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There's life in my peter; it still Girls give Jim's stiff penis a spasm, My Dad said, "Don't fall for each skirt, On the deck of a ship called Masm, Last night I was reaming Erm's chasm, "Hey lass - I just can't keep my eyes She gasped at the way he was built, My astonishment never ceases; That fortunate Arab, Ben-Azzem, My dear, the truth sometimes hurts -- A peculiar old fellow named Rutter A woman who lived in Mobile, Though I struggle to get the right rhythm Single white male seeking fun, A novice young fellow with Kate Your body sure sets me on fire; When Peter was dating Miss Shirley, Poor Joe missed his train in West Brumming, Some men want to die with a spasm Said a tardy young man of Decatur Young Alice is known for her poise Oh darling, oh dearest, oh my Max, The sight of Amelia Ruddles There once was a harelip named Seth, You are just making me sick, Wick-dipping's a joy for us all, There was an old whore of Montrose, A talented fuckstress, Miss Chisholm, I've found something new for my pleasure! There was a young man from Lake Eire, A lady with her hair of grey, A nice twisted wench from Capreeze, When a man on a lady does climb, A girl is short-changed in a screw; The party is now in full swing; Don't try stroking massage in Ukraine; To her bed my girlfriend beckoned I've never had ladies complain, They tell of a satyr named Clive, Plainly, she had a strong yen, You say that it's still not your best? While sneezing, a lady named Duff A versatile girl from the South There was an Old Man of the Mountain, (Published 1879)
There once was a man from Belize, A furniture salesgirl named Niles, Perhaps it is rest that you'll need. A sex-happy babe of South Bend Oh give me men, and then some more, Well, I guess masturbation's okay A lonely old maid name of Springer Bigger's not some magic potion, Demonpete will require exorcism, A lucky young cajun from Nawlins, (New Orleans) An A.M. disk jockey named Morty With a heady irateness, some chick Now our young Nat's John Thomas, There was an old lady named Scott My new girlfriend said to me, "So, A young gardener from Bennington Rise A farmer from near Skibbereen, A marvelous thing is the penis, I respond to logic -- and Will, A comely young woman named Venus The card I received caught my eye, A bediddled beauty named Bissel
Has a mind of its own and the thrill
Of a chick in my arms,
With the requisite charms,
Will undoubtedly cause it to spill.
--- Anon
Whenever he sees 'em or has 'em.
He likes them so well,
He needs only to smell,
Them to a have spontaneous orgasm.
--- L1348
Because you are bound to get hurt;
It's best to be choosy,
Don't fall for a floozie
Who'll laugh at your premature spurt!"
--- Mark Levy P9606
An old salt was having a spasm.
Cried a lady named Chasm,
"Is that an orgasm?"
And the old salt replied to her, "Yas'm."
--- Conrad Aiken P0406
When my dick gave a kick and a spasm.
Have I gone awry?
I swear I don't lie,
'Twas a real satisfying orgasm.
--- Anon
Off your ass and your honey-brown thighs,"
Said a Scotsman called Mac
As he lay on his back,
With a caber of mountainous size.
--- Anon
But his caber erupted and spilt
Prematurely. "You ass!"
Said the wee Scottish lass,
"Now there's porridge all over my kilt."
--- Anon
I really think I am Jesus.
At least once every night
When her touch is right,
The second coming's when she squeezes.
--- Tom Patton P9506
Enjoys a magnificent spasm
Whenever he spies
A young lady's thighs--
And eventually every girl has 'em.
--- Norm Storer
We must not spend our time being flirts.
So I hope you are ready --
True love is not steady,
But comes in a series of spurts.
--- Albin Chaplin P8602a
Once pickled his bollocks in butter,
Which changed his orgasm
From a thunderous spasm,
To a oleomargarine mutter.
--- G2479
Would often steal a feel.
She felt of the glans,
Got spunk on her hands,
And thought it one hell of a deal.
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay
With dames, I can seldom come with 'em.
But my fun don't diminish
If they're slow to the finish,
As long as I jettison githm.
--- Hugh Clary
Prepared to give all girls a run.
Though not fit or sprightly,
I'll fuck you twice nightly,
Or thrice, if the third's up the bum.
--- Loz
Presumed he was doing first rate.
When Kate remarked, "Flynn,
Let's indulge in some sin."
"Oh my goodness," cried Flynn, "it's too late!"
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1871
I ache with a throbbing desire.
Oh, don't let me wait
For much longer...too late!
"Was it good for you too?" I enquire.
--- Peter Wilkins
He pulled out his pecker so burly.
As she opened her chasm,
He went into orgasm,
And he came just before prematurely.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1901
Because with his dick he was plumbing.
As the train pulled away,
He said, in dismay,
"It's going, I fear, but I'm coming."
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay
And others, while filling a chasm.
But then there are guys
Who'll meet their demise
While nailing a triple orgasm.
--- SFA
To his girl every time he would date her,
"Now we're here on the bed,
You proceed on ahead,
And I'll do what I can to come later."
--- Keith MacMillan A044B
During quiet foreplay with the boys.
But then when she has'm
At the brink of orgasm,
You can't hear yourself think for the noise.
--- Isaac Asimov
I love you but plase won't you try, Max,
To hold back your juices,
Not to ward off papooses,
But so that together we'll climax.
--- Armand E Singer 530A
So naked and buxom befuddles
The senses with lust,
Anatomical thrust
And embarrassing trouser-front puddles.
--- Peter Wilkins
Who lisped when he got short of breath.
He said, "When my penith
Is at its true zenith,
I can't help but whip it to death!"
--- David Miller
Good God man, you don't miss a trick.
It's always the same,
And just one more lame
Excuse just for dipping your wick.
