You really will have to atone There once was a man named Creft, A young sex professor named Dingle Caught by the Amazons of Zardon, Said the Queen to her husband the King, Peckers, both barren and fertile, I don't want you breaking my toys! A mason, who married in Warwick, A well-endowed lecher of Warwick I for one would never balk Some plants I will pick and collect There was a young man from Caerphilly I once met the girl down the street, The head of a girl's convent school This feat from old Corinth's historic: It's true that my cock is quite dumb; There was an old bugger named Bailey There was a young lad named Peter, A vagrant who lived in the park, There is no other pecker like mine; There was a young man called Grant, I wonder sometimes if I should There was a young fellow named Dick, A poorly-hung fellow was Tucker There was a young fellow named Bender In your breeches a scroggy old sloe, You could say I've had plenty of practice My gnarly old crank ain't a prize, There was a young man from Hong Kong, 'Twas the thirteenth, and Friday to boot, When he pops out to wash his wang, What you proposed made me squirm. While frigging it, editor Hand
This is file sel
Though seldom too soft or too pliant, A proud cocksman from old Aberdeen, Observing the bulge in his khakis, There once was a man named Schwartz Farmer Giles ain't as daft as he seems, And for all you "advanced" dirty minds, My crank is so fine, they can't stand it. Just look at the end of your dick. Oh, very demure was Ms Marts; There once was a man from Southend In Brooklyn there lived a small boy; Those little ones grow up so quick At sixty he's still going strong At eighty he's agile and spry There was a young lady from Gloucester. She opened his zipper to feel it, There was an old fellow called Bailey, My love Marylou's quite a flirt; Said the daughter to mother, "Some slick Frankie and Johnny were lovers, I'm in love with a fellow called Frank "My dick," said a fellow named Weems, In a men's room somewhere in this land, There was a young man of Belgravia, (He walked on the decks, Displaying his sex,)
That "tossing" of course is quite wrong There once was a girl from Kentucky, There was a young tutor, most wise, The young fortuneteller, Miss Millie My passion, now you have ignited; A Lolita from near Anacorties Women often indulge in the wish, Observing the bulge in his khakis, My cock is a wonderful sight;
For skinning the skin from his bone.
The next time you look
To cover a book,
You'll have to use some of your own!
Whose prick was bent to the left.
To his girl, Phyllis Bower,
It looked like Pisa's Tower,
But it still felt damn good in her cleft!
--- Laurence Craft
Made all the girls' nerve-endings tingle.
And his groovy red cock
Caused a grave mental block
In those who preferred to stay single.
--- G0312
They all volunteered to stand guard on
Their well-hung captive,
So I held them enraptive,
By showing them all of my hardon.
--- MrMalo
"Your cock is a beautiful thing!
Its royal presence
Humbles the peasants,
And causeth the angels to sing!"
--- Writerman
Often find fashion a hurdle.
Can't make up their mind
As to which they're inclined:
Sporting a crew neck or turtle.
--- Anon
You're just like all bad little boys.
With parts that change size,
You're know you're a prize,
So you brag when your pecker deploys.
--- Marty
Had a column decidedly Doric;
For the rest of her life
His gratified wife
Was happy, and even euphoric.
--- Harold C Bibby
Left his architect mistress euphoric,
"Not because of the size,"
She remarked with surprise,
"But your column -- decidedly Doric!"
--- Hugh Oliver A105B
About showing my bean. You could talk
About how it flowers,
And grows by the hours,
Attached to its mighty fine stalk.
--- Anon
For a nice flower arrangement effect.
Ooh, there's a nice bloom!
'Twill look good in my room;
'Tis a Hollyhock, firm and erect.
--- Anon
With a member enormously silly.
All the women would queue
Just to get a good view,
As he flashed it about, willy-nilly.
--- Anon
Who promised she'd give me a treat.
She told me, "Don't waste it;
Just allow me to taste it!
It looks like a great piece of meat!"
--- Kaylin Brandon
Took all his lessons nude on a stool.
The class was enthralled
With the size of his balls,
And the halo surrounding his tool.
--- Anon
A stud there, in moments euphoric,
Could build for inspection
A hometown erection,
Then switch from Ionic to Doric.
--- Playboy Mag Jim Weaver
And all it can do is just plumb.
Though the head's always bigger
Than the rest, I still figger
It'll find a way to overcome.
--- Anon
Who bragged to his pub-fellows, gaily:
"My magical staff
Weighs a pound and a half,
And looks like St. Patrick's shillelagh!"
--- Anon
Who screamed, "Ladies please read my meter!
It's a hot pink love-muscle,
No, Please don't start a tussle,
Its temperature is quite a heater."
--- Anon
Had a penis that glowed in the dark.
Crowds came to stare
At phenomena so rare,
So they designated him a National Landmark.
--- Puff Adder
The girls say it's simply divine.
They all like to ride it
By bouncing astride it;
They love both the size and design.
--- Peter Wilkins a
Whose willy was shaped like a plant.
It wasn't a hydrangea,
But something much stranger!
Describe it? I'm afraid I can't!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Take pictures of my sweet manhood
And post them somewhere
On the internet where
They'd pass for old "Johnny Be Good!"
--- Anon
Who had a magnificent prick.
It was shaped like a prism,
And shot so much gism,
He made every cocksucker sick.
--- G0843
And no good at all as a fucker.
Yet when girls saw his root
They agreed it was cute,
And their lips would invariably pucker.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0631
With a cock that was quite an ascender.
It would gracefully rise
For a few of the guys,
Saluting in radiant splendor.
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay
This "Blackthorn" about which you crow?
