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Hermit Dave just hasn't a qualm, Your subject just gave me a shock; This limerick I think very funny; I put up my mule and my plow, "That's no way", I said, "to behave; Though I seldom am willing to roam There are such who might find this place gloomy; It is true there's not much of a view. Then there are those who might say An advantage of this domicile 'Twas not as obscene as the geezer Again from the hills they brought Kermit, I just had a very close shave. Hermit Dave, of limerick lore, Another old hermit named Mose, There once was a Hermit named Dave A hermit who lived on Nantucket, As Hermit Dave grew old and DOTTY, Hermit Dave of dubious myth, Said a hermit, "This life has its price, A hermit is God's solitary. (chary - discreet caution)
I hired a jalopy from Avis, His home's in the heart of a wood The sex life of Herman the Hermit -- Our Dave lives in a HERMITAGE; There is a young hermit named Dave, What? No reference to the famous cave? Said the recluse, "It seems my nerves fail me; When under DURESS I'll admit There once was a hermit named Stu A hermit who lived in a cave A notorious hermit named Dave In the desert when there was a rout His view of this fellows is dim. A bard once in lakelapped Sirmione A hermit was proud that he'd saved Young hermit sought silence of cave, Said a hermit who dwelt by a well, A muppet announcer named Kermit Hermit Dave has now got it made, A musical hermit, Von Biddle, VIRTUOSOS lover, the Hermit, 'Tis mystery why the girls crave, Hermit Dave was the man's NOM DE GUERRE; Said the hermit, "This life is for me! A once-married hermit named Daggen The welcome mat's still out for Dave Dead virgins are just to my taste; Said a hermit who lived in a wood, Why do you write lims about me? There was an old hermit named Dave, Hermits INCOMMUNICADO, There is a dumb poet named Dave, There once was a hermit named Flynn, I suppose Uncle Fred's in the shed The Hermit, when women he'd crave, So we finally meet, Hermit Dave; The hermit, IMMURED in his cave, Dave's HERMITAGE, we know, is a cave. Our dear Dave, hermit SACROSANCT, A hermit who lives in Vallejo So what about your hermit Dave A hermit who had what it takes, One evening a hermit named Harry, This hermit lives up on a shelf. The hermit who does not despise (Banana Republic - mail order catalogue business)
Hermit Dave with STRATEGEM bold,
Because he saves money, he's calm.
And does what he must,
Despite others disgust,
He's happy she won't be a Mom.
--- Chris Papa
I thought that you had to de-cock.
The last thing we need
Is a David sans seed,
And prancing 'round here in a frock.
--- SFA
And in a frock, I'm a real honey;
But I know for sure
If I was a whore,
I'd have all of SFA's money.
--- David Miller
Then went to Lucille's for some chow;
"Lucille, are you open?"
I asked her, just hopin';
She spread her legs, said, "I am now!"
--- Travis Brasell
Why, your mother would turn in her grave
If she knew." "Yes, she might;
Though I turn her each night,
Seeking fresh bits to screw", replied Dave.
--- Peter Wilkins
From my dank, subterranean home
My perspective has grown so
With each radio show
I'm considering leasing a telephone
--- Anon
On the bright side, it's comfortably roomy.
The taxes are zero.
I really do fear though,
Some consider "cave" a calumny.
--- Anon
Temperature varies but a degree or two
But it pleases my soul;
I say, "Home Sweet Hole";
The bats seem to enjoy it, too.
--- Anon
"The ambience? Still as the grave!"
The resonance though,
Doth enhance a solo
When singing in basso in nave.
--- Anon
It's ideal for a party quite wild
I hope you're not shocked
No one calls the cops
When you're under the ground half a mile
--- Anon
Who lusts for his sister Louisa;
On Saturday nights,
He enjoys her delights,
Before putting her back in the freezer.
--- Peter Wilkins
Again for his annual permit.
The reams of red tape,
Forms quadruplicate,
Then back to the hills went the hermit.