--- Carol
The long and the short and the tall.
The dipper and dippee
Will both shout "Yippee",
And the pleasure it gives will not pall.
--- Archie
Who'd go off any time that she chose.
She could do it, they say, (One day she went blooie)
Ninety-nine times a day. (Ninety times in St. Louie--)
And if that is no record, it's close.
--- G0702
Was renowned for her fine paroxysm.
While the man detumesced
She still spent on with zest,
Her rapture sheer anachronism.
--- L0280
He's a most unusual treasure.
His lips upon mine,
Far sweeter than wine
Give me orgasms far beyond measure.
--- Robyn T9710
Whose manners were charming and cheery.
He softly would say
At the end of a lay,
"Please hasten and come again, dearie."
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay
Made love in a most stunning way.
She would lie in the mud,
Cover herself with a rug,
And orgasm continued all day.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Orgasmed each time she would sneeze.
To the druggest she went,
And laid down her last cent;
"A barrel of snuff, if you please."
--- Scott Hendricks a
His orgasm comes once -- it's a crime.
But a lady can score
Fifty times and much more,
And all in a very short time.
--- Al Chaplin P9410
This is file sgl
A man gets off once and he's through.
But a girl can take ten,
And then ten again -
So give her four more - she'll be true.
--- Al Chaplin P9410
Each man brandishes his own thing,
And begin to frolic,
With women they pick,
In order a climax to bring.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
It causes grief, sorrow and bane.
After the tenth fuck,
You're like a lame duck,
And the girls are just at it again!
--- Nik Synytskyy
Me, deep in thought and I reckoned
If I did my worst,
She may well come first,
But I'd win the Gold with my second.
--- Contused
In fact, they repeat this refrain:
"Your loving's sublime,
I'll come one more time."
My technique just drives them insane.
--- Frank Fazed
Who nightly comes thirty times five;
He's unique, a phenomenon,
Like a hapax legonmenon, (word used only once)
And has no known equal alive.
--- Armand E Singer 871
And she asked him to come to her den.
So he came, and he came,
And he fanned a big flame,
And she asked him to please come again.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
We'll try again after I rest.
Who needs batteries
With a man who can please;
I can't wait to put you to the test!
--- Kaylin Brandon
Had orgasmic throes quite enough.
Said a frined, "Don't ignore it.
You must do something for it."
She said, "All I take is some snuff."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1850a
Of erogenous zones had no drouth.
When she opened her chasm,
She would have an orgasm,
If she said a bad word with her mouth!
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1905
Who frigged himself into a fountain.
Fifteen times he had spent,
Still he wasn't content.
He simply got tired of countin'.
--- L0325
Who would come every time that he sneezed.
They found only his pecker
And a can of black pepper,
Floating in semen to his knees.
--- Jim Weaver Collection a
Brings quickie male-customer smiles.
Her talents are fabled,
When couched, chaired, or tabled,
Since she comes in a wide range of styles.
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner
We'll go for distance, not speed.
I'll tease you and more,
With foreplay galore --
You'll be sated when we've "done the deed."
--- Kaylin Brandon
Spoke of men to a goggle-eyed friend,
"The thing that surprises
Is they're all different sizes,
But produce the same kicks, in the end!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 755
Because men are just what we adore.
They've got something I've not;
What it is, I've forgot,
But it is something nice, I am sure!
--- Anon
In a pinch, but I've still got to say
That for me, there's no finer
Toy for my vagina,
Than genuine man-meat, Grade A.
--- Jeanie
Was thrilled by the plumber's big clinger.
She said, "A man's root
Has no substitute --
It is better by far than Stink-finger.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1906
Though so many men have that notion.
The grandest surprises
May come in small sizes;
It ain't the meat, it's the motion.
--- Karen
While on Tids I perform a baptism!
Then both of my boys
Will show me the joys,
Of practicing phallicism!
--- Anon
Had a knack for impressin' the dawlin's.
He could finger a clit
Or nuzzle a tit,
But his pecker's what brought 'em all crawlin'.
--- Anon
Married newscaster Sue Yorty.
He nicknamed his dong
"Sue's favorite Schlong."
Sue said "Wrong -- but it's in my top 40."
--- Michael Weinstein P9606a
Found she could no longer stay in the clique.
The secret revealed
And no longer concealed;
It was merely a tube of "Chap"stick.
--- Anon
Did fulfill every promise.
It leapt and it curled!
While clitorii were twirled,
We recommend him as the fondest.
--- Anon
Who never gave pricks any thought
She said, "They're a mess,
Like the beast of Loch Ness,
But my cunt seems to like them a lot."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0610
You've quite surprised me, you know.
When you said in your letter,
You had eight inches or better,
I thought you were talking 'bout snow."
--- Tom Accousti
Had great trouble adjusting his flies.
All the jurors concurred
That his mallows came third,
While the young man himself won first prize.
--- David Axton
Who was terribly haughty and mean;
When women were nigh,
He would open his fly,
And shout, "Look - 'tis fit for the Queen."
--- Linda Marsh Coll
Filled with blood both arterial and venous.
Its turgid condition
Assures intromission
And the transfer of fluids between us.
--- Peter Wilkins
Whose trouser-snake gives me a thrill.
He pulls his rocket
Out his side pocket --
The contortions just give me a chill.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Craved all day long for a penis.
With an admiring glance,
She said, "Drop your pants!"
And we'll get something straight between us."
--- MEK V
And I laughed as I slapped at my thigh.
It came from Aunt Mame,
And the envelope came
Addressed to "James Johnson and Fly."
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Remarked about Dan's guided missle,
"Some things I treasure
For how they give pleasure,
And if anything does so, why this'll!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 262
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