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There was a young man of Des Moines, An astonished young virgin, Miss Bissell, I once met a tap-dancing plumber, Two girls on the top of Mt. Hood; A cute office girl scored a laugh, The girls who frequent picture-palaces, To some, her behavior's improper, I love you 'til it hertz, my Gherkin! I thought I'd surprise you in bed Got to stop being a lazy slacker My pecker's indeed a nice treat Said Mary, "I do beg your pardon, While shopping at 'Fine Meats by Tommy,' An intense cock addiction is Brent's -- My ancestry goes back at least An excited young lady named Wright "My husband," she says, "makes me sick; To a young virgin friend said Miss James: A young baseball fan named Miss Glend, Your pecker, its texture and girth, There are much better words you could choose; I have here a nice little mouse, Tell me Arch , does your little mouse It's true, all men want a ten incher; A fearful young lady named Kippers My brother's new wife takes the cake; There was a young friend in the gang Under Harry, cried heated-up Harriet, "A prick," said the Lady of Kent, There was a young fellow (a cheater), Old Julia Jill from Valencia Penis envy's a thing overwrought; It's a popular pastime of late A prick is a wonderful toy At your service, I'm Engineer Rick; Imagine that thing in your pants! What has a head, but cannot think, For his concert, a flautist named Kress, Of men's sexual equipment, Miss Sparks A much diddled dolly named Thalia "See my dick," said Pierre, "and inspect I see by the size of your member, The cock is a wonderful toy A prudish young damsel named Pharrow So much power between your legs! The ladies of this limerick, It seem that her favorite dick I must not have seen that survey, A dong, or to some folk a prick. Though this butcher around Punxsatawney I can't help but wonder A young lass on a cruise on the Nile "My tool is just right," said Foreskin. All women like cocks thick or thin, A man who wore three-legged suits There was a prim maiden named Campbell, In this lim group, we fellows are fools, A romance developed when Rube At the nude beach at Huntington Cross, Of this "Trouser Commotion" you speak, My stiffie's 'bout eight (so she reckons), When Granny and Pops sat on benches Addadicktomy I will not seek; I just want to use my own; Well coincidentally, An intense dick addiction is Dan's, When a girl has made a good choice,
Who made rather too much of his groin.
"Make a bid," he would shout
As he flashed it about.
"OK, Ladies--Going...Going...Goin!"
--- John Ciardi
Viewed his love pump and let out a whistle.
"Though the thing's only meat
And, as I've heard, a treat;
I still dread that red guided missle."
--- Grand Prix Lim 140
With many a female customer.
He could romance
The girl with a dance,
And he had just the right tool to plumb her.
--- Mike M TP9802
Said the good girl, "It's hard to be good."
Said the bad, with a shriek,
As she squirmed on the peak,
"It has to be hard to be good!"
--- Hugh Oliver A098B
And a point for her own epitaph,
When she casually said
That she quite like the head
Of the staff of the Head of the Staff.
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P8702
Set no store by psychoanalysis,
And though Mr. Freud,
Is greatly annoyed,
They cling to their old-fashioned phalluses. (fallacies?)
--- Phillip Heseltine L1327
But when she gets hot I can't stop her.
With a lecherous glance,
She refers to my pants
As her very own "Home of the Whopper."
--- Lucas Hulp P9402a
A sarpent, an ell, a kilderkin!
I love you an anker,
My dear old wanker.
But mostly I love you a firkin!
--- Anon
With breakfast - some tea and some bread?
What is it that hovers
There, under the covers?
Oh my! I'll just have this instead...
--- Jim Weaver Collection
A nosh would be good, just a cracker.
I like 'em with cheese
And now would you please
Tell us that's your real tallywacker?
--- Kiss Karen
For broads who are yearning for meat.
But bessies and ewes
Are the last I would choose;
They're not what I look for to breed.
But I once had a tree in my garden,
With a trunk long and thick,
But I have to admit,
'Twas nothing, compared to John's hard'un..."
--- Anon
Miss Pearl said, "I like your salami."
"That's funny, Miss Pearl,"
Quipped Tom's little girl,
"Each night my dad hears that from mommy!"
--- Travis Brasell
He stands at the stalls in the gents'
And avidly scans
Every man's exposed glans,
And with such sights his passion contents.
--- Linda Marsh Coll
To British soil (London's End East);
So, therefore, by Jove,
All women just love
My cockney -- they say it's a beast!
--- Anon
To a girlfriend confided, "Last night
I discovered romance
When he let drop his pants
And behold, it was love at first sight."
--- Paul Westwood P9605a
Of work he does not do a lick.
I should dump the old louse;
Throw him out of the house,
But I'm terribly fond of his dick."
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0412
"Sex is The Most in fun games.
What's pointed at you
Ain't like on a statue,
For where marble dangles, meat aims!"
--- Linda Marsh Coll G0367
Was the home team's best rooter and friend.
But for her, the big league,
Never held the intrigue,
Of a bat with two balls at the end.
--- L1424
May not be a subject of mirth...
We all take your word
That your exploits occurred...
And you clients got their moneys worth.
--- TuttaGioia
You'd do better to lay off the booze.
My rod's been admired;
My staff's not retired,
And it does so much more than amuse.
--- Frank Fazed
The type that is easy to rouse.
If your pussy can catch it,
Beware, it might scratch it,
As it buries its head in its mouth!
--- Archie
Run fast all over the house,
Or does it just wait
And anticipate
Getting caught in the little cat's mouth.
--- Azul
The size that would vaginally pinch her.
But if you'll settle for five,
Mine's very much alive;
Smooth stroking and never got censure.
--- S C Saint
Stood in fear of small dogs that were nippers.
And in fright she would shake
At the sight of a snake,
But she feared not the snakes behind zippers.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2141
Sometimes she sure acts like a flake.
