There was an old lady from Philly There once was a man from Nantucket Such a fuss over Nan, Paw and Gold! At a reunion years later in Pawtucket, While the bucket was stashed in Alaska, When he took the bucket to Lincoln, Now Paw was back in Nantucket, Oh, Jonny Boy, we've been quite lucky, If I spun a yarn of Nantucket, There once was a girl from Nantucket, A rather riled man from Nantucket There once was a singer who stuck it That man from Nantucket, much scorned; he Would that be old Dave from Nantucket There once was a man from Nantucket There once was a man from Nantucket, There once was a girl from Nantucket; There was an old man from Peru Said a stubborn old man of Nantucket, I yearn to return to Nantucket I'd like to go visit Nantucket, Now that wasn't me in Nantucket, I'd carry my dick to Nantucket, My wife is an ugly old bag Yes let's all away to Nantucket Each May I go off to Nantucket, A whale - tired of life - from Nantucket - There once was a dentist Pierre, There was a kind Christian of Crewe Young Tom and Sweet Rosalee There was a plumber from Wheeling A fat female plumber from Leigh Il y avait un plombier, Francois,
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There was a young plumber from Pau A short-peckered plumber named Heep A classical plumber, Ben Hur, A homosexual plumber named Jim A poorly endowed plumber named Pym, There once was a plumber named Gus, And, of course, there's the old plumber who Es giebt ein Arbeiter von Tinz, A plumber was plumbing Miss Schule. "Stop plumbing," she shouted but he An educated plumber from Rye A plumber plumbed a lady named Cyd, A proper young plumber of Leigh, There once was a man from Racine There once was a man from Racine, There once was a man from Racine Il y avait un jeune homme de Boyer Homo ingenius Racina The wife of the man from Racine (And her husband has become a has been.)
And the hammer he called his ballpeen. There once was a man from Racine There once was a young man from Kent There once was a man from Racine There once was a man from Racine, A very large girl called Nadine, There once was a man from Racine There once was a man from Racine A modern inventor named Gene While Titian was mixing Burnt Umber While Titian mixed Cadmium Yellow While Titian mixed up Crimson Lake While Titian was mixing French Blue While Titian was relieving his bladder, While Titian was mixing Mars Red
Who thought the whole thing was quite silly.
Pity Nan and her dad,
'Cause the tout, quite the cad,
Bet the bucket on a slow filly!
--- Pat Karnosh P0209
Who went by the surname of Puckett.
While furling a sail,
He tripped on a pail,
And drowned from kicking the bucket.
--- Douglas Ames P0209
There's no magic in money, I'm told.
But I'd like some to try...
A nice cutter I'd buy
And sail there before I'm too old!
--- Gail Hunter P0209
Paw forgave Nan (but hid his bucket)
He said "Twasn't my Nan,
She was duped by that man,
Who's now doing time in Nantucket."
--- Ken Wood P0209z
It was found by a man named Prochaska.
He said with a grin,
"I know it's a sin,
But I'll hide it in Lincoln, Nebraska."
--- Richard Amos P0209
Prochaska then started to thinkin'.
Perhaps I'll call Nan
And I'll be her new man,
And with her now I will be linkin'.
--- Richard Amos P0209
Wondering where in the heck was his bucket.
He tried to call Nan
But instead got a man
From the FBI office in Pawtucket.
--- Richard Amos P0209
To steer ourselves clear of Nantucky,
Where women get rowdy
When drunk and say "Howdy,
You assholes! You wanna go fucky?"
--- Anon
I know that some fool would just muck it,
By adding opinions
From foolisher minions,
Whose grammar ain't worth a damn ducat.
--- Anon
Whose clit was so big she could suck it.
She said with a grin,
"No guy can get in,
They try, and they all kick the bucket!"
--- John Miller z
One day flipped his lid and yelled, "Fuck it!"
The odes are all wrong,
My knob's not that long,
And my loot's in a bank not a bucket.
--- Jarmo
In all of the twats of Pawtucket.
Every time that he sang
He got paid in poon TANG --
So long as he rhymed with Nantucket!
