountains of jizm I splat- I miss you, Voluptuous Dame. Now William was born in Kentucky; I once came so fast and so hard, A hard-riding trucker named Escher When the elderly Mrs. Topopov "Please come in your best suit on Sat." We should have a sound or a song, (Whenever POP goes our dong!)
A dapper young fellow named Peening The battery mechanic named Hood, To a girl that he met at a dance,
In our psyche his image will linger.
He was hero and gallant,
And his greatest talent:
He could make a lady come with one finger.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0312
"Oh God, it's a wonderful feeling,
From my tits to my feet,
At the height of the heat,
I tell you, it sets me to squealing."
--- Armand Singer
We've mashed a big dent in the bed.
You've worn out my puss.
I am such a wuss.
Let me just give you some head.
--- Karen
You've pushed it until it is thin.
That ain't no reset;
Just wait one minute;
And wipe off that shit eating grin.
--- Karen
So I called on my number one.
In a sexual game,
I cried out his name!
And bother! I yelled the wrong one!
--- Anon
His passion and ardour, it sank.
His smile was real wry,
As he looked in my eye,
And said "WHO in the HELL is FRANK?"
--- Anon
That makes a girl want to succumb.
The tension's so great,
Don't think I can wait,
I'm ready to ...oooh...aaah...uhmmm...!
--- Kaylin Brandon
Nor clothing nor body can take it,
So let Islam staff it.
We have the last laugh fit,
For seventy virgins all fake it.
--- Dennis Hammes
Had her husband convinced that he reigned
As a stud in their bed,
But the truth be it said,
Was her orgasms all had been feigned.
--- Cap'n Bean P0205
A couple of liberties I'd take.
No woman corny;
All women horny;
And orgasms that couldn't be faked!
--- Mercury
Once got into bed with a midget.
With artistic skill,
She feigned thrill after thrill --
But privately dreamed of her digit.
--- Norm Storer
But all her orgasms were fake.
She'd writhe and she'd moan
To quicken his own,
Just so she could get to the snake.
--- SFA
Once inside her he'd writhe and he'd shake,
Till she'd stiffen and shudder --
No sound would she utter;
Just lie there and quiver and quake.
--- SFA
When you can have critters that creep,
Which warmed on a rock,
Can beat any cock,
Though the price that you pay may be steep.
--- SFA
We can meet down at Table Rock Lake.
On the water, it's nice.
(A hotel would suffice) --
I promise an orgasm I'll fake.
--- Anon
There's something I'll have to explain.
The easiest way
To achieve it today,
What you really detest, is to feign.
--- Norm Storer P9812
Admits that she once tried to feign
The perfect orgasm --
But since nobody has'em,
Her effort was clearly in vain.
--- Norm Storer
And didn't know what was the cause.
So she faked her orgasms,
A class act with spasms;
On the stage she'd have gotten applause!
--- Laurence Craft
Phone sex with no matter who.
It's usually the plumber --
I'll give you her number,
So she can orgasm with you.
--- Lightbulb
Thoughts of her hubby are gone.
So Old Man Maloney
Starts feeling all lonely,
Yet horny, and really turned on!
--- Lightbulb
While leaving her buddy a-vexin'.
So Old Man Maloney
Calls Old Faithful (his pony)
And rides its tight ass like a Texan.
--- Lightbulb
Whose orgasms mostly are phoney
To please her old man;
For as oft as she can,
She gets more than she needs from her pony.
--- Anon
During sex, she would quiver and shake;
But she fooled all the guys
With her moans and her signs,
For her orgasms really were fake.
--- Cap'n Bean P9812A
For she'll scream and she'll moan and she'll whine.
As she wriggles and spasms,
She'll fake her orgasms,
But I sure as hell didn't fake mine.
--- Anon
When most of it goes down the drain.
When you manage to capture
Us women in rapture,
And with orgasms we don't have to feign.
--- Anon
Resounds from some beds every night.
While lying humpbacked,
Some women enact
To please in the saddle, their knight.
--- Nick
In bed was a screamer and shaker.
But the matter of fact
Was it all was an act,
For, at orgasms, she was a faker.
--- Cap'n Bean P0503
Was screaming and moaning and shaking.
I said, "Honey child
You really are wild."
She replied, "It's OK, I'm just faking."
--- Anon
To count blessings, time I am taking.
Her ass isn't big,
She's never a prig,
When coming, she seldom is faking.
--- Daniel
When time in bed comes to make it,
Anything but STOLID;
A performance solid
Is needed if one is to fake it.
--- Chris Papa
A multiple one is devine.
But if you should moan,
And it's not your own,
You faked it, you bullshiting swine.
--- Brad
It came with a spine-tingling spasm.
In the midst of our thralls
It busted my balls,
And I smeared all the walls with my plasm.