I was taking a pee,
When she walks in on me,
And screamed "Don't get bit by that snake!"
--- Travis Brasell
Who had a most wonderful whang.
"I like it," she sighed.
"Just leave it inside.
Don't waste it and just let it hang."
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay
As her loverboy started to bury it,
"I love your doo-hickey,
But it must be quite sticky,
And an awful darn nuisance to carry it."
--- Grand Prix Lim 014 G0358
"Must be rigid and not badly bent.
Richard's qualification
Is the best in the nation --
As a prick he's one hundred percent!"
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2139
Who promised a girl he would treat 'er
To something quite fine,
Even grand and divine,
And then all he brought forth was his peter.
--- Isaac Asimov
Craves for a poking with lengthier
Rigid fat poles
In most all of her holes,
'Cause she suffers from penile dementia.
--- Peter Wilkins
It isn't worth another thought.
Like grass that is greener,
It only seems keener;
Illusion that adds up to naught.
--- Chris Papa
To name privates for some head of state.
John Major at attention,
Noreaga de-ten-inch-one,
And Michael's is Peter the Great.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
This is file sfl
To be used in a girl or a boy.
In a hole warm and tender,
Regardless of gender,
It promises pleasure and joy.
--- Anon
You may think I look pretty thick.
But if brawn and not brain
Drives you madly insane,
Take a look at my pump-action dick.
--- Rick Miles
I've felt something there when we dance,
But how could I know
It was so monstrous, Joe...
Put it in, Man, and give it a chance.
--- Grand Prix Lim 36
And has an eye, but cannot wink?
I'm sure the answer
Is in your pants, sir --
It's not too hard; do you think!
--- Anon
Was in such a great hurry to dress,
That on a high run
His fly came undone,
And his organ got raves from the Press.
--- Bluebird
Had seen only statues in parks.
So when Joe zipped his zipper
And presented his flipper,
You can no doubt surmise her remarks!
--- Grand Prix Lim 350 A
Said, "I've noticed in Greece and Australia,
Peru, Crete, and France,
I find in men's pants
The same kind of nice genitalia.
--- Grand Prix Lim 704 A
How perfect it stands when erect.
The angle it stands
From the root to the glans,
Depends on the action prospect."
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay
That you were born in September.
If I looked at your nose,
I could tell how it goes,
But maybe I will not remember.
--- MOZOWIN@ICON-STL.NET
Attached to the bod of a boy.
If used just for pissing,
The penis is missing
The wonders of sexual joy.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Had a life quite unpleasant and narrow,
Till a friend, Peyton Place,
Trumped the queen with his ACE,
Now she heads for the bed like an arrow.
--- Grand Prix Lim 777
More heady than 20 beer kegs.
The power! The feel!
It's almost unreal!
"Please take me for a ride," she begs.
--- Bonnie
Were discussing the sizes of dick.
If it's long and thin --
It goes too far in --
But a short one that's thick, does the trick.
--- Glen Southhampton
Is one which is lengthly and thick.
The long and the thin,
Just go too far in,
And short (thick or thin) comes too quick.
--- SFA
I would have had something to say.
'Cause hon, size does count,
When he goes to mount,
Don't want no short dick man, no way!
--- Anon
Should be ready, and not miss a trick.
Correctly inserted
Upright or inverted,
As you like it, slow, varied or quick.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Seems to us kind of wizened and scawney,
All the ladies adore
Just to visit his store
For a piece of his special baloney.
--- Keith MacMillan A103D
If I've made a tactical blunder,
In admitting that I
Will stare at a man's fly,
And contemplate the body part under.
--- Marlene Lewis
Told a boy with a wink and a smile,
"You just cannot hide
Your feelings inside,
For you see, they just stick out a mile."
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P8802
"It's neither too fat nor too thin.
I like it a lot --
It's the best thing I've got,
Except for the box it came in."
--- Neal Wilgus P8511
Two inchers or those over ten;
All gals like their guys,
Regardless of size,
To just have a cock that goes in!
--- Anon
Wore only the two standard boots.
For the leg in the middle
He used only to diddle,
And drew applause and three-gun salutes.
--- Anon
Who got tangled one day in a bramble.
She cried, "Ouch, it sticks,
But so many great pricks,
Are not met every day on a ramble.
--- L0816
With our huffs and our puffs, and our drools;
Us guys ain't romantic;
We oft' get quite frantic,
'Bout length and the width of our tools!
--- Anon
Exposed his immense picture tube...
At the very first glance
Sally's ants did a dance...
How she loves the big tube on the boob!
--- Grand Prix Lim 330
Lay a fellow quite hung like a hoss.
What he saw with his eyes
Caused his penis to rise,
So the kiddies used him for ring toss.
--- Jeanie
Do you mind if I take a wee peek?
I have a devotion
To that vibrating motion,
And the havoc that yoyos can wreak.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
And comes when she calls or just beckons.
It's silky and thick,
Knows many a trick,
And always demands to have seconds.
--- Anon
Pops would search trees for finches;
But Granny would watch
A jogging guy's crotch,
Delightfully measuring inches.
--- Anon
Though, then I could stand for a leak.
If I had a bone
Of my very own,
I'd have it worn out in a week!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Been doing it since I was grown.
It really works great
Out late on a date;
Sowing seeds or when it gets blown!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
We went to the loo for a wee.
We found a fat chick
Who looked at our prick,
And saw not a webt but webTV.
He stands at the piss-trough in cans,
And avidly scans
Every man's exposed glans,
While a book on the subject the son of a bitch plans.
--- G0950
Let us all join in and rejoice!
He's nicely discreet,
His cock is so sweet,
And his dick is well known -- a Rolls Royce!
--- Ginger *
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