--- Anon
Hired a press agent and attorney
To clear his reputation
For self-gratification --
He was sorely priapic, not horny!
--- Philip Welsh
Who kept a dead whore in a bucket?
When he wished to savour
Her putrescent flavour,
He'd dip in his dick and then suck it.
--- Anon z
Who if something moved, he would fuck it.
He had Jack and Jill,
Which gave him a thrill,
Not to mention his tryst with Miss Muffet.
--- Anon
Whose head was shaped like a bucket.
As a child, goes the tale,
He fell in a pail
And it took them a week to unstuck it.
--- MrMalo
When she saw a dick she would suck it.
In joyous paroxysm
She'd swallow the jism
And never once ever upchuck it.
--- Anon z
Who lived in a bucket of goo.
But that chick from Nantucket
Stole the poor guy's bucket,
So now he is after her too.
--- Nik Synytskyy
When arrested for stealing a bucket:
"'Twarn't stolen from Nan
And her larcenous man;
It was mine, so I simply re-tuck it."
--- Cyber Geezer
Where whores pump my dick for a ducat.
Until my hot come,
For that tidy sum,
Brims over a ten gallon bucket.
--- Travis
Find me a big dick and I'd suck it,
'Til it was bone dry,
Then I'd say goodbye,
Toss it in a bucket and chuck it.
--- Carol
You chewed off and tossed in a bucket.
It must have been Frank,
As you dream-chewed his crank?
Or Tiddy? Pete? Travis? You sluck it?
--- Gearhart
So Carol could kneel down and suck it.
But since it's so big,
An eighteen-wheeled rig
Is needed in order to truck it.
--- Travis
Who does nothing but argue and nag.
So I went to Nantucket
And borrowed Dave's bucket
Of whores for a bloody good shag.
--- Peter Wilkins
To buy some cheap beer and then chug it
Perhaps then each verse
We write will get worse
But somewhere we might find a nugget
--- Anon
Seek out a fresh flower and pluck it.
One year brought it home
In a vase made of chrome;
Once there, on the mantle I stuck it.
--- Anon
As for hunting, it tried just its luck; it
Just waved its long dong
When the ships came along.
And success! It now lives in a bucket...
--- Anon
Who was drilling a girl in the chair.
Said the girl, "Stop your drilling,
Wrong cavity you're filling!"
Said Pierre, still drilling, "C'est la guerre!"
--- Anon
Granting favors beyond her man's view.
At the sound of his humming,
She panicked -- "He's coming!"
"Don't stop," begged the vicar, "Me too!"
--- David A Brooks
Were screwing on the front porch settee.
She heard footsteps drumming
And cried "Someone's coming!"
"Yes," he exclaimed "and it's me!"
--- Bob Aldrich P0512Q
Who was plumbing with passion and feeling.
"Do you like it?" he pled.
"Not really," she said,
"But I like the designs on the ceiling."
--- James M Menger P9311
Was plumbing a lad by the sea.
When he said, "Someone's coming,"
She answered, still plumbing,
"I'll try to bend over and see."
--- Martin Wellborn P9311
Qui plombait sa femme dans le Bois.
Dit-elle, "Arretez!
J'entends quelqu'un venait."
Dit le plombier, en plombant, "C'est moi."
--- L0061N
Was plumbing a maid in the bois.
Said the maid, "Cease your plumbing,
There's somebody coming."
Said the plumber, still plumbing, "C'est moi".
--- Anon N
Plumbed a maid in the back of a jeep.
"Are you coming?" he cried.
"Not a chance," she replied,
"I had almost fallen asleep."
--- James M Menger P9311
Plumbed a girl on a rug made of fur.
He heard someone coming,
But kept right on plumbing.
He figured, "It's probably her."
--- James M Menger P9311
Plumbed his lover in a corridor dim.
Said the lover, "Keep plumbing,
I think that I'm coming."
Jim sighed; he wished it were him.
--- James M Menger P9311
Swapped wives with a friend on a whim.
Asked Pym, while plumbing,
"Is anyone coming?"
"If there is," said his partner, "it's them."
--- James M Menger P9311
Who plumbed a young girl on a bus.