It comes with white clusters...
Like spurts from groin thrusters?
Does influx of sap make it grow?
--- Tutta Gioia
With different size spears, but the fact is
That there is only one
That'll make this gal come;
It's huge and shaped just like a cactus.
--- Anon
But it's grand in Marylou's eyes.
She tells me it's cute
And she won't give a hoot
'Til the day it fails to rise.
--- Anon
Whose pride was his elegant dong.
When girls asked, "Do you use it?"
He replied, "Just amuse it,
And you'll get it too much and too long."
--- G0360
When he first wore his new Pucci suit.
And before the next morn,
It was tattered and torn,
But his girl thought his root was still cute.
--- Anon
The neighbor-wives start to harangue
Their lazy old men --
"There's a cutie, again.
I sure wish you had his whizbang!"
--- Anon
I do believe there is a term
For that quaint little snake
That you take out and shake...
Willie One-Eye, the Wonderous Worm.
--- Jeanie
Tight wrapped a wide cloth `round his gland;
On this tourniquet
He wrote the word "stet,"
Which means "don't remove, let it stand."
--- Armand Singer
Sweet Peter's dong is a giant.
It earns our regard,
That yard of hard bard...
But is it Y2K compliant?
--- Anon
Buffed his dickhead to get a nice sheen.
"I want it looking dapper
Sliding past her piss flappers,
That's why they call me Mr. Clean!"
--- Cruelty Jones
Sister Phyllis was heard to remark "He's
A big lad! I hope
He won't mind a quick grope..."
But she found that the bulge was his car keys.
--- CeeJay
Whose dick was covered in warts.
But the girls did play
With his dick every day,
'Cause good old Schwartz, he came in quarts.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
As he stands there and foolishly beams,
'Cause under his smock,
Caressing his cock,
Is Gertrude, the girl of his dreams.
--- Michael Horgan
The dong that works is sure mine.
I've not yet controlled it,
But wish you'd come hold it;
I think that would be just divine.
--- Anon
In fact, up in Boston, they've banned it.
The damn thing draws bitches
Like scratches to itches;
Therefore, I but rarely unhand it.
--- Anon
Girls like them both long and so thick.
She may be a bit rough
With that S and M stuff,
But you'll find that she don't miss a trick.
--- Tiddy Ogg
She never would belch or let farts.
But claims it's not wrong
To grab a guy's dong,
Exposing the sum of his parts.
--- Armand Singer
Whose penis had shrunk at the end.
But when he undressed,
All the girls were impressed,
As he stroked it to make it extend.
--- Anon
To his parents a bundle of joy.
He had playthings galore;
They covered the floor,
But his dick was his favorite toy.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0503
He's a doctor who's tending the sick
He has gadgets by the score
Cameras, watches and more
But his favorite toy is his dick
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0503
Though refractory time's rather long
He's still getting joy
From his favorite toy
With Viagra to help it along
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0503
He has everything money can buy
His mind is still quick
But as for his dick
It's enough to make old doctors cry
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0503
Who wanted a child she could foster.
She found a young boy
And played with his toy;
The boy is now first on her roster.
--- R Rezel
And his trousers fell down to reveal it.
She said, "I must eat
This banana so sweet,
But first I believe I should peel it."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1259
Who sported a well-used shillelagh;
When asked by a girl
As to what made it curl,
He replied that he fondled it daily.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Loves to tease my best friend, Big Bert.
Once, out having dinner
She pulled out his weiner,
And fondled it during dessert!
--- Anon
Put his hand in my panties, real quick,
And he fondled my twat,
But I fixed the young snot,
When I fondled the knob on his prick."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1904
Especially under the covers.
When she pulled out his trigger
She said, "Mmm, what a frigger!
But it makes so many girls mothers."
--- L0937
With a cock like the gun on a tank.
And there's nothing so grand
As to take him in hand
And give him a jolly good wank.
--- Michael Horgan
"Has a mind of its own, so it seems.
It likes to stand up
And beg like a pup,
And when it is tickled, it creams."
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay
A sign over the urinal doth stand.
"Right here in this place,
The future of our race,
You're holding right now in your hand."
--- Jeff Wisnia
Who cared neither for God nor his Savior.
He walked down the Strand, (He walked 'round Times Square)
With his cock in his hand, (With exposed derriere,)
And was had up for indecent behavior.
--- Norman Douglas L1374
For it should have been "tossed" (like my dong
Was on Saturday night,
When young Kay with delight
Said "Let's see what you've got in your thong.")
--- Anon
Who considered herself very lucky.
She'd unzip the fly
Of any old guy,
And never found one that was yucky.
--- Don
Who loved to feel cock, just for size.
At every school dance,
He'd unzip the boys' pants;
They nicknamed him Lord of the Flies.
--- Donald Dimock
Finds reading the hand somewhat silly.
She has much more success,
When she starts to caress,
The veins on your membrum virile.
--- Albin Chaplin
You've got me so very excited.
It would be my pleasure
Your pecker to measure,
But you misbehave and I'll bite it!
--- Michelle
Had a preference for men in their forties;
And measured at leisure
The length of each pleasure,
From tip to the curlies and shorties.
--- Hugh Oliver A120A
That men only do when they fish.
How this wonderworm
May be only a sperm,
But the one got away was a dish!
--- Dennis Hammes
I ran my hand over his fly - He's
Disadvantaged, you know.
Very little to show!
And that bulge was his spare set of car keys!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
The ladies just swoon with delight.
Some men feel so blue
At the things I can do,
They jack themselves off, out of sight.
--- Jim Weaver Collection