--- Irving Superior P8712
The ceiling's fallen in, and they've
Now broken a coffin
In which I was boffin'.
That hole in the road was my cave!
--- David Miller
When crapulent, slept with a snore.
The sound, it was said,
Would awaken the dead,
But, fortunately, not that fabled whore.
--- Norm Brust
Was arrested for filthy old clothes.
"They were left at my cave,
By a neighbor named Dave,"
He testified, holding his nose.
--- Cyber Geezer N
Whose dickhead was sorta concave.
This often perplexed
The opposite sex
But after he fucks 'em, they rave.
--- Anon
Kept parts of two whores in a bucket.
He said with a wink,
"These pussies might stink,
But no worse that some places I've stuck it."
--- John Miller a
With "duty done" in old cracked potty,
He had to confess
It made quite a mess
And left the cave floor rather spotty.
--- Chris Papa
Would purposely shun any kith,
Lest they'd interfere
With his cold-stone dear
Concubine that he was always with.
--- Chris Papa
Yet I'm fond of the freedom from vice.
But the best thing I've known
About living alone
Is that I have fewer lice."
--- A N Wilkins P8712
Of all carnal joy he is chary.
He goes without meat
And hopes to defeat
The charge of the Great Adversary.
--- Laurence Perrine P8712
And drove with geologist Mavis,
On rock exploration,
(Plus much fornication,)
And found out where hermit Dave's cave is.
--- Anon
Where he prays every day, as he should.
The goat he protects
Provides milk, cheese, and sex,
And he finds his life simple and good.
--- Laurence Perrine P9504
As least one a week he would firm it.
He'd fantasize dames
And stroking their frames,
And while he was stroking, he'd sperm it.
--- Irving Superior P8712
His active sex life no mirage.
His affection grows
For gal in repose,
Who failed when they tried heart massage.
--- Chris Papa
Who lives by himself in a cave.
He claims it's all right
But not very bright,
And neither's the hermit named Dave.
--- Margaret A Murdock P8412
And its infamous inhabitant, Dave?
I know he's taboo
But there are some who
Liked his HERMITAGE and need to deprave.
--- Norm Brust
To fuck with a young lady pales me.
But my balls start to swell
And my prick's hard as hell,
So I've got to get rid of what ails me."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2038
I'm fond of a certain hermit,
Whose immoral acts,
All rumors, none facts,
Don't bother the lad, not a bit.
--- Chris Papa
Who found a dead whore in Peru.
She used to be Inca
But now she just stinka,
And if you were dead so would you.
--- Skumbunny
Had morals he'd comfortably waive.
His sex pursuit SEDULOUS,
Whick left some incredulous,
Brought him to an early grave.
--- Chris Papa
Declared, "With the money I save,
I've decided to keep
A couple of sheep,
Since the dead whore so stank up the cave.
--- A N Wilkins P8712
Of fanatic young hermits about,
The imperitvie need
Of this rabble to feed
Had the grasshoppers almost wiped out.
--- A N Wilkins P8712
This is file sdm
He thinks human society grim.
He would do without others --
Friends, sisters, and brothers --
As he'd have them do without him.
--- A N Wilkins P8712
Lived in peace, eating locusts and honey
Till a son of a bitch
Left him dry on a beach
Without clothes, boots, time, quiet or money.
--- James Joyce P9008
Himself for the bride that he craved.
He couldn't, though, shun
A pass from a nun --
And stalgmite-like, he just caved. (priapic)
--- Nick
Except when a lady he'd crave.
Then he mad a pal
Of GARRULOUS gal,
Whom his full attention he gave.
--- Chris Papa
"Well, I like my pad here pretty well.
The hours are long,
And the beer isn't strong,
But the Master I work for is swell!"
--- Laurence Perrine P8712
Said a limerickster needs a permit
To be dirty or witty,
And must be nitty-gritty,
Or he'll have to withdraw like a hermit.
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P8712
In his new job as mortician's aide.