Said she, "Stop your plumbing,
I hear people coming."
Said the plumber, "Perhaps it is us."
--- James M Menger P9311
Was plumbing a lady named Lou.
"Get out of my bed,
Someone's coming," she said.
"Relax," said the plumber, "It's you."
--- James M Menger P9311
Er schlaft mit ein Madel von Linz.
Sie sagt, "Halt sein' plummen,
Ich hore Mann kommen."
"Jacht, jacht," sagt der Plummer, "Ich binz."
--- L0062N
She said, "Stop your plumbing, you fool.
It's a waste of good plumbing
For you'll not be coming.
I'm afraid you've forgotten your tool."
--- Phil Cannibal P9303
Said, "If anyone's coming, it's me."
Yet since there stood her dad
With a shotgun, the lad
Now's a married young plumber of Leigh.
--- A N Wilkins P8507
Plumbed the same girl on the sly.
Said the girl, "Hold it dear,
Someone's coming, I fear."
Said the plumber, still plumbing, "'Tis I."
--- James M Menger P9311
Who was fearful of having a kid.
"While plumbing," said she,
"Don't come inside me."
Said the plumber, "Too late. I just did."
--- James M Menger P9311
When called by a babe fine to see,
Fixed the leaking post haste
With deportment most chaste,
But he charged an exorbitant fee.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who invented a fucking machine.
But when it cantilevered,
His nuts were both severed,
So now he's an opera queen.
--- MrMalo
Whose voice was remarkably clean.
He could reach a top 'C'
Whilst having a pee,
Perched sideways atop a ravine.
--- John Miller
Who invented a blowjob machine.
An animatronica
Version of Monica;
The President bought seventeen.
--- MrMalo
Qui fabrique une machine a futoyer.
Concave ou convexe,
Pour plaire aux deux sexes,
Et extremeement simple a nettoyer.
--- Anon N
Coitus invenit machina.
Adapta convexus
Utrosque pro sexus
Dispendit cum omne vagina.
--- Anon N
Ran off with his fucking machine.
She also had sex
With a robot named Rex --
The hardest damn hardon she'd seen.
--- Neal Wilgus P8211
He was copper and turned her twat green.
He jabbed her and ruptured her spleen.
A real dog, if you know what I mean.
--- Neal Wilgus P8211
Who invented a fucking machine;
With suction pump gizmo
For collection of jizmo,
It's designed to keep carpets clean.
--- MrMalo
Who had one so long that it bent,
By that fucking machine
That the man from Racine
For amusement had filled with cement.
--- Peter Wilkins
Who invented a fucking machine.
It had fuel injection
And azimuth correction
And when finished played "God Save The Queen!"
--- MrMalo
Who invented a fucking machine
With hydraulic rams
And dual overhead cams;
He died when it ruptured his spleen.
--- MrMalo
Who was also from dear old Racine,
Her butt was so chubby,
She could not find a hubby,
So she used the famous fucking machine.
--- Popsicle TP9807
Who invented a fucking machine.
It suited all gender,
Straight, queer, or bender,
And came complete with some Vaseline.
--- Bob Hunt
Who invented a fucking machine.
He made it of wood
Which wasn't too good,
'Cause the splinters played hell with your spleen.
--- MrMalo
Improved on that fucking machine.
It goes French or Greek
And won't even squeak
As long as you use Vaseline.
--- David Miller
His model slipped off into slumber
The position, to Titian
Suggested coition
So he stealthily started to plumb her.
--- John E Mayhood
His model was playing the cello
The position, to Titian
Suggested coition --
Pizzicato reduced her to Jello!
--- John E Mayhood
His model was baking a cake
Her position, to Titian
Suggested coition --
He put buns in her oven, the rake!
--- John E Mayhood
His model was tying her shoe
The position, to Titian
Suggested coition
A posteriori, she knew.
--- John E Mayhood
His miffed model, posed nude on a ladder.
Her position to Titian
Suggested coition,
But his jump on her bones made Rose madder.
--- Arthur Deex P2005
His model was scratching her head.
The position, to Titian
Suggested coition
But then everything did, so it's said.
--- John E Mayhood