--- G0712
(He wasn't called "Cunning-ham" for fun.)
He took every occasion
For ejaculation,
And in between loaded his gun.
--- Anon
Said: "To carry a pole makes no sense!
I just spread out a blanket,
Crawl under and yank it.
My orgasm's always in tents."
--- Rowdy Jack
A coed the technique of rowing,
When finally she spoke:
"I do love your stroke,
But there's more than the bilge overflowing!"
--- Anon
Whose orgasms came far too soon.
Said women he knew,
"It's no fun with you,
Go practice it on a baboon."
--- Julia Strawn P8805
Within a young woman, quite irate.
She complained, "You done bore
For an hour or more!
I think you can't come, is what I state!"
--- Sam Shaffe P8704
It signals release of my jism.
I pray that I'll perish
And always I'll cherish
Your poem that stayed my skepticism.
--- Anon
Her one and only ambition
Is to give me an orgasm,
A real heavenly spasm.
She's a coition-emission technician.
--- Ed Wolfert P8209
And fanned it to fire of romance.
So inflamed was his heart
And its flesh counterpart,
That it made him combust in his pants.
--- Lance Payne P8405
Had a habit both touching and funny:
She would wad up a buck,
In her cunt ere she'd fuck,
So her husband could come into money.
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner
Finding answer, worth many grand;
Man with sex on mind,
Go to bed he will find,
In the morning, solution-in-hand.
--- Anon
Induced an involuntary spasm.
I put up a fight
But try as I might,
I couldn't delay my orgasm.
--- SFA
Who has orgasms each time he shits.
"This not knowing
If I'm coming or going,
Is driving me out of my wits.
--- Jim Weaver Collection a
Much given to deep penetration,
Said, "Getting there's fun
But second to none
Are pleasures from ejaculation."
--- Armand E Singer 617
Let's go out with a fuck; have some fun.
If my pecker's unfurled
In a pussy, the world
Can go bang; I'll die happy my son.
--- Anon
Makes no diff' if a yacht or a slip.
If you get the right motion,
You still cross the ocean
With all in or even the tip.
--- Anon
Into Trudy, my very first trollop;
The force of my blast
Put her hip in a cast
And thereafter she walked with a lollop.
--- Anon
Who triumphantly came on his feet.
Till that fateful day,
He let a fine spray,
And slipped, going down in defeat.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Each man has an Aladdin's lamp.
He need only rub
(The rich hire a sub)
And he is the Orgasm Champ.
--- Irving Superior P9103
That he never had had an orgasm.
Though indiscreet,
We slipped 'neath his sheet,
And found, without doubt, that he has 'em.
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay
They'd rather just sit on their bum.
Lazy? I know.
But they won't say no,
When finally you say, "Here I come!"
--- Dudesdead
Who said to his lady, inclined,
"Thanks for the spasm,
It felt like orgasm;
As a matter of fact, 'twas divine.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Liked to walk with his hand in his pocket.
He was able to hide
What's happened inside,
'Til he comes like a jet-propelled rocket.
--- Coops
The last time you came it was noon!"
"I hate to dispute you,"
Said I, "or refute you;
The last time I came was in June!"
--- Anon
Makes my phallus get eager to strut.
I think at your breast,
I need not be a pest,
I can come while just reading this smut!
--- Tutta Gioia
terred the ceilings and walls and the cat.
Now I've emptied my hose;
All I want is to doze;
You expect me to natter and chat?
--- Anon
The last time I called out your name,
My peter got stiff
Within tenth of a jiff.
And a half-second later I came.
--- Anon
He thought himself wonderfully lucky.
One jerk, plus a spasm,
Produced an orgasm
And he thought that he was just ducky.
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay
I left her all mangled and scarred.
The cops found her spleen
Way down some ravine,
But most of her stayed in the yard.
--- H Welchel
Tried out a big hooker in Lesher.
He had an orgasm
Inside her vast chasm...
But from thinking about it, not pressure!
--- Grand Prix Lim 112
Blows Mr. Topopov's pop topov,
The Topopovs don't stop
Until pop pops his top,
And then only to mop all the slopov.
--- Anon
Said Barb's invitation to Matt;
He R.S.V.P'd,
Said, "I really need,
To come much more sooner than that!"
--- Anon
A slogan or elaborate gong,
To emit a loud cheep
Or some kind of peep,
Or a long ranging deep-throated bong.
Thought prancing nude girls gave life meaning.
A lusty lap dance
Has left him entranced,
But out seven bucks for dry cleaning.
--- Gary D McCullough
Was pumping as fast as he could
On top of his wife,
And he said, "'Pon my life,
An occasional discharge is good."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0197
Jack made an improper advance.
He was so much impressed
When this girl acquiesced,
That his rifle went off in his pants.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1846