When the boss is out,
You can hear Dave shout:
"Some BODY is going to get laid!"
--- Mike Perry
Grew weary of plucking his fiddle.
He found him a whore
Bu said, "What a bore.
I'd much rather fiddle than diddle."
--- Julia Strawn P8712
Would play whenever prayers permit.
His cadaver sport
Was one of the sort;
"Necrophilia," we'd term it.
--- Chris Papa
The hermit who lives in the cave;
Manners more laughable
Than sweet or affable,
And badly in need of a shave.
--- Chris Papa
He wrote bawdy rhymes, foul and fair.
Yet he never signed name,
To accept all the blame,
For keeping a dead whore in his lair.
--- Chris Papa
I'm a lover of privacy!
There is no need to squelch
A fart or a belch,
And I don't have to flush when I pee!"
--- Ann Gasser P8712
Would keep a dead whore for his shaggin';
He said, "I profess
My expenses are less,
And I don't have to listen to naggin'."
--- Hugh Clary
And the dead things to which he'd clave.
I, too, would sorrow
If here on the morrow,
No tripping would come from the cave.
--- Daniel Ford
It's sad that these ladies died chaste.
So I'll do my duty
And dig up that beauty,
And not let those girls go to waste.
--- John Miller
"Nature nurtures me -- that's understood.
What is simple is ample,
I set an example:
Man thrives not on goods, but on good."
--- Laurence Perrine P8712
The dead whores in my cave are not free.
I pay for my sex
With personal checks.
(Although few are presented, I see.)
--- David Miller
Who seldom bothered to shave.
When his beard grew and grew,
He knew just what to do;
He got himself a permanent wave.
--- William K Alsop Jr
Still know what to do with their rod-o.
And given the chance
For grunting romance,
Will sure play the stud with bravado.
--- Chris Papa
Who left his wee brain in a cave,
And Izzy's there with 'im,
They've no sense of rhythm,
And won't learn, my ears for to save.
--- Anon
Had a cave that he kept his whore in,
He said: "This putrescence
Ain't quite the quintessence,"
As he wiped rotten cunt from his chin.
--- Anon
Resurrecting himself from the dead.
(You'll be telling me next
That he's overly sexed
And he fancies young Peters instead.)
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Behaved like a RECREANT knave.
At night he'd appear
To quick-pinch a rear,
Then quickly retreat to his cave.
--- Chris Papa
She caught cold and died, you damn knave.
While this whore don't look fetching,
No need to be retching;
Let's share her! Such money we'll save!
--- Allen Wolverton
Never bothered to shower or shave.
"Dead whores cannot tell
When comes the smell,
And think of the time that I save."
--- Norm Brust
It's too dark in there to shave.
He's quick to admit,
"I look like shit,
But look at the time that I save."
--- Norm Brust
Who preferred solitude when he wanked,
Said, "Though short on love,
When push comes to shove,
It's plenty of savings I've banked."
--- Chris Papa
Took part in a sexual rodeo,
But the sixty-nine rides
So upset his insides,
That he's now a new patient at Mayo!
--- Grand Prix Lim 934
And the things that he does in his cave.
He sure doesn't snivel
'Bout urges primeval,
But attacks with both hands like a knave.
--- J'Carlin
St. Gordic got all of the breaks.
As he did not condone
Ever feeling alone,
He made pets of the neighborhood snakes.
--- A N Wilkins P8712
As he dined on some seeds and a berry,
Said, "I would rather partake
Of a thick juicy steak
And perhaps a small glass of sherry."
--- Frank Ward P9312
He cares nothing of power or pelf.
And if carnal desires
Ignite inner fires,
He takes care of them all by himself.
--- Laurence Perrine P8712
Creature comforts is nowadays wise,
And whatever he craves
For his home in the caves,
Banana Republic supplies.
--- A N Wilkins P8712
Had cheapest sex, so I'm told.
His date never strayed,
Though when she was laid,
Stayed, in literal sense, very cold.
--- Chris Papa
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